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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

HELP! CRISIS! Disaster with pregnancy scan - please help

90 replies

runwiththemoon · 31/01/2008 17:48

Right, here's the problem. My sister is very happily married to a wonderful man and they have two kids. My sister suspected she was pregnant and took a test which was positive. So far so good. Working out the dates, they guessed she must be well over nine weeks (as they hadn't had sex since then!) Sister slightly suprised she had had a period though since last sex though...

WELL. Gone for dating scan today and hospital say definately only six weeks.

S**t hits fan.

I know my little sister and I know she is telling me the complete truth that she has not slept with anyone else. Husband unsuprisingly wants to know how this baby can have been conceived if there has been no sex since well before xmas.

What the hell has happened? Can scans ever be so very wrong? I wondered if there could be a growth problem with the baby? What's the likelyhood of pregnancy if there was no penatration but a bit of, shall we say, horseplay?

Meanwhile my sister and her husband are falling apart. He is not talking.

OP posts:

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belgo · 31/01/2008 18:28

9 weeks isn't that long not to have sex if she works nights and they have small twins.

wannaBe · 31/01/2008 18:29

I think that even the most trusting of partners would be within their rights to have doubts.

I do also think that lack of sex isn't necessarily indicative of anything - they could have been at it like rabbits before then for all we know then any number of things could have prevented them having sex - both being ill after one another/having sick kids up all night/tiredness due to other things...

Original poster

runwiththemoon · 31/01/2008 18:35

oooo, come on lets not let this become a discussion on the quality of my sisters sex life...

I am reassured by the experiences here of people's dates being out by a couple of weeks. I'm sure that's all that's happened here. My poor little sister!

OP posts:

missjennipenni · 31/01/2008 18:36

did she see a heartbeat?

PortAndLemon · 31/01/2008 18:37

Was there a heartbeat on the scan?

If this turns out to be a non-viable pregnancy / missed miscarriage and that's why it's measuring three weeks "behind" then I hope he feels really really really really really shitty and ashamed.

Frankly I hope that "the most trusting of partners" would have a first reaction to be worried about the baby, not to react like a twat. Let's face it, between one in five and one in four pregnancies (or thereabouts) ends in miscarriage.

And yes, you can get pregnant with "horseplay" even if there is no penetration, if some seminal fluid is produced (no need for ejaculation, just the clear stuff contains some sperm). Was this man paying any attention in sex ed at school? Or was he busy taking extra "how to treat your wife like crap" classes instead?

Original poster

runwiththemoon · 31/01/2008 18:44

Heartbeat there and all looking good for the little babe.

OP posts:

beeper · 31/01/2008 18:44

I am astounded that someone would post such a intimate family issue on a site like this espcially when its about someone els. I bet they would be devastated if they knew.

It seems to me to be more about titillation here.

Original poster

runwiththemoon · 31/01/2008 18:51

Hey beeper, i know what you mean but this is not identifying anyone. It was a genuine attempt to find out if anyone else had been in the same situation and could help.

The fact that I couldn't possibly discuss this with friends and family is why I am discussing this here.

My sister is aware that I am doing this and I am relaying some of you answers to her while she is at work - which is helping her.

I apreciate what you are saying but titillation is far from the intention here.

OP posts:

beeper · 31/01/2008 18:52

She must be going through hell.

Did not mean to sound shirty.

Hope things work out, scans are crap really

Original poster

runwiththemoon · 31/01/2008 18:53

no problem beeper x

OP posts:

jabberwocky · 31/01/2008 18:57

My first thought was the same as lulumama's.

LilRedWG · 31/01/2008 18:59

Ditto Jabber.

Lulumama · 31/01/2008 19:02

heartbeat seen on the scan so not a missed miscarriage. that is good, is she going for another scan.... a lot can depend on the equipment used and the skill of the sonographer..

whomovedmychocolate · 31/01/2008 19:41

Was the dating of her twin pregnancy accurate? DDs was not - again three weeks out. Perhaps it depends on the person? I don't know. I do know that another scan within a fortnight can yield vastly different results.

I feel sorry for your sister, at a time when her DH should be rejoicing with her on another member of the family coming into being she much be so confused and furious.

Also if she had been playing away, I doubt she'd have been stupid enough to take him to the dating scan if there was any doubt!

Original poster

runwiththemoon · 31/01/2008 20:08

I'm going to try and see if she can get another scan, seems like the best thing to try and see if that gives any more answers. Thanks for all your replies.x

OP posts:

misdee · 31/01/2008 20:16

with dd1 my dates got moved all over the place. my LMP date was correct, which was actually about 2 weeks before the original date they gave me, but then moved forward at a later scan to my LMP date. if that makes sense.

SparklyGothKat · 31/01/2008 20:16

I was told I was 5 weeks when I knew I was nearly 7 weeks, at 9 weeks my dates were bang on

scaryhairycat · 31/01/2008 20:17

Pay to have it done privately - and give the bill to her husband.

mehdismummy · 31/01/2008 20:18

i fell pregnant through 'horseplay' my dh had same reaction. Even to the point of leaving me for a week! I really feel for her. Give her hug for me.

Original poster

runwiththemoon · 31/01/2008 21:16

mehdismummy, how did you convince him of the truth?!

OP posts:

mumofk · 31/01/2008 21:34

I'm struggling to think straight, so aoplogies if this has already been addressed/only adds to confusion. Anyway- when they were last 'at it' is the conceptual age of the pregnancy.the scan age of the pregnancy is conceptual age, with 2 weeks added on assuming that everyone concieves midway through a 28 day cycle. Scan dates automatically add on this two weeks, which can be hard to explain (like me in this state) but have had to call security when this issue arises between partners in the scan room. The one that comes to mind was 'but that can't be right, I was still in prison then'
It is a horrible situation to be in, the one person you hope would be sceptical of the scan is sceptical of the mum instead...
Hope it works out and will try to look again tomorrow when brain in gear- hopefully someone else can explain what I'm trying to say, and figure out if its relevant or not.
Also there is a difference in accuracy in early days whether its a TA or TV scan ( ie top of tummy or internal) but generally I would quote +/- 5 days with good views at early scan (either 6 or 9 wks).
HTH

mandymac · 31/01/2008 21:43

Just a thought but could what she thinks was a period be an implantation bleed, as this is what happened to me. I was wandering around claiming that I couldn't possibly be pregnant, would be an immaculate conception etc .

mehdismummy · 31/01/2008 21:54

it was so hard he even phoned his family and told them it was not his. I dont really think he truly believed me until ds was born. We had always used withdrawal method you see. I remember telling him and him walking out. He called and begged me for an abortion. I refused and he went. Part of my love died for him that day and its been going ever since. Tell your sister that she can fall pg from horseplay. Her dh will believe it. He just in shock.

tractorsandtrucks · 31/01/2008 23:57

Hello ladies,
Firstly I would like to thank my big sister for helping me with what has been a very difficult day!And to all of you who have given advice and shared your experiences,thank-you too!
So,I am confused.......had a period 19th November,think we could have concieved early December......had another normal period 18th December,thought from dates was around 9 weeks,scan today was internal and dated at 6 weeks and 2 days but both my husband and I are very sure we haven't had sex since 18th December so absolutly baffled as to what is going on and how it has happened when we know according to hospital today I would have been fertile 29th Dec-3rd Jan and we just didn't have sex then.I totally understand my husbands reaction,he hasn't been horrible about it,just quiet and confused and of course the lack of trust has really hurt my feelings and I am very angry too.And I have been 100% faithful,it is so awful to have to justify that.Anyway,it is really helpful to hear all your opinions and comments so keep them coming and thanks so much.
If only you all knew what an amazing husband I have........we have two amazing boys and as for the "no sex in 9 weeks",sexual intercourse really isn't the only way to show someone respect,love and affection within a marriage,my husband has given up so much to be a stay at home dad and at the moment I am the main breadwinner working late into the night,this was just a very hard day because the maths doesn't add up or make any sense to us and as my sister said,if I were in my husbands shoes I would have questions too,I just hope I would have been a little more trusting..............
And yes there was a heartbeat.
I am worried something may be wrong......
My next scan is the 12 weeks scan on 18th March,don't know whether I should pay for a private scan to get the same outcome,at the hospital another doctor came in and assured us thier dates were pretty accurate.
Thanks for any advice.

tractorsandtrucks · 01/02/2008 00:07

Just to show I still have a sense of humour after such a rotten day,the sonographer on telling me he would have to examine me internally told me he was gay,do you think this could make a difference?JOKE.
This is all such a shame right now as I had a perfect and very happy pregnancy before and now it all feels horrible,lets hope a good nights sleep helps...........

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