Gender disappointment

[TisforTucan]

Is anyone or has anyone experienced this? It's my last baby and I was hoping for a different sex as I have the same already. Basically a friend pointed out the nub when i showed her the picture on the weekend and told me what baby was (I then later did it through a website that confirmed).

I don't generally find out as we've had surprises but I was absolutely crushed, it's ridiculous I know but I felt really sad I'd never be able to buy different baby grows, do certain bonding things.

I love my babies and I wouldn't change them for the world but I am guilty in saying I did hope for a change. I'm over it a bit now as I just want a healthy baby at next scan but still it was a horrible feeling.

@Magn Thanks :) That's exactly what I meant. It's a social expectation based on what has happened a lot in my family.

Some people are so nasty and opinionated. We are allowed a preference and are also allowed to be disappointed if we don't get the gender we had hoped for. Mumsnet makes us despise the idea of having one of you lot as a daughter in law!!!!!!!!

I've just come on to say I've scrolled through all your comments and whilst some of you are getting where I'm coming from there are just some bitter people on this thread lol.. I didn't ask to be judged I asked if people had experienced similar.

It's got nothing to do with disliking a gender either (which is why I didn't mention it) and some of these assumptions are wild as you don't even know if I have two girls here😅. It was a fleeting feeling, more so because I had been told by someone.

I've got to say though I love how some of you have just picked out things I've said forgetting how I want a healthy baby at the end of this all.

Thanks for this, I've never really looked into it myself, just my friend was certain and i stupidly sent it in to a site (regret it now, as ive always had surprises). I'm not going to find out now, whatever baby is, is ment to be.

Some people are so rude and I really don’t understand why they feel the need to comment when they clearly haven’t read your post properly and are jumping to assumptions. Looks like you are able to just ignore them which is great. I totally understood your post and hate how most on here have replied to you in a totally uncalled way. See it on a lot of threads unfortunately.

Love that you are not going to find out the sex. I am keeping it a surprise too. Don’t let the nub theory make you convinced you are having whichever sex by what you have been told. I posted my 12 week scan on here out of interest and had a complete mix of answers.

Good luck with your pregnancy ☺️

I think for me it isn’t so much my own disappointment but the fact that if my next baby is the same gender I’d dread the comments. I have a boy already and would love another boy for him to grow up with but there have been sooo many times that other people have made comments about someone having multiple boys. My friend even said ‘aw you’d just give up’ when we were talking about a girl we know having her third baby (and third boy). As if you give birth to aim to get a girl 🤔 The same did happen to my other friend recently though, she had a second girl and we went to her house to meet her. My other friend said to her ‘aww was Tom disappointed he didn’t get a boy then?’. How is that okay to ask someone? Chances are, yes he probably was a tiny bit but how insensitive to actually say that. She just kind of went ‘haha.. eh no I don’t think so’. I definitely think people don’t get it as much with girls though!

My other friend said to her ‘aww was Tom disappointed he didn’t get a boy then?’. How is that okay to ask someone? Chances are, yes he probably was a tiny bit but how insensitive to actually say that. She just kind of went ‘haha.. eh no I don’t think so’. I definitely think people don’t get it as much with girls though!

I think most dads would be very happy to have a son and most mums would be very happy to have a girl, but of course a healthy child should be the most important aspect!!

I have 2 sons and 2 daughters and none of my kids have ever wanted to do bonding stuff with me. I'm a failure 😂

To be absolutely honest, when my third child was born and it was a daughter, not another son, I was over the moon. I hope I wouldn't have been disappointed if she'd been another boy.

@OrcaBlondie Thank you for being really lovely, I'm fine with it I've got a tough skin most of the time lol and I think when I posted op I was a bit hormonal. Yeah we decided not going to bother finding out and do it our way 😊

Now I've settled I feel a bit silly because I'll always have grandchildren (hopefully lol).

@BCxx Yeah that's exactly what I got right after DC2 was born "is DH sad, are you?" ect and now I've had the pressure of family members saying well I want different this time (my MIL) or "wouldn't it be nice for a change?".

I've had the pressure of family members saying well I want different this time (my MIL) or "wouldn't it be nice for a change?".

I got this when pregnant with my second child. I had a girl first time round and lots of (unrelated and related) people suggested that a little boy next time 'would be lovely', wouldn't it?

@TisforTucan my friend said that to me too about if I had another one.. ‘would you like a girl next time?’ I just said ‘I don’t think you get to pick do you?’ 🤔 I really don’t get why some people think they can comment

@Dassams I hate this! Yes but either would be! It’s like what are you supposed to say, agree then look disappointed if it’s not or disagree when it would be lovely 🙄 It’s like you control which one it is 😂

@BCxx @Dassams This was one of the things I first said to DH when I first got the nub pic back, that my MIL would be disappointed. When we first told her we were expecting it's the first thing she bloody said and she just slips comments in everytime we see them, it's really deflating. I started to say I make what I make and I can't change it.

It was so bad with DC2 with our families speculating everytime I got a scan and saying what they wanted I had to tell them to stop as it was upsetting me.

The pressure can definitely make it worse, feel like I'm disappointing people.

I understand.

I am going through it at the moment. I have two boys and two girls already and this will be our final baby. I feel even more ridiculous for feeling disappointed as I have both sexes already. Im having a boy this time, and was mainly hoping for a girl for my youngest (girl) who was absolutely desperate for a little sister. She had planned her name and everything lol she's only 3. She's really upset it's a boy and keeps asking me to change it because she only wants a sister.
Her sadness is making me sad.

Also both my boys are definitely harder work than my girls right now which doesn't help.

I find naming boys really hard and am upset that I won't be able to use my favourite girls name now.

I know I'll love my new son to bits, & as soon as he arrives it won't matter at all, but right now I am missing my 3rd daughter that I'll never have.

I know this is an old thread, and apologies to the OP if you (or I!) get more judgy replies from me reprising it! But thank you @Glera for your post on it.

I recently found out the gender of my 2nd and despite it confirming the gut feeling I have had my entire pregnancy I can't believe how I feel at actually finding out. And the shame I feel for feeling this way is immense!

Your explanation really helped me understand my own feelings a little.

(For context for anyone interested, I have what I expected to be an only child for many years due to secondary infertility. We hoped for a second but it didn't seem meant to be. By this time my brain was completely on board with being a family of 3 so unexpectedly being pregnant again was a huge surprise. With my first I remember genuinely feeling as though I would be happy with either gender, just wanted a healthy baby. This time, of course I have hoped for a healthy baby, but also despite wanting to just be grateful for being in this position, I hoped it would be a particular gender for many reasons, none of which the judgy replies on this thread hit on. And I feel nothing but shame and surprise at my own feelings of disappointment!)

To the OP, I hope everything has gone well with your pregnancy and you, baby and family are all well and happy.

Doesnt look like OP doesn’t want a boy, just that she wanted something different to last time. I can understand that. My colleague has 4 sons and was gutted when she found out 5th was a boy, doesn’t make her love the sons any less.

As others have said OP the nub theory is not reliable so wait it out a bit :)

From the place I come (India) or say Asian countries prefer boy that's the reason knowing prenatal sex / gender scan is illegal here!!
I know gender disappointment is real but coming from a place where they prefer boys and being girl mum this thread is different experience!!

I always believe it's not about gender it's always about individuals!!🤗🤗

This! Thank you for this lol. I did want something different to last time but it's not the way things went, but now I have a beautiful, healthy 3 week old baby now and we're all in love.

Just to say I don't think people should be quick to shame others, there's nothing wrong with wanting a different gender, of course I am grateful as I too have experienced several losses and I will always love my children.

My nub theory was totally right too, despite 3 scans to actually confirm what baby was 🤣

@GDsurpriseshame Thank you, were over the moon baby has settled in lovely.

FWIW I have two boys, who are incredibly different from each other but both lovely, and even as teenagers, love doing stuff with me. My friend has a boy and a girl the same ages as mine and she gets on much better with her son than her daughter. I guess the point I am trying to make is that you can overthink this and there is no guarantee you'll have a closer relationship with a child because you you are both the same sex.