Giving birth anxiety - C section declined

[Librababy3]

Hi all,

So today the hospital called me to discuss my reasons for a C-Section. The person I was spoke to was very dismissive and didn’t seem interested in my reasons. She pretty much declined my C section and I’m panicking so much, I’m seriously trying so hard not to break down

No judgements please - I am in no way looking for an “easy way” to give birth. I understand both come with risks, and there is no easy way.

I thought now, you could choose to have a C-section, if you wanted to? I’ve looked at soooo many forums and seen way too many horror stories of vaginal birth and people saying their C-section was much better (again, I know everyone is different)

Looking for some advice please. I’m seriously terrified and don’t know whether I should keep pushing for it

I've had both types of birth -the "bad" vaginal birth with tearing and stitching and an elective section.

In my opinion an ELCS is miles better in terms of recovery than a traumatic vaginal birth (I had a 3rd degree tear stitched in theatre and needed physio for a few months after, pain when walking longer distances for about 6 months, pain during sex for 9months but now healed fine) 4 weeks on from the ELCS and I feel completely normal. Only needed pain relief for about a week.

BUT from what I have heard, an uncomplicated vaginal birth recovery is far easier even than an ELCS and if I knew that was possible for me I wouldn't choose a section. The thing is no one can guarantee there won't be complications in any type of birth, everything is risky.

As others upthread have already said, you're entitled to the birth you want so push to be referred to another consultant!

Oh and forceps were used to extract DS from under my rib cage during my section so they can still be used, but clearly in different areas lol

You do have the right to choose - but definitely do a hypnobirthing course! It will help you whatever you decide and might make you feel more confident in a vaginal birth. You may go in to labour early for example and then you'll be prepared. Or you get your C-section and you can use the breathing techniques then as well.

Just for the record I had a home water birth with gas&air - first baby- it was brilliant. I had a third degree tear, bit sore but it healed!

Giving birth is literally what our bodies were made to do 💐 it's our primary purpose (biologically - not saying everyone should want kids).

Am I the only person on here who is totally shocked that apparently you "have the right to choose" a MAJOR operation, on the NHS, totally free of charge, when there is absolutely no clinical need for it?

Please don’t listen to silly people scaring you with gory stories about forceps, numbness, emergency interventions etc. Each woman and birth is unique and you while something might happen, it also might not. Midwives will manage your labour well and make sure your baby’s delivery is as smooth as possible. Please discuss pain relief options with your midwife or gynecologist, they will explain everything to you - an epidural is not the only option.
A c section is frankly not a good option unless you have no choice. You will need care afterwards (not useful when you have a tiny human to look after), you will be scarred, you will not feel your lower body during and after it (like your epidural fears) and will depend on others for a while after. You fears are real, of course they are but a c-section won’t automatically solve them.

Is it helpful to pretend that things don't sometimes go wrong with vaginal births then?

Its not silly to acknowledge that sometimes interventions are needed and that those interventions carry different sets of risks. I think it's better to be open about that than it is to pretend that vaginal births are always wonderful empowering experiences and you just have to hypnobirth your way through it. Cos they're not always, and there are thousands of women out there with birth trauma who don't talk about it because it's not the done thing. The op is right to question what care she wants.

Why shouldn't women be able to choose how they give birth? Why should they not be able to look at the risks and benefits of different modes of delivery and decide which is most acceptable to them?

I have tokophobia and have had two ELCS for that reason. I did my research which was evident to my consultant. He happily agreed to the ELCS.

Hello @Librababy3 I am almost 34 weeks with a first baby, of course I am also scared but trying to focus on the positive things. First of all - please don't read horror stories, it won't do you any good - we are all so different. I like the idea mentioned in my antenatal class that birth is a physiological process, something a body is made to do and the pain is different to a pain we have when something is broken etc, when are bodies are telling us something is wrong. This pain leads to something. Read objective stuff on the process, what is there, pain relief etc, how breathing helps, what else can you do to help your body... positions.. I am also about to start hypnobirthing and hoping it will help. As I said I completely understand you but trying to avoid negative stories ( although I normally always tend to be more negative and worry a lot ).

We can do this 💪🏻💪🏻

You have every right to choose and many people do, even though it is not discussed much. Please contact birthrights - they will be able to help you navigate this. There is also a very supportive private Facebook group for maternal request c sections.

If it helps, the nhs strategy is often to say no on the first consultation and see whether you push for a second consultation. The nhs has an ideological issue with maternal request c sections even though their official policy is supportive.

I had one and wouldn't change a thing!

Good luck !!

I've had 2 babies. The first was in the USA with an epidural. I could feel my legs for the whole time and was able to push. The second baby was born in the UK and with no pain relief at all. I didn't feel the need to beg for an epidural, but I could have asked for pain relief at any time if I had needed it. Please try not to panic, if giving birth was that bad for all mums no one would have a second...

That is outrageous - you are entitled to a C section if that’s what you want. It makes me so cross that women have to fight for the basic rights they are legally entitled to!

Except you don't. The idea that you have a right to a Cs is a complete myth now.

You do have the right to the most appropriate care for your circumstances and health care needs.

This may mean a Cs if its in the interests of your mental health - which includes the situation of your mental health being damaged if you are denied a Cs.

However ultimately if HCP think that a Cs is too much of a risk in your situation they can decline for clinical reasons to do one and can not be forced to do one.

As for cost: the cost of a planned cs compared to a planned vb is compatible and should not be used as a reason to refuse a Cs according to Nice. This is without considering long term effects from complications for vbs and Cs (most significantly considering continence issues).

Yes it is major surgery however a vb is often a traumatic (physical and mentally) process too, which shouldn't be minimised because its 'natural' (precisely because it often isn't natural due to interventions, which if they weren't available could mean death).

I can't believe that 13 years after NICE said that on balance, from a safety and cost point of view, a planned CS was perfectly acceptable and reasonable for the NHS to do.

Its comments like this one, which are ignorant and belonging to the dark ages.

As I keep saying, there is no legal right to a Cs in the uk....

...and people keep persisting with the bollocks myth that it is.

Its not true.

@CoconutQueen tbh, I’ve been working non-stop since I’ve left school a good 10 years ago, very rarely do I ever go to the GP, let alone the hospital… always paid my tax and NI so I think I should be entitled to a C-section if I want one 🤣 that’s my way of thinking lol

Thank you everyone. Xx

Hi op jus to outweigh the bad. I have had two uncomplicated vaginal births, both with just gas and air. I surprised myself to be honest you don't know how you will feel until you are in labour but pain relief is available such as epidurals should you wish. Just go in with an open mind and a plan for pain relief in order of preference.

I actually did think you more or less had the right to choose and I'm surprised to read it isn't! Every day is a school day.

Fwiw op, I've had a VB and an ELCS and I preferred the VB in terms of how it left my body. Depends what your concerns are. I had them too btw! Absolutely terrified after reading Mumsnet horror stories online.

Good luck with whatever you do

I didn't think they could refuse so you'll need to take it further.

I had a vaginal birth when I was induced. I had gas and air and pethidine and you can feel yourself push, it stings but then again it's meant to. I did have a 2nd degree tear but partly that was my fault as I pushed when I wasn't contracting once. Didn't feel the tear and was stitched up straight afterwards and wouldn't even know I had a tear.

Having twins this time and was asked today and route I want to go down. Both are head down at the moment so if they stay that way they're happy for me to opt for vaginal birth which is was I am aiming for.

Had ELCS for mental health reasons last year and can 100% see where your coming from.
Stick to your guns OP, it's your choice. Listen to the risks etc and all they have to say, they will try to persuade you to VB but if you certain you want CS go for it, you know you the best

If they aren't listening move hospital.
Take care and good luck X

If a csection is what you want, then definitely fight your cause, you don't have much time left. I had an emergency csection after my waters broke naturally, failed induction and sepsis which was all traumatic followed by a wonderful elective csection in which I listened to Christmas music (it was 20th December) and was out the 29 hours later.
After my emergency one there was no chance I was going to risk another emergency csection or forceps etc and I'm so glad I did. Good luck op

Two things to add:

1. Forceps might be used during a c section. Obviously in a different way than a vaginal birth, but I was very surprised when my son came out with a mark on his cheek which they told me was due to forceps as he was firmly wedged in my pelvis.
2. Hypnobirthing is great for many people, but personally I was so very anxious about childbirth that it triggered a panic attack. I had very specific circumstances and really never considered a vaginal birth anyway, my midwife thought hypnobirthing might help calm me down a bit... but it did not. I also know a few people who did hypnobirthing and felt they had 'failed' when their birth didn't go to 'plan', which seemed quite damaging for them.

OP, I requested a c section when I was 1cm dilated. My planned home birth had gone out of the window and they wanted to induce me. No chance. Was the best decision i ever made and I received no push back.

Keep pushing.

It's different for every one. I'm 29 weeks with my first and always been terrified of giving birth due to horror story's,tv etc. But Iv tried to stay chill because I can't control the situation...the baby has to get out one way or another. And I try not to stress it. Haven't researched anything online because then I will get scared and freak out. Also I ask family/friends not to tell me there bad story's if any, because I don't want to spend all the lead up being scared of something I can't control. Because I don't know what birth will go like. Because it's different for every one and could not turn out how I would plan or how I would like it too...

You need to escalate this

My midwife told me if the consultant said no to let her know and it would get escalated to the consultant midwife.

If no consultant is willing to operate they need to support you in finding another hospital that will

Read up on the nice guidelines and go armed.

An emergency section is very different to an elective, which impacts the recovery.

So it's a bit silly to compare your EMCS with the OPs request for an ELCS.