Giving birth anxiety - C section declined

[Librababy3]

Hi all,

So today the hospital called me to discuss my reasons for a C-Section. The person I was spoke to was very dismissive and didn’t seem interested in my reasons. She pretty much declined my C section and I’m panicking so much, I’m seriously trying so hard not to break down

No judgements please - I am in no way looking for an “easy way” to give birth. I understand both come with risks, and there is no easy way.

I thought now, you could choose to have a C-section, if you wanted to? I’ve looked at soooo many forums and seen way too many horror stories of vaginal birth and people saying their C-section was much better (again, I know everyone is different)

Looking for some advice please. I’m seriously terrified and don’t know whether I should keep pushing for it

Thank you everyone x

I ended up with an epidural with both mine, you have control over the epidural so for me with my second I had met it run down so could feel to push it was amazing I basically had it to give me a few hours of respite as my labour slowed down then went very fast at the end and it was so good to feel in control.
People tend to talk about true horror stories more than the great experiences of birth I think. Mine were different second better than first but ultimately I got to push both my babies out and that's a great feeling.

They cannot refuse you. Keep asking.

I asked for one, I didn’t want a natural labour, and I was given one. And it was marvellous.

I had exactly the same experience; forceps under a spinal as baby was taking her time and her heart rate was dropping. I also had no pain down below that couldn't be managed with the occasional paracetamol, and it was anything but traumatic overall. Even in the theatre it felt very relaxed! While it was far from what I had in my birth preferences, it definitely shouldnt be something to be afraid of.

I was terrified of giving birth the whole time I was pregnant. It was not a walk in the park but in the end I did most of the labour at home, had the baby within a couple of hours of getting to hospital, no pain relief other than gas and air, small tear I was barely aware of and shortly after I gave birth I was able to get up and walk around a bit. I was breast feeding within 20 minutes of the birth and I was stunned but I couldn’t believe how normal I felt (and looked, when I went to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror, my makeup wasn’t even messed up) I couldn’t believe I’d actually done it. The physical part was fine for me (emotionally and mh wise, another story entirely) but don’t let stories of bad experiences scare you if u can help it. Maybe don’t read anymore on forums, not when you’re about to do it!

I believe, as has been said, that they need to refer you to another surgeon if they decide to refuse to do a c section for you.
I had an elective c-section, albeit for different reasons to you. The consultant was a little dismissive but I stuck very firmly to my guns. I was very glad I did, it was a great experience. Forceps were used tho.
I think a lot of women are terrified of a vaginal birth, because all you really hear are the horror stories. If you have a great straightforward birth, you’re less likely to talk about it, not least for risk of sounding smug, which is terribly unfair.

Having a c/section for anxiety is perfectly reasonable.

So is speaking to your midwife about why you are feeling so anxious and seeing if they can offer you anything to help reduce your fears. That's not to talk you out of having c/section, but, as PP have said, the stories of carnage are the ones we hear, not the "I managed".

I was induced at 37 weeks due to baby not growing. I had heard all the horror stories and was shitting myself about how awful it was going to be. Wasn't the most fun I've ever had on a Saturday night but the pain wasn't as bad as expected. I had gas and air then diamorphine. The midwife kept offering an epidural but I didn't need/want one. I had a 2nd degree tear that healed well and quickly. People tend to share when it goes wrong because "my labour was pretty straightforward" isn't much of a conversation.
In my group of friends there seems to be almost a competition about who had the worse labour.
Having said that if you want a section then they should listen to you. As others have said they should refer you to another surgeon.

1. She hasn't said you can't have one
2. She said you shouldn't really have one, if there is not clinical reason to.
3. You are adding 1 and 2 together and interpreting it as her saying you will not be allowed to have one.
4. A planned CS is still major surgery and isn't without risk / as easy as you may think. Do you know the risks etc involved as you don't appear to be demonstrating you have an informed position on this from your posts on this thread. If you can't show that you are making an informed decision it will hinder your argument.

First up, severe anxiety is a health issue. This is a reason - a medical one - which could be used as an argument to have a CS.
Second up, if you are young, fit and healthy and want multiple children then a CS possibly isn't the right medical option, so the advice she gives is reasonable. If you are late 30s or in your 40s for your first child with no intention of having more children then the argument might be different - but you should be discussing all this properly. Its pretty clear no such discussion about the pro / cons has taken place.
Thirdly, you don't appear to have done your homework and are in a state of panic. Thats not going to help your cause. Know you rights and how to argue for what you want in a constructive manner. You don't have a right to a CS (no matter what anyone else on this thread may say - its simply not true) but you do have a right to the most appropriate treatment for your health. So make the case from that framing as the start point.

FWIW the issue here isn't about a planned CS. Its about you having unmanaged anxiety over the birth. You do have a need to resolve that - and thats the approach that you should be taking. Your anxiety is at a harmful level. You need to talk it through. Doing so may reassure you about a VB or offer you support / a greater sense of being in control.

Wanting a CS is a red herring in this respect. A CS may ultimately be the path you take with support from HCP, but the thing you need to be addressing primarily is the anxiety.

Do take a look at Birthrights OP. The law is entirely on your side and the hospitals know this. Some try to wriggle out of it, but if you stand your ground and know your rights (and the hospital knows you do) you should get what you want.

www.birthrights.org.uk/factsheets/right-to-a-c-section/

In theory you have the right to choose but, generally, the NHS try to push you down the 'natural' childbirth route. The NHS website currently says:

"If after discussing all the risks and hearing about all the support on offer you still feel that a vaginal birth is not an acceptable option, you should be offered a planned caesarean. If your doctor is unwilling to perform the operation, they should refer you to a doctor who will."

www.nhs.uk/conditions/caesarean-section/

You must do what you feel is right for you; ignore what others tell you to do. Listen and research pros and cons, certainly, but whatever you choose must be right for you.

I have had a EMCS and a VBAC and I would take a vaginal birth anyday over a csection but this is about you.

If I was you I would ring your birthing unit and ask for PMA midwife to call you back. PMA are the most qualified, the title is professional midwife advocate, a huge part of their role is to advocate for women. If that doesn’t help then try AIMS and PALS.

How cruel of people to say you'll be begging for pain relief, and totally untrue for lots of people.
I am terrible with pain and I managed being calm and fine for my full 20 hour labour on just gas and air and a birthing pool, soon as I got in the pool I never once felt like I needed more pain relief. Hypnobirthing is honestly brilliant I truly believe if you can stay calm as poss then it's less painful. I'm someone who suffered with anxiety disorder for over 10 years prior to giving birth and I would normally be triggered by pain! Giving birth was absolutely fine for me, I'm pregnant again now and terrified about the possibility of having a C-section this time if I can't have another natural birth (I'm doing hypnobirthing again this time too). So many more births go fine and uneventful than ones have complications, you just don't hear about it because it's boring to talk about!
Having said all that I do fully believe it should be your choice and you should go with whatever you believe is best for you and baby but I'd hate for you to choose csection based on other people trying to big up birth and make it sound scary!
If you are interested in hypnobirthing I did a few courses (online as it was during lockdown) but the best I found was Birth-ed online course, only £40 and in bitesize videos so you don't have to watch loads at once. Good luck with whatever you decide! Hypnobirthing is helpful for c sections too by the way.

Totally your choice what I would say is csection is no walk in the park either and had it own risks.

I had a haemorrhage caused by the csection so went back into theatre ten mins after being stitched up and they had to operate/fix me via my vaginal opening. Although I felt no pain I could feel the metal instruments and it haunts me. i also suffer from a prolapse now.

Two of my friends the spinal/epidural didn't work so they had to be put under which means they were asleep when their babies were born and their partners couldn't be there either. So C-section is not without risks plus the lengthy recovery, I was in intensive care for a night then in hospital for a few days after couldnt even change a nappy for two days.

I always think, if it’s so bad then why do people do it multiple times?

I’ve had two inductions, two positive birth stories, the second with no pain relief whatsoever (my choice). It hurts like hell but I’ve always felt like it was a positive pain.

You’ll see negative stories left right and center but the positives rarely get an airing. For me the pregnancy was far worse (nausea and sickness, back ache exhaustion). PP hit the nail on the head, you’re best working on the anxiety you’re feeling and trying to get into a positive mindset. The Naked Doula and Positive Birthing Company can help I’m sure.

I had an epidural as I was induced. I the. Had forceps to help dd come out. I didn’t see them or feel them. Was only told after. Didn’t feel a thing. Honestly wasn’t traumatised by it. I am hoping to have a epidural free birth this time but if I was scared, I would opt for an epidural over a caesarean. Some people really struggle with the recovery from a caesarean. There are also said to be health benefits to a vaginal delivery for the baby.

If you want a c section then you should definitely push for it- go back to your midwife who can look into this further for you. If a certain obstetrician has declined to do it then you should be referred to another- it is a woman's right to choose her method of birth and if that is for an elective section then that's your decision.

That said hypnobirthing is incredible and may help to allay your fears surrounding vaginal birth. Everybody's birth is different and there is no real way to tell how these things are going to go but it is a natural process and many women have successful and non traumatic vaginal births everyday.

Not trying to talk you round to either mode of delivery, just go with whatever you feel comfortable with- it is entirely your choice ❤️

Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy and birth x

OP, there's a condition called Tokophobia which is a fear of pregnancy and childbirth. One of my best friends has it, she has 2 lovely kids both born via elective c-section as she was terrified by the thought of a vaginal delivery.

I also requested an elective CS for my second baby and was given one.

While PPs are all correct that there are many stories of positive birth, if you want a c-section you should be given one. If you think it's right for you then please keep insisting, you have every right to choose how you deliver your baby.

Do not read or listen to any negative birth stories. There are loads of positive stories around. Immerse yourself in those. Try meditation and affirmations. You honestly can do it and it’s nothing to be scared of. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks and the pain was similar to labour but with nothing positive at the end of it. I knew if I could do that then I can do a live birth with ease because I’m going to end up with a baby at the end of it.

Iv had both, the natural was nearly a c section and the second 2 were emergency sections, as long as there are no complications I would definitely suggest a natural delivery, it hurts like hell during labour but once it's over you're pretty much back to usual. It's much worse after a section but that's my personal experience.

I’ve had 3 babies, 1st 2 vaginal, 3rd a csection, I hated the csection birth, felt no initial rush of love, it was scary and far too serious and medical for me to enjoy (it was recommended because baby was measuring large and my previous babies got slightly stuck however needed no interventions other than a midwife manually moving them into better positions).

It (section) is absolutely an easier and as you say ‘better’ birth pain wise but the bond and circumstances made it miserable for me and I got PND for the first time too. I assure you, the grass isn’t always greener.

The pain meds you can have now are amazing, epidurals you just knock down towards the end to get the feeling of pushing back, gas and air is bleeding gorgeous and the diamorph is ok too, the primal feeling of pushing a baby out is like no other feeling. I recommend hypnobirth and having an in-depth chat with your midwife about pain relief. If it’s your first you’ll likely have a slower labour (I preferred a slower one as it gives you more time to prepare for the next stage/my second born came quickly in the last phase of labour) so loads of time to try different meds in that time.

On the other hand you just need to demand a different consultant who is willing to do an elective section due to mental health if you’re still adamant.

Yes you're allowed a choice BUT a consultant won't approve if they don't believe it's in your best interest and the risks outweigh the positives. Vaginal birth IS safer and has a better recovery. Its a tricky one, if your mental health would suffer so severely from the prospect of a vaginal delivery then perhaps the benefits of a section tip in favour of that.

Bottom line, ask for a second opinion but do try and consider vaginal delivery with an open mind.

The risk of injuries to you and baby is higher with forceps than it is a planned c section. People can tell you their birth stories all day long but it doesn't mean anything. If i were you, id take control of it. put aside a couple of hours to have a really good look into the risks, pros and cons of different births and interventions. Decide what risks you're happy to take. As above, you may decide you just want the section. You may decide you want to try a vaginal but go for csec if things start getting a bit tricky. You might decide you're happy with the risk of forceps and forget the c section. But if you want to go straight to c section, you're not missing out by not pushing a baby. Its not some mystical, beautiful experience that you'll be missing out on. It hurts, and it's dangerous. It just gets romanticised a lot.

Its your body, you're the patient, you get to decide. I also don't think you're unreasonable to be anxious or afraid of giving birth. Millions of people do it but you haven't. Of course you'll be nervous. So get yourself fully informed, and decide what you want and talk it over with your doctor.

A straightforward vaginal birth might be "better" in some ways than a planned c section. The obvious advantage of a planned c section is that it removes the risk of forceps, serious tears and similar birth injuries. It also has some risks. And to be blunt, the NHS counts a birth where both mum and baby are alive at the end of it as a success. Birth injuries don't really come into it, that becomes a gynaecology department problem. So do what you need to do to get the best outcome for yourself. That might be hypnobirthing or it might be a c section. But look at the facts and figures for yourself.