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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Infertile in-law won’t talk to us

52 replies

BlueBunny23 · 16/09/2022 08:10

Me and my partner have a son who is 4. I got pregnant I’ll be honest here, the first time I slept with him, we had been together for 8 months at the time of getting to know each other and we slept together end of October 2017 and I got pregnant immediately. His brother was so happy for us, his girlfriend was not and she stopped speaking to us. She blocked us on social media. We bumped into them at shopping and she walked the other way only the brother spoke to us. I asked what’s wrong? Why she block us? He said she’s upset your pregnant. After my baby was born we didn’t see her for a while or rather we did when we visited in-laws and she turned up and sat staring at my newborn that was being passed around but didn’t speak a word to anyone I felt so uncomfortable. After 2 years she unblocked me and I bumped into her one night she was drunk and she apologised to me about it all said she’s been trying for a baby for so long 15 years and can’t have one bur her partner has twins from his previous marriage girl and boy and she made him stop seeing them because all she wants is a girl! She told me please don’t have anymore babies I can’t handle it. I then got pregnant and I’m due very soon with a girl, I kept it a secret in the hope of not upsetting her until I no longer could but I felt this wasn’t fair on the rest of the in-law family who were so happy. I got blocked again but this time my partner and mum got blocked! So blocked all around! I seen the brother loads of times he’s so happy for us always asks how I feel how long left can’t wait to meet her when she’s here. But I’m so worried about visiting the in-laws with the new baby incase she turns up again and sits staring at my baby from a distance throwing dirty looks to her like she did with my son.
i don’t want to feel this way I want to enjoy the birth of my baby and taking her to visit her family. Has anyone else had in-laws who can’t have children and go off like this when you have children? How do you deal with it once baby arrives? I don’t want to upset her anymore than I already have

OP posts:

00100001 · 16/09/2022 08:12

Just ignore her.

Not your problem

00100001 · 16/09/2022 08:12

Your DH must deal with it. It's his family.

LoopDiL00p · 16/09/2022 08:15

It must be really tough for her but they need to figure out how to deal with it. They can't avoid babies forever and most certainly can't dictate the choices other people make.

dontputitthere · 16/09/2022 08:22

You can't do anything. I'm sorry for her pain. But it's for them to handle and your dh to ensure things aren't uncomfortable around his family.

She can't avoid babies forever and she absolutely cannot tell you not to have children.

Sallyh87 · 16/09/2022 08:30

She sounds like she has become a bit unhinged. I can appreciate how hard it must be to not be able to conceive. I was going a bit bonkers as it took DH and I 18 months this time. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking.

That being said, she is behaving totally unreasonably and being horrible. Just ignore her and if she sits in the corner throwing you dirty looks then simply look away.

Congratulations BTW

BeeDavis · 16/09/2022 08:31

She sounds absolutely batshit. It’s awful she hasn’t been able to fall pregnant but there’s being upset about it and then just being downright pyscho. Ignore her.

WaveyHair · 16/09/2022 08:34

Ignore it. She needs to find a better way to handle her situation-she cannot dictate how you live your life.

Countingdowntodecember · 16/09/2022 08:35

Oh god, I’d usually have sympathy for someone struggling with infertility but stopping her DH seeing his children is awful (he’s worse for agreeing, obviously!).

Anyway, she sounds unhinged. Enjoy your pregnancy and ignore her .

Nidan2Sandan · 16/09/2022 08:35

My sister did the same to me. Literally blanked me. We went to my brothers wedding when I was 15 weeks pregnant and if i walked towards her she pointedly turned and walked away. Just wouldnt acknowledge me.

I wont lie, for me it was really upsetting but i tried to see that she has her own issues going on around pregnancies, that was totally out of my control. As such I felt it's not my job to tip toe around her, because this baby was coming whether she liked it or not.

milawops · 16/09/2022 08:41

I'd just ignore her, let her act like an arse if she wants but don't let it ruin your time with your in laws. Admittedly I have no experience of fertility problems and usually I have huge sympathy for anyone that suffers from them but the way she has treated you is outrageous. And to even suggest her partner not see his kids let alone demand it is down right bat shit. Although why he didn't tell her to sling her hook right then is beyond me.

CurbsideProphet · 16/09/2022 08:43

I'm now pregnant through IVF and I've been in the position of having to plaster a smile on my face with the ILs when faced with their newborns. However this sounds an extreme scenario.
How have your partner's family reacted to your BIL cutting contact with his children? Surely this means they can't see them either, so it's surprising that his family think this is normal and no one has challenged his handling of the situation.

Widgets · 16/09/2022 08:46

It’s very vpainful to see pregnant women and new borns when your infertile. It’s heartbreaking and the blocking is purely self preservation, she is trying to protect herself from further pain.
she can’t avoid babies forever, that is true but she can limit contact with close relatives that have babies and growing bumps.
It does sound like she is suffering to an extreme level and she needs to address that but please be kind, she is suffering

drpet49 · 16/09/2022 08:47

Countingdowntodecember · 16/09/2022 08:35

Oh god, I’d usually have sympathy for someone struggling with infertility but stopping her DH seeing his children is awful (he’s worse for agreeing, obviously!).

Anyway, she sounds unhinged. Enjoy your pregnancy and ignore her .

This. She’s had 15 years to accept it all. Ignore her, she’s need serious help.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 16/09/2022 08:49

She is a disgrace of a woman. I can’t believe your Brother in law doesn’t see his children because of her, that’s so sad and they’ll unlikely never forgive him. She sounds a very bitter and toxic woman, i wouldn’t give her a second thought.

Devilsfoodcake · 16/09/2022 08:50

She stopped him seeing his children yet she wants to become a parent herself. She's a disgrace and he's a fool for staying with her. Totally ignore it and enjoy your children..I had years of infertility, it's does send you a bit crazy and depressed at times but this is unacceptable. I avoided people at times with babies and pregnancies but always explained it was me and not them and everyone was always understanding as we communicated. She's a terrible person asking him to stop seeing his twins and if he has or does cut them out he doesn't deserve to be a parent either. Congratulations on your babies

CandyLeBonBon · 16/09/2022 08:50

but please be kind, she is suffering

She's told her husband that he can't see his children from a previous relationship? I'm afraid she gets no sympathy from me. That's absolutely disgraceful.

TheFormidableMrsC · 16/09/2022 08:51

No sympathy from me. She stopped him seeing his children? Sorry, that's despicable and what's wrong with him for going along with it? I speak from bitter experience of my ex-he's OW doing this and the endless therapy my DS has had to have to cope with the rejection from his father. Utterly vile. If she thinks that's an appropriate way to treat children it's probably best she doesn't have any.

HikingBoots · 16/09/2022 08:52

She sounds totally unhinged!

ChaToilLeam · 16/09/2022 08:53

I would normally have sympathy but she tried to tell you what to do regarding your family and she is stopping your BIL seeing his kids (and worse, he has agreed) - her desperation has made her unhinged. There’s nothing you can do. Just avoid, ignore.

Georgeskitchen · 16/09/2022 08:53

It's sad but her behaviour is extreme. Demanding someone break contact with there own children is the lowest of the low. How has he stayed with her all these Years?

GroggyLegs · 16/09/2022 08:57

It's sad that she can't have children, but it doesn't exempt her from behaving in a reasonable manner.

She sounds very emotionally immature & extremely selfish. Both for expecting people to shape their lives around her issues, and for 'stopping' her DP seeing his children - I mean, he should have told her to take a running jump but that's another issue.

Just ignore her. Or arrange family visits when they're not there. Or tell DH to speak to his brother about her behaviour.

DillonPanthersTexas · 16/09/2022 08:59

While going through multiple rounds of failed IVF treatment it was certainly tough at times putting on a brave face and congratulating other people on their newly announced pregnancy or birth and there were more then a few occasions where we avoided gatherings that included lots of kids. But the girlfriend in this instance is really taking things too far, hard as it is she needs to reconcile things in her own head and not impose restrictions on others or refuse to talk to people. Just crack on with your life, you should not have to self police your actions or behaviour.

CristinaNov182 · 16/09/2022 09:01

I don’t understand why you’re worried about her feelings.

this is a woman who stopped a father from seeing his children. your BIL is an awful man too, if he discarded his children at her request.

she sounds like a narcissist or at least she only cares about herself. How can she asks you not to have any more kids??!

something is seriously wrong with her. Be glad she is not involved in your life and good she doest have kids.

don’t worry about seeing her again, unless you’re on your own (I’de afraid about my and my kids safety), just ignore her.

UneFoisAuChalet · 16/09/2022 09:10

My sister in law is similar. She stopped talking to her sister because she got pregnant before her. They only began speaking again when she got herself got pregnant. Now she’s not talking to her again as she’s pregnant with her second.

It’s a bizarre and miserable existence. Instead of being happy with the healthy baby she currently has, she’s moaning about the second child she may never have.

silverclock222 · 16/09/2022 09:15

It's more concerning shes stopped BIL from seeing his kids. Just keep her blocked and the BIL too!

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