45 years old and pregnant 1st time...

[Fleetfox1]

So, this is my first time posting on here.....

I'm 45 and never thought I would have kids. 3 years ago I met the love of my life after 20+ years in an abusive relationship where I was blamed for not getting pregnant. I stopped contraception in December because it didn't agree with me and I wasn't going to get pregnant, right?

I've done a pregnancy test this morning and I'm 4 weeks pregnant (ish). And I'm terrified. This wasn't part of my plan, or my partner's, but equally neither of us could think of a better person to have a child with.

I don't really know what I'm asking, I'm just scared atm. There are so many risks you hear about with an older mum but equally according to science this shouldn't have happened .

Experience and advice gratefully received .

Congrats.

Unfortunately as you are early on you have to sit, wait and do nothing.

Once you get to 8 or 9 weeks then you need to book in for maternity services. If you aren't sure how to do that then contact your GP practice and ask them. The receptionist may treat you like an idiot but explain that this is your first child.

You should then get an appointment for 11/12 weeks and every thing should kick off from there. You will be under a consultant due to your age and will be advised to have a hospital birth including depending on area an elective C-section.

I had a child (my only) at 43. Other women in my family have had children, including now first child/children, later.

Congratulations, start taking folic acid if that's still advised.

Lovely news. Congratulations. Just take it one day at a time xx

I had my only at 45. It's been the best thing I've ever done 🙂 ds is now 14. Apart from a conscious effort to maintain fitness soI can keep up, it was just the same as anyone else having a baby.

What specifically is worrying you?

Thank you. I'm worried I'm too old, that the child will be disabled, that we won't have enough money to cope (I'll be honest and say that I'm in a job which pays above average, but OH is self employed as a tree surgeon/landscaper so not secure money), that we'll be utterly exhausted etc etc

Congratulations. I had a similar thing happen at 40 a day it was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

It's really exciting for you but no one medical will be interested in the pregnancy for now. Depending on your area you will probably have to fill out a self-refferal to the maternity services but you won't have your first appointment for a while.

Good luck x

As an older mum, congratulations!

You are going to spend the next nine months in a state of anxiety which is great preparation for the next 21+ years!

I would suggest you see your GP (if you can) or get an appointment with a private GP now. Discuss what vitamins etc you need in light if your age and having not done the usual pre-conception prep.

I have been in your shoes and was advised to take baby aspirin, a pregnancy vitamin, and a higher than usual dose of folic acid. I also had to continue to to take vitamin D as my levels were still very low (but that had been identified earlier).

Your medical needs may be different to mine so I urge you to get an early appointment with your own doctor.

And, again, congratulations!

Congratulations!!!
Your not too old, I work in a nursery and there's lots of mums in their 40s.

Addressing your worries:

I worked on a Science Park after having my DD. The older mothers, who had children who were 10+, didn't realise I was also an older mother. So no you aren't too old. Just try and keep yourself fit especially when they are at school. (I can see your OH is fit already 😀 )

Unfortunately you will only hear of older parents who have children with disabilities online simply because that's where the communities for parents with children with disabilities are. Those of us who are products of older mothers and don't have disabilities and/or have healthy children at an older age don't really talk about it.

You never have enough money to have children.

Gosh congratulations OP. What a lovely story.
My friend had her first and only child last year aged 44 (just months younger than you). She enjoyed a healthy, very active pregnancy (albeit with a few extra checks), a straightforward birth and has a lovely, perfectly healthy 1 year old boy. It can be done! I’m delighted for you and your partner!

Congratulations! I'm 46 and recently found out I was pregnant which is a big shock! I really didn't think it would happen at this age either. Its not my first though as I have 5 older children.
Like you I'm very worried about the impact my age will have. I'm having Nipt test at 10 weeks as it looks for generic issues that can be common with older mums.

Do you and your partner want to have a child?

Oh I hope it all works out for you.

I'm 42 and now say I'm too old for another but that is because I've had two. Doing it first time round (or still being in the small baby stage) is very different.

I think a lot of what you hear from your peers is more 'i am not going back there' now their children are at a different stage.

I'd feel completely differently if I hadn't already done it so don't let these kind of throwaway statements put you off.

I know someone at work this happen to and she is brilliant. Had always been told kids wouldn't be possible and thought it was peri menopause until 28 weeks! So that one really was a shock

We're talking at the moment. If it was 10 years ago, absolutely. Now, we're a bit stunned if I'm honest. It wasn't in our plan.

Thank you. I practice olympic weightlifting and also work part-time with my partner, so at the moment fitness isn't an issue.

We're thinking long and hard about what we want to do, and I'm grate that you all have taken the time to respond to me. As I said, I never thought this would happen.

I don't have anything much to add but wanted to say congratulations 😀

I hope you figure out what you want and where to go from here and I wish you all the best.

Just had my fourth at 46. It's brilliant, OP. I hope your experience is too

Congratulations 😁 wonderful news. I had my only at 41 and so pleased I did. Wishing you all the best

I wouldn't wait until 8/9 weeks, book in at 6. Booking in appointments can be done at 9/10 weeks.

They can be done at 9/10 weeks but depending on area they won't do anything until 11/12/13 weeks and then it is all systems go. (I know some other women, who were categorised as having high risk pregnancies who were suppose to have early booking appointments for screening reasons and it never happened.)

By that I mean you get all your tests done very quickly.

I had the equivalent of the NIPT done on the NHS for free. It was done at my booking appointment with other tests. It supposed to have been rolled out to all NHS hospitals by now so older mothers get it done for free.

So people like Mother Teresa, Theresa May, Angela Merkel, Barbara Windsor and Helen Mirren were/are shallow?

Go give your head a wobble.

Risk of downs etc is much higher, but you could get a harmony test privately if not available on NHS. You have options and noone will think badly of you if you don't continue with the pregnancy.

I had a dc at 43 2. Planned. Still a shocker tbh!
Congratulations op.

Congratulations OP. I had my one and only at 45 and she’s just my everything. We are fed so much negativity about pregnancy in our 40s but I was one of a group of 4 women I knew all in mid 40s who had healthy babies. Just take it a day at a time. I wish you everything. It’s lovely news 😊