45 years old and pregnant 1st time...

[Fleetfox1]

So, this is my first time posting on here.....

I'm 45 and never thought I would have kids. 3 years ago I met the love of my life after 20+ years in an abusive relationship where I was blamed for not getting pregnant. I stopped contraception in December because it didn't agree with me and I wasn't going to get pregnant, right?

I've done a pregnancy test this morning and I'm 4 weeks pregnant (ish). And I'm terrified. This wasn't part of my plan, or my partner's, but equally neither of us could think of a better person to have a child with.

I don't really know what I'm asking, I'm just scared atm. There are so many risks you hear about with an older mum but equally according to science this shouldn't have happened .

Experience and advice gratefully received .

Same!

Congratulations!
everything happens for a reason
start taking folic acid and let the news sink in. You can call the drs now and tell them you are pregnant and they will do a referral for the midwife / maternity services. I didn’t meet my midwife until I was 11 weeks but it may be sooner where you live.

Congrats OP

@noclothesinbed

Quite a shallow life to never have children?

Quite a shallow opinion. Do you have an idea how offensive that is, especially to those who can't? Your post is extremely rude.

Once you get over the shock, you'll feel better. 😊

I worried about not being able to keep up - so when DS was 3 I took up running. I'd done nothing for years, so it was about time. Now 59, I can still outrun ds (just) , I'm fitter than a lot of the other mums and no-one seems to notice that I'm slightly older.

Don't listen to all the negative stuff people will try to guilt you with. Take sensible precautions to ensure you are there for your child and it will all be fine. Congratulations.

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely replies. My GP has called and also told me not to panic about being older which helped too.

OH and I are still in the talking stage - as I said we never thought it would happen, but it's something we've both wanted, and then put to one side. I've ached for a child for years as did OH but we weren't together and the people we were with just weren't right. We're pretty shocked still!

You are all really lovely to take the time to reply 😊 thank you again.

Congratulations, OP - lovely news!

Just wanted to highlight the miscarriage rates in your 40's - as I sadly experienced- just take things a day at a time.

Fingers crossed for a long & boring pregnancy xxx

No advice, delighted for you, congratulations

Fuck me. That is massively offensive to everyone, but particularly childless women like me (just as you predicted, you clever old stick!)

You might want to consider asking for that to be deleted.

Or have a think about all the ways in which people without children contribute to society, including paying for your children’s healthcare and education.

I’m 47 and due in 5 weeks. You are a spring chicken in comparison. DH and I are super excited! Easy pregnancy and I’m ‘all baby’ so hopefully it won’t be too difficult to get back in shape post birth <shallow>

We are so ready for this but wouldn’t have been even as recently as 3-4 years ago as we still had some partying and travelling to get out of our system. DH is so broody. He’s gone from being totally indifferent to babies to being obsessed. Bring it on!

Couldn’t agree more. Idiotic and very inaccurate statement. Pre getting pregnant, my life was amazing, fulfilled and utterly idyllic, free of children and full of love and laughter. Shallow was the antithesis of my child free life.

You have to feel sorry for people whose life would be meaningless without their kids. What the fuck are they going to do when they leave home!

'Quite a shallow life to never have children only childless would disagree probably'

Eh, yes we probably would! It's that famous 'parental empathy' again 🙄 dear me, there's always one....

OP, I'm not going to say congratulations, but I do with you every happiness whatever you decide. I absolutely relate you the aching feeling and the longing for a baby, but can also imagine that you feel shell shocked right now. Not to sound too obvious but do you actually WANT a baby, now, at this point in time? It sounds like you have a lovely and interesting life at the moment - that could continue of course if you did have the baby but the details would look seriously different! It's an enormous decision, and there are potentially wonderful things ahead whichever direction you take. Good luck to you

Congrats. it is not impossible to get pregnant at 45. I’m 42, second child, my mum and grandmother both got pregnant at 45 too. I’ve heard of a friend of a friend who got pregnant at 45 last year, etc. baby was fine, no issues.

I take pregnacare Plus vitamins, they have folate (the natural form of folic acid and better absorbed ) plus other vitamins plus fish oil capsules.

for genetic issues nowadays there is a non invasive screening, the nipt/harmony/panorama test, that looks for genetic abnormalities. You can get that from nhs for free once you have the combined test at 11-13 weeks (it’s offered for high risk pregnancies only, but just from your age you’ll qualify, I qualified at 42). Nhs tests for down, Edwards and patau. You can also do it private and they look for more things plus they tell you the sex.

take it day by day for now and see how it goes

Sorry - I take pregnacare Max (Vitabiotics Pregnacare Max Capsules) not Plus, plus has folic acid and I wanted the folate.

Congratulations, that's wonderful news!

I'm 44 and considering TTC with a frozen embryo transfer next month (I have 1 DS, age 5, also via IVF) so just reading thrrough these comments and feeling very inspired by all these positive possibilities x

@MintJuliaas your little one is 14 now, do you have general advice on being an older mum?

When ds was 4 and I was approaching 50, I knew I didn't want him to be ashamed of me or feel awkward because I was older then his friends' mums, so I made the conscious decision to build up my fitness. I took up running and have stuck with it. He wanted to learn karate so we both joined a class.

It means at 59, I still cycle miles with him, we run Parkrun together, we're going hiking in the Brecons at half term so he can see waterfalls (GCSE Geography). I can keep up. I can still out-pace him on a bike - just - that won't last beyond Christmas 😀. I want to give him just as rich a childhood as a mum in her 20s. Quite apart from being good for me and giving me loads more energy generally, it means we can do much more together.

One good thing about being an older mum, is generally by your 40s, you're more experienced & confident, have stopped worrying about what other people think. And that confidence rubs off on your child.

I don't know whether anyone has done a study on this, but I think children of older parents can be less insecure because their parents are more 'settled'. Obviously lots of things can affect that, divorce, money problems etc, but having an older mum who doesn't worry if her makeup is perfect or what the neighbours think of the 12yo car on the drive, definitely helps.

Me having an air of 'we can cope with anything' (even when things aren't going great) means my ds tends not to be a worrier.

@MintJulia thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts on being an older mum. It's really appreciated, and good to hear the balance of how life really is x

Yeah, I'm kind of 'middle/average fit' (if that's a thing!) so would definitely have a plan to get my fitness up if/once a baby was born. I'm conscious of being an older mum in the playground... but like you I agree that actually, I'm far more confident now than I was 20 years ago anyway, so not too fussed what people would think or say.

It sounds like you've got a great relationship with your son, and that you do some really lovely things together x

Thanks again for all your viewpoints, so kind of you to share x

@WoodlandMummy congratulations, that's wonderful news! x

@Fleetfox1 How's everything been going for you? Hope you're doing well x

Congratulations - what lovely, scary news My friend had a baby at 43 recently, my granny had my uncle at 46, and one of DH’s clients has just had a surprise baby in her early 50s (her DH is in his 70s 😲). Once they all got over the shock it was v positive.

As others have said, get yourself on vitamins and folic acid and take one day at a time. Hope it all goes well for you 😊

Disagree with PP saying nobody medical will be interested yet. Am TTC at 41 and my GP has told me to contact them as soon as we’re successful!

Huge congrats on your wonderful surprise.

Definitely start on folic acid. 4 weeks pregnant as in your period is a day or 2 late?
You might be able to self refer to the midwives where you are if that's the route you decide on.

@Mamadino Exactly the same for me, 44 and considering transferring one of my frozens, I have a 4 year old Dd via ivf also
Will you be 45 on delivery, if it were to work?

Congratulations, op! 💜perhaps fate was waiting for you two to get together to bless you both with a child.

Eat things with folate and take some Vitamin C and maybe Pregnacare. Eat a healthful diet now and relax and get your scans, watch the baby grow. Stress won't help. Enjoy pregnancy.

Aw congrats ❤️ even when you have it all planned out and its exactly what you want its still terrifying when you first get pregnant. You just feel so scared and vulnerable. The risks are there with any pregnancy and you can always get a harmony test. Best of luck x