What boundaries did you have with visitors after giving birth?

[Herecomestreble1]

I'm due mid October and beginning to think about possible boundaries or similar I would like to set when our immediate family visits the baby. I am sure they will expect the obvious health-based ones such as no kissing the baby or washing hands before holding, but I'm curious as to what everyone else is considering communicating for those first few precious weeks?

You know I’m not judging anyone who loves to be surrounded by visitors when they’ve just given birth (which let’s face it can be traumatising as well as exhausting). If that’s what you want, more power to you. Go for it. Enjoy it.

But what gives you the arrogance to tell off women who love to not be surrounded by visitors? We’re not sensible? Need to give our heads a wobble? We’ll be complaining in 2yrs time about no free babysitting? (Didn’t happen) that our newborn will think it’s “amazing” when you damn well know they’ll have no memory of their first month or year of life? And since when does not visiting a newborn the first 30days after birth mean they’ll be doomed to not have loads of people invested in their happiness and well-being (didn’t happen either)? Or have zero interest in our DC(another thing that didn’t happen)?

We’ve just birthed a baby, that gives us the right to decide if we love to have visitors or would rather not. You are propping up the patriarchy by mocking and denigrating our right to choose what we want during the first month after our own childbirth.

None whatsoever! All the family came to see the babies, and I was pleased to see them! TBH, I can never understand what posters on MN are on about with boundaries and bonding! I found bonding was an ongoing process, and it’s not necessary for parents to go into seclusion for weeks, to bond with a baby!

I breastfed twins in front of the family, so I never understand posters going on about establishing breastfeeding, without visitors either?

No surprise visits.

Wash hands if you want to hold the baby.

No bringing random guests. My sister came along with some random dude she’d just started dating, I felt really uncomfortable as he kept staring at my breats while the baby was feeding.

@TheSummerPalace it's great that you felt comfortable breastfeeding in front of people from the word go, but some women may not feel so confident in the early days and want to get settled into it without a constant audience.

This is one of those threads that shows we are all individuals with our own levels of comfort. There is no right or wrong answer to the question of when to have visitors after having a baby. If family members will have no interest in their grandchild because they didn't get to hold them in the first 48 hours then that really is on them, not the woman who has given birth.

I wish.... PIL turned up.at 8am the morning after we came home, despite being asked not to. Turns out they set off in their caravan as soon as I went into hospital. And they brought the baby a plastic golf set.

We only had my mum stay with us as she was a massive help. Everyone else came around 3 weeks later but very short visits. And we welcomed people at the door with sanitizer as if it was the most natural thing. We didn't Apologize or explain ourselves, we just did it. No one is really going to say anything anyway. It helps having a partner who will support you in any way. My dh was ok with his family seeing us only a month or so after. They live far away and would have needed to stay with us, so only when I was comfortable to have people over to stay did we invite them.

I didn't have any rules. I don't think anyone arrived unannounced. We had a stream of visitors and we went out to lunch the day after we came home. I was totally happy for people to hold the baby (this was a number of years ago, but I think I'd be fine now too). Babies are pretty dull and I enjoyed the distraction!
After the first flurry people lose interest pretty fast.

I welcomed all and sundry + anything to entertain the toddler while I nursed the newborn. People just had to say in advance so we didn't end up with loads of visitors on one day / overlapping.

Totally agree

How sad…your poor children too

None, all our visits are arranged anyway. I hate the idea of no one seeing the baby for days or even weeks, I like them to be sort of welcomed into the family. I just wouldn't be offering to cook fancy dinners or anything it would be you can cook at mine, dh can cook, or we can have a takeaway etc. Generally our guests were lovely and often brought things to warm up in the oven etc. If I was tired or baby needed feeding I went to my room for a bit of a rest, no problem.

Oh yes, Im such a neglectful mother, swanning off to give birth and neglecting my older children by leaving them with their father. When obviously child care is a woman’s job, no man can do it. 😂 Do you ever feel @kitcat15 that you were born in the wrong era?

I forgot to add to my post two separate people delayed their visits because they had colds and were worried about passing it to my newborn DD.

In the end when DD got a cold a few months later from another small child she had it for about 3 days there as I had it for 3 weeks.

It's a little bit sad that this thread turned into women tearing other women down for making their own post-partum choices. If you welcomed your entire village to the hospital and it worked for you, great. If you kept visitors at bay for a few weeks whilst you got settled, also great. Each to their own and your choices are those that suit your family. I'll definitely be sticking with no kissing, definite hand washing and no unannounced visitors, the rest I will likely decide based on how my birth goes and how DH and I feel.

Why is it only ever the “visitors straight away” brigade who get so angry about others choosing differently? I never see it the other way around.

@Herecomestreble1 good luck with your birth and your baby! **

Who knew so many families would visit a new baby with filthy hands???

Bonkers.

DH and I initially agreed to two weeks of just us, but in practice, we invited both sets of grandparents over after little over a week. We didn't ask anyone to wash their hands, everyone just did that anyway!

I think we were lucky in that my DB had had my nephew the year previously so my lot already knew what the "rules" were likely to be - plus my Mam's own experiences of her in-laws overstepping after her births meant she was more than happy for us to lead the way. We did have some push back from the in-laws regarding not being able to visit immediately, but I/we were in no headspace to have visitors any sooner.

Do what you're comfortable with. I actually think @Discovereads rules sound quite reasonable - but then again, we don't do unannounced visitors, overnights and visitors only stay for limited hours anyway! 😅

Didn't really have any, my parents, PIL, DB SIL DN all came to the hospital the morning after I had DS (he was born at 11:50pm) , we were then in hospital for a week, my mum came to see me a few times when DH had gone home to shower etc. Then they all visited regularly. However none of them would just turn up without warning. Also I found I felt great for the first 4/5 weeks it was probably arrive 3 months DS turned into a demon, but by then DH was back at work and I like company so visitors were welcome.
Our families don't expect to be hosted though so would turn up put the kettle on for all of us, unload the dishwasher, bring a homemade lasagne/cake etc. Lovely lovely guests, not like the CFs I hear about on here.
I went into labour six weeks early and hadn't even started mat leave, while I was in the hospital our parents my brother and SIL did everything, put up the nursery furniture, washed and ironed all the baby clothes my SIL did a spring clean of my kitchen. So when we came home everything was ready and immaculate. I love them all!

I had none and wish I had!
Had a lovely birth but I wanted to get to know baby more and just process what had happened. Visitors came when we got out of hospital (got out at 11.30pm) and they were there the day after. Felt far too soon for me.
Then when we tried to stagger visits, MIL who’d already had her visit, arrived unannounced tagging onto someone else’s and demanded to be able to feed/change baby. Then stuck her massive phone right over his head trying to take photos, had a massive strop when asked not to and stormed out. Then she kept repeatedly turning up unannounced (lockdown) and wanting to stand staring in the window which was horrifying for me as I was developing PND.
Will be setting boundaries and be much stronger this time about what we need rather than everyone else.
Do what you feel comfortable with and don’t let anyone push you to their own agendas; plenty of time for them to enjoy baby later but you’re most important ☺️

None

I'm not precious so didn't feel the need

No boundaries here. We had friends over for a takeaway on the first night home with my eldest. He was asleep most of the time anyway! By the time our youngest appeared, my son enjoyed toddler groups so we were out and about within less than a day. All our friends and family tend to check in advance if it's OK to visit and they were all welcomed on the understanding they'd take us as they found us. It was a lovely relaxed time with both my babies.

However, if you have people in your life who'd make you feel uncomfortable or under any kind of pressure, I can see boundaries being helpful, just as long as they don't add additional stress.

Fucking weird🙄

You’re a fucking delight.

We didn't have any boundaries with our first and I really wished we had. We had 3-4 sets of visitors every day for 3 weeks.

MIL turned up unannounced every single day, sometimes bringing friends. My partners friends would also turn up unannounced.

I didn't bond with my baby and I think this is largely to blame. In hindsight I would've had no one visit for a couple of weeks and I would have limited the visits to one group a day.

I would have also spoken up sooner and asked MIL to message before turning up.

2nd baby was born at the beginning of lockdown. No one was allowed to visit for months and it was absolute BLISS!

We had no boundaries whatsoever. We enjoyed all the visitors. I sat on the sofa or in the garden (one was summer, one spring), got waited on and enjoyed the company.

Only on MN have I heard of these couples that want no visitors. It’s odd. When I had my 2nd, I left hospital after 6 hours and came home to a houseful (they’d let themselves in!). It was fabulous.

We still look back in it as a really special time, surrounded by love and happiness.