What boundaries did you have with visitors after giving birth?

[Herecomestreble1]

I'm due mid October and beginning to think about possible boundaries or similar I would like to set when our immediate family visits the baby. I am sure they will expect the obvious health-based ones such as no kissing the baby or washing hands before holding, but I'm curious as to what everyone else is considering communicating for those first few precious weeks?

I loved visitors in the first 48 hours - there were no protocols and I certainly wouldn’t have issued a laminated sheet with kissing and hand washing rules! Babies need to be exposed to humanity. I stayed in my dressing gown and breastfed and napped there and then - people mucked in and milled around and it was bliss.

Until day 3.

Then my hormones crashed and the tiredness came in like a tsunami. I got very weepy and fed up. That’s why we excluded friends and extended family for the first week for our second. But close family was never a problem - they should be able to see you at your worst and still be helpful.

I wouldn’t be making those rules just yet. See how you feel.

I'm sure other people are more relaxed but I'm putting my foot down and saying family time for the first few weeks only after this baby's born. Last time DH's family - dad, stepmum, brother, brother's ex gf and their baby - all insisted on visiting 3 days after my son was born and I was seething. Couldn't turn them away as they travelled from London without actually discussing it with us first. Plus feeding wasn't going well, I was in pain from tearing and in the early throes of pnd and the last thing I fucking wanted was a houseful of people commenting on my messy house and traipsing muddy shoes in from the garden and expecting cups of tea. Bastards.

@Discovereads and after that seemingly ridiculous boundary for each kid. Do you have any extended family willing to baby sit? Or are you one these mums who will not leave their kids unlit they go to uni as well?

alone not unlit . Don't set your kids on fire

I mean an entire year of ridiculous visiting prescriptions is insane

I didn’t have any rules. I wasn’t going to stop people kissing their new grandchild, niece, nephew, and my friends wouldn’t have been kissy anyway. I was delighted to hand people the baby, it was lovely to introduce them. I’m sure most people are clean enough, I wasn’t asking them to wash their hands, but nobody turned up looking like they needed the hose on them so maybe I was lucky.

my younger DCs were both in a classroom full of 30-60 snotty kids before they were a day old and being poked/prodded and handed round by their siblings here there and everywhere.

By the time she was two hours old DC1 had been held by four people I’d never met before that day, as well as both my next door neighbours, and two of her grandparents.

You really do get a lot of time with your own baby, you get to see every hour of the day and night with them. I enjoyed having visitors, it was exciting and joyous.

I hope you have a lovely time too!

Some of my family and friends are current and ex child healthcare professionals. So I wanted them to visit.

They all phoned or messaged me to arrange when to visit including at short notice, and then refused any refreshments apart from water. They also didn't overstay their welcome.

They were all very welcome on weekday evenings as babies don't sleep to a normal schedule in the first few weeks.

Other people I know got at least one person - normally male - who was damn fussy, selfish and hard work.

None but no one who came to visit was a dick so I didn't need to treat them like a child.

Can I ask who looked after the others while you were in labour?

first baby - rules made for us as during covid so no one met her until she was 3 months, I was very sad about that

second baby - wanted everyone to come meet her which was lovely and then she caught covid at 10 days old

I’d have liked something between the two tbh

No boundaries for us. We have lovely friends and family and they would never drop by unannounced. Nobody outstayed their welcome, I was the one who was saying, ‘oh you don’t have to go yet’! I didn’t have an issue with people kissing my baby, I didn’t think about it looking back I can’t even remember if they did, certainly nothing that made me feel on edge. I loved them holding our baby and cuddling. I had a Velcro baby so was lovely to have some time for a shower etc. my parents live far away, but booked a hotel nearby (they would usually stay over), but I didn’t ask them to. I really loved visitors, I was so proud of our little family and wanted to share with those I loved. It was a really happy time for all of us.

Also my parents brought a lovely home cooked meal. That was bliss!!

None. But I went out to see family the day after he was born.

I had no rules. I had to usher some of my family into the kitchen once as the midwife came round and wanted to check my stitches 😂.

I found it a big help, especially when DP went back to work. Made me feel more normal.

Just do whatever you feel like doing. One day you might feel like visitors, the next you might not. Play it by ear.

It would have been hard for any of them to baby sit as the entire time our relatives were between a 6hr flight and a 20hr flight away…. Another reason to have a babymoon. Babies are more fun and portable when older so someone whose travelled across a continent or two to see them doesn’t end up trapped in a house for weeks on end with dirty nappies, baby sick and sleep deprived me and DH to entertain them.

Their father, my DH. Only takes one of us to push a baby out 😂 It’s not like “we” were pregnant, I was!

No houseguests and don’t visit for the first couple of weeks.

all our visitors were from out of town so the visits were going to be multi-day all-day visits. We knew I wouldn’t be physically able to handle that in the first few days post surgery. We also didn’t want to have to fully host and DH was sleeping in our guest room so we asked people to get a hotel.

No boundaries here.

I wanted close family to be able to come and meet their new grandchild, niece, cousin as and when they wanted to rather than operating some silly appointments system.

Nobody would have taken the piss, and to be honest, I craved adult company.

Non. We just lived our life with our lovely babies each time. People came over, we went out (to people's houses and to pubs/ cafes/ walks).

But we like all our family and friends and didn't live as if we were the first people to ever have a child. I know no one outside of mumsnet who didn't just get on with life. We bonded just fine with our babies, and enjoyed the company of our nearest and dearert as we did it.

Only time I'd think it not weird if friends or family said about not visitors, would be if mum or baby needed time to heal after a difficult birth. But then that would be decided at the time, no premeditated.

My overriding thought during the newborn days was that we really weren't designed to do this alone. We're 'meant' to live in communities where there's female relatives around to help, to allow you to wash, to make sure you're eating well to give emotional support.

Meh you do you, I did me. But in my situation, any visitors would have been flying a good distance and would expect to stay for several weeks at a time. It’s not the same as having family locally.

No unannounced visits was really the only one. Most people know that I rarely answer the door anyway so wouldn't just turn up, but FIL has a habit of popping by when walking the dog and just appearing at a window! Not great if wearing very little while breast feeding or trying to chill on the sofa while baby napped on me.

Everyone went straight to wash their hands before holding both DDs anyway, so never had to mention it

We had said to immediate family with dd1 that we would let them know once we were home when they could visit.
With dd2 we asked immediate family to allow us a day together as a 4 before we invited them round. Everyone was fine with that

I have a 12 day old baby and the only visitors we have had is immediate family (baby's grandparents) on 2 occasions. I've asked for no other visitors because I wanted to soak up this time. I am seeing some more family next week for a birthday party and will start meeting friends too I think. Rules are no kissing baby, if baby cries then she has to be given straight back to me, make your own snacks and drinks and tidy up after yourself, no unsolicited advice. Do what feels right for you - I actually thought I would want visitors straight away but I haven't so I have been upfront with people about how I feel..

We’ll be having our first LO in December. The in-laws have cancelled all their Christmas plans (they usually go abroad), and have booked their whole side of the family to stay in a hotel close to our house!

Even so, I feel zero pressure to see any of them. If I’m not ready, I’ll simply tell them that. I haven’t asked them to cancel their Xmas plans or bring the whole family down here, it was their idea and they did it without asking us.

Also, for those thinking that banning kissing the baby is OTT, herpes has killed newborns. It really isn’t worth the risk just to please a random aunt. I’ll be telling everyone they absolutely cannot kiss the baby, not to come over if they’ve got cold/flu/covid symptoms (they’ll be turned away) and always wash their hands. Seems common sense to me.

Even someone who doesn’t think they have an active coldsore could be transmissible. I know at least two family members who get visible coldsores, they’re pushy overbearing characters too, so I’ll be watching them like a hawk!

Absolutely none. It was a joyous time, I was waited on like a queen, I loved showing off my baby and watching my family cuddle and kiss her. Such happy memories of all of the visitors.

Friends and family waiting for me when I got home from hospital 7 hours after the birth, between us we made a meal and chatted and everyone went home around 10 pm. Took baby to meet my friends the next day and life just carried on as per usual from then on. Was lovely.