BFPs after IVF - navigating pregnancy - pt 2!

[xreadytoglow]

@Bluehawaii29
@Overlyanxious
@bajanbump
@2mumlife
@Bryterlayter1
@Justawannabemam

Thread two! We reached 1k comments! 🤍

@2mumlife wow that’s amazing you’re managing to do those classes, well done! I’m sure you’re body is very well prepared now for baby to come out soon x

Hi guys hope you are all good
so I had my consultant appt yesterday, am 25 weeks now and discussed with her I wanted an elective c section as you all know I have a lot of anxiety now towards labour and just want a safe exit for the baby but am aware there are risks to myself from c section. The consultant said she’d refer me to birthing choices to have further counselling for it and then they will discuss again at 32 weeks if it’s definitely what I want. The c section will then be scheduled for when I’m 39 weeks so week commencing 7th nov. I ended up crying at the consultation yesterday because she made me feel like I haven’t properly thought through this decision and made out like I have significant anxiety which is causing me to think like this, ie in an irrational way and said I shouldn’t base my decision on ‘snippets of info or other peoples experiences’ and that I ‘cannot control the baby now or after it’s born’. Just made me feel like I am not cut out for this or to be a mum the way she made me feel so small. I don’t know if I overreacted but it really got to me and I haven’t made this decision lightly so I don’t know why she just assumed it’s all in my head.

@Bluehawaii29 I'm so sorry you had a bad experience with your consultant. I was just reading up on c sections and if you have asked for one due to anxiety your consultant has to refer you for counselling - so please don't take that as meaning she thinks you haven't thought it through. I'm not sure if she said anything else to make you feel small - but you have every right to ask for a c section and you should be allowed one. You are definitely cut out for it and it's understandable you have your current anxiety x

@Overlyanxious thank you yeah I understand where she might be coming from and why they place so much emphasis on counselling but it’s like she thinks my judgement is clouded and this anxiety which has now become deep rooted since it’s not just evolved over the pregnancy, it includes all the time of trying to get pregnant and ivf process as well and it’s not just going to magically disappear with a few talking sessions. Also didn’t help that she was talking like a teacher would in front of the student that was watching everything. Made it more uncomfortable for me as I just felt stupid for feeling like this.

@Bluehawaii29 that's really not helpful that she spoke to you like she was a teacher. You would think she would understand pregnancy anxiety as well as the impact IVF and issues with TTC have on it. Was she the same consultant you saw before?

@Overlyanxious yeah surprisingly it was the same lady, I thought she was going to be more understanding that’s why came as a shock when she was saying all these comments which were actually quite harsh but in a nice voice. Not sure what to make of it or maybe I’m just extra sensitive at the moment but even my husband said she’s changed her tone a lot. We were actually talking about all the staff we were going to give gifts to who have helped us after baby is born and she was one of them but now don’t think so

@Bluehawaii29 I'm a little surprised she wasn't a bit more supportive, and her comment about not controlling baby are harsh. However, from what @Overlyanxious it sounds like offering counselling is normal. I think she may just be wanting to make sure that you're making an informed decision and have had time and space to make that decision - a c section is after all quite major surgery. It doesn't sound like she's trying to dissuade you though. I guess from the wider picture, you had a really difficult few weeks with the cervical stitch and were going to join an anxiety support group - I think what she's maybe trying to do is just say "why don't you access these various forms of support and see how you feel at 32 weeks, and if a c section is still your choice that's absolutely fine". I'm sorry the consultation has made you feel upset and like your decision isn't being respected x

@2mumlife yeah you’re right, I think might have just taken it a bit too personally yesterday but she was probably just looking out for my best interests and making sure I knew all the facts. Just didn’t want her to think I’m just jumping in to it as it wasn’t an easy decision to make and definitely have thought long and hard about it already but will listen to what birthing choices tell me as well

@Bluehawaii29 My general experience with consultants is they will challenge the reasons for making a decision - so for example my consultant was recommending an induction at term due to IVF, and I said no, so he did challenge me on my reasons (and more than once). As far as I'm aware we don't have a specific birth choice team available in my area, but I imagine that they will be more impartial and very evidence based in their advise. On my due date group there are loads of women doing elective c sections (which is why I was so surprised your consultant didn't seem supportive), so if that's what you want definitely stick to your guns

@2mumlife thanks for your reply, yeah I feel much better now after talking to my friend. She had elective c section for a large baby and said the only painful part was the cannula going and otherwise the actually procedure and everything was really good and would do it again if she has another child. Baby comes out in 3 mins and then do skin to skin straight away and rest of time spent stitching you up but she managed to go home the next day and breast fed the baby while at hospital too on the first day so that gives me a lot of hope that it’ll be ok x

@Bluehawaii29 I think its like any birth - there are positives and negatives. No one would get pregnancy if you beleived only the negative experiences!

@2mumlife haha very true! How are you? Not long now? X

Glad you're feeling better about the whole thing @Bluehawaii29 - I guess she wouldn't be doing her job properly if she didn't ensure you were making a fully informed decision but I appreciate not everyone has the communication skills to convey that!

Hope everyone else is doing well. I'm counting down the days until our private scan on Saturday, then it's my birthday on Monday, bloods that morning to have my monthly platelet check (they'd just creeped into the normal range last time so I hope that continues!) and a midwife appointment on the Tuesday. First time bump should be measured.
I've had a few kicks recently that've made me jump and go ouch!! 😂 reminded me of when you said you had a kick that made you jump @2mumlife and I said I couldn't wait for that. It's all going so quickly!

@xreadytoglow Busy week next week for you with appointments. Hope it all goes well and you have a lovely time at private scan. The kicks get less forcefull I've found as they start to get squished and have less room to swing about lol mine are now more like its trying to stretch and move in a confined space, so feel less intense, but you can see it moving all the time now through my skin.

@Bluehawaii29 Body definitely feels like its gearing up - lost a big chunk of my mucus plug on Friday and been feeling more intense bouts of pressure and back pain. 36 week growth scan on Thursday to check in on things - not really sure what happens from this point, whether thats the last scan or what. Still not had a 'birth plan appointment' with midwife so hoping I might actually get to have just a normal midwife appointment rather than a consultant appointment soon. Its all getting rather real, but feeling the anxiety creep up a bit again, just because I still can't imagine actually having a baby and the worry that somethings still going to go wrong right at the end has started.

@2mumlife aww I can imagine how scary it must be as you are so near now. I have those same recurring thoughts about it being snatched away at the end, probably why I have decided on the c section but as the consultant said there are lots of good births and it sounds like you have been doing all the right things and know your body well enough for a smooth delivery, We are excited to hear your news in the coming weeks! Xx

@xreadytoglow busy times for you. Looking forward to hearing about your scan. Fingers crossed all goes well with the platelets.

@2mumlife I can't believe you're at 36 weeks. I can understand the increasing anxiety. Keeping everything crossed for you that you are able to have the birth you want

@Bluehawaii29 glad to hear you're feeling better about your C section plans.

My anxiety isn't as bad as before but is still hanging around. I still can't face buying anything. Luckily we are getting a lot of hand me downs from family so it does take some of the pressure off.

@Bluehawaii29 @Overlyanxious Its weird because I haven't really been anxious for months and its only now its creeping back in. I've had a mental block about buying last bits, like nursing bras, for weeks, and finally ordered some the other day, so I think we are now, at least in terms of practicality, "ready" which is scary

@2mumlife aww how exciting to be nearing the end although I'm sure it's bloody nerve wracking too. Keep us updated! Can't wait to hear your news soon 🤍

@Overlyanxious glad to hear your anxiety is slowly getting better. Hopefully soon you can start to buy things. This is real mumma!! You are having a baby! 😬🥰

@Overlyanxious yesss you’re gonna be a mum :)) When you start shopping it will feel more and more real. We’ve already got all our items now and nursery is done, makes me so happy looking at it every day and putting the little decorations up. Definitely recommend it for anxiety x

@Bluehawaii29 We've still not finished babies room lol but as partner keeps reminding me they'll hardly ever be in there the first 6 months anyway

36 week growth scan today! Baby is an estimated 6lbs 7 now, still tracking somewhere in-between the 50th and 90th lines so a good but normal weight. Consultant was happy with everything and was fine about me declining induction. No more scans unless I go past 40 weeks. Have been booked in for an appointment on 1st September (due date is 5th) with consultant to see how things are going and will be offered cervical sweep at that point (currently intending to decline) and I guess discuss going over dates at that appointment if things aren't moving yet.

Slightly oddly I didn't actually see a midwife today and I've no more appointments... so wont be getting a 'birth plan' appointment with a midwife (basically skipping the 36 week and 38 week midwife appointments by the looks of things). Feel its just as well I've written birth plan myself!

@2mumlife lol yea we just got too much time on our hands and keeps me distracted, sending pic of the latest addition to the nursery, got these cute animal posters and sorted the changing unit out

@Bluehawaii29 Wee posters are cute :) We’ve just gone a set of drawers rather than a changing table, but similar neutral
colour! Here is our work in progress (curtains need taken up to right height, shelves need put up and going to stencil grey rabbits (you can see a bit of the stencil in the photo) around the room and on a plain light shade I’ve yet to source lol)

@2mumlife Aww yours is very cute :) yeah we just stuck to neutral colour as room was painted recently and just decided on poster idea as put them up easily with frog tape which won’t damage paint when we take them off. This room is going to undergo constant change in the next few years haha

@Bluehawaii29 and @2mumlife your nurseries look lovely. I like the neutral look.

@Bluehawaii29 and @xreadytoglow I do need to start believing it's actually going to happen.

@2mumlife glad to hear the growth scan went well and that it's fine you can decline the induction.

@2mumlife good to hear your scan went well! Wow so that's it then.. how exciting! I imagined there'd be some sort of 'birth plan' conversation aswell. Perhaps you could write down your birth plan and take it when you go into labour for your midwife to familiarise themselves with. Your nursery looks lovely! Send us a photo of your rabbits when they're done, that's such a cute idea.

@Bluehawaii29 your nursery also looks amazing! I imagine it's so nice to just sit in there and take it all in. We are doing ours early Sept as our furniture doesn't arrive until the 30th of this month. We made a start on painting it though! It's just all white except a burnt sugar/terracotta ish colour a third of the way up the main wall. We're going for a bit of a jungle theme so all the accessories etc will be animal based. We've found all the stuff we want to buy already.

@Overlyanxious get buying!! Even if it's such a little item of clothing and/or nappies at your next food shop 😊