They're just not involved

[Summertime38]

I'm one of 3 kids. Myself and my other sibling both have 2 kids each ranging from a few months to 4 years.

My brother and his wife are going through IVF after several losses. While I totally understand that it's tough for them they have really cut themselves off from family occasions/ discussions as they said its too hard to be around kids.

I think they're being really selfish as our kids are missing being around their aunt and uncle. I want to say something to them but would like to be sensitive. Any advice?

I'm now pregnant through IVF and it has been the most heartbreaking and difficult experience I could ever imagine in my worst nightmares. You sound like my DH's SIL who wouldn't speak to him for 3 months when she was pregnant, as he was apparently spending too much of this time and energy supporting me through IVF failure and not enough time being excited about her pregnancy / becoming an uncle.

Everyone is speaking again but I will never forget how SIL behaved and I think about it every time I have to be in the same room as them, smiling politely and making conversation.

Don't ruin your relationship with your sibling forever. Give them the time they need.

FYI I didn't see my own nieces during my worst times and it's absolutely fine. They never mention it. Children don't notice the passing of time between seeing people like adults.

I echo everything that has been said here. You honestly have no idea how traumatic the pain of miscarriage and IVF is and staring down the barrel of maybe never having a family of your own.

Your brother and sister in law are in a lot of pain and events with children are extremely difficult. Just be kind to them and let them know that you are there when they are ready.