Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

How do you cope knowing you have had last child and you will never be pregnant again?

59 replies

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 16/01/2008 20:36

Dont get me wrong I have HORRIBLE pregnancies
but having had a baby 6 weeks ago that us growing bigger by the day I am getting increasingly sad that he is my last child.

I am 40 and have a 4 year old dd (I also lost a dd stillborn in 2005)

Another child would financially cripple us as I have to work and I dont think I would survive another pregnancy physically.

Either way, packing awy the newborn clothes hes already grown out of, to sell on ebay I could have cried...

Does this feeling go away?

OP posts:
deaconblue · 16/01/2008 20:38

dunno but bumping as am pg with "last" child and wondering the same thing. I do feel for you and am dreading getting used to the idea that this will be it.

SheikYerbouti · 16/01/2008 20:40

I cope with it by knowing that as my children grow up and gain thier indepoendance, my life becomes that little bit easier.

Beauregard · 16/01/2008 20:42

I often think about this as i don't like to think of dd2 being my last baby(she is 2 now)
This is why i am still undecided about dc3.

Original poster
CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 16/01/2008 20:43

I think the problem has always been that as a girl I longed for a big family but life just did not pan out as I planned.

I married at 24 but he was a brute and also (on reflection a good thing)infertile.

I was 35 by the time I met dh2 and we had dd quite quickly but now at 40 look back and wish had more time (and money)

OP posts:
Pesha · 16/01/2008 20:48

My ds2 (dc3) is 9 months now and I'm still feeling abit like that. It comes in waves, sometimes I see the positives and know that as they get older I can start to get on with my life and doing things just for me more. Other times I get all emotional and sad that I'll never go through another pregnancy or have another newborn

I find I have to avoid all threads on childbirth and pregnancy still, I look at them thinking it'd be nice to offer advice and support after all I've received but when I read a few posts I start to get abit depressed about it all tbh.

It is getting easier though I think. And I'm hoping as ds2 gets older and I do start to find time to do more things for myself I'll be more inclined to want to keep it that way and not go back into the world of pain, sleeplessness, poo and puke!! (thats pg and babies btw! )

Ripeberry · 16/01/2008 20:49

I'm a bit sad that i'll not have another child and i do get very broody sometimes but then i don't want to push my luck as i've got two wonderfull, healthy daughters.
But i'm coming up to 40 and hubby almost 45 and i think a 3rd will be "greedy".
Basically i'm terrified of the 3rd being dissabled in some way and anyway after DD2 was born they said that i have to have a caesarian as i had a 3rd degree tear and another pregancy could leave me permanently double incontinant.
I count my blessings every day.
AB

Octothechildherder · 16/01/2008 20:51

Felt fine.

Then had a little surprise Now a 9 month old surprise Now back at the start again and feel a bit down and feel that just maybe another one wouldn't be so bad!

Blondie79 · 16/01/2008 20:53

My dh and I made a concious decision that we did not want to have anymore children - we have a dd 3 and ds 18 months.

Dh has had "the snip", but there are tines when I think about how lovely my dcs were as newborns and I guess feel for a moment broody.

I think it's just natural isn't it - when I have moments like that I just think about my wonderful children and how blessed I am to have them.

JingleyJen · 16/01/2008 20:55

I am coping with it by actively talking about another one that I know we are not going to have.
I would love another one, Dh would if we could guarentee a girl, but have to be honest and say I think we won't.

Octothechildherder · 16/01/2008 20:57

dh would have another if it was a boy (we have 3ds!) but I would want a girl ...!

SheikYerbouti · 16/01/2008 20:58

I'd love to have another but DP has put his foot down.

Tbh, we can't cope woith the 2 we have

sweetkitty · 16/01/2008 20:59

Interesting thread, I'm pregnant with number 3 who I know will be my last baby. It's already funny to think I will never pee on a stick again and this will be my last pregnancy.

I know already this pregnancy is going to be hard on me due to SPD and looking after 2 toddlers and have already said I don't want to go through the morning sickness stage again but theres still that thought of sadness this will be the last time.

expatinscotland · 16/01/2008 21:00

Relief

Original poster
CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 16/01/2008 21:01

Agree with you Ripeberry about being greedy.

I have two wonderful children that only 5 years ago could not have dreamed I would have AND a boy and girl to boot

but still feel sad about being last.Somehow makes me feel old and redundamt!

OP posts:
JingleyJen · 16/01/2008 21:02

Chocolatepeanut - if it helps you feel less redundant my best friend has teenagers and she feels they need her more now than they ever have before - especially as they are now too proud to ask for help!

Original poster
CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 16/01/2008 21:05

Its all prob the hormones.I do admit to feeling much more tired this time round so really dont think another would be a good idea, beside dh would die if I even mentioned it!!

OP posts:
francagoestohollywood · 16/01/2008 21:11

I have a 5 and a half yr old ds and a 3 and a half yr old dd. I toy with the idea of having another, but I don't think it is ever going to happen. However I can't ge rid of their baby clothes...

Olihan · 16/01/2008 21:13

I'm also really struggling to come to terms with it. Ds2 (also dc3) was 1 at the end of Dec and it was the first time I hadn't been pg again by their 1st b'day. I can't accept that I'll never be pg or give birth again as I love both. I also want to bf again and have that amazing time of getting to know a newborn .

DS2 is walking now and I can finally see a time where we can go out and do things without being tied by naps, feeds, pushchairs, etc. We've just moved into a house that we can stay in forever with 3dcs but will have to move if we have a 4th. Ds2 was/is a terrible sleeper and this year has nearly killed me and I know I could not go through it again. I'd also have 4dcs under 5 (there's just less than 3yrs between the dcs) which would be madness !

But I still can't shake the feeling of 'just one more'.

heymammy · 16/01/2008 21:15

Utterly delighted and that's from someone who wanted 5...yes...5 children but who has now realised that 2 is quite enough thank you very much!

castille · 16/01/2008 21:27

I don't want any more (I have 3), but I am very emotional about each milestone DS passes. He's such a gorgeous little man

crokky · 16/01/2008 21:29

CHOCOLATEPEANUT - I think that it may be hormones as your youngest is still very tiny. I bet that LO is so beautiful that you have forgotten (well not forgotten, but just glazed over) the horrible horrible pregnanies (I remember you posted on a thread I started about hyperemesis!). I am still pregnant and vomiting at over 27 weeks (this is my second). After I had my first, I did 'forget' how bad the pregnancy was and when the illnesses came back with DC2, it was really shocking!! I am waiting for my liver to pack up now! We are limiting ourselves to 2 DC as well because of my health.

PrettyCandles · 16/01/2008 21:34

Sometimes I have to remind myself to enjoy the moment, rather than grieve over it being the last time. I look at my 7yo in wonderment - how did he grow into this fantastic person? - and try to look forward to the journey with my younger ones.

Something that has helped a little has been giving some of our baby things away. I found doing the MN Secret Santa incredibly therapeutic, knowing that someone benefited from me accepting that ds2 is my last baby.

I think some people are broody types. I don't think the feeling ever goes away for some of us.

WezzleWoo · 16/01/2008 21:37

I really tried to enjoy my 3rd pregnancy coz i knew it would be my last. I used to feel sad to think that I would never be pregnant again. But, after having first ds last August I feel exactly the same as heymammy! Over the moon that I'll be having no more. He's been (still is) a complete nightmare when both DDs were a walk in the park and if i'd had him first he would still have been my last!

Methinks DP will be frogmarched to 'snip' doctor at earliest opportunity

BetsyBoop · 16/01/2008 22:13

After DD (my first & DH only wanted one initially) I couldn't bear to part with any of the baby stuff, "just in case". I would have found it really hard to settle for just one DC, so I can empathise with how you are feeling.

Persuaded DH to change his mind & DS is now 9wks. He's already grown out of loads of stuff & it (together with all the saved pink stuff) is being dontated to friends or goes straight in the charity bag. Guess that means I'm happy we are definitely DONE

TBH, I'm 41, have two wonderful healthy children & any more would be pushing our luck.

Also I'm crap at being pregnant - morning (all day) sickness until 20+weeks, then SPD kicks in, so I only manage about a week when I actually feel okay , have never bloomed.... It was bad enough last time looking after DD whilst pregnant, the thought of doing it with two children, NO WAY, NEVER EVER.

Original poster
CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 17/01/2008 20:59

Betsy

You sond like me.Im 41 this year and have one of each so am v v blessed.I also have hyperemesis and spd so I think when reality sets in my dh will also be frog marched to have snip

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread