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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How do you cope knowing you have had last child and you will never be pregnant again?

59 replies

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 16/01/2008 20:36

Dont get me wrong I have HORRIBLE pregnancies
but having had a baby 6 weeks ago that us growing bigger by the day I am getting increasingly sad that he is my last child.

I am 40 and have a 4 year old dd (I also lost a dd stillborn in 2005)

Another child would financially cripple us as I have to work and I dont think I would survive another pregnancy physically.

Either way, packing awy the newborn clothes hes already grown out of, to sell on ebay I could have cried...

Does this feeling go away?

OP posts:

midnightexpress · 17/01/2008 21:12

Choc peanut I know just what you mean. I'm 41 and have 2 scrumptious boys, almost 1 and 2. I'd really like another, but feel I'd be pushing my luck physically after two cs in swift succession, along with the potential risks to a baby. ds2 has been HARD work, so not sure quite why I feel so broody at the moment - possibly the thought of stopping bf soon and approaching 1st birthday. Still haven't got rid of the baby clothes...

Dinosaur · 17/01/2008 21:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

cazboldy · 17/01/2008 21:21

my 5th child is now 9 months. i have 2dds and 3 ds's after ds3 i gave all the girly stuff to my sil and felt a little pang - but this time i am finding it much harder to give dd2's stuff away.....it all seems soo final....and i am only 26

but am almost definite there will be no more

although i am intensely grateful for the beautiful healthy children that i already have

i try my utmost to enjoy them all

onepieceoflollipop · 17/01/2008 21:27

I too feel very relieved. I have 2 dds, the youngest is 5 months. I had hyperemesis twice, although only hospitalised during first pregnancy (for 2 weeks in total).

Throughout my 2nd pregnancy I told Dh I wanted him to have the snip. This was a recurring conversation DURING labour and birth also. He had it done 6 weeks after the birth. I have never been so certain of anything.

I am far more patient with dd2, I know that even the hard bits (like not much sleep) will soon pass and I won't ever go through it again. However the 2 gorgeous daughters I have were well worth the pain!

Zola78 · 17/01/2008 21:30

I gave birth to ds3 last friday. Before I had him I was sure that he was to be the last but I am now beginning to feel sad. I'm shattered, I'm on edge with the other two but there is something about saying your never going to be pregnant again, your never going to breast feed etc that makes me feel slightly lost and tearful. It's probably hormonal.

Ask me in the morning when the other two have kept me up and I've breatfed every hour. Maybe then I won't be soo sentimental.

WezzleWoo · 17/01/2008 22:22

Congrats Zola.

Aaah, i do get broody when I think of brand new babas...don't want one though!

lucy5 · 17/01/2008 22:24

I try not to think about it, it's too depressing.

ChasingSquirrels · 17/01/2008 22:28

I try not to think about it tbh, while there lots of benefits to not having a baby around, the thought of never being pg again (and I am crap at being pg), of never giving birth again (I am GREAT at that ), of never having a newborn again, never bf'ing again, never having a daughter (I have 2 ds's), make me want to cry.

chipmonkey · 17/01/2008 22:34

Oh God, am pg with my 4th and final and am trying not to think about it. I am terrible when pg, puked again yesterday at 24 weeks, go straight from sick to big with no "blooming" but I love the breastfeeding and nappies and making food for them when they are tiny. Also if this is a boy, it means I won't ever have a daughter which will make me very sad. But dh definitely doesn't want any more ( he would have stopped at 2!) I'm 39 and will have had 4 CS's so this is definitely the end of the line. I think I will deal with it by throwing myself into building my career back up and looking forward to long-haul holidays and mornings to myslelf when they are all at school on my day off!

galaxymummy · 17/01/2008 22:47

Coped by knowing another pregnancy would be bad idea, had two pre eclampsia worse 2nd time around, love kids, pregnancy made me feel unwell so I moved on

babylove21 · 18/01/2008 02:44

C'mon ladies, children stay with you forever. I have 2 aged 18 & 17 and now bfp with dc3. I'm scared....
I bet most of those feeling are as chocolatepeanut said, hormones. Children are gifts but you remember you are more than just a mum, find your identity a bit, do something different for yourself and remind yourself there is life after babies

micegg · 18/01/2008 14:21

I am pregnant with my last child at the moment. I am not a great fan of pregnancy but have stopped to think in a few occassions that its flying by and will never be like this again. However, I thini the way to look at it by thinking of your life in stages and now you are moving onto the next phase. Failing that just remember the stretch marks, piles, stupid comments about your size and childbirth and any of the other many negative sides of pregnancy. I could provide a list if you like

carmenelectra · 18/01/2008 14:30

I dont know if it does go away, hope it does? When i was preg with ds2 last yr i thought it was going to be the last ans i was Glad when first preg cos i thought i wouldnt have to go through it again. However, towards the end of my pregnancy i began to change and think 'no way is this gonna be the last'. Felt very say that it would be the last time id experience it all. Therefore, im definitely going to have one more.

onr my friends (who had 3) siad she knew when that was it, before her third she didnt feel she'd completed her family.

Isnt it funny how we women feel like this?

The thing is im so not a 'mumsy'person and didnt especially enjoy pregnancy(well ist time i didnt, quite liked the second time!) but can't bear the thought of never doing it again. However, if i still feel the same after the next one well i will just have to deal with it!

BearMama · 20/01/2008 14:03

This is really interesting thread. I am pretty sure that I only want one - am 38 with a little DD on the way (29 wks). She will be my first and logic dictates that due to circumstances/finances/etc one baby should.
But hormones/biology such strong things that I wonder if I too will be "overtaken". I hope not tho as DP is 50 and this will be his fifth.
At the moment I like the idea of just the three of us but can totally understand how some women want more - our bodies were designed for it after all!

Spidermama · 20/01/2008 14:08

I think for some it'll never go away completely but it gets easier to handle with time.

I have four children and have recently had a repair done and been told I must never get pregnant again. I thought my family had finished at four, and goodness knows its quite enough - greedy even some might say - and yet still I yearn for another at some level. It's not rational.

I think we're programmed, like any other animal, to keep producing babies. Culturally we've moved on, but we're still animals and can't help the driving biological signals within.

I'm sorry you're down about it but I can completely understand. If the yearning doens't go, would you consider adopting? I know it's not a decision to be taken lightly and there's a great deal to go through beforehand ... but it may be an option.

carmenelectra · 20/01/2008 14:26

It is intersting, i agree. And how we are so much different to men. My dp is happy about having another, but not ^fussed6 if you get me. He would be equally happy if i cahnged my mind!(I wont)

FlllightAttendant · 20/01/2008 14:41

I don't know. I have awful pregnancies so it would take a very patient partner...I don't have one at all at the moment.

I was doing the baby clothes yesterday again and some still have another 2 kids wear in them

It is very painful to think this could be it...but then I can't visualise how I'd cope with any more.

I think I might become a surrogate mum with a clause that I hand them over at the age of 3 when they get difficult

FlllightAttendant · 20/01/2008 14:43

...I'm sure it helps to think about 'life after babies' but I've no idea what that might be for me, don't want it, just want life with babies...sorry. No use am I!

KrippledKerryMum · 20/01/2008 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitful · 20/01/2008 19:48

ATM I "cope" by thinking "YES! I never have to go through that again!".

But ds2 is only 6 weeks old and IME the broodiness doesn't start until they start sleeping through the night .

I always wanted four and have had a hysterectomy after three. I haven't yet started to figure out what I feel about it all.

(will now go and read the rest of the thread)

Nappyzone · 20/01/2008 19:57

this pm i had a broody moment and tested the water with dh who said no way 2 was enough and we were lucky enoughto have them so now way (he still flatly refuses the snip though!) . Anyway we always said ds would be the last as we had a few glitches pg wise before we managed to get our lovely boy and we have a dd to who is fab too if a little stroppy!. However, now my boy has taken his first steps i feel hes growing up and do feel a bit sad hence if dh was keen i reckon 3 would be a consideration. Right now though, right this moment as i am blocking out the noise of my ds screaming his face of as he is refusing bed i would rather have my arm chopped off

carmenelectra · 20/01/2008 21:08

I tested the waters too, not long after having ds2 cos i felt overwhelmed with broodiness. He said if thats what i want its ok. i could have cried with relief. Since then he has said the odd thing. Like when packing some too small baby stuff away, "Save it for the next one". So i know he knows im serious.

I do that i stop feeling broody after though cos there is definitely life after babies and in fact, i had such a life for years(after ds1) until i tried for second baby. And God how i loved my life with an 8 yr old! We had a great time the 3 of us and this was partly the reason it took me so long to have another.

Gemy · 20/01/2008 22:34

My DD2 is 4 weeks old on Tuesday and I do know that this is my last - and it is definatly sad. I threw away my Gaviscon the other day and actually cried!

Loved my pregnancies so much, but it is HARD with a newborn - I am struggling this time to give DD1 the attention sbe deserves.

After a particulary "challenging" day with the girls, I actually look forward to boxing up the newborn stuff but I know really I'll be very sad (I am getting sad just thinking about it now!)

SilentTerror · 20/01/2008 22:48

I have four,ranging from 18 to 2.I knew after 3 that I would have another,but left it 6 years so everyone thought we'd finished!
Feel almost(!) complete after 4,always wanted 4,particularly girls(have 3 DD) but just recently have had that niggling 'another might be nice' feeling.Completely irrational,nearly died after the last one and now 41.
Sure we won't,but....
Call it 'the ovaries' last fling'

spicemonster · 20/01/2008 22:51

I only have one DS and I'm 43 so it's very unlikely but it makes me very sad to pack away his clothes.

I loathed being pregnant too - was hideously ill for most of it and lurched from complication to complication.

But still ... it's like letting the bloody genie out of the bottle isn't it?

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