When do you consider yourself a Mum?

[namechangeanonymous]

Just that really.
Ive considered myself a Mummy since I got my positive pregnancy test - she's been a long time in the making though so whether that has influenced me personally I don't really know, however a friend didn't consider herself a Mum until baby was in her arms.
There obviously isn't a right way for this but I'm interested in how others felt?
I'm a first time Mum.

When my baby started moving

I've had five losses in pregnancy as well as my live babies, so I've thought about this and for me it's when I birth them, which in the case of my losses was when I miscarried them. I consider myself a mum of seven, it's just that five of them are in heaven.

As soon as I had my private scan and baby had a heartbeat I felt like a mum, I think it only took That long as we had a very difficult (hard to diagnose long drawn out process ) loss 6 months prior so until I saw baby on the screen I couldn't let myself feel that. As a woman I feel we start parenting the day we find out. Watching what we eat documenting symptoms etc. I think it's very different for men, I would say he became a dad when he held our son x

Of course biologically we all know we're a mother, but for me at least, it didn't feel that way until after birth - as in a few weeks after.

It's subjective. Someone who terminated us biologically a mother but wouldn't consider themselves one, typically.

Nobody is saying it's absurd, we all feel different. Since the op is asking for opinions, people will have different opinions- those who've lost, don't take it personally. If you connected earlier, that's a valid experience, you're still a mother regardless.

This. For about the first 2-3 weeks it was like someone had left me in charge of this baby. It was only when they started responding and developing a little personality that I really felt like mum.

if you’ve been waiting for this for a long time, though, then that’s all that matters. Congratulations

I think I felt like a pregnant woman during pregnancy. I was looking forward to being a mum in the future, but wouldn't have described myself as one, and didn't really feel like one until a week or two after DC1 was born

I felt the same. I didn't feel like a mum, just someone who was trusted to look after a tiny little thing! Being a mum wasn't something g I identified with at that point. It hadn't sunk in yet.

I'd say when he was in my arms for the first time. It all still felt surreal when I wasn't pregnant. Nothing has changed yet and you aren't looking after them then, still living life relatively the same. Once they come along it all changes and that's when I felt like mummy🙂

Was* not wasn't

Def not at birth to me, people who lose their babies before birth are still mothers in my opinion (though of course I wouldn't argue that with someone who felt they weren't!)

If you're pregnant then I'd say you're a mum when you feel like one. There's a lot of care that goes on before they're born!

(Which for me was probably from first scan, when I'd seen him and he wasn't such an abstract idea or just a cause of morning sickness.)

Only once the baby was born

As soon as I fell pregnant. I felt a huge responsibility suddenly for this little life inside me, and did everything in my control to protect them.

I’m so sorry to those who have suffered losses, and yes you are a MUM ❤️

This is an extremely difficult question and a very sad one.

When did I first consider myself a mum, maybe when my niece turned to me for love when she fell at sports day and her mum wasn't there. Or when my dog lay with me on the floor as I lost baby after baby after baby, until I reached eight and was told no hope.

Or when I fostered babies and muddled along at the school gates in a tiny rural place, and felt part of it, included. Until they said mums night out, you will be included one day sheepandcaravan.

So I think it's a society thing as much as a personal thing.

Because when I fell pregnant again, and carried, I didn't feel like a mum, she's now three, her sister one. Every day I feel like an imposter, because so many people excluded me from that mum feeling. And for many other reasons, so I suppose for me being a mum is many, many things, each personal to the individual

I suppose the moment you hold the baby, you become a mummy. But I felt responsible, and felt fierce love for the baby, from the minute I found out I was pregnant.

For a few weeks after my baby was born, I worried there was something terribly wrong with me because I didn't have that feeling that everyone describes like flicking a switch and feeling this rush of love. I didn't feel much apart from relief and "oh, that's what you look like".

But then one day I realised that I did have those overwhelming feelings of love and all the rest of it - it's just that it didn't "switch on" after giving birth because I already felt those feelings long before he was born.

I couldn't pinpoint when it began. But whilst I was pregnant I would sit for hours feeling him move, I'd talk to him and sing to him, I'd imagine what he was up to in there. I had to make many decisions and sacrifices to keep him safe. I loved him deeply and absolutely began being his mother before he was born.

I feel like a mum at 25 weeks. It’s ok if you don’t personally feel like one, but it’s important to recognise that pregnant women and those who have experienced losses are mums too.

When baby is born

This was my experience too. Although complicated by the fact that I had a pre-existing anxiety disorder, and DD was a very very difficult baby and I got PND. For months afterwards I felt like she wasn't 'mine', like it was someone else's child I was looking after and they'd come and take her home some day. And at the darkest points I wished that they would, even though I did love her deeply but I felt I didn't know what I was doing. It changed gradually and eventually I settled into the role and we bonded properly as she got older...I'd say probably not sorted until the 8 or 9 month mark though. Like when I dropped her at nursery for the first time t 9m and bawled my eyes out leaving the building. Then I realised I was definitely a mum and 'felt' like one.

I think it's a very personal thing.

I didn't consider myself a mum until dd was actually born. I lost a baby prior to that and it was very upsetting, but personally I didn't consider myself a mum at that point. I know that some people feel differently and there really aren't any rights or wrong answers when it comes to this.

If you feel like you're a mum during pregnancy, then I think you are a mum.

I believe that with each pregnancy you are a mum. Before you birth your baby you get all the anxieties and begin the sacrifices to ensure their safety. Despite not feeling bonded to my baby in the first trimester I just felt constantly scared of letting them down. I did everything I felt possible to keep them safe. I think this is the same for the majority of mums, and even if the child passes in pregnancy, they had a mum doing everything they can for them.

I am now in the third trimester and once I meet baby I feel I will be in the next chapter of being mum.

I was just talking to DH about this today. My 4 year old calls mummy all the time but it never really registers I'm a mum of 2. I probably don't take the mum role serious enough but it dawned on my today while she screamed mummy from upstairs what a privilege it is to be a mum and to be called mummy.

Interesting question. I was very shocked by my positive. I was attached to my baby from that second. I was 6 weeks along.

Agree with this. It is very individual, and I don't think anyone is trying to be insensitive, just giving their views and opinions. My first was stillborn. My second was born a year later. I didn't feel like a mum as soon as he was born, even though I was one. I think it was when I got him home after 4 days in hospital and was doing stuff on my own. I did feel like a mum-to-be though, with both, and that was a nice feeling.

Mine is six months old and I still don't feel like I'm a mum! I feel weird when professionals ring me for baby related stuff and say "Hi, is that X's Mum?". But I've never been into labels so I think like PPs have said it's a personal thing. I'm just me.

It took me years to even nearly accept I was a mum, it felt like I had been dumped with this strange creature that I knew nothing about. I had really bad problems bonding with ds & even though he is 18 I still don't feel as if I have fully bonded with him.