pregnant at 43

[Galaxy27]

Hi, iv discovered I’m pregnant and on here as I have no one to talk to just yet and wanted to see if anyone has had a baby at a similar age. I’m 44 in September, I have 3 children already, 21, 17 and 9, my eldest is also pregnant and would be due 2 weeks before me, really not the ideal situation but my main concern is my age. Has anyone else had a baby at this age, I feel as I’m too old and worry for the complications it can bring, never in a million years thought I’d be doing it again near 10 years later and still doing it 22 years later, not that it matters but it’s all same dad, been together since teens, we must be crazy 🥴 🙈

I really think it's sounds exciting! And I agree with a PP that the rest of your children would probably be delighted. Does your daughter live nearby? Or with you?

I know, it’s so hard to decide, and I really don’t know how my children would take it, they don’t even know about their sister yet, my eldest lives alone, was sharing with youngest so got herself a little place a year ago, only 20 min walk so not too far

@Galaxy27 don't let others make the decision from their judgements as you've mentioned. I'm 39 and I've been judged for being pregnant as my daughter is 21 and I'm old etc according to people but I don't care. I'm over the moon as baby number 2 never happened due to fertility issues then this miracle.

You've got to do what you feel is right for you and your husband, don't let others sway you.

I really think you should tell your elder daughter and take it from there. And you are very close to her, I am sure she will understand even if it might take time to process it. Thinking it over and over stressing yourself is not good. My youngest brother came when I was 22, Initially i wasn't happy but it had already happened. My older sister had her twins a year and a half later and she didn't have much, my mother had to raise her twins and my little brother. The kids are all close and it's really nice to see. I think you will have a great even more bonding time being pregnant with your daughter, you could even explain that to her, she could move back home.

@Coolhand2

I really think you should tell your elder daughter and take it from there. And you are very close to her, I am sure she will understand even if it might take time to process it. Thinking it over and over stressing yourself is not good. My youngest brother came when I was 22, Initially i wasn't happy but it had already happened. My older sister had her twins a year and a half later and she didn't have much, my mother had to raise her twins and my little brother. The kids are all close and it's really nice to see. I think you will have a great even more bonding time being pregnant with your daughter, you could even explain that to her, she could move back home.

I know, I am stressing myself, and don’t think I’ll even get to speak to my dr till Tues, as they’ll be shut for Easter, plus can’t even speak to my mum just yet, which I really need right now but I forgot and they go away at the weekend for their 50th anniversary 💗 I want them to enjoy themselves and not have them worrying when I don’t even know what I wanna do yet, same with my daughter, if I choose not to keep it I don’t want her feeling guilty or bad around me, I need to fully decide what I’m gonna do before I speak to anyone, that’s why was hoping to at least speak to my dr, I would have my daugter bk home in a heartbeat, but there is literally no room and don’t think she’d go bk to sharing a bedroom

I’m glad I started this thread tho, as it’s helped me a lot, also been nice to hear of others stories and know I’m not too old like what it’s made out to be when you read up on being pregnant over 40, I just really need to have a good think and decide what is best for us as a family.

You sound like you want to continue the pregnancy to me. You have time to decide though

I really feel for you OP, you sound a lovely caring mum, from what you have said, but your thinking seems to be based on what others will think, rather than what you want and what will be best for you.

You seemed really excited about being pregnant is the beginning of the thread, now doubt has set in, but you don’t know what family members will say until you tell them, you are just guessing.

If I was in your shoes I would start by telling mum. You need support in RL too.

Good Luck..

What life stage are your dd's friends at? If she is the only pregnant one being able to go through it side by side with you might be a blessing as you can talk about it endlessly which her friends might not wish to. OTOH is your dd likes the limelight she will have major issues with it.

I think your daughter might enjoy the experience with you as you can share special moments together if you both have a baby at the same time. Good luck to you with what ever option you choose

My mum still had toddlers when I had my first baby. It meant she couldn’t really be the helpful ‘hands on’ grandma that she’d hoped to be, it was just impossible for her to properly help or be there for me in the same way. Whereas MIL who only had grown-up kids was really able to step into the grandparent role.

That said years later they are all like cousins now and I always think it’s really nice to have lots of children in the extended families.

@Roselilly36

I really feel for you OP, you sound a lovely caring mum, from what you have said, but your thinking seems to be based on what others will think, rather than what you want and what will be best for you.

You seemed really excited about being pregnant is the beginning of the thread, now doubt has set in, but you don’t know what family members will say until you tell them, you are just guessing.

If I was in your shoes I would start by telling mum. You need support in RL too.

Good Luck..

I know, I have mixed emotions about it all, 1 minute I’m like ‘I can do it, it’ll be great, babies are a blessing’ then The next min I’m like ‘why have I got myself in this position, there is no way I can do it all again’ 😞 I do really want to tell my mum but just with her going away it’s put me off, don’t want them worrying about me, it’s only for a few days so I’m gonna wait till they’re bk, my partners mum is coming later, she doesn’t know yet but she’s lovely and know I can speak to her openly how I feel, worst week to try and have private chats tho, with kids being off school/college.

@Hathertonhariden

What life stage are your dd's friends at? If she is the only pregnant one being able to go through it side by side with you might be a blessing as you can talk about it endlessly which her friends might not wish to. OTOH is your dd likes the limelight she will have major issues with it.

She has friends who have young babies who she sees a lot of, so they’ll be good for her during the pregnancy 🤞🏻 But yea, she does like the limelight, opposite to me, I’m really unsure how she’ll react if I’m honest. If I choose to go ahead she would have to get used to it and think she would enjoy it in the end, with my other pregnancies i was fine the entire time, I’m older now so this one could be totally different, that’s one of my main worrys, that it just wipes me out and I’m no use to anyone.

lim just updating this thread, iv decided to go ahead and have told my daughter, she was happy which is such a relief to me, been stressing over it, so now I can enjoy my pregnancy and hope everything works out well for us all. Thank you for listening to me and given me a bit of insight how you saw the situation for what it was, if you get what I mean

I'm so glad that you have reached a decision you are happy with. I really felt for you trying to decide what to do - I had a bit of a scare recently and can relate. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and baby - enjoy double cuddles!

I had a 21 year old and an 18 year old when our last surprise arrived. I was nearly 45 easy pregnancy and birth. In a month's time he will finish university. It's been a lot of fun everyone adored him when he arrived.

Now being a granny to five younguns that is a challenge 😁

I have 2 different friends whose mums were pregnant the same as they were and their kids are so close as they are growing up being the same age its worked out really well for them. I think it will be lovely going through that experience together

Thank you, felt a big weight lifted by telling her, And am glad that she’s looking forward to it all with me, I’m gonna keep thinking positive, this wasn’t my plan but then I ask my self ‘what was 🤷🏼‍♀️. Im a firm believer that things happen for reason.

Just seen this thread and so have read your latest update which is great.
I think you can still be a help to your daughter as you can show her how it is done and you can raise the 2 together. It will be both fun and exhausting.
Glad your daughter was pleased x

thank you, she was genuinely happy, still prob sinking in for her but yes iv got to keep looking at the positives, we’ll get through, I know we will, and yes it will be fun and very exhausting 🙃

Just another update, had my scan and alls looking good, I’m healthy and no concerns regarding my pregnancy, due 13th dec 💙💗 have to have regular scans tho as it’s classed as a ‘geriatric pregnancy’ ffs 🥴 also my daughter has found out what she’s having and is having her own little princess, so very excited for first grandchild 💗 I’m unsure whether to find out, never with the others and I enjoy the not knowing, but so close to Xmas I’m 50/50 whether to

Congratulations. Glad the scan went well for you 🙂

Another update a year later!! 😄I didn’t find out what I was having, but iv had a gorgeous little boy, my pregnancy went really well, had to have extra checks cos of my age but he was born a healthy 6lb 2oz, weirdly that was what my daughter weighed 😃 we both ended up having emergency c sections tho (sure they’re givin then away now, went naturally with my other 3, no stitches or anything) so that was terrifying and recovery is a lot longer than what I was used to, so hit me like a ton of bricks 😭 but me and my daughter are doing great with the babies, glad she had one tbh, or else I’d be on me own as none of my friends are having babies 🥴 my granddaughter is 3 weeks and 6 days older than her Uncle 💗 💙 we’re both coping amd babies love eachother, my younger daughter is like a mini mum to them, she wasn’t best pleased throughout my pregnancy tbh, but once they were here she’s all over them, it’s not been as hard as what I was imagining, yet!! They’re near 5 months and 6 months old now and I’m looking forward to watching them grow together

I know I made the right choice but it took me a while to not get upset when he was born, as he’s the only one I’ve ever considered aborting, so when I looked at him I couldn’t stop crying and I am so glad I went ahead with the pregnancy💙, alls I can say to anyone in my position is to really thing about how you will feel after if you had one, obvs depends on peoples reasons but I know it woulda affected me in the future if I had of went ahead.