pregnant at 43

[Galaxy27]

Hi, iv discovered I’m pregnant and on here as I have no one to talk to just yet and wanted to see if anyone has had a baby at a similar age. I’m 44 in September, I have 3 children already, 21, 17 and 9, my eldest is also pregnant and would be due 2 weeks before me, really not the ideal situation but my main concern is my age. Has anyone else had a baby at this age, I feel as I’m too old and worry for the complications it can bring, never in a million years thought I’d be doing it again near 10 years later and still doing it 22 years later, not that it matters but it’s all same dad, been together since teens, we must be crazy 🥴 🙈

Congratulations, iv read loads of women have been fine my age having a baby, I’m a healthy 43 yr old, but now my concern has moved more to my daughter, how can I be there for her properly when I’ll be doing it myself, I know from my last how tired I was, but then iv been reading up on what happens if I choose not to I don’t kno if I’d go through with it, at the moment I’m not even 5 weeks so I’m very early but still keep crying when I think about it even tho I know in the bigger picture it would prob be for the best.

Congratulations, very similar to me, I think if my daughter wasn’t pregnant I may have felt different, initially I got quite happy but then the more I thought about it I don’t think it’s for the best, my daughters bf is on/off, she lives alone and I wanted to be there 100% which I just don’t see how I can if I went ahead with it, I’d be due 2 weeks after her, plus money, it’d be like buying for twins. But then the plusses are I’d get time off work so would be there all the time instead of just on my days off, it’s just a situation I didn’t see myself in and had only just got my head round being a nanny

Had my dd when I was 44.10. Perimenopause started when dd was a toddler so no juggling teenager and menopause. I sailed through the pregnancy apart from CS as she was a couple of weeks late. Dd absolutely fine and keeping me young.

Perhaps you should watch Father of the Bride ll with your daughter without saying anything to gauge her reaction to the situation.

If I was in your shoes I don't think I'd have another baby right now but it's a huge decision x

My mum was just shy of 43 when i was born at 36 weeks, being slightly prem may or may not have been influenced by her age, who knows but I was born perfectly healthy

good idea, I watched that today, it’s a massive decision, and not a nice one, just keep crying when I think of it either way, going to drs tomoro if can get an appointment and have to make a decision sooner rather than later

@Galaxy27

good idea, I watched that today, it’s a massive decision, and not a nice one, just keep crying when I think of it either way, going to drs tomoro if can get an appointment and have to make a decision sooner rather than later

It really is a massive decision, I know how you are feeling. I keep rewinding thinking I should have been more careful. My partner is very anti termination and I am not sure I want to do that either but the reality of being 46 with two under twos isn't very appealing plus so many other factors. It's a tough one, good luck at the doctors

I’m in my 40’s about to have my first and overjoyed!

It’s not uncommon to have kids in your 40s, and feeling worried is normal. My aunt was mid 40s when she had her youngest. I know she wasn’t thrilled at the time, but she wouldn’t undo it. In fact she lives with her part of the time now (as a widow) and loves spending time with her grandchildren. My cousin has a profession in which she helps people, and the world is a better place for her.

My father was in his 60s when I was a young teen (he had a few grown up married kids) and was an awesome parent, because he loved us.

Sometimes what may seem like a problem is a blessing in disguise, and the baby/babies will bring you much joy yet.

Good luck today OP, I hope you get an appt.

Couldn’t get an appointment, have to ring bk in the morn, iv hardly slept thinking about it and rung too late

@DahliaRose3

I’m in my 40’s about to have my first and overjoyed!

It’s not uncommon to have kids in your 40s, and feeling worried is normal. My aunt was mid 40s when she had her youngest. I know she wasn’t thrilled at the time, but she wouldn’t undo it. In fact she lives with her part of the time now (as a widow) and loves spending time with her grandchildren. My cousin has a profession in which she helps people, and the world is a better place for her.

My father was in his 60s when I was a young teen (he had a few grown up married kids) and was an awesome parent, because he loved us.

Sometimes what may seem like a problem is a blessing in disguise, and the baby/babies will bring you much joy yet.

I get what you’re saying, I keep thinking positively about it then go against it, I’m really struggling, Plus I’d have to keep this secret as I wouldn’t want my daughter to feel bad or anything or have people worry about me once hers is here, a baby is always a blessing but I’m not against the other, just never wanted to be in a position that I had to make that choice

My mum got pregnant with twins when she was 41, so now she has a 30yo,27,21 and the twins are now 10! I have a son that is 5 years younger than my brothers and they go to the same school. My mum said she found it easier because she had a lot more patience, she was a single mother too but we all helped with them.
You and your partner will have to have a chat as to what's best for you, decisions like these aren't easy at all. Hope you're okay!

@abbieo

My mum got pregnant with twins when she was 41, so now she has a 30yo,27,21 and the twins are now 10! I have a son that is 5 years younger than my brothers and they go to the same school. My mum said she found it easier because she had a lot more patience, she was a single mother too but we all helped with them. You and your partner will have to have a chat as to what's best for you, decisions like these aren't easy at all. Hope you're okay!

It’s such a tough decision, but with my daughters news as well, everyone’s just got used to that, as she’s not with the dad and I know it can be done by herself but I wanted to be there for her as much as I could but with my situation it would make it harder. I’m so torn on what to do, havnt even told my mum who I’m very close to, just want as least people knowing if I choose not to keep it. And I know I shouldn’t worry about what people think but of course I’m gonna be the topic aren’t I, mother and daughter pregnant exact same time 🙈 I just don’t know if I can be doing with everyone’s reactions, I wish I just wasn’t in this situation 😞

Hi OP, I'm hoping to be pregnant at 43! I had my first at 41, and now TTC! As a pp said, in London everyone seems to be 40+ at soft play / nursery pick up!

I don't think it's the actual age you are worried about - assuming you keep fit and healthy. I think it's the psychology of it all with the massive gap. You thought you were long past nappies and sleepless nights and now it's like a backwards step. I can well imagine that as it's how I feel and my little one is only 2! But I'm dreading going back to that place.

I think that's what's hard to get your head around. Forget about your age. Millions of us have done 40+ it no problems. It's more about the lifestyle changes.

In some ways the new grandchild could also make it fun and convenient - you could share childcare for example?

@EasterBunnyMummy

Hi OP, I'm hoping to be pregnant at 43! I had my first at 41, and now TTC! As a pp said, in London everyone seems to be 40+ at soft play / nursery pick up!

I don't think it's the actual age you are worried about - assuming you keep fit and healthy. I think it's the psychology of it all with the massive gap. You thought you were long past nappies and sleepless nights and now it's like a backwards step. I can well imagine that as it's how I feel and my little one is only 2! But I'm dreading going back to that place.

I think that's what's hard to get your head around. Forget about your age. Millions of us have done 40+ it no problems. It's more about the lifestyle changes.

In some ways the new grandchild could also make it fun and convenient - you could share childcare for example?

I’m weighing up the pros and cons constantly in my head, and also thjnk yes, I could be there more as I would be off work also, well for 9 months I would, iv been in my job years and I’m sure they would help me work hours to suit, I know my 9 yr old won’t be happy but she’d come round, I’m really unsure about how my eldest would react if I’m honest, I’m scared incase she resents me, then I worry about something going wrong with one of us and the other feeling bad, when I could stop all that and focus on my daughter. But then I’d have to go through it all, I know I’m quite early and I keep telling myself that but unsure how I feel about it, I’m at a real dilemma I don’t want to be at.

Could you ask them perhaps how they would feel if you had a baby for example, so without telling them you're pregnant if you don't want to tell them right now? Not sure.

Galaxy27 it not an easy position that you are in. You already have a family and your youngest is 9.
Your daughter of 21 has told you she is pregnant and the father is not involved. You know she is going to need a bit of help and support over the next few months and after the baby is born but your due around the same time.

I would look into the future. In 9 years time your current 9 year old will be going to college and you can have your life back then in that you won't always be cooking, cleaning, washing or watching the time for school, sports ect drop off and collection's. Your 17 year old will be finished in college and could working and living anywhere. Meanwhile your daughter baby will be 8/9 and delighted to spend time with granny but he or she is not your 24/7 responsibility.

Say if you were to continue with your current pregnancy. You going to need lots of rest, you may have to go on maternity leave early and possibly have a c section. Then your going to be tired and hormonal. Your not going to be able to help your daughter much. You back then to a baby, nappies and another 18 years of being responsible for another child. Then you could have a child with special needs and sometimes special needs are not visible at birth such as autism.

Along with this your 9 year old may not welcome the new arrival and if this baby has special needs you going to spend a lot of time with them and not you 9 year old.

In your case I would consider getting an abortion because of your age and the current circumstances you and your family are in. I just think that if you continue with this pregnancy it going to make your life and your families life more difficult long term.

Omg @Ilady I actually find that advice quite upsetting. The OP is going to need "more rest" and all the stuff about the child having special needs etc. She's 43 not 63!

All the stuff about how it's making her family's life harder. They would all cope! They would have a beautiful little sibling to care for and love. It would be good for the 9 year old, they would learn a lot about being a bit more selfless and looking after others. The elder daughter will probably look at her mum through different eyes now she's pregnant anyway, and if they're already close then they will be more of a support for each other.

I see a cup half full OP! Brimming in fact.

But it's your choice OP, and I guess just give yourself some time to let it sink in and to mull it all over. Good luck to you x

@EasterBunnyMummy

Omg *@Ilady* I actually find that advice quite upsetting. The OP is going to need "more rest" and all the stuff about the child having special needs etc. She's 43 not 63!

All the stuff about how it's making her family's life harder. They would all cope! They would have a beautiful little sibling to care for and love. It would be good for the 9 year old, they would learn a lot about being a bit more selfless and looking after others. The elder daughter will probably look at her mum through different eyes now she's pregnant anyway, and if they're already close then they will be more of a support for each other.

I see a cup half full OP! Brimming in fact.

But it's your choice OP, and I guess just give yourself some time to let it sink in and to mull it all over. Good luck to you x

thank you, I feel like you get what I’m going through, the other post was stating some facts and I have had them thoughts of ‘what if it isn’t all straight forward’ I am from a close family and know I would cope, well I’d have to and there is a lot of pros to it all, but at same time negatives, then I feel guilty. Haven’t told my mum yet (feel like a kid again) but think I need her take on it all

Ultimately, it’s your decision. It sounds like you’re struggling, and I am sorry for that.

If you decide to terminate, that also has emotional consequences and can be a difficult thing to carry. I would recommend counselling beforehand to make sure you’ll be okay with it in the long run, or even help you with your decision.

I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

been the drs, waste of time really, just walked down cos they needed a sample to confirm, but now gotta wait till at least Thurs before I can ring bk for results, but because of Easter could be longer, it’s an instant test 🙄 or take my word from my last 3 tests iv done

I should’ve just lied to them and said I wasn’t feeling well, then maybe the dr woulda tested me there and then 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m hating it already, luckily I have someone I can talk to, but imagine if you were by yourself and getting told who knows when we’ll get bk to you, keep ringing

Can I just say not to base any decisions on how you think someone might feel. When I found out I was pregnant last year, I was convinced that certain people wouldn't be happy for us. I was really stressed and anxious about telling them but they were delighted for us! I had my baby 8 weeks ago and am 39 BTW.

Fwiw I think it would be lovely being pregnant at the same time as your daughter and having maternity leave together. It sounds really special to me, actually!

@Thejoyfulstar

Can I just say not to base any decisions on how you think someone might feel. When I found out I was pregnant last year, I was convinced that certain people wouldn't be happy for us. I was really stressed and anxious about telling them but they were delighted for us! I had my baby 8 weeks ago and am 39 BTW.

Fwiw I think it would be lovely being pregnant at the same time as your daughter and having maternity leave together. It sounds really special to me, actually!

I am really close with my eldest and yes I’d be there for her without having to worry about juggling work along with everything else, I just keep going through the different scenarios, and it’s really hard cos there’s pros and cons both ways, but yes it would be something that probally not done often, we’re near enough exact same, my last 2 came 2-3 weeks early so I just know we’d prob go same date, just be us all over 😄 literally father of the bride 2 scenes

And yes, in also worried if I choose to go ahead how people will react, I know I shouldn’t be but even just me being pregnant would cause a shocked reaction. but the fact that my daughter is aswel I know we’ll be the topic and I’d have to put up with the same reactions off everyone. But I need to put all that to the back of my mind