What did you/will you do regarding visitors when baby is born?

[spongemoon]

Interested to know what everyone else has done / is thinking of doing regarding visitors after baby arrives.

Both myself and partner have agreed we probably want at least a few days to ourselves with baby to get to grips with everything! Both of our mums can be quite pushy so I know they would be trying to help us and tell us what to do etc whereas I want us to learn and enjoy it ourselves. However I know this won't go down too well with our families as his mum has already mentioned about coming the day baby is born. To put into context both of our families live 1hr30m away (in opposite directions).

Would love to know what others have done and if you did take some time to yourselves how you approached it with family and how it was received?! Or did you actually want your family around when baby was born?

Due April and in the same boat by the sounds of it!

What we're doing is we're not telling them when I go into labour so they can't just turn up so getting into the habit now of not replying to messages/ calls for several hours. We have spoken to them about needing a few days to just settle in at home and have made it clear if they turn up unannounced the door will not be opened so waste of time for them tbh.

If baby turns up say on a mon or tues I think I'll be happy for them to come that Saturday if they're born on a Friday or sat then it'll be the following weekend they're invited up. And personally I don't think it's unreasonable at all especially as I'm hoping to breastfeed so want to get that rolling without spectators.

Of course may feel different at the time and I'm sure our parents will be thrilled but I'm happy with this plan at present and I'm planning on sticking to it 😊 also if we do get induced or anything for whatever reason will not be telling them either, mainly to stop phones blowing up tbh.

Decide what you want, communicate it and stick to it. You only get this time once and a few days is not a lot to ask for; you need boundaries as a new mum so better to start now 😊

I lost my own mum and my partner's mother lives in a different country. I knew my sister in law and my brother were absolute desperate to see the baby but they told me it was absolutely up to us when we felt ready for them to come round. I thought maybe not in the first days but as our newborn did not want to be anywhere but soft warm arms, I sent a text the next morning to ask what time they would be there that day. I could not have been happier with an hour of sleep knowing the baby was in safe hands. That was the only real proper sleep we had for 3 days. Now my partner's mum and grandmother are here for a week and where I would have once thought it was a bit too much family- it is honestly wonderful. And not just the extra hands but I never imagined I would enjoy seeing my baby showered with so much love by my family. But you really need to follow what feels best for you!

I've had to put some boundaries in place pre birth (I'm 33 weeks now). My MIL lives in Ireland and essentially wants to move in with us for a week when the baby is born. I told DH that unfortunately that wouldn't be happening until I am happy for her to do so. It's difficult, as my mum lives about 7 miles down the road so will likely see the baby before her, but it will be a visit only and not having her stay.

I have told DH that I will not be making any promises for visits AT ALL until I feel up to it. For context, I've had an extremely difficult pregnancy, along with prenatal depression so he is happy to agree to anything at this moment! I think you can be polite and kind about it, but make it very clear to family / friends that you will need a bit of time.

I wouldn't even put a date on it, it could be that you are happy to see people after a couple of days, it could be weeks, you just don't know until the time.

Well I'm not really expecting a queue, to be honest, so will probably welcome people as they want to show up. The only thing I found a but much last time was when we had multiple visitors overlapping on the same day just by chance, so will probably try to avoid that. Otherwise whatever!

Didn’t see anyone at all for three weeks. All family were coming from overseas, and parents and ILs needed lots of handholding in London (one-bed tiny flat, so couldn’t stay with us), and we didn’t have the bandwidth.

I had to stay in hospital a couple of days with DD so had both mums come and visit in hospital once each for 2 hours (hospital rules at the time). When I got home everyone wanted to come round and while DP was happy I just said no, I won't lie I was exhausted and just wanted to enjoy being home. If you don't want people to come round please stick to your guns. In the end I just said no and we had 2 days being home with no one coming around and it was bliss! Believe me once the visits start you feel like they never end. I'll also say while pregnant I was worried about unsetting my mum and MIL but once baby was here I didn't care if I upset them, to me they've had babies as well so they either understand you want precious time with your baby just being at home in your little bubble, if they don't understand that tough luck on them. You won't care what they think once baby arrives especially in them first few days xx

I would see how you feel after the baby is born. I absolutely thrived off of visitors in that first few weeks after having a new baby. They gave me some focus to the day, and without them I think the day and night would have just merged into one big blur of sleeplessness. One thing we always did before people came was to warn them that we were sleep deprived, the house was messy and we might chuck them out after 30 minutes. If we then felt we wanted longer with them then it was a bonus. Everyone was lovely, brought meals/flowes/treats.

We were living at my parents when my DD was born, and had everyone show up, really annoyed my DH, but hard to say no as it wasn't my house. This time I will probably be in hospital for a day or two, so will get parents to visit there and my brother and bring my DD, and then ask for a quiet couple of days at home before the rest of the family show up. I like hospital visiting as there is a time limit :)

I am due in May and have told everyone that visits will be invite only, short, and fair warning they may not get to hold the baby. It probably sounds harsh like that but I've been putting it in conversations around not knowing how I'll feel physically and emotionally, not know what kind of baby I'm going to get (will she be chill? Cry constantly? Sleep at all?), etc etc.

I've been saying they could be invited within a few days, or it could be weeks. I that I may want to cocoon myself and have no intrusions, or I may want to see everyone. I genuinely can't predict it.

I'm pleased to say everyone has been supportive and people who had babies themselves are all like 'I wish I'd done that'. If anyone isn't happy I haven't heard about it. But tbf I am pretty good with boundaries generally so they wouldn't say anything to me.

We used covid as an excuse to keep everyone away for a few days (so I could suss out breastfeeding without an audience)

It was lovely having the little bubble of the three of us. Family were kept at bay with pictures until we were ready to see them.

Pregnant with my second now and I think it will be more difficult to have that bubble experience as obviously DD will need to be entertained and we won’t be able to just stay on the sofa like we did when she was tiny but hoping to have a couple of days just the four of us.

Because my IL’s we’re away until a few days after my first was born I think they wanted to ‘make up for it’ and came over the afternoon I got home from the hospital with my second. Two sets one after the other. I was completely done in and overwhelmed trying to deal with being 2 days post c section and breastfeed and deal with a very confused toddler who felt threatened by the new baby, waaay too much, they’re normally really thoughtful people so I have no idea why they thought I’d want them there that day, tbf my husband is the one who should have thought it through. You will absolutely NOT want people there the day you get home. Next day for an hour at a push if you are really comfortable with them (I would have much preferred this!)

My son was born in lockdown so we didn't have a choice x__x He didn't meet his grandparents until he was six months old! Haha.

The day my ds was born, I came home from hospital to a houseful of visitors who had let themselves in.

I absolutely loved the daily visitors for a few weeks after my babies were born. It’s a special time that’s over so quickly.

@DillDanding

The day my ds was born, I came home from hospital to a houseful of visitors who had let themselves in.

I absolutely loved the daily visitors for a few weeks after my babies were born. It’s a special time that’s over so quickly.

Jesus, that is actually my worst nightmare. I would lose the plot if visitors had let themselves into my house on a normal day, let alone straight from hospital.

My parents visited the baby in hospital (I had a section so was in a few days). Then the second day home we went out to a restaurant with friends - I got over the breastfeeding in public that day.
Most people came and visited during the first week - we were quite happy to get all the visits over with and it was no problem and nice that everyone was willing to come to us! Frankly babies don't so much so nice to have people around.

I honestly think this is a good opportunity to learn to stand up for yourself and put boundaries in place. You are not hurting anyone s feeling, you are just doing what's best for you!

I had the same worries last year. Was due in April. First grandchild and my MIL who is lovely and full of good intentions wanted to come asap to help and see baby. But i made it clear with DH i didnt want anyone at home for 2 weeks. (Wasnt sure for how long but 2 weens seemed reasonable)...

Turned out we stayed 5 days in hospital anyway so no visitors. Then home trying to establish a routine and stuff around the house. In laws dropped some food which was lovely. Then they came for a walk in the park downstairs after a couple of days which was also nice.

And then we went to their place the weekend after for the day. It was nice to have a nice cooked meal and someone else to hold baby for a bit.

But i dont think we had visitors for a good 3 weeks at home. Which was perfect! The house was a mess. I was wearing adult diapers and in my pjs with boobs out most of the time... so needed my own space

I'm due in May. Not planning on telling anyone when I go into labour, so hopefully no one will be able to turn up to the hospital.

PILs live 2 hours away, and usually stay the weekend when they come - I've said to DH if they want to come they shouldn't stay, and if they stay then they have to realise they won't spend the whole weekend with us but will likely be able to drop in and then will have to go away and entertain themselves. They always stay in a hotel so that's fine.

My own family are 1.5 hours away, and it will be the same vibe, come for a visit but don't stay. My parents never come for more than about 4 hours anyway so will be less of an issue.

Don't want anyone at home waiting for us when we come out of hospital but struggling a little if labour is long then we might need someone to come and sit with DDog. Not sure I could ask my mum to come and dogsit but then ask her to leave before we get back with the new baby! Will have to play that one by ear.

The other thing is that we just had our antenatal class where she spelled out exactly what might be going on with my body postpartum, and I said to DH if I am bleeding and hormonal and struggling then I'll be putting my foot down about visitors, regardless of what I say now. I feel he is on the same page so that's good.

Due in May and I think I will want my mum and sisters around in the first few days to help and let me try to recover a little.
I think I will ask wider family and friends to wait a week or two till we feel a bit more confident and have got the basics like feeding sorted.
Everyone has different family dynamics but I do believe the old 'it takes a village' mantra especially in those really early days when you are your partner are recovering from birth. Someone to feed you, help you physically and hold the baby seems ideal.

When dd2 was born I got home the same day.
First thing we did was visit the Cemetery to visit dd1's grave (she died 2 mths prev) I didn't want anyone meeting dd2 until we had been to Dd1.

2 of my sisters and 1 bil were at my house when we got home. The rest of my siblings arrived later that day. My inlaws also came over.
I came home handed the baby over and got in my jammies. We ordered a takeaway for everyone and most of them(not me) had a drink to celebrate her arrival.
Over the next couple of days, we had lots of visitors family, friends and neighbours.
I know everyone is different I was happy to have visitors.

I welcomed as many people as wanted to come, because extra pairs of hands are invaluable.

But we were lucky - DH’s parents are local, mine stayed in a hotel, and no one was pushy our outstayed their welcome - just helped with making cuppas, cleaning, washing up and feeding us. It was ace. My friend who is a nurse also came over to help/supervise my clexane injections as I was a bit scared of doing it!

I appreciate it’s different if your family have form for being a bit twatty. But I had no desire to be in a ‘my little family’ bubble - I was knackered, sore and terrified, and gladly took all the help I could get.

@ParkheadParadise that’s beautiful, visiting your late DD with her newborn sister .

(For context, me and ExH were always a lot closer to my parents than his. He has a very distant relationship with all of his family to the point where his own mother didn’t come to our wedding and never visited our home during our entire marriage)
DC1: my parents visited during evening hospital visiting hours when DC1 was about 8 hours old. Other than that, we had no visitors at home for around a week.
DC2: born at home. My mum in the house keeping toddler DC1 occupied. Both parents stayed for a couple of hours post birth, then battened down the hatches and had no visitors for ages - can’t remember exactly how long, but it was definitely longer than a week.
DC3: another home birth. Just me and exH at home for the birth. My parents came over when DC3 was about 24hrs old and that was it for visitors for a good while.

I’m generally quite antisocial. I don’t like playing hostess. And I most definitely don’t like sharing my babies

Interested in hearing peoples responses to this as I’m due number two and have also been wondering what do this time around.

With Dd1 we asked for no guests for at least the first week (both our families live a few hours drive away). With my permission my parents were at the house when I got back from the hospital (I’d given birth that morning) and stayed for just over an hour- I found this fine. My pil on the other hand came round once my parents had left and stayed well into the evening- only about 8 or 9pm but I was knackered having given birth that morning and in hindsight I wish I had had more of a backbone and gone to bed earlier/rested instead of sitting up feeling like I had to be ‘present’. They had booked a hotel around the corner for the next four or five days I think and tried to come round every day. It got to day 3 and thank god dh put his foot down and said ‘no’ we wouldn’t be seeing them. I still vividly remember sitting in the front room in agony trying to establish breastfeeding (I ended up with thrush and blocked ducts) and wanting my own space, while they all sat in the kitchen. Fil kept regularly walking through to use the toilet, meaning I couldn’t just sit there with my boobs out. I still absolutely seeth about it!

Ours were both born during the pandemic so, we had grandparents (and my mums partner) the day after we got home from the hospital. Then DH siblings the day after that. Then no one for a week while we adjusted

I had a premie so we lost 3 weeks to the nicu and only mu in laws saw her. I will say though when babies are born they have little/no natural immunity. I like the thought of keeping visitors to a minimum at first till some immunity is brought up. If there are visitors I’d ask them to wash hands first before holding and not kiss the baby. My kid is in daycare and I’m waiting till 6 weeks to see a friends newborn due to daycare germs. We had a vomiting bug yesterday for example 🤦‍♀️. Our doctor told us to keep our dd away from daycare families for a few weeks if we could. I know it’s not always possible. But health post covid is always a good excuse if you’re tired and want some just you time without visitors.