What did you/will you do regarding visitors when baby is born?

[spongemoon]

Interested to know what everyone else has done / is thinking of doing regarding visitors after baby arrives.

Both myself and partner have agreed we probably want at least a few days to ourselves with baby to get to grips with everything! Both of our mums can be quite pushy so I know they would be trying to help us and tell us what to do etc whereas I want us to learn and enjoy it ourselves. However I know this won't go down too well with our families as his mum has already mentioned about coming the day baby is born. To put into context both of our families live 1hr30m away (in opposite directions).

Would love to know what others have done and if you did take some time to yourselves how you approached it with family and how it was received?! Or did you actually want your family around when baby was born?

I would personally just see how YOU feel after baby is here and do what feels right for you.
With my daughter my parents came to visit in the hospital as we were desperate to see them (we are very close) and so thankful they did as my Dad has since passed and I won’t get that again with baby number 2.
With regards to MIL were not as close with DH mum. I had a section and 3 days post op she came over and stayed for about 9 hours!!!!! I was not happy, she was so interfering, kept taking my new baby from me, and DH and I even sodding went to Tesco to get her fresh rolls that morning. She then asked to come back on the Sunday and we politely said maybe not Sunday as we were seeing the midwife and just wanted a day to just be together the 3 of us! Well about 10am that morning the door went and it was her with her new boyfriend! I was so so cross! I was in my nightie, breast milk everywhere, no pants on as literally just had dressing changed and just feel so groggy! It’s was so inappropriate and thankfully we no longer see her haha.

Baby number 2 is due in a few weeks and it will only be our daughter and my mum who will be about the first few days then we will play it by ear with friends and family. It’s finding the balance of wanting to show your baby off and feeling that pride but also knowing the boundaries to say no not today I want to nap and sit with my boobies out (BF or not 😂)

Good luck and just remember to do what’s right for you guys ♥️

Just me and my boyfriend for the first two weeks, then my mum will come when the baby is 2-4 weeks old and will stay for two weeks, which seems a lot but I know she will take care of house and me, plus she is a very experienced pediatrician so I think she will be super helpful.

Our families are both local, along with most of friends. The first three or four weeks were a lovely but busy time when they would pop by for a visit, usually pre-arranged. Our parents would help with washing and mowing the lawn etc, along with toddlers once DC2 and 3 arrived. They were really special times and banning visitors seems like a sad thing to do. My friends and relatives are pretty considerate though, no meals provided or expected and happy to make some hot drinks if I was busy with the baby. I would not have wanted anyone to stay at our house though, that's a step too far!

I told family and friends they were welcome to drop in, but when it got too much I would be saying "right off you go, I'm knackered." As long as you're comfortable sending them packing and they won't be all offended, it works. If not, set boundaries before the birth, regardless of how pushy they are.

Jesus, that is actually my worst nightmare. I would lose the plot if visitors had let themselves into my house on a normal day, let alone straight from hospital.

100%! I would stay in the car until husband chucked everyone out. No way is anyone coming to visit without prior agreement from me.

I'm due my first in May and really don't know about visitors. My in-laws live right next door so I'm sure they'll be round fairly promptly, but they know me well enough to not butt in. I suspect we will be finding food parcels left on the doorstep and perhaps a quick head poking through the door to ask how we're doing, but they won't be as entitled as to walk right in and demand we see them.

As I don't know how I'm going to be feeling, what baby is going to be like, how I'll be recovering, I'm not making any promises beforehand. People will be invited over as and when I'm ready.

And absolutely nobody except husband is going to be visiting us in the hospital.

You have to do what suits you, and care less about offending people. You don't get the precious time back.
My sisters had visitors very soon after, one loved it and one found it very overwhelming.
We didn't have any visitors for 4 weeks (family aren't local). I had thought before birth that I'd want maybe 2 weeks but there were issues that meant we decided to wait a bit longer.
Like @Matilda128 said one of the best things was seeing how loved the baby is by family members.
We've very much limited visits. It won't be forever but for now it's what we want.
BIL in particular can be overbearing but DH shut him down.

With dd1 (December 2019) I told DH that I was making no promises about visitors until we were all home and settled because I didn't know how I was going to be feeling.
In the end I had a 22 hour labour and was kept in the following night. We came home around 2pm, I had a shower and a nap, then we invited MIL, BIL1, SIL1 & their 3 kids round to meet baby because I felt fine. FIL came round the next day, SIL2 came round the day after that and my cousin & auntie the following day.

I'm now pregnant with dd2 (due April) and SIL1 will be looking after dd1 while I'm in hospital and I think my plan will be for SIL to bring dd round once we get home and settled and then work out family visits the day or so after. dd1 will still be going to nursery, so if it's a nursery day, visitors while she is out might be less overwhelming for her and I won't be worrying about her being left out because people are there to meet the baby!

I'm due my first in July and been thinking about this. I think it's really just going to depend on how everything goes with the birth to be honest, I'd certainly hope to be home before getting any visitors (I hate hospitals as it is and the thought of getting visitors, of its even allowed by then, fills me with horror). However I'm really hoping my mum will be able to come over for a few days to help with stuff around the house while we focus on the baby. I'm thankful to have parents who are non intrusive and respect boundaries which helps a lot!

Otherwise, all being well with myself and baby, I'm quite looking forward to being able to show them off to friends and whatnot , as long as they don't overstay their welcome lol.

I was dying for visitors especially after DC1.

Not due for ages but the way I envision it currently is that my parents and sister would drop in the day/day after I'm home as they are local and can easily pop in for an hour or so.

DP's parents might have to wait a few days as they an hour away, so it's not fair to ask them round for a short visit, it would need to be a whole afternoon at least and I don't know how soon that will be practical. Also have SCs to factor in but they live really far away so not sure how soon they'll be coming.

I’ve never had a problem with parents wanting to come and meet baby ASAP. I made it clear people would need to let me know when they wanted to come but after a day or two of visits we would then have some family time.

You won’t really know how you’ll feel until baby is here. We had our second in December and it was a completely different experience and knocked us for six 😖

If you want them to visit I’d make it clear it’s a two hour visit and they’re to bring food

First time around I didn't set enough boundaries. PIL came to the hospital for an hour and again before DHs pat leave ended (at his request) for an overnight stay. BIG MISTAKE, I was emotionally very fragile, we were having feeding difficulties and even though PIL were trying to be kind (and brought food!) even just sitting at the table for a meal (with anyone not just PIL) was too much for me just then.

Conversely DM came to help me with pumping etc in hospital when DH needed a break and turned up with a mop and a casserole once we got home 🥰 it was exactly what I needed but hadn't expected of her at all, she really stepped up for us ❤️

This time DH is having much longer off work. I've said a 1hr visit at home once we're back (unfortunately no naturally short visits to hospital due to Covid restrictions) then once more for an overnight as and when I say the time is right within 6 weeks.

PIL visiting will then be strictly no more than every 6 weeks after that. It's a boundary that keeps us on good terms so even if they want more really everyone benefits this way.

My parents visited on the day we got back from hospital. DS was born last March and I had a traumatic birth (induction on my birthday) which ended in a crash c section and then my baby was in NICU for 2 days and we had a week long stay in hospital in the end. All I wanted was for my parents to visit us in hospital but they weren't allowed due to Covid so having them there when we got home was amazing. Close friends visited the day after then we saw my sister a few days later but they were all were aware of what had happened and didn't stay too long

This comes up time and time again on MN and I think it is appallingly self-centred and attention-seeking.
We all know that the longer you keep your relations at bay, the more they will be desperate to see the baby, which of course is what this is all about.
Being in control, feeling special, preventing access because you can.
It’s as if this is your big chance to be in charge - you have the thing that everyone wants to see, it’s all yours and you’re not going to share.
When did this become a Thing? I always hope that,when presented with a long list of dos and don’ts, the prospective visitor shrugs, thinks bugger that for a lark, and never bothers again.
Including babysitting and childcare when the need arises.

@Katyppp

This comes up time and time again on MN and I think it is appallingly self-centred and attention-seeking. We all know that the longer you keep your relations at bay, the more they will be desperate to see the baby, which of course is what this is all about. Being in control, feeling special, preventing access because you can. It’s as if this is your big chance to be in charge - you have the thing that everyone wants to see, it’s all yours and you’re not going to share. When did this become a Thing? I always hope that,when presented with a long list of dos and don’ts, the prospective visitor shrugs, thinks bugger that for a lark, and never bothers again. Including babysitting and childcare when the need arises.

I bet you're fun at parties 🙄

When my baby was born I didn't realise how I'd feel. We had visitors straight away. I now resent them for it. I wish I waited at least a week.

I think if you know they'll be pushy, set out your expectations now with them.

With DC1 I was in hospital 3 nights, no one knew I'd gone into labour and we got discharged on the third night at midnight, by 9am the next morning there was an abundance of family members knocking on the door. They all stayed far too long especially MIL and I felt so rough, she expected to be weighted on and I remember the midwife coming to check my stitches and I was upstairs legs sprawled on the bed with a house full downstairs and I hated it. We're expecting DC2 shortly and I'm in two minds whether to tell anyone we've actually had the baby or just keep it to ourselves for a few days so we can be left alone 🙈

@Sprat12, I bet I am more fun than someone with a long list of rules and regulations of what you can and can’t do if you are honoured enough to be allowed the wonder child

Grandparents visited at hospital within a few hours of both births. We came home after 2 nights, and I was eager for visitors.

A friend of mine who lives a couple of hours from me was actually passing with her family when we got home with my first, and I suggested they drop in, so our first visitors were non family, about 2 hours after arriving home.

We then had people come over gradually, and I threw a big party & bbq for about 30 friends when my first was 3w old, which is when a lot of other friends came to visit.

I thought I'd want a bit of space but actually I loved hosting people and them meeting our baby 😃

It wouldn’t even have crossed my mind to tell my Mum she couldn’t visit straight away.

DC1 they drove down the next day when we were still in hospital. Visited for a couple of hours and Dad took OH to the pub for a quick pint.

They looked after DC1 when I had DC2 and bought DC1 into the hospital that afternoon to meet their sibling.

On both occasion parents in law arrived the day after we left hospital and stayed for a couple of days.

I understand wanting the time, I do, but grandparents are often desperate to meet their grandbaby and it can make things more fraught than necessary to get in a power struggle.

I like to let them visit at hospital (the nurses/midwives can help with shooing them away after a short while)
Then at home, screen calls and lay down your boundaries. Short visits, bring food for you etc. Don't be afraid to say, 'lovely to see you, bubs and I are off for a nap, see yourself out, talk soon, love you' and just walk away! Dh will have to step up here and shoo them out.

Good luck, establishing these boundaries is difficult but will put you in good stead later!

I wanted a good week, no PIL or my parents visiting. Instead, it'd been such a bumpy ride and I was that glad we were both alive and healthy that my DH told my DM she could come to the hospital. She came the day my DD was born because she'd been worried sick about both of us and I was so happy to see her. We got discharged a couple of days later and we did pop in again on the way home to get it out of the way. PIL came over about 5 days later and I was happy to see them too.

Don't feel bad about giving yourself a week or two and setting those boundaries but just be open to the fact you might feel differently when your DC comes.

stand your ground, i had all families pouncing on me as soon as i was home. my 3 yo niece wrecked my home and nobody cared. If i had my time again i wouldn’t see any of them for the first month !!

We let parents/siblings visit the next day at hospital then had a few days to our selves once home. Then extended family/friends visited.

Start on Boundaries now. Mine are overbearing in diff ways. Mil is a taker. My DM is a giver.

I am 19 days post partum.
My boobs are out more than I thought humanly possible. I look less rough than I did week 1 and 2 but still not great and I felt like I'd been hit by a truck for the first week (c section).

No one has been here except my own mother.
My mil got a Skype call and a lot of pictures but we have been clear I am recovering. She lives further away so insists on overnight stays and is " a guest" she'd think we were deranged if we asked her to do anything like cook dinner...Let alone hoover/ clean a bathroom / do some washing.
She will probably come when the baby is 4-5 weeks old. Its hard for her and she's jealous of my mum but i don't care. She is v demanding and we generally do things on her terms but this is about us as a family not her....

My DM lives nearby and has been over pretty much every day. I was clear that I would need her to be flexible because maybe I would really need help and maybe we'd need space.

I took the help but on very specific terms (I think she'd actually like to be more involved) and it's been invaluable but a bit annoying fory DH. My DM is quite practical though and one of life's "givers". She has done our shopping cooked all our meals and watches the baby 1-4 ish so I can sleep. She has also helped with a couple of other house admin tasks.
It'sade things a lot easier.