Someone shake some sense into me please?!!

[thechocolatefrog]

Hi everyone,

Me again. I've chickened out again :(
Decided this is the month to ttc and I'm fertile from tomorrow according to my app.

I'm so so scared of potentially being sick it's driving me nuts. Currently 2am and I'm lying here going out my mind.

I'm scared of being sick or feeling sick at work as I suffer from extreme anxiety at work as it is and I'm just worried I'm not mentally strong enough. I can cope with nausea at home.

In my head it is now or never due to my age and the fact that the potential for morning sickness is NEVER going to go away. I'm waiting for a miracle cure and the impossible for all morning sickness to not even exist anymore. Arghh.

I've bought all my vitamins (vitamin d, b6, folic acid) and have upped my magnesium intake through my diet in a way of attempting to build up my resilience to any morning sickness. Now I'm just staring at them waiting for the courage to do this.

Please can somebody give me a real good shake and talk some sense into me. I want this so so bad it's all I think about. I don't think conceiving is going to come particularly easily due to endometriosis which is also worrying me. Please please someone talk some sense into me to give me the courage to at least try :(

I appreciate this is a really moany post, I just don't know where to turn as I have nobody to speak to about this.

Not everyone is sick during pregnancy. I wasn't sick once. If your entire deciding factor of whether to have children or not depends on whether you may have morning sickness....is having a child the right thing to do?

When they are sick you'll have to ask work for more stressful things like time off work to look after them. Sickness during pregnancy is an acknowledged characteristic which employers have to be lenient about.

If you’re sick or feel nauseous, you can go to the GP and get medication. If that doesn’t work you can try other medication. Besides this, there’s loads you can do - eating regularly, sleeping well, travel sickness bands, ginger, sips of water. I do sympathise because being sick is so unpleasant. However, I’ve had loads of friends who haven’t felt sick a single time during pregnancy. You just don’t know how you’re going to feel. With my first I felt mainly tired. With my second I was SO nauseous and on antisickness tablets for a good six months. With my third I was actually physically sick but took something called cyclizine which was amazing! And honestly when I look back; it was totally manageable. I don’t regret it for a second! My point is, you might be absolutely fine and have no nausea or sickness whatsoever. But if you do, there’s things you can do about thag too. Good luck!

@NatMoz

Yep unfortunately being sick is the only thing stopping me :( this is something that has tortured me my entire life (sickness phobia) and I've put off pregnancy for years and years and years waiting for a miracle cure that just doesn't come.

I really really want a child, only one, the sickness when the child is actually here I feel a bit better about. It's the thought of being trapped by morning sickness that's doing me. X

@ChristmasAtHogwarts

Thank you.
Only issue is with my long history of the sickness phobia my therapist has strong feelings about me not using anti sickness pills as they will act like an avoidance technique so im worried this could prevent me getting pills. I definitely would get pills regardless if im able to.

I think the issue is throughout the media where morning sickness is so publicised that I assume every single pregnancy results in vomiting for 8 weeks. Argh. X

It sounds like you have emetophobia - like me!!! I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant with my second DC.

Although I hear what you're saying about antisickness tablets - I have taken them throughout pregnancy. My therapist is of the opinion that if it soothes me and allows me to have a family then what's the harm? What's your therapists reasoning? Because you may become reliant? What type of therapy is it?

Happy to talk about anything pregnancy/emetophobia related as I know it's super difficult and this phobia is just awful xx

@NinaJames

So so pleased somebody else has commented with emetophobia! Yes I have suffered from this for over 25 years.

My therapist is very exposure focused, something I don't really agree with as I feel like it's treating the symptoms rather than the root of the problem. They think I'm feeding the phobia to take the pills.

Out of interest have you suffered with nausea/sickness at all? What medication were you prescribed too? Congratulations on being so brave to conceive! I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes really well!

It's so hard trying to explain this phobia to people who don't suffer from it as it's such an odd one! I know it is irrational but no matter how many times I tell myself to just get over it, it just isn't like that. Xx

[quote thechocolatefrog]@NinaJames

So so pleased somebody else has commented with emetophobia! Yes I have suffered from this for over 25 years.

My therapist is very exposure focused, something I don't really agree with as I feel like it's treating the symptoms rather than the root of the problem. They think I'm feeding the phobia to take the pills.

Out of interest have you suffered with nausea/sickness at all? What medication were you prescribed too? Congratulations on being so brave to conceive! I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes really well!

It's so hard trying to explain this phobia to people who don't suffer from it as it's such an odd one! I know it is irrational but no matter how many times I tell myself to just get over it, it just isn't like that. Xx[/quote]

I've had this phobia for as long as I can remember - so I totally get the anxiety / how debilitating this phobia can be!!!

So my DD will be 10 at the end of the month - pregnancy with her absolutely fine, felt sicky a few times but never sick. I didn't realise antisickness were a thing when I was pregnant so had nothing - still fine. Labour I had no drugs as was scared they would make me sick - I was fine.

This pregnancy - have antisickness prescribed pre-pregnancy so continue with them on an as and when need basis. I have cyclizine and also have been prescribed ondansatron from my 2nd trimester (can't use it in your first trimester). Both work well - although ondansatron is a lot better and I plan on asking for that one in labour (in fact I'll ask for both at the same time!!). I have felt sick at times but I rationalise that it's hormones and therefore I do not need to be sick, and although I have had a few panic attacks, I've got through it. Same with bowel problems in pregnancy, which can make you feel bit yuck - just have to try and rationalise (I know that seems like the impossible when the phobia itself is irrational).

Hmmm exposure therapy - I haven't tried personally. I have don't CBT, CAT and EMDR - EMDR is the one that has helped the most. However, I had to do this privately as I don't believe the NHS do it.

How is your partner with emet? Does he know you have the fear? Understand it? Good when you panic? xx

i've had 5 children and had varying degrees of morning sickness with all. Whats helped me is knowing it's a pg related sickness rather than a sickness caused by a bug or something dodgy you've eaten so in my head it's not the same as is related to hormone changes which is actually what you want to support a pregnancy.

if it's going to work that's really making you anxious then you could say to yourself you will take some sick leave. i didn't work for 3 weeks with last pg - if helped me get through the worst early bit and i could ride out the nausea at home and in comfort

I understand, although I don’t have this phobia I have had a year of cbt for other issues. I think the difference is these medications prevent you from being unwell, dehydrated, and getting hospitalised. They aren’t an avoidance technique, they’re used to manage the symptoms and prevent them worsening. I totally recommend cyclizine if you are ever in any doubt!

@NinaJames

Thank you so much for your help. I've read about both of those pills. Are they fairly easy to get from your gp? My gp is very good and I get on with her very well so hoping it will be an easy ask and not one that I have to beg for.

Your pregnancy experience sounds very positive compared to my catastrophic imagined pregnancy!

How have you dealt with sickness bugs as your dd has got older? This is obviously another major problem for me but I'm trying not to fixate too much on that at the moment! Have you ever caught them from her? I've not actually been sick since I was around 8 years old!

Emdr is something that I have looked into for a long time. My exposure therapy is going ok but obviously there has been no drastic shift whatsoever. My therapist also puts a lot of importance on giving me something to actually make me vomit which I am strongly against (obviously!).

Partner is extremely supportive and understanding. Obviously he can see how irrational this is but he has never once pushed or pressured me into this which I appreciate so much. We did actually decide against having children a few years ago because of my phobia but the maternal instinct is just getting stronger. Also, why should I let this phobia win?! (Big talk from the woman begging somebody to shake sense into her!)

Xx

Hello lovely didn't want to read and run, but don't know if I can say anything all that helpful that the other ladies above haven't said but just wanted to say that you would not be alone in having emetophobia and facing pregnancy. I've found some great youtube vloggers (e.g. Zoe Sugg - zoella - and others) who discuss their experiences.

Disclosure: not gonna pretend I have actual emetophobia, as I don't, but I do have real anxiety about nausea specifically (weirdly, I'm semi-OK with actual sickness). I am 6w 4 days after 14 months of ttc. I will just offer my two cents: a) It's very very very likely to be no where near what you are currently imaging it to be. b) If it is bad, you will find ways to cope with it and c) apols as I am sure you already know this and I don't want to add to your anxiety but ttc can take much longer than you might be hoping and that brings with it its own anxieties and sadness.

On a - I have been imaging being bed ridden, unable to eat, unable to cope and live my normal life. So far, its nothing like that - just a nauseus feeling, worse sometimes, but manageable. Many women experience just mild nausea and are vomit free throughout pregnancy. #

On b - are there ways you can build yourself your safety net now, while you know you aren't pregnant? i.e. talking through exactly what your coping strategies will be, writing them down, getting support and agreement from your therapist and partner about how they can help. I find having something of a 'wellness action plan' really helpful in advance for all sorts of MH struggles. Also, you mention work in particular as being a worry, that you could cope if at home - well, this is of course a last resort and something unlikely for you to need but I suspect in a really bad scenario of really not being able to cope with your phobia and nausea at work, there are ways that you can be at home (more flexible working, sickness leave or if its absolutely extreme and you can afford it, change of job/leaving work while you look after yourself). You WILL have options.

On c - get on it girl! You can do this - do you think you could convince yourself to let yourself have a go this month? You can always stop again next month if it's really horrendous to cope with the worry. Chances are you won't get pregnant this month, but if you do, you're unlikely to feel any N or V for several weeks after that.

I really really feel for you - I didn't realise until pregnancy just how anxious I am about nausea (think I'm scarred by some illness in the past that made me feel helpless). But you will get there - this is something you really want, and its one of those things you are going to have to face in order to get what you want - but you can do this :)

Huge Good luck! (ps. not to send you away at all, but the Conception forum is also really good for people going through the ttc-process - although I guess the pregnancy forum can give you insight into how ill people actually have felt).

I am emetophobic, and currently 33 weeks pregnant with DC2. I had pretty bad nausea with my DD up until about 24 weeks, with this one it has lasted longer but it is manageable. Despite how sick I felt, especially in the early weeks, I was never actually sick. I think the power of the mind is a very strong thing and by rights I think I could have readily thrown up, I desperately didn't want to and was able to keep it down. I've read that emetophobics are rarely actually sick. There were some bad weeks near the start where I felt so poorly but it wasn't so awful that I couldn't do it again after my first pregnancy. Morning sickness was something that I had worried about for a very long time and so I 100% understand where you are coming from.

Also, I have seen a sneak peek of my notes from my first birth (I had a lot of drugs, some that can make you vomit) and they had also given me anti-emetics at the same time without me knowing. When it comes to the birth, you can tell them if you like about the emetophobia and they can treat it.

You can do it, and it will be so worth it!

I'm an emetophobe and haven't been sick since I was 12 (now 50!). During that time I've had gastroenteritis, various viruses and three pregnancies. I had morning (all day) sickness with all three but didn't allow myself to be sick. I know people who don't have emetophobia will assume that this means I didn't really have bad morning sickness, but it is absolutely possible to stop yourself being sick. Stupid really, as I'm sure if I allowed myself to be I'd have felt better much quicker. Anyway, my point is, despite how it made me feel, it wasn't bad enough to stop me doing it three times!! If you do have morning sickness, and there's no guarantee that you will, there will be coping mechanisms that you can develop. Mine involved ginger biscuits and salt and vinegar crisps

Just read @rosie561's post above and were strikingly similar! I agree, I felt sick immediately after my first birth so asked for anti-sickness meds in my second and third.

*we're

Hi hi. It's very possible you won't have morning sickness, or, you could be like me and have a very lenient version. My food aversion is very high but I haven't actually thrown up at all. Not once have I run to the bathroom thinking I might. I've been queasy at times, but never actually sick. Also keep in mind that standard morning sickness isn't usually the entire pregnancy. I'm currently 8w 3d and started developing it around week 6. For most women (there are exceptions of course), it goes away by the end of the first trimester. So really, it's common to only have it for just a month and a half.
I know that might still sound like a long time, but it's better than for the full pregnancy!

Not everyone is sick in pregnancy. I had no nausea or sickness at all in my first and have mild, very manageable nausea with no actual sickness this time.

I also have a phobia of sickness - just to share my experience with you I suffered with bad nausea but was only physically sick once. Felt fine from 20 weeks onwards. Whilst it was really tough you will find your own coping strategies and it honestly is a distant memory now (DD is five months).

I've not vomited during pregnancy although did feel very nauseous between 12-16 weeks- possibly heartburn/acid related. However I did vomit during labour- something to keep in mind as I think you can ask for medication to prevent it but maybe put it in your birth plan in case your not in a state to ask.

@Aubyone

Thank you so much for not reading and running! Your response is so fitting! To say you aren't an emetophobe you really have summed me up.

I've watched zoellas video about her pregnancy with emetophobia. It was very helpful in parts but it did panic me when she mentioned how much dry heaving she did. I actually think I fear the heaving more than the actual vomiting.

In terms of me thinking the worst - yep that's me. When I think about being pregnant I imagine to be bed ridden and incapable of moving without being sick. I just imagine constant vomiting and if not that then constant extreme nausea. Both situations I'd also be having constant panic attacks with too on top of the sickness!

That is a very good idea for me to write down my concerns and coping mechanisms. I've never thought about that at all but that could definitely help. I've had a lot of cbt in which I rationalised all of my thoughts which was useful.

In terms of work it's not a job I could do from home unfortunately. My work is pretty manual and full on but I work with such a good team who I could definitely imagine them being sympathetic with me if struggling.

With the conception aspect - I have endometriosis and have a gyno appointment soon to go through this so unfortunately I do think it could be a struggle for me to conceive quickly. My irrational part of my brain thinks first time I try I'll be pregnant and immediately throw up (stupid I know). Since my diagnosis I've spent months crying and being terrified about my fertility yet then find myself backing off again when the timing is right/better.

All of that being said, I'm going to do it. I'm going to start trying this month and see how I feel when/if my period arrives. I already know I'll be gutted if not pregnant but I agree - I need to see if I can cope and take it that way!

Thank you so so much. I feel far less alone now after the lovely response you, and many others have sent me. Xx

I have emetophobia too and am currently 25 weeks pregnant with baby number 2.

I get why your therapist is against anti sickness tablets generally, but I don’t think that should apply in pregnancy. I’ll be honest, the first trimester was just about surviving for me, both times. I took cyclizine (and stemetil as well as times). I had bad nausea - although hard to say how much of that was anxiety related, and no vomiting. I was signed off work the first time (work didn’t allow wfh) and worked from home the second time during the first trimester. It did not do good things for my mental health I’ll admit. The closest I came to vomiting was during labour (why did no one tell me that happened until halfway through my pregnancy??). But again, anti sickness tablets got me through and I wasn’t actually sick.

Its not true that most women throw up in pregnancy, I think it’s about a third who vomit, and third who have just nausea and a third who have no nausea/vomiting.

I’d recommend a fb group, I’m part of one called “pregnancy and motherhood with emetophobia” and it’s been so helpful because everyone there understands it completely. I posted on it at about 6 weeks pregnant completely freaking out that I couldn’t handle even 6 more weeks of nausea, let alone the potential for more. I was wonderfully talked down by people who’d been in that situation. And even though at 6 weeks pregnant it feels like the first trimester will never end, it goes quicker than you think and you do get through it.

@SickAndTiredAgain

Thank you.
I agree with anxiety related nausea! I am definitely definitely going to contact my gp for the antiemetics. Even if they have a placebo affect!

Yep I never knew about labour vomiting either until recently.

I assumed from whenever I've googled morning sickness (hundreds and hundreds of times) that where it says 70-80% of women suffer from it that it means they all vomit throughout! I've since realised that so many women must fall under the 70-80% statistic regardless of the severity and frequency of nausea or/and vomiting. I'm actually at the point where I'm hearing more non-sickness stories than sickness!

Thank you for the Facebook suggestion - I will have a look tonight.

Congratulations on your pregnancies, brave lady xx

If you suffered years of infertility you'll certainly pray for a "sickness".

@BabyOnBoard90 please don't belittle her, she had a very real phobia that if she isn't able to cope with, will prevent her having children. She also has fertility fears with endometriosis. I completely get that fear of infertility is not the same as actually years of infertility and those fears should be expressed sensitively. But its very clear from OP's posts that she has severe emetophobia - she's not just wanting to avoid a bit of 'sickness', she's paralysed by fear, it gives her panic attacks and has so far preventing her from trying.

Infertility is deeply painful, but so too is this.

Hi OP,

I cant sit and pretend i know what your going through, however thought i would just give you some first hand experience!

I am usually one who feels sick most days, first thing in the morning, when im hungry, if i've eaten too much etc - i would say im quite a nauseous person in normal ever day life so was convinced i would have the worlds worst morning sickness when i got pregnant.

I am currently 8 weeks and 2 days (around prime time for morning sickness) and have not been sick once! Not even close.
I have been nauseous, but there are things you can do to help fight it off, all of which have been working for me so far.

I guess the point i am trying to make is whilst morning sickness is a common pregnancy symptom, its not a gaurentee that you will have it. Try not to let it put you off getting pregnant if thats what you really want, because you may be overthinking it and you may not get any sickness at all!
Read the tips and tricks online for helping sickness, what i found helps me is never leaving my stomach empty. I have a pack of plain crackers by my bed and at work o whenever i feel a bit iffy i have a cracker. Plain enough to not make you feel sick, but filling enough to fight off sickness.

Good luck OP xxx