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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Who's the father?

62 replies

pleasehelp321 · 07/02/2022 13:49

I can't believe I'm even writing this. I've seen threads like this in the past on here and always thought how stupid can that person be to put themselves in this kind of situation, but here we are.

I'm newly divorced and have been going out dating, having loads of fun with my newfound freedom.

My cycles are really regular. Every 4 weeks with ovulation in the middle (I know this as I have conceived 2 DC previously).

Anyway:

I had unprotected sex on CD5 with Date A, he withdrew, but who really knows how much got inside.

I had unprotected sex on CD9 with Date B, came inside. Stupid, I know. In my defence I thought I was so far out of my ovulation window it didn't matter.

Unprotected sex on CD12 with Date A. Did not finish, but what about pre-cum?

Who is the father? Date A or Date B?

I know I sound like a 17 year old imbecile and this who thing is so embarrassing, but I'm a 35 year old professional with a solid career and two DC.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

pleasehelp321 · 07/02/2022 13:49

Name changed for this, obviously.

OP posts:

Original poster

pleasehelp321 · 07/02/2022 13:50

*and this whole thing

OP posts:

DoubleChinWoes2 · 07/02/2022 13:52

I would guess B from day 9 but could be either. Sorry, not helpful. And no judgement here, sow those wild oats! Just use a condom fgs!

Pyri · 07/02/2022 13:53

No one can tell you this. Are you not concerned about STIs?

Evanesco · 07/02/2022 13:54

Tough one but I'd say more likely to be date B if date A definitely didn't finish on CD12. I'd say its definitely in the "get a DNA test after the baby is born" territory though.

Hope you're ok and feeling OK about your pregnancy and that everything goes alright for you.

Also please do get tested for STIs

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 13:55

It's probably B but nobody can tell you. Stop having unprotected sex.

DoubleChinWoes2 · 07/02/2022 13:55

Not the point of the thread I know, but are you wondering this because you want to keep going with the pregnancy? If not, it might matter? I say that with kindness, but you don't owe the father an explanation if you're not pressing ahead with it.

CherryBlossomCheer · 07/02/2022 13:59

I think date B is more likely but the body can be weird and wonderful so you’d definitely need to check with DNA when baby is born.

ABCDEFyou · 07/02/2022 14:00

I guess, if you're going ahead with the pregnancy then a dna test would tell you for sure. Date B sounds the most likely but it's not guaranteed the other two can't be either so to be fair to everyone involved, including the baby, I'd tell the men that you're pregnant but that there's two other possible fathers and you want a dna test, and to rule out any life changing surprises down the line such as baby bonding with the wrong man or finding out when they're older that there's two other possibilities, you want a dna test.

I'd get a sexual health test too, abstain til all that's back clear and only use condoms if you're gonna have more casual sex while pregnant. You don't want to be catching anything but even less so when pregnant. Nothing wrong with you having some fun but unprotected sex with three men in the space of a week carries more risks than just pregnancy.

ABCDEFyou · 07/02/2022 14:02

My apologies. Two men.

MissNothing1991 · 07/02/2022 14:06

Is there any reason why, at the age of 35 and after two children, you are risking your health sleeping with multiple men unprotected? Within days of each other?

EllieJai44 · 07/02/2022 14:24

The women on this app can be real harsh sometimes- no bashing of her choices was necessary

OP sounds like could either tbh, best to tell them both and look at getting a DNA test when you can, good luck!

SpaghettiArmsMurderer · 07/02/2022 14:28

Probably B, but stop having unprotected sex with multiple men and get tested for STIs!

ItsSnowJokes · 07/02/2022 14:31

Please start using contraception, I'm all for people going out and having fun, doesn't matter how many people you sleep with, but making them wear a condom is so important for your (and others) health. HIV is growing so much in heterosexual adults. In 2019 28% of new diagnoses were in females. On top of HIV think of chlamydia, herpes, syphilis etc........ you are risking your own health in a serious way.

I have no idea who's it could be by the way. If you are keeping the baby you will need a DNA test to confirm.

RunningFromInsanity · 07/02/2022 14:37

@EllieJai44

The women on this app can be real harsh sometimes- no bashing of her choices was necessary

OP sounds like could either tbh, best to tell them both and look at getting a DNA test when you can, good luck!

But it’s not just her health she’s risking. She could be passing on STIs to the other man. I doubt she has made it clear to either guy she is having unprotected sex with other men.

EllieJai44 · 07/02/2022 14:43

@RunningFromInsanity sounds like it was a two way street if the guy was so concerned he could have wrapped it, all I'm saying is the OP didn't come on here for sexual health advice if she wanted that she would have posted in that category- she already admitted it was stupid so personally I see no need for people to bash her choices

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 07/02/2022 14:52

Not one bit of judgement here op. We've all been a bit daft when we have new found freedom, and made mistakes.

It really could be either of them, so, if you're keeping the pregnancy it will be DNA time.

I would be inclined to either be totally upfront with both men, or go through pregnancy alone and ask one of them for a test after the birth. If you're not keeping the pregnancy then have you got a friend to support you?

Good luck whatever you decide op. And don't beat yourself up about it, the only thing that matters now is how you move forward with this, not what you've done in the past

Tinadecember · 07/02/2022 15:43

to me date B sounds more likely as spermies will stay alive in there and still be present when the egg drops and if a full load went in there then the odds are in his favour. Saying that, stranger things have happened and I don't think you could rule out either.

not at all being judgmental but it's baffling me how you didn't think it could possibly happen given the amount of sex you have had within your ovulation week window! I hope whatever decision you make is the right one for everyone involved

Viviennemary · 07/02/2022 15:48

Maybe neither of them. It might be a phantom pregnancy.

User8721643839 · 07/02/2022 15:52

What day are you on now?
Is it too late for the morning after pill? I suggest you chat with your GP as I am sure you must wish to terminate? Do you actually know if you are pregnant yet or is this all hypothetical?

Delphinium20 · 07/02/2022 15:56

No judgement OP. I imagine you were excited to be free and single and wanted some fun. I assume this is a wake-up to use condoms in the future. Please get checked for STIs.

As to baby, could be either because sperm can live for days. If you have fraternal twins, it could be both men, extremely rare but possible. My DD1 is a result of the 'withdrawal method'. If you keep the baby, eventually all will be well. You might just have a year of awkwardness while you wait to find out the father. Eventually everything will be okay. Good luck.

Carebear99 · 07/02/2022 16:13

I'm sorry but the replies have made me laugh. I also would second using protection but hey you are where you are. You'll need a paternity test, are you still in contact with both men? You may also wish to go to the local sexual health clinic to get checked over.

Cas112 · 07/02/2022 16:23

OP there is really no way of giving you an answer.

But dont be hard on yourself about this, you dont have to explain yourself to anyone especially the judgy so and so's on here. We all have a sex life!

Just get a DNA test as and when you can, your not the first woman this has happened to and wont be the last good luck

Original poster

pleasehelp321 · 07/02/2022 18:03

@User8721643839

What day are you on now? Is it too late for the morning after pill? I suggest you chat with your GP as I am sure you must wish to terminate? Do you actually know if you are pregnant yet or is this all hypothetical?

Took a pregnancy test and it's positive. Think I'm around 5 weeks.

OP posts:

Carebear99 · 07/02/2022 18:28

Congratulations. How do you feel about it?

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