Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Who's the father?

62 replies

pleasehelp321 · 07/02/2022 13:49

I can't believe I'm even writing this. I've seen threads like this in the past on here and always thought how stupid can that person be to put themselves in this kind of situation, but here we are.

I'm newly divorced and have been going out dating, having loads of fun with my newfound freedom.

My cycles are really regular. Every 4 weeks with ovulation in the middle (I know this as I have conceived 2 DC previously).

Anyway:

I had unprotected sex on CD5 with Date A, he withdrew, but who really knows how much got inside.

I had unprotected sex on CD9 with Date B, came inside. Stupid, I know. In my defence I thought I was so far out of my ovulation window it didn't matter.

Unprotected sex on CD12 with Date A. Did not finish, but what about pre-cum?

Who is the father? Date A or Date B?

I know I sound like a 17 year old imbecile and this who thing is so embarrassing, but I'm a 35 year old professional with a solid career and two DC.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
SweetPeaGirl · 07/02/2022 20:00

It really could be either. Sperm can live for 5 days inside, just swimming around looking for an egg. And while your cycle and ovulation is usually regular, there's a chance it could have deviated this time - even a day or 2 could make a difference.

If you're willing to spend £800+ (eek!) you can get a non invasive prenatal paternity test using your blood plus possible father's dna from around 7-9 weeks.

Also, ignore the judgy comments from all the perfect people. I'm sure you're beating yourself up plenty without their 'help'.

Redwinestillfine · 07/02/2022 20:02

How long are your cycles usually? This c rhave a big impact on the answe

Redwinestillfine · 07/02/2022 20:06

If 22 days (4 weeks as mentioned) ovulation is usually 10-12 days before so it could be either of them.

MaverickSnoopy · 07/02/2022 20:08

Honestly could be either of them.

My second was conceived with pre cum a week after ovulation. My third was conceived with a condom 4 days after my period finished. 🙃

You're not going to know I'm afraid. You'll need a paternity test.

Tbh I'm jealous you manage to go out so much!

floridapalmtree · 07/02/2022 20:09

We have been using the withdrawal method for 20 years after having 4 children, sometimes a bit close, no pregnancies.

floridapalmtree · 07/02/2022 20:10

Sorry, meant to add date B.

YukoandHiro · 07/02/2022 20:10

You thought CD9 was out of your ovulation window?? Hardly! It's right on the cusp.

It's probably date B but you're going to have to get a DNA test after birth if you progress with this pregnancy.

Please protect yourself from HIV and other STIs.

Ginger1982 · 07/02/2022 20:14

Did you want to get pregnant?

SpaghettiArmsMurderer · 07/02/2022 20:28

My comment wasn’t meant to be judgy, if anyone construed it that way. I have certainly slept with my fair share of people and think it’s great you’re enjoying yourself but it is so important for your health to use protection when you are with multiple people. A pp mentioned various STIs but after a friend had a scare my concern is HPV, which is often sexually transmitted and can lead to cervical cancer, which would be particularly awful as a single parent. And given your age OP I’m guessing you haven’t been vaccinated against it as they only introduced it relatively recently.

heelforheelandtoefortoe · 07/02/2022 20:42

Most likely date B

Its not very 'professional' to have unprotected sex AND no contraceptives either.

ThirdElephant · 07/02/2022 20:48

Nobody can tell you- you'll have to do a paternity test, I'm afraid.

On the plus side, you will be checked for STIs as part of the booking-in blood tests. Do start on the folic acid if you've not already (I presume you're keeping the baby, as otherwise the paternity would be rather irrelevant).

Moonshine160 · 07/02/2022 20:50

On a 4 week cycle the “average” day to ovulate would be around cycle day 14 so person A would be most likely based on dates. But if he didn’t finish then it’s probably date B. Basically it could be either!

mol2mum · 07/02/2022 20:53

[quote EllieJai44]@RunningFromInsanity sounds like it was a two way street if the guy was so concerned he could have wrapped it, all I'm saying is the OP didn't come on here for sexual health advice if she wanted that she would have posted in that category- she already admitted it was stupid so personally I see no need for people to bash her choices[/quote]
I agree with @EllieJai44 - if you don't have anything helpful to say, don't bother saying anything. The OP is obviously already going through enough as it is.

Hope you figure things out @pleasehelp321 Thanks

AgathaX · 07/02/2022 20:58

Are you happy about the pregnancy? Are you planning on telling the guys?

MissMaple82 · 07/02/2022 20:58

Only a DNA test will give you the answer. By the way, this is not new found freedom, this is stupidity.

MissMaple82 · 07/02/2022 20:58

Are you keeping it or terminating?

Original poster
pleasehelp321 · 07/02/2022 21:24

I accept the judgey comments, I deserve them but thank you so far for the helpful comments on here too.

I've just realised I've cocked up my dates. I was counting CD1 from the end of my period rather than the first day of my period, so that means Date B was CD13 and Date A was CD9 and CD16. Does that make it even more complicated? Or more likely to be B?

OP posts:
Chuchali · 07/02/2022 21:32

@pleasehelp321

I accept the judgey comments, I deserve them but thank you so far for the helpful comments on here too.

I've just realised I've cocked up my dates. I was counting CD1 from the end of my period rather than the first day of my period, so that means Date B was CD13 and Date A was CD9 and CD16. Does that make it even more complicated? Or more likely to be B?

Still just as likely to be either of them
heelforheelandtoefortoe · 07/02/2022 21:36

You wont know til its born and you do a DNA test. Honestly, you don't sound that bright or, as I said above, as 'professional' as you claim.

Were you planning on telling one of them its theirs based on what MN guesses?

Tell them both they could be the father and get tested when its born.

RooneyRue · 07/02/2022 21:36

I think it's B... thought it before and even more so now. I think there is a slim chance it's the precum from A if you ov on the 14th normally and B came inside you on the 13th... has to be ...

No judgement here ... I'm actually kind of impressed!

And congrats, if this is something you are happy about (or could be when the shock wears off!)

AgathaX · 07/02/2022 21:39

Most likely to be B but obviously no guarantees. If you go ahead with the pregnancy you'll need a DNA test, for the child's sake at least. It really wouldn't be fair on the child to mislead them.

ThirdElephant · 07/02/2022 21:46

@heelforheelandtoefortoe

You wont know til its born and you do a DNA test. Honestly, you don't sound that bright or, as I said above, as 'professional' as you claim.

Were you planning on telling one of them its theirs based on what MN guesses?

Tell them both they could be the father and get tested when its born.

Very harsh.

Also, OP, you can do paternity tests before the baby is born. A bit pricey though.

www.ultrasoundplus.co.uk/dna-paternity-test/

ThirdElephant · 07/02/2022 21:47

Snap @supercatlady

WonderfulYou · 07/02/2022 22:48

Honestly it doesn’t matter about the dates as it could be either of them.

Remember that sperm can live inside the vagina for 5 days and you can get pregnant off pre-cum.

I assume these are from one night stands/FWB so are unlikely to want to be involved with the child.

If you decide to go ahead then definitely get a DNA test and definitely get an STI check.