Freaking out about 20 week scan please help!!!

[S0987]

Hi all,

As the thread says I am completely freaking out about the 20 week scan which isn't for another 3.5 weeks and I just don't know how I can go on like this.

I keep reading horror stories on Google about people getting bad news at the scan even though their 12 week scan was absolutely fine and I have just convinced myself I am going to be one of those people.

Does anyone have any coping techniques? Has anyone had a positive 12 week and then bad news at 20? I just keep trying to convince myself that if there was anything really bad it would become apparent at the 12 week scan but I know deep down that's not always the case.

I know there's no real way to solve this other than waiting until the time comes but I just wondered if there's anything anyone can say or recommend to help me not spend the next 3.5 weeks in turmoil.

Thanks in advance

Hi @S0987

I'd say the best way to give yourself reassurance is to book a private scan. But I can appreciate this isn't always a realistic option for everyone. I think they can range from about £70 to £100 but if you can manage it it'll be much better than spending the next 3 weeks stressing.

Other than that I'd just say that the chances that everything is okay are MUCH higher than anything going wrong speak to your midwife if you have any major concerns and find comfort in that you're not alone, scan anxiety is real 🖤 I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine x

I was like this OP, as per PP a private scan for reassurance helped but if you can hold out, I would wait until after your 20 week scan as the wait in between that and giving birth (assuming you are having a straightforward pregnancy and therefore won't be offered any more NHS scans) can feel like a lifetime. So have your 20 week scan and maybe a private one at about 30 weeks if that's an option for you?

Also, you are about 16 weeks now? So baby will start moving more as the weeks go on, your bump will grow, etc. all signs of reassurance. It is very hard when you worry tho I do sympathise

Thanks for your replies. So I could get a private scan (thankfully I've saved up for this knowing my paranoia) BUT my concern is it won't go into the detail that an actual anomaly scan does . They don't seem to offer private anomaly scans where I live! I've read horror stories of people getting private scans at 18 weeks and it all being fine but then bam bad news discovered at 20 week!

It's so hard. I think I need counselling!!

I hope this helps rather than making things worse, but this is just normal mum anxiety - after the 20 week scan you’ll be worrying about the birth, and then about baby meeting their milestones etc. Basically parenting is just managing the next worry! Put down the phone & stop reading scare stories - remember for every sad story there are 100 scans which went very well but people don’t start threads to say their scan went well do they! It skews your perspective a lot on here I find. All the best

@S0987

Thanks for your replies. So I could get a private scan (thankfully I've saved up for this knowing my paranoia) BUT my concern is it won't go into the detail that an actual anomaly scan does . They don't seem to offer private anomaly scans where I live! I've read horror stories of people getting private scans at 18 weeks and it all being fine but then bam bad news discovered at 20 week!

It's so hard. I think I need counselling!!

I didn't find it as overwhelming as you, but I was very concerned about getting bad news at the scan. I didn't want a private scan because if it was bad news, I wanted to be in an NHS hospital where they have all of the facilities and the professionals to deal with it, and not in a branch of Mothercare.

I'm feeling the same as you op, my 20 week scan is a week tomorrow (I'll actually be 19.5weeks)

Absolutely spit in

@Cheekypeach

Spot**

I had a mega panic before my 20 week scan because it is an anomaly scan.
Things were fine but anxiety is common, you want reassurance that baby is ok.
Pregnancy is about a lot of unknowns.
Is there anyone you can speak to in person- having my mom at the end of the phone whilst I listed all the things I was scared about really helped me calm down

I had a bad 20 week scan with DD1 - she's fine now.
I'd just advise you to try and stop worrying because that won't change the outcome. Also many things that are picked up on the 20 week scan are markers which come to nothing or they're something that can be treated once the baby is born. I obviously cannot relax at a 20 week scan now - but I'v had 3 where I'v had the all clear. You're far more likely to have a 'good' 20 week scan than a 'bad' one.

Agree with pp though that once past the 20 week scan you'll worry about other things, I think it's normal to an extent.

We were the opposite because we have DD who's scans were always fine and no issues, so naively thought it would be the same this time around. DD2 was found to have a health problem so we've been sent for extra scans at our local Fetal Medicine, but now she's bigger and they can see things better, they noe think they made a mistake and the condition isn't as bad as what they said. So although the 20 week scan didn't go well and they told us they didn't know if she would survive, at 28 weeks things are now looking better. Just take everything as it comes, your bound to be nervous. If it's not the scan youre worrying about, there'll be something else x

Hi,
I’m one of the people that had a great 12 week scan, wonderful reassurance/bonding scan at 17 weeks and an awful 20 weeks scan that lead to an amniocentesis and potential TFMR.
I can’t reassure you that you won’t be one of those that it happens to, but there is a whole load of us that can reassure you that even if the 20 week scan isn’t great there is lots and lots of support.

Agree with a pp that if you only have one private scan wait until 28/30 weeks - after 2 great scans a potentially life threatening condition was picked up by a private scan at 29 weeks. NHS would have totally missed it.

I'd say stop reading the google horror stories or these kinds oh threads! Honestly it does your mental health no good. I've been robbed of so much joy of this pregnancy through worry and constantly being told I'm high risk, too old, will have to be induced early, baby will be big etc

I'm 28 weeks now and struggling to cope with the reality that it's all fine.. baby is perfect weight health etc and I won't HAVE to have a c section. Everything I've been told wouldn't happen!

I've been drilled with all the scary stuff since the beginning. It's not putting your head in the sand but it's not casting doom prematurely and ruining your experience. Good luck x

I had a scary 20 week scan with my first and I was so naive that anything could be wrong. My advise is to try and be calm , stress is awful for you and no good for baby I imagine . You can't change the outcome to just hope for the best as it's more than likely all ok

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche I’m really sorry to hear your daughter went through all of that, but how is that meant to reassure a woman who is extremely anxious about her 20w scan?

OP, your baby is most probably fine. You have convinced yourself that you will be one of the unlucky few who receive bad news at the 20week scan. Why? You are far more likely to be wrong about that and everything will be fine. Can you make a deal with yourself to deal with problems as they come up and not before? Or can you work through what you would do if the worst case scenario happened (this is helpful for me but not for everyone.)

Thanks for all your replies - I know I should try not to worry and I'm ruining enjoying this pregnancy at all. I like the idea of working through what I would do in worse case scenario if it happened (god forbid) so that I am mentally prepared. I suffer from anxiety and depression - have done as long as I can remember - therefore obsessing and worrying is just standard for me 😓

@Jojobees that is so so awful I'm so sorry I can't even imagine it's my worst fear I just don't understand how they can't pick anything up that's so bad it requires such a horrible decision earlier especially 18 week scan?!!!

Ah hon, book yourself in for a private scan of you're worried. I won't lie I had bad news at the 20 week scan (went on to deliver twins early but are both fine now) but they'd picked up problems really early (9 weeks) so we were prepared, if you've had no issues up till now there's no need to fear for the worst (easier said than done) xx

@S0987

Thanks for your replies. So I could get a private scan (thankfully I've saved up for this knowing my paranoia) BUT my concern is it won't go into the detail that an actual anomaly scan does . They don't seem to offer private anomaly scans where I live! I've read horror stories of people getting private scans at 18 weeks and it all being fine but then bam bad news discovered at 20 week!

It's so hard. I think I need counselling!!

They won't go into detail but (if you go to the right place, mine was staffed with NHS nurses) they'll let you know if you need to be seen by the hospital. The place I went to were clear that they didn't have the equipment to do the same kind of scans as the hospital but if they had any concerns they'd send us straight by taxi to the local hospital to be seen properly.

My complete placenta previa was picked up by a private scan at 18 weeks. I was very grateful to have the heads up.

I hope these give you some reassurance as they helped me when I was in your position...

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322634

www.shortform.com/blog/chance-of-miscarriage-by-week-full-chart/

datayze.com/miscarriage-chart

@Shadappayourface thanks for this I really appreciate it although the first one says that lack of nausea indicates higher risk of miscarriage and I have had barely any nausea in comparison to my first during this pregnancy (first being horrific unbearable nausea) so now I'm slightly more worried lol

I had very bad news at my 20week scan after everything being perfect at the 12 week scan. I knew it was going to happen, I couldn’t stop worrying something bad was going to happen, I even posted on a forum saying how I knew something was wrong and I’d be taken into a bereavement room after my scan, people said not to worry and this and that, but I just knew I honestly just knew. He wasn’t my first baby, and I’d never felt like this with the others, I say it’s mother’s intuition. I do hope all goes ok for you at your scan and that your wrong and just worrying over nothing and all is fine for you