Anyone due late dec (thread 4)

[jadey1991]

@2020mission @burtle4 @Curlymam88 @cutejeans @DecadeBCU @Decadesbcun @julzx @JW2021 @LouLou0505 @lovebeingmum9 @PheebsJ @tashx @Theawkwardblonde @tuxedocat @xTinkerbell @

Hey everyone,
I’ve been a bit quiet recently as I’m struggling to recover from c-section. I have a wound and uterine infection and am on my second course of antibiotics. S is also very demanding and does not settle well at night, he wants a feed every 2 or so hours and then niggles afterwards so we are only getting maybe 1 hour between feeds.

He is 17 days old now and I am still very emotional and cry a lot. I look at him and im so overwhelmed with love for him, I’m terrified that something will happen to him and also feel like im not doing a good job at being his mummy and that he would be better if he had a different mum. I know that these feelings aren’t normal, and I need to speak to my GP, but just wondering how you are all feeling? Is is usual to feel so emotional at this point?

@Curlymam88 - that sucks not having much support I'm sorry 😔 I only have my mum and sister in law as my husbands parents have past and we have no contact with his family but I'll defo take what I can 😂!

@Decadesbcun - I'm so sorry recovery isn't going well😔 please rest as much as you can! It's so normal to feel this way so don't feed bad you're doing an amazing job!!! He's so lucky to have you! Just remember you've had MAJOR surgery and things take awhile to go back to 'normal' sending you all my love and hugs!! Xxx

@Decadesbcun am I right in thinking this is your first? I remember feeling completely overwhelmed with my first. He wasn't a good sleeper and the constant crying, mixed with sleepless nights and adapting to a new way of life is a lot to take. Add on top of that recovery from a c-section and it's no surprise you're feeling the way you do.
The first thing you need to tell yourself is you absolutely 100% deserve to be his mummy and are doing a great job. Mum guilt is such a common thing and I get it constantly with all three of my children. Am I doing enough? Would someone else do it better? Are they happy etc etc. The other thing that comes with having more children is the realisation that everything is a phase and doesn't last forever. There will be an end to each and every phase he goes through, and that everything is just a phase that has to be worked through in its own way.
I think you should speak to your health visitor about how you're feeling and she'll no doubt suggest you speak to your GP but please understand that all these thoughts and feelings and emotions are perfectly normal. We're all in the same boat and just muddling through the best we can!

@Decadesbcun so sorry to hear recovery is taking longer than expected, hope you get better soon. Could you maybe have a little bit of post natal depression? Although, feeling overwhelmed with the exhaustion and sleepless nights on top is normal. Your little one will definitely not be better off with a different mother, you're doing the best you can for your baby nd love him loss and that's all baby needs. Does baby have a name? I see you wrote S?

@burtle4 yes this is my first baby. And I am definitely wondering am I doing enough? Is he happy? And I think because he’s quite unsettled at night time I don’t know if he is happy. Thing is the rational side of me knows that this is just normal for a newborn, they are demanding, they cry, and it doesn’t mean he hates me but my irrational side says ‘my baby hates me’

@Curlymam88 I am thinking it may be. I do suffer with anxiety and am on medication for this so I am definitely predisposed to suffering from PND. Yes his name is Seth, he is just perfect. We tried so long for a baby and I’m so happy I’m finally a mummy so I don’t understand why I also feel like I do.

@LouLou0505 thank you. It’s so nice having the support of this group

@jadey1991 I haven't registered Matthew yet the soonest appointment we could get here was the 31st January. There's a backlog because of covid lockdowns. Usually meant to register them within 3 weeks in Scotland but it will be 5 weeks for us 😬 hopefully it's ok

@LouLou0505 I also wasn't in a good place this time last year. We had 2 early losses across 16 months of trying to conceive so I had given up hope and was just waiting for our fertility clinic appointment this time last year. We almost didn't try in March because we knew the due date wouldn't be ideal but went for it anyway and typically that was our lucky month 😅 he's our third time lucky 🌈

@Decadesbcun I agree with the other ladies it's completely normal. I've been tearful a few times since having Matthew on December 27th but it's not been too bad so far. I had the waterworks on in hospital with the midwives a couple of times when I found out they still weren't letting me home after a number of nights in, when they told me I needed more blood transfusions and then again once I was home when the HV and midwives visited and told me Matthew still wasn't putting on enough weight as it made me feel so guilty and like I wasn't a good enough mum. I also had a bad post birth experience with the retained placenta and postpartum haemorrhage which took me away from the baby for the first couple of hours after he arrived. Not the same as I imagine dealing with a c section recovery would be though! It will pass but definitely let your GP know if it's really getting you down.

@Theawkwardblonde - I find it interesting you feel this way too! Yesterday evening I had a little breakdown to my mum telling her I was struggling and just how looking back now I didn't connect with Jack for the first week and said I felt it was because of my emergency c section, it didn't go the way I wanted and I feel I've missed out.

I wonder if that's really common when you go through a trauma.

In regards to them going for a poo, Jack struggles and the midwife told me to give him a few bottles of the ready made ready to go formula. We give him aptamal and a couple bottles get things moving as they are a laxative 😊

@burtle4 oh gosh yes we sound so similar. And so do the boys.
It does get so hard. Josiah is so needy right now. To be fair I kinda wish I just bottle fed coz the my hubby and other family members could help out.
Never mind aye, I should enjoy these moments because I will be telling him all about when he was baby when he is older.

@LouLou0505 aww bless you? This time last year I didn't think I would be in this position. I was actually going through some tests under gynaecologist because I was struggling to get pregnant. My partner was going to get his semen checked too.
I do feel blessed having him as I've always wanted more kids.

@LouLou0505 yes I think it must be common after a section. I was heartbroken. My partner couldn't understand it, but it really knocked me. I wanted a natural birth with no epidural, ended up epidural and a section so it couldn't have been further away from our plan, and that's minus the complications. I can't fault the staff as they were brill. My midwife noted I was really down over the birth. I have a tendency to over analyse things too so I'm sat dissecting and going over our whole day trying to rationalise that it was the right thing (which it was) to get a section. I hope you're feeling better about your section.

Good tip re the ready made formula. I'll try a pre made up bottle at her next feed.

@Curlymam88 at least I'm not the the only one lol... oh I've been awake all night and still done the school run. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I'm with you on the gaps. 6years between my daughters and 7 years between my youngest daughter and Josiah. Google was defo used here too. I think we panic whenever his cry is different. It takes some time to get use to again. How is leola and her relux?

@Decadesbcun aww hun sounds like we are all in the same boat. I do feel for you. Do you have any other thoughts? I'm wondering if you have the baby blues.. I thought I had this.
I'm sure this will fade away ASAP because you're body is still recovering. The main thing is you and baby are still bonding. Right!

@Decadesbcun you are doing amazing hun and baby appreciates this. Remember to just rest as much as you can. Surgery is a big thing.

@Decadesbcun hun when you say baby is unsettled what do you mean by this? How are you feeding Seth? Maybe he may have colic of something. Have you tried anything to soothe this? We are going through out babies having acid reflux atm. My son Josiah has this and it isn't nice. So he is on gaviscon infant and another medicine.

@2020mission oh I see hun. Over in England we have 6 weeks to register. I thought we might as well get it over and done with.

@Theawkwardblonde aww what a nice name. Sofia. What formula is Sofia on hun? It could be that she is constipated and also are you believing her infacol before her feeds? I find that this helps a lot with poo's and wind.

@LouLou0505 yes I've heard this myself. Aptamal is what we give Josiah too. So do you find this formula good?

Thinking back to this tim last year I was recovering from a TFMR and bow im sat here waiting for the baby to wake up for her feed. Definitely another feeling blessed story here.
@jadey1991 her reflux is alot better on the gaviscon although she is still sick now and then its nowhere near the amount that she was bringing up before. She struggles to poo a little because of them but we've kind of figured a way to make her go...we put vaseline on her bum and then we lay her on her open nappy then tickle her feet, knees and legs 🤣 the tickling must relax her a bit or something!

@Theawkwardblonde - I fully get that! I mentioned in a post last week about having a meeting with the doctors to go through what happened, maybe that might be a good thing for you to do?

I've been watching c-sections on One Born Every Minute as a way of healing which sounds so strange but I feel like I needed to see what was going on!

@jadey1991 - erm I guess it's ok... Jack still one does 1 poo a day right now but it's huge and proper fills his nappy. I give him 2 ready made bottles a day and I use the app 'Baby Feed Timer' to log all his movements so that when I see HV I can be accurate. I don't think there's anything else you can do to help them go at this age but I'm not sure!

I just wing parenting everyday 😂

It seems like most of us were struggling with getting pregnant this time last year! I was on the verge of giving up after trying for 2.5 years, having had tests that said everything was fine (me and hubby) and approaching 40. I just never thought it was going to happen - and then it did in the one month I didn't want it to 😆 So yes, on the days when I'm struggling because Dexter doesn't want to be put down I just tell myself that I had dreamed of holding him and it won't be long before he doesn't want to be held anymore!

@Curlymam88 oh that's good. Glad she is alot better. What a way to help her poo...

@LouLou0505 lol I see what you mean. Josiah did a silent pop the other day and I was gobsmacked at how much poop was in there. Note he of only doing little tiny poops

Thank you everyone. I’m having a better day today rather than yesterday when I cried myself to sleep.

@jadey1991 by unsettled I just mean that he just makes a lot of whingey noises between feeds and at night seems to only settle when being held but I can’t bring myself to co-sleep even though I know this will probably help all of us. He’s having formula, we have tried infacol and also tried raising the head end of his Moses basket to see if this helps too. I’m sure it’s just that he’s brand new and obviously not really in a routine yet but come this time of the evening I really dread what the night time will bring.

@Theawkwardblonde
@LouLou0505

I agree with both that the c-section was very traumatic for me. One minute I was progressing well and the next he was in distress dropping his heart rate and I was in theatre panicking that he wouldn’t cry when he came out. I was terrified and I guess due to the nature of how quickly it all happened I didn’t have time to process what was happening and what it would mean for recovery. I don’t think the infection is helping as I am still in a lot of pain and feeling guilty that my OH is doing everything around the house while I just rest.
I think I am going to contact the hospital about the birth afterthoughts service and try to understand what happened.

@Decadesbcun aw bless you hun, I don't know what to suggest for you. What about giving him a bath and try settle him that way?