Please forgive me for this post but let me explain.
In January 2019 we lost twins at 19 weeks due to placental abruption. It was truely horrendous but we were determined we would love to be parents, so we tried again, conceiving in June the same year. Yep, twins a second time. Just before 23 weeks I went into spontaneous labour and delivered our babies. After four days our son passed away but after an awful lot of help and treatment, our little girl survived and is now a healthy and happy two year old. She spent 5.5 months in NICU and 7.5 months in hospital in total. IT WAS HELL and we nearly lost her several times.
Fast forward to today. I'm 4 weeks pregnant (found out on Sunday) and since then I haven't slept through fear that I might be carrying twins a third time.
I am not functioning. I am SO tired, sick, have very sore breasts and utterly, utterly drained. I go to bed about 11pm but am wide awake by 2.30am and don't get back to sleep. My partner is working all weekend and I need to look after our little girl but I can barely even lift her I'm so weak.
Is it worth asking my GP for an HCG blood test? I can't face waiting for a scan and even if I could be scanned today, which I can't, then I wouldn't want to look at the monitor just in case.
You must be asking why not twins again. I wouldn't cope mentally or physically with two babies (potentially) as well as our daughter. DP says "people do cope and you'd be fine" but he gets to escape to work. It's not like that for me. Apart from 2.5 hours of nursery once a week I care for our daughter 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and have done since she came out of hospital with no breaks. I just wouldn't cope with another two children. I have physical health problems as well as PTSD and depression and this is killing me.
I can't do this.