Why people feel the need to ask if it was a planned pregnancy

[caz198917]

Just as the title says really.

Baby number 2, son is 4. Married and have our own home.

I've had at least 4 people ask me if the baby was planned. I think it's so rude, I just don't understand why people would ask?

Oh and I'm 32 by the way so not exactly a teenager lol!

I have no idea, but then I also have no idea why people feel the need to ask whether it's boy or a girl or say anything other than "lovely news, congratulations".

It's so weird, isn't it? It's inexcusable at any time, but even more so when it's not your first/ you aren't single etc!
I was introduced to a new colleague at work when I was heavily pregnant and that was genuinely the first thing they said to me.
Mad.

Haha I know!! When I told one of my close friends, one of the first thing she asked was if it was planned (we’d just got married and were lucky enough to conceive straight away) but why!? Haha I don’t get why it’s something someone would say. Baffles me!

so they know whether to do exuberant congratulations or supportive and sympathetic. Not everyone is delighted to be pregnant. I dont think its rude, unless they went on about it. You could just reply "yes im thrilled" if youre happy and then its all fine.

I agree, what are people thinking. My husband told a family friend and was asked ‘and are you the father’

I think people are just making conversation tbh. I know a lot of people get offended by it but I just found it nice that people took an interest in my pregnancy! But I guess I'm weird as I didn't mind people touching my bump either!

so they know whether to do exuberant congratulations or supportive and sympathetic.

That's also a good point.

@Branleuse

so they know whether to do exuberant congratulations or supportive and sympathetic. Not everyone is delighted to be pregnant. I dont think its rude, unless they went on about it. You could just reply "yes im thrilled" if youre happy and then its all fine.

I don't need someone I met 5 seconds ago to be supportive or congratulatory!

Bit different if you're a close friend, I agree, but even with friends where I've strongly suspected it wasn't planned, they've chosen to go ahead with it so I'd never ask!

@UpInTheAttic

so they know whether to do exuberant congratulations or supportive and sympathetic.

That's also a good point.

I also thought good point, but then no - surely they could just ask ‘how are you feeling about it?’

Unfortunately this won't be the end if these type of questions..

Was it planned?
Do you want a boy or girl?
Aren't you big have you got twins?
Is it here yet.. is it here yet.. is it here yet 😆

I had this because although our baby was planned and very wanted I’m not gushy at all. So some people would be all ‘OH MY GOD HOW EXCITING THAT’S AMAZING’

And I’d just be all, mmm, yes thanks.

Then they’d ask if it was planned 😂

Bugs me too like yes we've been having loads of regular sex with purpose, is that what you want to know??

I wonder if people realise they’re asking a really personal question! Because this is basically a question about sex, right? You’d never make chit-chat with a stranger asking if their condom split...

No one asked me this...ever...

But then again I'm in a same sex marriage so it would be a whole other affair if it weren't planned.

I did actually ask this question a few years ago but not to the parents.. only because I knew they didn't want kids and actively bragged about their child free future.

Can't see why it would be a question you asked generally though🤔

Congratulations OP

I don't think that most people mean it in a bad way? I think most people are just making conversation and it's kind of like reeling off a script.

so they know whether to do exuberant congratulations or supportive and sympathetic

Possibly this.

Though MIL told people ours were accidents without asking us - they weren't - because it was apparently normal to announce TTC in her circle.

Announcing you are having a shit ton of sex seems odd to me and they even knew few couples who'd done so encountered problems/delays and were really upset when people like MIL insisted on asking about pg every time they saw them even it they'd been asked not to.

Oddest for me was house viewer selling last house- did we mean to have three kids - wtf has that to do with buying our house .

Funniest thing was when people would ask me if baby was planned and I'd tell them no.. they didn't know how to respond. Served them right for asking the question!

It’s incredibly rude! What are you going to say, no I really don’t want this baby?! If I’m telling you I’m pregnant- assume I’m happy and congratulate me. Don’t ask me if I’m careless with contraception! X

I would never ask anyone that, but i might be thinking 'why would you want to have a baby during a pandemic', given the discussion re vaccination during pregnancy.

@Danikm151

Funniest thing was when people would ask me if baby was planned and I'd tell them no.. they didn't know how to respond. Served them right for asking the question!

🤣🤣🤣

I’ve been asked this, I’ve had ivf and have a wife. How could it NOT be planned?! 😂😂

@ginghamstarfish

I would never ask anyone that, but i might be thinking 'why would you want to have a baby during a pandemic', given the discussion re vaccination during pregnancy.

That’s even worse! 🙈 when we planned our baby we actually waited until we could see lockdowns were getting reduced/ending, vaccines were available. How could anyone have any idea how long this would play out. Please don’t ever ask anyone that it’s so insensitive! X

SO rude! I wouldn't ask this in a million years.

If someone has told you about a pregnancy and not said they're unhappy about it then assume they are. I've had a couple of friends say
'Actually, we weren't planning another one quite yet...' etc.
But that's completely their decision to share.

I've been with my husband 10 years, married for 3. Still get asked, very strange.

@UpInTheAttic

so they know whether to do exuberant congratulations or supportive and sympathetic.

That's also a good point.

I've only had the question after we've had all the excitement and the fact it is obviously a positive result!