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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Why people feel the need to ask if it was a planned pregnancy

64 replies

caz198917 · 14/12/2021 13:05

Just as the title says really.

Baby number 2, son is 4. Married and have our own home.

I've had at least 4 people ask me if the baby was planned. I think it's so rude, I just don't understand why people would ask?

Oh and I'm 32 by the way so not exactly a teenager lol!

OP posts:

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RedWingBoots · 15/12/2021 20:03

@Heruka

I agree, what are people thinking. My husband told a family friend and was asked ‘and are you the father’

I hope he said "No it's our lover" or some other BS.

CrispAndFrosty · 15/12/2021 20:55

Oh I meant to add a and a big LOL at @Heruka 's post when I quoted it, instead of rushing straight into my two penn'orth!

sociallydistained · 15/12/2021 20:57

Mine wasn’t and I am asked constantly or I was earlier one. I am quite open about it being an absolute shock especially as I had periods so didn’t find out until later!

AnnaPerenna · 15/12/2021 21:12

It's funny how people react... I was asked by a (tbh slightly dotty) colleague, when she realised I was pregnant, 'and who is the father?' with an enormous quizzical look! I took it quite well and replied 'my husband' I had been then happily married for about six months, was wearing a ring and a very well behaved colleague so not sure what gave the impression I was sleeping around and had doubts about the paternity of my daughter

osmo18 · 15/12/2021 21:12

I get this all the time!!!
We are quite young to be parents, both 24.
However we've bought our own home (3 years ago), engaged, and been together 7 years so I have no idea why it would be seen as frown upon just because of our age!! Drives me insane
And now the question I always get is "are you excited now?"...no Karen I've just carried this child for 38 weeks to decide I'm no longer excited

GemmaRuby · 15/12/2021 21:15

The correct answer is “that’s a very personal question”

Trinacham · 15/12/2021 21:26

Currently expecting my first child at 31 and I do recall one person asking this! Family member on DH's side. We've been together 11 years, married for 4 and have our own home too. We've always been quite open about speaking about wanting children one day too.. so no idea why people ask!

CrispAndFrosty · 15/12/2021 21:33

Actually, a very close family member asked my husband how he felt when he found out I was pregnant, with the implication (from the tone) being that it must have been a devastating shock. Never mind that, like many of you on this thread, we are married homeowners in our 30s (and yes, it was bloody well planned!). Just say congrats

Nikkic2123 · 16/12/2021 07:49

@Sunshineandflipflops

I have no idea, but then I also have no idea why people feel the need to ask whether it's boy or a girl or say anything other than "lovely news, congratulations".

I guess they are trying to make conversation, show an interest in your news.

Nikkic2123 · 16/12/2021 07:50

@caz198917

Just as the title says really.

Baby number 2, son is 4. Married and have our own home.

I've had at least 4 people ask me if the baby was planned. I think it's so rude, I just don't understand why people would ask?

Oh and I'm 32 by the way so not exactly a teenager lol!

It's is definitely a bit rude and random....

Nikkic2123 · 16/12/2021 07:52

@UpInTheAttic

so they know whether to do exuberant congratulations or supportive and sympathetic.

That's also a good point.

This is a good explanation, maybe trying to gauge if it's a Congratulations or ......

Nikkic2123 · 16/12/2021 07:56

@inferiorCatSlave

so they know whether to do exuberant congratulations or supportive and sympathetic

Possibly this.

Though MIL told people ours were accidents without asking us - they weren't - because it was apparently normal to announce TTC in her circle.

Announcing you are having a shit ton of sex seems odd to me and they even knew few couples who'd done so encountered problems/delays and were really upset when people like MIL insisted on asking about pg every time they saw them even it they'd been asked not to.

Oddest for me was house viewer selling last house- did we mean to have three kids - wtf has that to do with buying our house .

I always wanted three kids, everyone I mention it to who had the kids told me the third was never planned. The more I chatted to people the more families with 3 kids hasn't actually planned the third, I only chatted to friends tho.... Am here I am trying for my third, who will be very much planned by the time they get here.... Trying a year this month, miscarriage in June

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 16/12/2021 07:58

Ours was a surprise pregnancy and loads of people came up to me to tell me they had no idea we were trying. These were people who wouldn't know even if we were trying like old school mates I haven't seen in years, colleagues and ex colleagues, old neighbours etc. Why the fuck would I announce that we were TTC? I didn't even announce the pregnancy so if I didn't tell you directly then you probably weren't very involved in my life.

Mammyloveswine · 16/12/2021 17:38

I had to tell my boss I wasn't keeping a pregnancy and it was awful as before I even spoke she guessed I was pregnant and started gushing. I then had to explain I wasn't continuing with the pregnancy. Was awful.

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