It's a boy....feel overwhelmed

[WeGoAgain123]

Hello!

As the title states, I'm having a boy!

Before anyone thinks I'm unhappy about this I just want to put you straight that there is no gender disappointment here.

In fact I have 2 daughters, aged 11 and 10 and before the 20 weeks scan me and my partner where quietly hoping to have a boy, partially due to the big age gap and also to experiencing the other side.

Now it's not hypothetical anymore I'm feeling very overwhelmed at thr thought of being 40 and not knowing anything about baby boys!

For those that have had girls and then a boy, what did you find to be the most different? I've been warned about nappy time already 😆

This talks about it www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/gender-toys-children-toy-preferences-hormones_n_1827727/amp

My only DS was way harder than my girls. He never slept. I got my first night's sleep when he was nearly three. When I bf him, he was like a vacuum cleaner. The girls were much gentler. He was into everything and if he was quiet, I knew he was doing something naughty like trying to take the furniture apart. He was so noisy, but I enjoyed having a boy as he was so different with his interests and it was fascinating. When he was a teenager he just grunted at me. He married young and his own DC never slept either!

He's so loving. I'm glad I had a boy even though, having never had anything to do with male children, it was a bit of a shock.

Mine never fitted into the sexist stereotypes of bitchy/manipulative girls v loving, easy going boys luckily!

It’s totally down to individual personality rather than sex.

I’ve got a boy and girls and they’re all different and amazing.

@Sexnotgender

It’s totally down to individual personality rather than sex.

I’ve got a boy and girls and they’re all different and amazing.

I agree. Although I think male parenting has an effect.

@4amstarts

I've got boy girl twins and an older girl so seeing the whole nature vs nurture and gender stereotypes from a unique vantage point

Boy twin is definitely more whingey and whiney
Boy twin is very physical - likes to bash things, fiddle with things, generally get in places he shouldn't 😂
Boy twin needs wearing out - we joke it's like having a dog we have to walk 3 times a day so he'll go to sleep
Boy twin is a dustbin at meal times and shovels it in
Boy twin much stronger - girl twin will gently pat your face, stroke the cat etc. boy twin goes for a nose grab and wrestling hold of small animals 😂
Boy twin was first to say "mama" 💙 - the girls are all about daddy and definitely seeks me out for attention like a little shadow

I haven't RTFT but every single thing you've said about your boy, except whining thank goodness, applies to my girl.

There're all just useless, often harmful, stereotypes.

My son was/still is the largest child. Slept through from night we bought him home, never fussed..7 years on and still the same! My daughter on the other hand, was a very good baby but now is extremely hard headed, loves a whinge, has tantrums but she is hilarious and a lovely child!

You never knew anything about girls or babies at one point either, 😉, don't stress.

@Aquamarine1029

Don't label your baby with any nonsense preconceived notions before he's even born. He will be his own person, that's all.

So grateful for the few sane voices on Mumsnet 🙌

I had a boy first ,

Both very similar babies so far , my girl is only 5months

The nappy changing isn't too different - you can tell when a boy is about to wee but my girl has got me several times

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@garlictwist

“Haven’t we got past all this gender nonsense”, I’m no and we won’t because it exists.
Any mother being honest with herself who has raised both girls and boys (and seen other young ones grow) can tell your their is a difference which happens quite naturally very young.[/quote]
But you have a sample size of what, 2? 4? Even if you had 20 kids, this is an insignificant sample size to draw generalised conclusions about entire genders from, to eliminate the effects of your situational or personal biases and to say anything at all about boys and girls in general.

Only statistics can give an insight into the generalised behaviour similarities of boys or girls. There are no personal anecdotes about your children that can because humans can't physically birth and raise enough children for a statistically significant sample size.

@grace1991

Boys seem to be a hell of a lot more stroppy and whingey I think in the first year or so. That's the only difference I've noticed !!!

Speak for yourself. My one year old boy is a ray of pure sunshine. Strangers have approached me his whole life to tell me what a cheerful, happy baby he is.

OP - apart from nappy changes there really won't be a difference! Girl babies and boy babies aren't different categories. The individual nature of your baby isn't dependent on their genitals, and you don't have to do anything different in raising them.

Aah the boys are like dogs analogy. Love that it never dies as a stereotype.

My DS would be really fucking hurt to be reduced down to such a comparison. He is as complex as all humans, a real mix of different and often conflicting, traits. He's complicated and straightforward and sensitive and thoughtful and curious and spirited and worried and happy and driven and lazy. He is his own inimitable self and needs exercise and food as much as the next human. He's nothing like a dog though. Not nearly so biddable for a start!

I do despair of these threads.

OP, you'll have a baby. Who he is will be the same magnificent adventure of discovery every parent experiences. He will be your baby and that is for you to find out. You'll love him though. I know that much. Even if not at first because you don't always, you will eventually. And when you do, none of these current worries will register.

@ShowOfHands

Aah the boys are like dogs analogy. Love that it never dies as a stereotype.

My DS would be really fucking hurt to be reduced down to such a comparison. He is as complex as all humans, a real mix of different and often conflicting, traits. He's complicated and straightforward and sensitive and thoughtful and curious and spirited and worried and happy and driven and lazy. He is his own inimitable self and needs exercise and food as much as the next human. He's nothing like a dog though. Not nearly so biddable for a start!

I do despair of these threads.

OP, you'll have a baby. Who he is will be the same magnificent adventure of discovery every parent experiences. He will be your baby and that is for you to find out. You'll love him though. I know that much. Even if not at first because you don't always, you will eventually. And when you do, none of these current worries will register.

Agreed, @ShowOfHands. It's a damaging and unpleasant stereotype -- it feeds the idea that men and boys don't feel just as women do, and contributes to those stereotypes you not infrequently see on here from women who say they don't like 'catty/bitchy' female environments, and will only befriend or work with men. And, much more damagingly, to the idea that adult men have the emotional range of a Labrador, which, frankly, doesn't do either sex any favours.

Of course we all stereotype by gender, or almost all of us do. If you think you don’t, watch this clip of an experiment where babies are dressed in clothes of the opposite gender and people choose toys for them.

And baby brains are really malleable, so by directing them towards gendered toys we're creating differences in their personalities that we then insist are natural boy or girl characteristics.

I never get the "I only know boys/girls" statement. Before your first child you didn't know either. 🤷‍♀️ I promise you now the whole sex/gender thing really isn't that different especially as babies. If he's different he'll be brand new different babies just as your daughters were.

Congratulations!

Ps my son is obsessed with dolls and animals and craft activities. Why? Probably because that's what I give him to play with! So much gender stuff is genuinely rubbish.

Sex based differences between babies will be down to their individual differences and also down to societal influence. Many studies have shown people treat and respond to “girl” or “boy” babies differently (in “” as it was one baby dressed as either a girl or a boy for the study) as in the girl was comforted more and supported to do things and helped- and the boy was shushed more than comforted if crying, let to more alone. Shown more physical activities to do and cuddled less.

So other than the physical penis of a baby boy being able to pee further… there really isn’t anything to differentiate between a baby boy and a girl. I found baby boy nappy changing easier as the poop has less bits to get in amongst…and if the Willy moves- cover it up!!!!

I have 4 sons. All completely different in personalities growing up. One had tantrums, one completely chilled, one sporty one musical. All totally different as babies, two had reflux and never slept. Two fed amazing and slept so well. Got through the teenage years pretty unscathed too! Then again I know families with sons who have had all sorts of teenage issues and families of girls the same. Boy or girl it's the individuals personality that makes them easier or not to parent.
Congrats OP x

@4amstarts

I've got boy girl twins and an older girl so seeing the whole nature vs nurture and gender stereotypes from a unique vantage point

Boy twin is definitely more whingey and whiney
Boy twin is very physical - likes to bash things, fiddle with things, generally get in places he shouldn't 😂
Boy twin needs wearing out - we joke it's like having a dog we have to walk 3 times a day so he'll go to sleep
Boy twin is a dustbin at meal times and shovels it in
Boy twin much stronger - girl twin will gently pat your face, stroke the cat etc. boy twin goes for a nose grab and wrestling hold of small animals 😂
Boy twin was first to say "mama" 💙 - the girls are all about daddy and definitely seeks me out for attention like a little shadow

I have boy girl twins, and an older boy. Completely agree that we have the vantage point of two children of different sex, growing in the identical environment, so the difference we see is nature not nurture.

Agree with all of what you put. Except girl twin is more stroppy/whiny throughout the day. More of a diva.

Boys are much, much more physical. She will sit still for much longer. He will throw, kick balls, do laps of the house. If she's really mad at him, she'll cry and run off to do a dramatic fall to the floor, and this can go on for a good five minutes. However, if he's mad at her, (she deliberately runs off with anything he's holding) he gives her a whop across the top of her head and toddles off. It's very much, "leave him alone, leave him alone, leave him....NO! Do not hit your sister"

He's definitely stronger. And the mealtime shovelling is a sight to behold.

And he's definitely a mummy's boy. He loves me so much. But not just more than girl twin, more than his older brother too. He might hurl himself at me, but it's with absolute joy in his eyes.

Congratulations on your son. They're different, but they're awesome

Honestly other than the pee issue there's nothing radical that you need to know OP. You really won't know what hell be like until he's born.

@grace1991

Boys seem to be a hell of a lot more stroppy and whingey I think in the first year or so. That's the only difference I've noticed !!!

The exact opposite in my direct experience.

@4amstarts I haven't RTFT but every single thing you've said about your boy, except whining thank goodness, applies to my girl.

@MrsTerryPratchett have you got a boy as well?

Lots of what she says applies to any child. The point is, it applies to my boy more. And as we both have boy/girl twins, being raised simultaneously and identically, we can kind of give direct comparisons. It's not coincidence that she and I agree on so much.

I know a mother of girl/boy twins who are nearing adulthood. She likes to claim she can see innate differences caused by their sex. Most of those differences, she nurtured, created and caused from the day they was born. Even the way she described their (identical) crying was gendered.

Of course people deny it but we ALL do it. It's unconscious, which is why we don't notice it but we all do it to some extent.