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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

38 week scan - Sex found out and now in trouble! DH won't talk to me...

65 replies

naturemum · 15/12/2007 18:32

Hello

I had a scan at 38 weeks on Thursday to see if I was going to have another big baby (DS 9lbs 7oz at birth) and really wanted to find out the sex but DH didn't. So, scanner wrote the sex and sealed in envelope for us to open/or not if we wanted to.

We decided that we would open it together Xmas Day but last night as I was sitting at home on my own (DH works evenings) curiosity got the better of me and I opened it!!

Thrilled to find out I'm having a girl.

DH came home from work and I felt that I should tell him that I had opened it otherwise I would have been hiding something from him for 10 days and we are always very open - no secrets.

He was so utterly disappointed and still is. Has spent all day in bed with a 'headache' and when he did get up he looked as though someone had died. Doesn't even want to think about the baby!

Please help me feel better about the situation!! Was I wrong to want to know?

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moondog · 15/12/2007 18:33

That is so awful of yuo to do that!

scorpio1 · 15/12/2007 18:34

it is his baby too, i think thats why he is pissed, especially as you had an arrangement.

beansprout · 15/12/2007 18:34

Of course not!! Talk about put temptation in your way!! Dh may not be happy but in the scheme of things, you have been understandably curious, that's all. If you both really, really didn't want to know you could have just said as much to the sonographer.

Congratulations!!

DumbledoreWithBoughsOfHolly · 15/12/2007 18:35

No, I think your dh is behaving like a twat.

I can understand how curiosity and excitement would get the better of you. Perhaps you should have waited until he was there, but hell, it is hardly the crime of the century.

Tell him to grow up.

goingfor3christmaspuddings · 15/12/2007 18:36

I would have opened it too but wouldn't have told dp about it. It sounds as if he wanted it to be a specail moment for both of you to share.

ArtiChokesOnTheWishbone · 15/12/2007 18:36

how could you deprive DH of the moment you find out the sex of your child together??? That is one of the most special moment to share.

ruddynorah · 15/12/2007 18:37

how would you have felt if he'd done that to you? how awful.

NAB3littlemonkeys · 15/12/2007 18:39

I think you are in the wrong tbh and the way he is behaving shows how much this meant to him, doing it together. Afterall, he didn't want to know until the birth so you were meant to be compromising.

notjustmom · 15/12/2007 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nooname · 15/12/2007 18:41

I think you have to respect how he feels about it and give him time to get over it. I imagine he may feel this is an invasion of trust. But, ultimately, you are having a child together and, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't important. He has to get over it, but you have to respect you have upset him.

dal21 · 15/12/2007 18:42

i think what you did was a tad out of order - but in the big scheme of things, not that big a deal. agree with the poster who says your DH needs to get over it and grow up. congrats btw.

SelfishMrsClaus · 15/12/2007 18:49

Why did you do that?

Did you continue to tell dh you were carrying a baby girl? Or did you just tell him you knew the sex?

I think it was sneaky of you to do that & would be very hurt of my dh did that behind my back!

spackcat · 15/12/2007 18:52

Perhaps you could do something really nice for him to say you're sorry, and maybe explain that had you realised he would be this upset over it you would never have done it? What nooname said was very sensible and I am sure he will get over it soon enough - you have a lovely baby girl to look forward to in a couple of weeks! Good luck.

webcrone · 15/12/2007 18:57

Oh dear! Curiousity is so very human and you shouldn't feel bad about it, and he should get over it!

spackcat · 15/12/2007 18:59

Goodness me, why are so many of you ladies being so judgemental? What's done is done and I am sure we have all done things that have not been too clever, we are here to help each other out rather than tell off!

PirateInaPeartree · 15/12/2007 19:00

some moment of madnes/weakness that was. Especially as you have both waited so long, at 38 weeks, you didnt have long to wait.

Am not surprised he's pissed off, I would be.

POOKAingwenceslaslookedout · 15/12/2007 19:01

I would have been really annoyed if my dh had done this, particularly if I had said from the outset that wouldn't want to know, and then had even compromised to have a joint opening on Christmas Day.
Maybe he was planning something for the day? Maybe he is upset that you didn't take his wishes into account.
Not sure what you can do apart from wait for it to blow over.

Wisteria · 15/12/2007 19:01

Congratulations

It sounds as though he's just really disappointed and had obviously really been looking forward to a special treat Christmas day . I am sure he will forgive you.

There's no way I would have been able to wait either though (but I wouldn't have told my dh I'd opened it ).

Buy him a really special 'sorry' card and something he loves (maybe you'll have your dd on Christmas Day instead!)and then explain that it was pregnancy brain that made you open it

Original poster

naturemum · 15/12/2007 19:05

Thank you for all your responses. I completely understand how he is feeling and feel awful that curiosity got the better of me.

It will still be a special moment when I tell him - and I know he will be thrilled to find out he is going to have a little girl. I going to do something nice for him to say sorry.

I'm normally such a good wifey and I hope that he can trust me again.

OP posts:

SpacecadetLovesChristmas · 15/12/2007 19:06

I think if you felt that you couldnt resist the temptation to peek any longer it would have been a better idea to say to him.."lets look in the envelope now, I cant wait until Christmas Day"...however, you cannot turn back the clock now..whats done is done and you both need to talk to each other about it because very soon your new baby is going to be here

spackcat · 15/12/2007 19:06

Good luck naturemum!

Original poster

naturemum · 15/12/2007 19:08

Thank you spackcat.

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Santasmissyontheside · 15/12/2007 19:08

oh dear. i would have opened it as i am soooooo impatient but would have sealed it up again. my dh would have reacted exactly same way. poor bloke

NAB3littlemonkeys · 15/12/2007 19:09

Why are you going to tell him? Maybe he would rather wait until the birth now.

Original poster

naturemum · 15/12/2007 19:11

I know - poor thing. i just thought that if he had found out at a later date that I had opened it, that it may have caused even more hurt so thought it would be best to be up front.

Curiosity killed the cat...!

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