Gender expectations - does it go away once they’re born?

[Haveallthenamesgone]

This is a hard thing for me to write as I’m embarrassed and ashamed about my own feelings. We are due later after Xmas and haven’t found out the sex. Partly because I’m sad if it’ll be a boy and I don’t know why. Do these irrational feelings go away once they’re born and placed on your chest?
I don’t know why I crave a girl. I know it doesn’t really matter. I know all the rational arguments but the hormonal pull to meet ‘mini me’ is so strong. Plus everyone we know is having or recently had girls. And strangers have told me having boys is awful.

Can anyone tell me if the weird chemical feeling of disappointment just disappears eventually? I’m a very anxious first timer and can’t navigate my own emotions about this topic (so if you came to write something nasty, please log off and make a cuppa)

Whatever your expectations are, just let go of them OP.

Accepting things you might not have chosen is a central part of being a parent! You're not selecting an object, you're taking on a role where you care for whatever unique being nature throws your way.

For example, my little 2yo boy likes long walks where he looks at the tyres and steering wheel of every car we pass. It delights him, so it delights me. Just go with the flow.

I really REALLY wanted a boy with my first. The idea of having a girl just made me so sad (mainly for all the shit she would have to put up with all her life). I didn't find out the sex, but was convinced I was carrying a boy as was everyone around me. Out popped a girl. I stared at her, trying to figure out what I was looking at/where the penis was as I was that certain it was a boy. DH had to tell me it was a girl, and honestly I just fell in love with her and never had a moment of disappointment. OP, once your baby is in your arms I think you'll be fine! Also I've just had my second, and he is a boy and so far an absolute delight! Ignore anyone saying mean or stupid things - obvious pregnancy seems to attract people voicing idiotic opinions and stories.

I have sons, they’re teenagers now. They’re tall, handsome and amazing. I love being surrounded by men (I’ve stolen that line from something I once read on here!).

Boys are simply wonderful. I don’t know who these people are that told you otherwise but they really are awesome! Contrary to the assumptions I made when they were small, my boys love clothes and love going clothes shopping with me. This is something I thought I’d miss out on but I haven’t. I’m very proud of my boys.

My sons girlfriends and female friends are often in the house nowadays, I love to chat to them about clothes and make up! Never felt I missed out on anything. Boys are fabulous and so are girls.

I'm having a boy and I was in complete shock when I found out. Probably a bit of disappointment too, if I'm completely honest. I just never thought I would have a boy- all my family had girls, growing up I only had girl cousins, my mum is one of three girls and her sister had three girls etc etc. Later on my other auntie did have boys but I was a lot older then and my childhood had just been girls. That was my experience and we usually picture the things we know.

I talked about this with my sister, who is also pregnant with a boy and found out shortly before me. She feels the exact same and for the same reasons. I remember the shock on her face when she came home from her 20 week scan!

I found out early as I knew I would need time to process these feelings. I'm glad I did as I'm now overjoyed to be having a boy 🥰. What helped me a lot was thinking about how completely wonderful my husband is and how much I love him as a person- he is my best friend in the world. He's also a fantastic brother to his younger sister and they always got on so well, which my sister and I didn't when we were younger.

I am definitely scared still, I feel a weight of responsibility to teach him emotional integrity and protect him from the toxic masculinity that's so pervasive around little boys. I felt more comfortable with the idea of raising a girl because I deal with those challenges from a female perspective already.

Having feelings like these are completely normal and please focus on the overwhelming majority of comments on here that are supportive. The one or two judgemental posters perhaps need to inspect their own emotional responses before commenting. Having certain feelings and acting on them are completely different- you're not throwing a strop at a gender reveal, you're having an adult conversation about how you feel and how to process that in order to move forward. That is positive and healthy and you should be proud of yourself for talking about something you're ashamed of instead of pushing it down.

@BreadmanAndCake

If you took my comment as 'catty' then that's now how it was meant to come across. It was mainly in response to your friends comment about boys being awful.

I don't think OP was referring to you- more the comments of it being "pathetic" to feel like this, and implying you shouldn't risk having children at all if you have a preference (...because you'll obviously hate your child if it's not the gender you expected?!)

I wanted a girl with my first. I didn't want to find out if it was a boy or girl before birth because I thought I would be disappointed if i found out it was a boy but I wouldn't be on the day they were born.

When he was born it was a boy but I don't remember feeling disappointment just relief the baby was born safe and sound.

My little boy is just absolutely amazing. To me he is just so prefect in every way I can't imagine having a girl.

We are now expecting our 2nd and while it would be nice to have a girl, I would be equally as happy if it was a boy.

I have a baby girl. She wears clothes she would wear if she was a boy. She plays with the same toys she would have if she had been a boy. What is it exactly you're hoping for?

Boys are surprisingly rewarding. They really really love their mummies. Girls can be more complicated.

@Eastridingclub

Boys are surprisingly rewarding. They really really love their mummies. Girls can be more complicated.

Not to be an arse about it, but children, whether boy or girl are incredibly complicated. Because they're people with opinions and thoughts and feelings.

Saying boys are less complicated than girls is untrue and a gender stereotype that doesn't help boys.

OP it might help if you stopped thinking of it as "a boy" and more "your boy". Forget anything you've known about "boys" and focus instead towards this being your baby, an entire person who you will bring up and dote completely on.

I always pictured having a girl. Even went and got a private scan to double check when I was told a boy. Haha
Once he was born that urge for a girl went away and it was just a rush of pure love.

My partner and my son in law were initially disappointed with daughters.....it only lasted a day or so

I've got a boy, he's awesome. And aside from the obvious biological differences, he's a total mini me! Be careful what you wish for there....

I have three lovely boys, they are all special and unique and I wouldn’t swop one for a girl! Why do people tell you it’s bad to have a boy? That’s horrible! I think (hope) you love your baby whatever it is, it’s pretty hard not to love a little bundle who relies on you for everything i think! Just keep saying out loud to baby I love you little boy and even if at first it feels hard you’ll eventually convince yourself! Boys really are lovely though!!!!