Pregnant & frightened

[Leerose2015]

Hi there,
This is my first ever post on here, so please bear with me 🙏
I'm 34 years old, I've been in a new relationship for 2 months & we've been blissfully happy ❤️
However, a couple of weeks ago I found out that I'm pregnant.
I had a 'one time thing' with my daughters father just over 2 months ago (prior to me meeting my current partner, I'd never cheat), and now I'm unsure if the father of my unborn baby is my daughters daddy or my new partner (my daughter is 6 years old) 😰
I've been totally honest with everyone involved & I've personally paid £1490 for a 'prenatal DNA test' (the results arrive in 2 days) 🧬
My current partner who I've been with for two months is saying this... if the baby is his, then we carry on & live happily ever after, BUT if the baby is my daughters father, then I need to abort as he'll leave me if I don't 😥
I've never in my life been so frightened, I'm suffering with crippling morning sickness (HG 🤮), I've lost so much weight in such a short amount of time, even anti sickness tablets aren't working & I'm currently signed off work as the sickness is debilitating me 🤢🤒
I feel totally lost & I've never in my whole life felt so afraid 😓
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated... I anticipate I'm approx. 7-10 weeks pregnant 🤰🏼
Thank you for reading x

Hi,
I'm sorry you are feeling so awful. Please do whatever your gut feeling is telling you. Don't be dictated to by anyone else as you will end up resenting them if it isn't what you want to do. Two months is a very new relationship and likely to be in the honey moon period still, happy ever afters are never guaranteed.
It's your body, your choice. Good luck

It's really not okay for your partner to be coercing you into an abortion if the child isn't his. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time so it's important those around you are supporting you in making your own decisions and looking after you, rather than making threats if things don't go their way. This is the main issue I'd be addressing right now if I were you. Do you have trusted family and friends you can lean on and talk to?

Your new “partner” sounds like a dick. I think coercing an abortion whilst threatening to leave, is vile behaviour.

I understand if your new partner decided he didn't want to be involved if you continued the pregnancy if it was your exs baby. But he should in no way be influencing your decision around keeping the baby or not. Agree with PP that this is a brand new relationship, you're in the honeymoon period, and no life decisions should be based around a fairy tale idea of your life together as there's really no way in this short time you can be sure how it will all turn out. Hoping you get the answer you wish for in the next couple of days and you can get some medication to help with the HG!

Tbh if the baby is your DPs I would still say leave him- telling you to abort your baby if it's not his is absolutely abhorrent!

How your new dp has treated you is awful op and you deserve better. Please put yourself first in this.

thank you so much for your replies, this really helps as I'm feeling cripplingly low & I honestly cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel 😞

I feel like I'm on the brink of loosing everything... my career (which I've worked so hard for), my boyfriend if I don't terminate & potentially the baby if I feel I cannot cope... I just want all the pain to end 😣

My boyfriend has expressed that 'he is from a good family & things like this just don't happen'... but I'm from a very good family too, and I never meant for this to happen neither, I've always been so sensible 😥

My parents are pleading with me to have a termination, as is my partner, as is my daughters father... no one wants me to have this baby & it's destroying me 😓

My current partner told my parents about the baby without my consent, which has caused a huge stain in my relationship with my parents, especially my dad 💔

In just at a total loss with the entire situation, my heart is broken 😓

I'd book a scan ASAP (private ones are about £70 here) to assess if the pregnancy is viable and get a better idea of dates.

I think you need to ask yourself some questions; Do you really want a baby with a man you have just met? Or with an ex (who I assume is an ex for a reason)? If both those men walk away, do you still want to raise another child alone.
Base your decision on what is right for you and your daughter, not on their opinions.

Oh op I really feel for you

No one, absolutely no one should be pressuring you into making a decision one way or another!

Did you know that if you were to call BPAS (who arrange abortions) they can give you advice and will offer you opportunities to talk it through? You don't have to commit to anything and, indeed, if you were to tell them about the pressure you're under they would probably flag it on their system.
I'm not saying you should talk to them, but if you wanted to find out more about your options then you can talk to them.

I do think you should have a chat with your gp.

Take a break from contact with all of those pressuring you and give yourself some breathing room to think about what you want.

Aww bless you HG is tough enough on it's own let everything else. (I've just over it myself)

I don't think new partner is a dick he is in his right to feel that way, I guess any man would react the same. But you mustn't feel pressured

by him you do what is right for you.

I would probably distance yourself from everyone until you get results back and then go from their.

OP I know it’s hard, but if you push the paternity issue to one side, do you want to have another baby and are you happy to raise it alone? That’s the question you really need to answer. Unfortunately I think that unless you independently decide to terminate, your new relationship is unlikely to survive this.

I think @AwkwardPaws27 raises some good questions to reflect on.

No one should be giving you ultimatums over whether you keep your baby. Do you want another child? Will you cope mentally if you have to raise your children on your own. That is all that matters.

Your update makes your shitty boyfriend sound even shittier. How dare he tell your parents??.

Regardless of what happens , you need to end this relationship because he’s an absolute wanker. 2 months in, and all this is happening already? Fuck that.

you're absolutely right, space is what I need right now, so I've asked my partner to leave me alone for a few days, just so I can have some time to think 💆🏼‍♀️ However, he's now saying 'he doesn't no what he wants', so I'm guessing that means he's likely to leave me imminently anyway 😞 It's just one stress/worry after another, I'm at breaking point 😣 I'm even rejecting calls from my mum as she's desperately trying to point me in the direction of a termination 😓 It's all such a mess, and I'm even starting to resent my partner, even though this isn't his fault 😣 Sorry for moaning so much, the stress combined with the crippling 24/7 sickness is totally beating me 🤮🤒😓

Sorry that you’re having to go through this! I think it’s great you’re taking some time apart to think about what you want..I just really wouldn’t let the opinion of this new partner factor into your decision as it’s such a new relationship and he doesn’t sound like he’s providing much assurance whether it’s his or not. I would proceed based on whether or not you would be happy to raise the baby alone if the worst happens. This is actually how I was conceived..my mum was convinced it was the new boyfriends as they’d had more sex but She’d had a one night stand with my father / her ex and only found out years later after the other boyfriend requested dna test when she was trying to get him to pay maintenance...she was very surprised!

Good luck in whatever you decide!

UPDATE: my boyfriend called me tonight, even though I told him I'd been back at the doctors today, on the brink of being hospitalised & I'm on my knees with this severe pregnancy sickness, and he's told me that he doesn't love me anymore, that he doesn't want to be with me & that I should terminate the pregnancy ASAP, even though he let me choose an engagement ring just 4 days ago (it arrives tomorrow as we had to order in my size 😣)... to say I'm distraught is a total understatement, I'm heartbroken & I feel like my life is falling apart, I've never felt so low 😓

@TaraR2020

Tbh if the baby is your DPs I would still say leave him- telling you to abort your baby if it's not his is absolutely abhorrent!

How your new dp has treated you is awful op and you deserve better. Please put yourself first in this.

This absolutely!

@Leerose2015

UPDATE: my boyfriend called me tonight, even though I told him I'd been back at the doctors today, on the brink of being hospitalised & I'm on my knees with this severe pregnancy sickness, and he's told me that he doesn't love me anymore, that he doesn't want to be with me & that I should terminate the pregnancy ASAP, even though he let me choose an engagement ring just 4 days ago (it arrives tomorrow as we had to order in my size 😣)... to say I'm distraught is a total understatement, I'm heartbroken & I feel like my life is falling apart, I've never felt so low 😓

An engagement ring after 2 months?

I don't know if it means anything coming from a stranger on the internet, but your partner is not a nice person. I totally understand that you've all found yourself in a difficult position, but saying "I wouldn't be able to raise another man's child" is world's away from "you need to get rid of your baby".

He's centred the whole thing on himself, and he's not taken your feelings into account at all.

FWIW I think you're right to ignore the phone for a few days. It might be that a termination ends up being the right decision for you, but it needs to be YOUR decision.

Ps please hassle your GP if there are any other/more anti-sickness drugs you could try, and take the hospital stay and IV fluids if it comes to it. The sickness sounds unbearable.

Ps a partner who builds you up (engagement rings after 2 months) and then tears you down days later is not someone you want to spend any more time with. It's calculated abusive behaviour ("look what you made me do") designed to keep you feeling insecure.

@ViceLikeBlip

Ps a partner who builds you up (engagement rings after 2 months) and then tears you down days later is not someone you want to spend any more time with. It's calculated abusive behaviour ("look what you made me do") designed to keep you feeling insecure.

Agreed. An engagement ring after 2 months is a massive red flag. He's either very immature or lovebombing you.

An engagement ring after 2 months? That is a great big red flag.

thank you for the advice everyone 🙏
He's 28 & I'm 34... so I think he's just immature 2bh, which was always a worry for me from the very start, I really should have listened to my gut instinct 😓

Run as fast as you can, op.

Block all calls and messages from ppl pressuring you and give yourself space to feel better and think things through

Fair enough if he can't face bringing up another mans child but he shouldn't be making these kind of horrible threats to coerce you into having an abortion. I would dump him no matter what. I think in future you need to pay more attention to contraception and not leap head first into relationships.

OP, it is entirely your decision. In your shoes I would have termination irrespective of who the father is. If you do decide to have a baby anyway I wouldn't stay with the new boyfriend even if he begs for forgiveness. You now have a clear evidence what he is like when you don't feel 'blissfully happy' and care free in the early relationship.