Pregnant & frightened

[Leerose2015]

Hi there,
This is my first ever post on here, so please bear with me 🙏
I'm 34 years old, I've been in a new relationship for 2 months & we've been blissfully happy ❤️
However, a couple of weeks ago I found out that I'm pregnant.
I had a 'one time thing' with my daughters father just over 2 months ago (prior to me meeting my current partner, I'd never cheat), and now I'm unsure if the father of my unborn baby is my daughters daddy or my new partner (my daughter is 6 years old) 😰
I've been totally honest with everyone involved & I've personally paid £1490 for a 'prenatal DNA test' (the results arrive in 2 days) 🧬
My current partner who I've been with for two months is saying this... if the baby is his, then we carry on & live happily ever after, BUT if the baby is my daughters father, then I need to abort as he'll leave me if I don't 😥
I've never in my life been so frightened, I'm suffering with crippling morning sickness (HG 🤮), I've lost so much weight in such a short amount of time, even anti sickness tablets aren't working & I'm currently signed off work as the sickness is debilitating me 🤢🤒
I feel totally lost & I've never in my whole life felt so afraid 😓
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated... I anticipate I'm approx. 7-10 weeks pregnant 🤰🏼
Thank you for reading x

You do have a choice and it is absolutely none of your mum's business. Please do not factor her opinion into your decision making. Nobody gets to tell you that terminating or continuing with a pregnancy is irresponsible. I'm sure your mum means we'll but she is totally wrong on this occasion.

It is 100% your own choice what you do now. Please take some time for yourself to think about this and decide what is right for you. Good luck OP x

I feel so sad for you after reading this thread...I'm not sure how useful my input is but I feel like you would regret termination. I'm not saying it would be wrong and you have every right to but from what you've said it just seems you're being pushed toward that option. How long do you have to think this through?

'Pressured circumstances'?!

No, it would never have worked because new partner - now thankfully hopefully ex partner - is clearly an abusive immature dickhead!

I am so glad the result is this way, as if the baby had have been this twat's child, you would have been stuck with him in your life.

Your parents are also acting unforgiveably.

I suggest you tell your parents that right now, they're on the cusp of proving to you that they're not fit grandparents anyway so will soon be seeing neither you, your new baby OR your elder child. How despicable.

If you don't want to have an abortion, do not have one.

I have to say - regardless of who wants what (all these fucking people who are NOT PREGNANT wanting this and that get NO SAY) - this is not such a terrible situation.

You already have a child with this man. Not a lot really changes in a way. If you want(ed) a sibling for your older child, then this is honestly probably the best way of having that! No complicating factor of another father/family in the mix. They will be full siblings.

Your ex? Well if he didn't want another child then he shouldn't have had sex, should he? That was HIS decision made. The end.

Roast your parents and put the fear of god into them that if they EVER try and presume they do anything except respect your decision as an adult on something so personal, they'll be out of your lives.

Roast your ex and tell him his decision point on this was made long ago.

Then make your own decision. Personally, I think it is obvious you should keep a baby who is a full sibling to your older child and a baby which you want to keep!

By the way - your parents would come around. Do not make such a life changing decision on theirs, or anyone else's say so.

Gosh OP I feel for you!

Everyone is piling on with an opinion. Is there some big back story of why this pregnancy is such bad news. Everyone seems very against it. I am particularly shocked by your parents reaction!!!!

We all have to love with the decisions we make and it will be you that lives with this. Everyone else’s lives will move on but what do you want.

Do you want another child? If so go ahead this is a prime opportunity with the father of your existing child

Only terminate if it’s what you want. You are a single parent already by the sound of it so nothing will change and you will manage as all single parents do

I think in hindisight you will see this as a lucky escape from your most recent partner and I feel I should say, very gently, that when you have navigated your way through your pregnancy however you choose to go ahead, you should try the freedom program.

You were with a man who after 2 months bought you an engagement ring. He then proceeded to coerce you and bully you into doing what he wanted. This is an abusive man you let into your home and your daughters life.

@Leerose2015 I hope you are alright.This has been very hard on you.It sounds like those around you haven’t been very kind. You decide what to do.When the Ex and the new boyfriend are away and your parents and his, you will be alone to make an informed decision. That’s when you decide what’s best for you and your daughter. Will you feel relieved after or regret. A dear friend of mine had an abortion and she regrets it terribly and it’s affected her mental health. Others I am sure have felt relief. I wish you all the best. Be kind to yourself whatever you decide and stand up for yourself with all these other people in your life.

OP your thread is about what everyone else wants. What do YOU want? Try to put the rest of it out of your mind for a few minutes and really think about it.

I’m so sorry people are putting so much pressure on you.

Only you can make this decision as it’s your body.

Well the silver lining in all of this is you found out the boyfriends true colours early on. What an awful way to behave!

You need to take a step back from everyone telling you what to do (I.e. your mum, who should know better), and decide for yourself. No one else has a say. Can you live with the decision not to go ahead? Will you be able to raise the baby on your own? These are questions for you and only you.

@christmastreeupalready

Aww bless you HG is tough enough on it's own let everything else. (I've just over it myself)

I don't think new partner is a dick he is in his right to feel that way, I guess any man would react the same. But you mustn't feel pressured

by him you do what is right for you.

I would probably distance yourself from everyone until you get results back and then go from their.

No man or woman has any right to pressure a woman to have an abortion.

If the father of the child had unprotected sex with the obvious risks and doesn't want anything to do with the baby then worst case he should walk away. It's up to YOU what you do OP.

Your boyfriend might feel panicked and probably has a bruised ego. Telling you to terminate if it's not his AND telling your parents without your consent. Wrong wrong wrong.

It feels horrible now but things will work out OP.

Hi op,
Stop listening to your mum, you are not a child you are a grown woman with a 6 year old!

Find some quiet hours, turn off your phone and really think carefully what YOU want, do you want to keep this baby, if so how will you manage? good thing is they will be sisters, same father so less complicated!

If you decide you want to abort consider whether you will have any regrets, and how you will move on.

Take the time to sit with each option, look into your future each way and you will find YOUR answer. This is your body, your baby no one else should influence you.

UPDATE: thank you so much for your kind words everyone, I really do appreciate it 🙏

After a lot of thinking & a LOT of crying, I've come to the painful decision to go ahead with the termination 😞

My reasons being that after all this, I'm not confident that I'm strong enough to raise another child by myself, I have to put my daughter first, she is & will always be my priority, no matter what ❤️

The reality is, no one in my life wants me to have this baby & I have already lost so much... my career, my boyfriend & now my baby... I'm just so thankful that I have my beautiful daughter as she keeps me strong, no matter what 🙏

So I took the first abortion pill yesterday, so no going back now, and today I take the second batch of tablets, which will start the heavy bleeding/cramps etc... I'm so frightened 😣💔

Through all of this, I have learnt so much... not only about myself but about other people in my life too.

My now 'ex' boyfriend hasn't been in touch once, in fact, I reached out to ask if he's okay via text msg a couple of days ago & he's deleted my number... the emotional pain from this entire situation just keeps hitting me like a brick wall atm 😞

If I had the option for my heart to stop beating, just so I could stop feeling the pain, I'd take it... I wake up crying, I go to bed crying, it's constant 😓

So now I have to try my very best to rebuild myself, because I was so fiercely independent & happy before all this... and now I don't even recognise myself anymore, I'm broken 💔😣

@Leerose2015

Ditch your new partner - regardless of the result!!

@Leerose2015

Oh no... oh god I'm so sorry to read your latest post. I'm heartbroken for you. Sending much love and strength ❤️

@Leerose2015

Please don't take the second batch of tablets Leerose... it may not be too late! Don't listen to anyone else except yourself. You clearly don't want this abortion! Go seek help. Go to A&E - tell them what's happening.

@Leerose2015 I've just been reading online that the abortion pill is reversable. Google it - there are options - especially within 24 hours of taking the first pill x

It’s going to be ok OP. You’ve made a decision and it’s clear you have considered yourself and what you want too, even through all the noise and upset of everybody else’s opinions. Sometimes both options are crap but just in different ways and you have to pick the least worst for you.
You will probably feel a mix of emotions in the next little while and some will be contradictory. That’s normal. It was a difficult decision because there were good things and bad things about both choices. You will feel better again soon. This will always be a painful decision you had to make one way or the other, but with a bit of time it will become less all-consuming and you’ll spend more time thinking about those things that make you feel fiercely independent and happy and less about this.

CONCLUSION: the baby has now gone, I went through with the medical termination yesterday & it was the most traumatic experience of my whole life, worse than childbirth in my opinion, I've honestly never experienced pain like it 😓

I feel very bruised & sore today, with VERY heavy bleeding & I'm a total emotional mess, I can't stop crying but I'm trying so hard to build myself back up now 😢

I held my little daughter extra tight this morning, she's my whole world & I'm so lucky to have her ❤️

Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to post on here to offer me words of comfort/advice, I really am grateful 🙏x

I've been there too. You made the decision that was right for you out of two very difficult options. Take care of yourself x

@Leerose2015 sending lots of hugs 💕

New guy needs to go regardless. Let’s hope it isn’t his

Apologies. Didn’t see the update. Sorry you’re going through this

Agree!

Sorry also missed the update from this morning. Sorry to hear you’re going through this. Hope you are ok. X

Hope you are bearing up. Thinking of you and sorry you are going through this take care of yourself and your daughter x

Special hugs from me too. I’m so sorry you didn’t have better support and only pressure and I do think this has shown that your partner was not a good sort. It won’t help the pain you feel but you need someone reliable and kind and that is not him.