I can't cope with this TTC journey anymore. I'm desperate :(

[alittleacorn]

So DP and I have been TTC our first for over a year now, and have had no joy.
We have had what we thought were chemical pregnancies (2 now) but I'm doubting that they were after reading into how awful FRER tests can be. We had faint positive lines on the FRER tests that we took, to which I'm now wondering if they were indents.

I don't know what to do. I'm so desperate for a baby it hurts. My heart aches, I just don't know what to do with myself.

I was on the implant for 7 years total, and took it out over a year ago. Could this be something to do with it...? I have regular 12 weekly blood tests too and they've all come back fine.

What hurts me the most is that today a close friend had her gender reveal. It only took them a month to conceive. I'm so so happy for them but I just can't help but to feel sad.

Sorry for the rant. I just don't know where to turn. I feel like I'm becoming depressed.

Thank you in advance for any help

Long term ttc, especially when peppered with (what you considered to be) losses, is incredibly draining. Even if those frer were indednts, then they were positives to you, they got your hopes up, only to be disappointed.

Have you had 21 day bloods? Do you track using OPKs or basal body temping?

its a bit of a pain but i recommend doing basal body temping with a proper bbt thermometer. it'll give you an indication if you're ovulating (as your temp will spike afterwards) and when so you can plan properly.

when you definitely know your fertile period, opks can help to confirm the right days, then use Pre-seed lubricant (even if you don't normally use any), then try the Sperms meets egg plan. its available to download free on Amazon - basically goes in to how often you should have sex over your fertile days.

I became a bit obsessed with ttc after a miscarriage and used all of these things and conceived the first month. I had tracked my cycle for a year before though so making sure you get the right days is half the battle - bbt is good for that.

I've been there, it is depressing so I really feel for you. The only thing that helped me feel better was getting all the blood tests done at the GP and my husband getting a semen analysis done. The knowledge alone is ever so slightly empowering at a very powerless time. After about 15 months I started accepting my fate a bit more (just really accepting that this journey may end up being a lot lot longer and harder than expected) and I must have chilled out a bit and given myself a mental break. Then I became that awful cliché of someone who relaxed and then got pregnant... As annoying as that always was to hear. I hope your story ends up similar, in the meantime get allll the tests you can xx

After a year I'm pretty sure you can go the the gp and have tests done and possibly be referred for fertility treatment ?
I've been trying for my second now for 4 years but I still remember that first year and naively thinking it would just happen.
This last year we started ivf, I was diagnosed with pcos and secondary infertility. It's tough. We've just had our first postive test and then i miscarried. I didn't think I could get any lower. Try and keep your chin up, I don't mean to sound patronising but it's still early days and there are tests that can be done to try and determine if there is an issue. How old are you if you don't mind me asking ?

The pregnancy announcements hurt me every single time. I try and think of it like 'our situation is different to theirs' but it still stings

How old are you?

If you havent conceived in a year go to your GP

Ive been there, I'm really sorry you're going through it. Life can really feel like it's on hold while ttc, it's so hard!

Now you've been ttc for more than a year, it might be time to contact your gp to start investigations. Myself and my partner did, it turned out I have PCOS (always sort of knew) however every cycle I had, I wasn't ovulating despite having positive ovulation tests. The whole process can be lengthy and daunting, however I do now have my little girl, and another on the way so everything was absolutely worth it in the end.

Sending you baby dust

Get your GP to refer you to the infertility clinic, if you've been TTC for over a year then you qualify for a referral. They can scan your ovaries and womb, check you're ovulating and do semen analysis on your partner. Best of luck!

If I could afford it I would see a private fertility specialist for tests.

TTC is so draining, I really feel for you OP, I can still remember the feeling. I think it's a good idea to go to your GP as you've been trying a year. But, have you checked that you're definitely having sex on the correct days? PP's suggestion of taking your BBT sounds like a good one.

Thanks all. I'm young in the grand scheme of things - 25. But been with DP 9 years and we both long for our own baby.
It's been a horrible journey. I'm just clinging onto the (Hope??) that maybe having had the implant for so long has made things trickier? I don't know.

I am just so sick of crying and feeling the most incredible low that I ever have. It's awful.

The GP does 12 weekly blood tests for me. They come back normal which is in a way, even more frustrating. I just want something to focus on making better. If I was given a 'diagnosis' as such I could at least work on it. Maybe it's time to ask for a fertility clinic referral.

Has your partner had his sperm checked?

He needs to have his sperm checked

It’s not all on you

That will be the next thing we look into. Sadly I know we are probably our own worst enemies as we are both overweight, but otherwise we are completely healthy. Don't drink, don't smoke.. I just don't know what's so wrong with us 😔

I have had internal scans where I've been ruled clear of PCOS and endometriosis. I've also had external scans which bought up nothing unusual.

I would second the PPs who have suggested tracking your basal body temperature. Also do you understand how to 'read' your cervical mucus?

We were TTC for around 15 months before I accepted that it wasn't working. I clued up on the above and conceived the following month.

How overweight are you op?

It took me 18months. I fell pregnant the month my weight dropped into the healthy bmi range so I would definitely try to lose weight if you can. Even if it's not a contributing factor it can't hurt to get a bit healthier. I also found that doing something can help you feel like you're taking control and being proactive.

Thanks all. I am clued up on ovulation, reading EWCM and using ovulation OPK's regularly to get my fertile window, I've never tried BBT but am happy to give it a go!

I am in the obese range so really not very healthy weight wise. DP is also overweight so we are definitely our own worst enemies. It's so frustrating when people double my size have fallen pregnant so easily and quickly. 😅😅

Op this will sound harsh but i don’t intend to hurt

You are missing the blinding obvious

Yes some very obese people get pregnant but it really is not going to help and like sabotage your chances of falling pregnant

You say you eat healthily, so you need to reduce size and you need to increase movement. Both of you. ASAP

@lentilsforever
Thank you, it's okay I can handle it and I know what you mean. ☺️

I have struggled with my weight most of my teen-adult life. I am in the process of looking into bariatric surgery (you may have seen a recent post of mine on here) so help me with my weight loss. I have tried almost everything with nothing working.
I know this means that TTC will have to be out on hold after the surgery but if it helps us to live a healthier life alongside being able to conceive, it's worth it to me.

There’s no magic bullet I can give you

But fact you and your DP are obese will very likely be negatively impacting your fertility. And the likelihood is that both your obesity will be down to eating too much and moving too little.

That was supposed to say ** to help me with my weight-loss 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Anyway - thank you. I am actually really healthy food-wise. I just probably don't exercise as much as I should do.

I don't mean to be harsh OP but if you're in an obese range there's no 'probably' about not exercising enough. You need to burn off more than you're putting in to lose weight.

You need to start seriously trying to shift some pounds NOW. Make it your focus, knowing that for every pound you each lose you're liking pushing yourselves closer and closer to the baby you dream of, the ability to easily run round after him or her, and to being healthy and fit throughout their life.

Wishing you the very best of luck x

First thing you need to do is get your partners sperm checked, to put this quite bluntly if his sperm isn’t up to scratch no amount of trying will result in a child. Once you’ve ruled that out you can look at other reasons, some people just have unexplained infertility but you need to rule out it being your partner.

What’s your BMI? Don’t worry I’m not going to bash you for this or nothing 😁