I can't cope with this TTC journey anymore. I'm desperate :(

[alittleacorn]

So DP and I have been TTC our first for over a year now, and have had no joy.
We have had what we thought were chemical pregnancies (2 now) but I'm doubting that they were after reading into how awful FRER tests can be. We had faint positive lines on the FRER tests that we took, to which I'm now wondering if they were indents.

I don't know what to do. I'm so desperate for a baby it hurts. My heart aches, I just don't know what to do with myself.

I was on the implant for 7 years total, and took it out over a year ago. Could this be something to do with it...? I have regular 12 weekly blood tests too and they've all come back fine.

What hurts me the most is that today a close friend had her gender reveal. It only took them a month to conceive. I'm so so happy for them but I just can't help but to feel sad.

Sorry for the rant. I just don't know where to turn. I feel like I'm becoming depressed.

[alittleacorn]

Thanks everyone. I didn't realise quite how much weight could effect TTC.. I knew it wouldn't be helping us but I didn't realise to this extent. I will take more care in what I eat and how much exercise I do, as well.

[HeyFloof]

It will make such a difference if you pose some weight OP, even a 5% loss can kick start your fertility.

Added to it that if you get a refferal, the first thing a doctor will do is ask your weight /BMI and then tell you to lose weight if you're not in the healthy range. So if you've already made a dint in it, then you're halfway there.

Good luck OP, wishing you well on your journey

[Derbee]

I agree with a referral for fertility tests. In the meantime, at the very least I would do a private semen analysis as it’ll be quicker, and results explained better to you. Also, lose weight. As a PP said, even 5% could kickstart your fertility improvement.

Getting pregnant whilst obese will be more difficult, and even with good news, a pregnancy whilst you’re obese will be a lot harder and higher risk for you.

[Unicornflakegirl]

You say you have blood tests every 12 weeks but don't mention if they are at all related to fertility, and I suspect they are not.
You need day 3 and day 21 hormone tests, not general blood tests.
If you eat healthy food and are still obese then perhaps look at portion size or what you consider healthy because that doesn't make sense.
Yes plenty of obese people get pregnant, but plenty of fit, healthy people struggle, there are varied reasons for infertility or sun fertility so give yourselves the best chance.

[rathernotshare]

Just sending you a hug. We were TTC for over 2 years and GP didn't want to investigate as we were 'young' (25 when we started, now nearly 28). I am finally pregnant and the first ultrasound I've ever had showed blindingly obvious fertility problems. If you can afford private testing I would honestly recommend it. It could've saved us so much pain and now I am dealing with this health problem whilst being pregnant instead of enjoying my long awaited pregnancy! However 1 year plus is not unusual, particularly if you aren't tracking ovulation and timing when you have sex (not read all the replies so unsure if you are). Most GPs won't refer you to the fertility clinic until 2 years TTC x

[hopefulsunshine11]

Hey! I am exactly the same as you!

We started trying in Feb, I fell pregnant in April which resulted in a miscarriage. We have been trying ever since with no luck. I'm 34 and ttc my first, also in the obese category. All I see everywhere is announcements and babies and it drives me insane. I know a lot of girls bigger than me who have conceived fine too. I just feel like I'm never going to be a mum, I just have this weird gut feeling that it's never going to be! I'm constantly trying to be hopeful but it's so hard.

How old are you? Have you been taking vitamins, folic acid etc? Sending lots of baby dust your way xx

[Angeldelight21]

My friend was in identical situation. Both her and partner were obese and thought they had a good diet. That is just simply impossible. And trust me the more you are stressed/upset about ttc the more you will eat.

My friend eventually turned to a dietitian and councelling to help her with her eating disorder. They both look amazing and have two kids now.

Best of luck to both of you.

[alittleacorn]

Thank you everyone. I am a vegetarian so only eat non-meat products, but make sure I am getting my proteins etc as well. I definitely don't do enough exercise as I work in an office so am sitting most of the time.

[lentilsforever]

Why are you getting your bloods done every 12 weeks?

[HeyFloof]

Oh! And also, you need 5mg of folic acid a day. Your GP will need to prescribe it.

Any woman with a BMI over 30 is at extra risk from conceiving a child with neural tube defects as your body may not synthesise folic acid effectively.

The standard daily recommended dose of .4mg isnt enough. You need to start taking it at least a few months prior to conception to allow it to build up in your system enough to be of any use.

[alittleacorn]

I have no idea why it's 12 weekly - it's just what my GP has advised. They check to ensure my blood clotting levels are stable since in the first round of blood tests it came back that I had elevated risk of blood clotting.

[lentilsforever]

@alittleacorn

I have no idea why it's 12 weekly - it's just what my GP has advised. They check to ensure my blood clotting levels are stable since in the first round of blood tests it came back that I had elevated risk of blood clotting.

Another very very good reason to lose weight
Much more likely to get clots if overweight

[alittleacorn]

Thank you, i am actively taking steps to loose weight. I am on the waiting list for private surgery, which I hope will give me a better quality of life whilst also giving us the best chance to conceive.

[SouthwestSis]

If you are eating the right types of food then it's portion sizes you need to look at OP.
Consider what's in your drinks as well. Are you consuming hidden sugars that appear healthy like fruit juice?
What's your alcohol intake?
Try to make small but sustainable adjustments to portion sizes that you can maintain over months, not just weeks.
That and a bit of extra exercise should set you on the right path.

[alittleacorn]

I definitely don't exercise enough as I'm always sitting for work so going to be looking to increase this. Maybe it's sugars in juices as I do have a lot of smoothies and fruit juice. I don't smoke or drink :)

[Roseandgeranium]

Sorry to hear you’re going through this, OP. It took me 8 months to conceive first time round and that felt like an eternity. Definitely do as PP have said and get fertility tests on days 3 and 21 of your cycle (assuming it’s a regular length with ovulation on day 14, otherwise day 21 might not be quite right). The other thing I’d suggest is jogging. I don’t say that because you’re overweight, although it may help with that too, but because the exercise will help with your mood and possibly your hormones. My BMI is at the low end of normal but I definitely didn’t do enough cardiovascular exercise before my first pregnancy and I finally got lucky about 6 weeks after taking up running. I really think it helped, and it made me feel I was taking positive action. Start gently, and maybe give the couch to 5k app a try. It will start you off with a workout of walking interspersed with bursts of running which gradually builds towards all running over several weeks. You only need to do it for 30 mins once every couple of days, and maybe do fertility yoga on your non-running days. There are some good videos you can buy for that. And again, it might help your mood as well as your body. Best of luck.

[Roseandgeranium]

The other thing is that your healthy diet may not be particularly healthy for you. Different people do better on different dietary balances, and a lot of the weight loss and healthy eating advice is just very out of date (butter and eggs are not the bad guys, and a lot of the plant-based processed foods available in supermarkets are pretty awful for you). I recommend reading Tim Spector’s book The Diet Myth for a clear, evidence-based discussion of why a lot of diets don’t really work for most people, and how food marketing misleads customers about what’s actually going to help them stay trim and healthy.

[3luckystars]

I’m so sorry, this is really hard.
I can be of no assistance to your situation, except to say that I read a great book called ‘ taking charge of your fertility ’ and found it absolutely brilliant to read and so interesting also. Obviously I’m not saying this will solve anything but it is a good book and well worth reading as it helped me understand what was going on with me, and I didn’t feel so helpless when I went to the doctor.

All the very best to you x

[bluebird3]

I would ask your GP to check your thyroid. My TSH was within normal limits (

[IsabelHerna]

Yeah, your friend's pregnancy sounds like a trigger, and a reasonable one. It's only logical to feel this way, but I am sorry that you are going through this. Looks like you're taking steps towards your dream family, you're taking all the tests the doctors suggest, you're on the waiting list, you are going to try to be a bit more active... It can a lot of time -for many reasons- for some of us, and if you feel like talking to someone you can dm me whenever.

[saleorbouy]

I know alot of instances where couples (My sister included) gave up on TTC after long spells of trying and they carried on life thinking they would never be parents.
Not long after taking the pressure off themselves they fell pregnant and had children.
Try and take the pressure off yourselves and hopefully your dreams will come true.

[Blxo94]

@HeyFloof

Oh! And also, you need 5mg of folic acid a day. Your GP will need to prescribe it.

Any woman with a BMI over 30 is at extra risk from conceiving a child with neural tube defects as your body may not synthesise folic acid effectively.

The standard daily recommended dose of .4mg isnt enough. You need to start taking it at least a few months prior to conception to allow it to build up in your system enough to be of any use.

Completely stand by this comment!!!!

I am over weight and have sadly lost 2 daughters to anencephaly (neural tube defect? Please start taking the correct amount of folic acid now ❤️

Good luck on your ttc journey. I hope it all works out for you and your partner x

[hopefulsunshine11]

Hi,

Reading some of these responses has terrified me!

We are ttc and I only started taking 5mg folic acid again last week after reading the comments. When I fell pregnant the last time that resulted in miscarriage the midwife prescribed me them. Now I'm terrified that if I do fall pregnant soon the baby will have defects. Is there a statistic? Surely not all obese pregnancies have serious complications and I'd like to hear some positive stories! Do these defects get picked up at the 12 week scan?

[Blxo94]

@hopefulsunshine11

Hi! I posted previously, I lost 3 daughters with anencephaly. I can now happily say I am 26 weeks pregnant with our long wanted rainbow baby and due in February ❤️

I started folic acid 5mg and took my other previtamins for 2 months before I fell pregnant! Both my babies defects were detected at 10 weeks. But got the full diagnosis at 12 weeks both times ( they have to double check to be sure)

I wouldn't stress too much over this as there are alot of overweight/obese women who have perfectly healthy babies. The chances of neural tube defects are raised but not definite! The fact you started taken 5mg folic acid last week... You have already lowered your chances majorly! X

[Blxo94]

Sorry 2 daughters not 3 x