Who's surname?

[blacksockss]

The scenario

I have a DD

DP has a DS

We are expecting, not married. My DD has my surname, his DS has his.

I sort of assumed baby would take his but are there any implications I'm not aware of?

We are happy etc, hopefully plan to marry later down the line but i dont know?

Also they are not hyphen appropriate

I sort of assumed baby would take his but are there any implications I'm not aware of?

You don't need to assume, you get to decide.

Give the baby your surname.

I'd go with your surname, if you're not married currently and it isn't set in stone then I'd definitely stick with yours.

Babies take their mum's surname. That is custom. Why would you assume otherwise?

A friend did this, which if I had my time again I would do: have the baby her surname, changed it to his when they got married later (apparently you can do this easily at that moment).

Our kids have my surname as a middle name.

100% your surname.

I’m happily married but we double barrelled. I was conscious that although we were very happy (and still are), anything could happen and was I fuck having a different surname to my kids when I’d be doing 80% of the boring, life admin with them should DH and I split.

Give the baby your surname!

Yours.

IF you get married & change your name, you can change your child's if you want to.

Most people who split up don't start out thinking they will! Most of the time it's the mum that ends up with full time responsibility for the children. Life admin is MUCH easier when they have your surname & it's usually your family they grow up with, not his.

If he kicks off about it, ask him why you shouldn't give the baby coming out of YOUR body, YOUR surname.

Yours. It's one of my biggest regrets that mine have his name. I hate and find it embarrassing having to explain why they have a different name to me. And I feel teachers, doctors, everyone looks down on me for being unmarried. I had no idea how small minded people are.

Your name. My eldest two have their father's name. We divorced many years ago and I regret giving them his name.

I would use your surname.

However, my DC have their dad’s surname. We are married, but I didn’t want to change my surname. I’m the only one in the family with a different name. It has never once caused any sort of problem.

Your surname.

I wasn't married when ds was born and still gave ds his dad's surname but we were engaged and very serious about marrying. We got married when ds was a toddler and now all 3 of us have the same surname.

Yours.

Yours.
You aren’t married.
100% yours.

Are you in the UK? Here it is traditional to take the mother’s surname, which makes sense.

I am pregnant and have no intentions of marrying my partner. However, my surname means nothing to me it is my step dads name I took on and nobody I have contact with in my family has this name. My brother whose dad the name comes from even married and took his wife’s name. I keep my surname because I’ve had it my whole life and all my qualifications etc are in it so it’s easier. So I said to my partner the baby will have his name for this reason. But I see on Mumsnet everyone says baby should have my name?

My partner has a DD who also has his name so I think it’s nice the siblings will have the same surname. But now I’m wondering…

I'm really surprised by this, friends have said its no question its his.

By be giving the baby mine, isn't that sort of saying were not a proper family? I know a name isn't sooo important its more the message it gives?

I am also concerned about my little dd feeling left out, but i suppose mine and hers are the same

Why does your DD have your surname and not her father's?

@blacksockss

The scenario

I have a DD

DP has a DS

We are expecting, not married. My DD has my surname, his DS has his.

I sort of assumed baby would take his but are there any implications I'm not aware of?

We are happy etc, hopefully plan to marry later down the line but i dont know?

Also they are not hyphen appropriate

Unless you are engaged and he has asked you to marry him, you have no plans to marry- just words

Give the baby your name.

If you get married later on, you can double barrel or change it or whatever. If you give baby his name and you split, you can never change it without his consent.

I gave DC my ex's name and regret it. At the time I thought we may get married, but even if we had, I wouldn't have changed my name, so honestly don't know what I was thinking! I don't feel embarrassed by having different names though and haven't felt judged by having different names, unless it's happening behind my back . I think the convention is to take the mother's name when unmarried.

I find it really old fashioned that children take the man’s surname by default. Why the man’s name??? It’s everyday sexism at its finest.

You are growing, giving birth, likely feeding and will end up doing a large part of the day to day childcare of this child of course it should take your name. Irrespective of whether you are married or not.

If you want to show a nod to equality use both surnames.

As others have said, in the UK it’s traditional for the baby to take the mother’s surname. But up to you to decide.

I am married but didn’t change my name. Gave DC my DH’s surname and mine as a middle name but in hindsight I wish I’d done it the other way round. So esp as you’re not married I’d give them your surname, particularly if you’re likely to be the primary caregiver.

But if you give the baby his surname you’re still saying you’re not a proper family by that logic?

The only reason people think it’s the man’s name is because women used to marry and take the husband’s surname, do they still had the mother’s name as per tradition, but by default it was also the father’s. When your baby is born in hospital they will call it ‘baby your surname’.

What message are you giving if you give the baby his surname, that you aren’t important and your other child also is not important? I would tread carefully with that one. Instead of a hyphen you could combine the surnames? Or you all pick a new surname.

By be giving the baby mine, isn't that sort of saying were not a proper family?

Only if you view yourself as an inferior being. Do you?

Your surname, his as the last middle name is what I'd do.

What does he think? It's really something you should be discussing with him TBH.

I'm currently pregnant with my first child. Partner and I are unmarried. He has two children from his previous marriage (both have his surname).

We've decided that we'll double-barrel baby's surname. Luckily we both have short one syllable surnames (think Jones-Smith) but I imagine it'd be difficult if you've both got lengthy surnames - teaching your kid to spell Worthington-Fitzgerald or something like that might be problematic lol.

When partner and I are able to, we intend to marry (unfortunately he's still not divorced from his first wife and we're waiting on the last few bits of paperwork to clear). Once we're married, then both baby and I will change our surnames to partner's.