Who's surname?

[blacksockss]

The scenario

I have a DD

DP has a DS

We are expecting, not married. My DD has my surname, his DS has his.

I sort of assumed baby would take his but are there any implications I'm not aware of?

We are happy etc, hopefully plan to marry later down the line but i dont know?

Also they are not hyphen appropriate

@Bonnealle

Wooow this is so so true, i hadn't even considered that

@SoupDragon He is saying it will be his and is confused by me even bringing it up lol

This has really changed my view though tbh

He is saying it will be his

With that attitude it absolutely would be mine!

Your, then if you split up you and both your DC have the same surname.

I would hyphenate or give the baby my name.

I resist patriarchal tradition. Especially if it is assumed that I will fall in line with it.

If a ‘proper family’ means the new baby has it’s dad’s surname, where does that leave your Dd?

Yours, or hyphenated. Even if they don't 'go' - we're married and neither of us changed our names, initially I thought our names didn't 'go' - they're both two syllable - but the more I said the name out loud, the more I got used to it. There is one way around where it really would have sounded weird to be fair!

Its really nice because now she's old enough we can explain my name is x, daddy's name is y, so her name is x-y and all together we're the x-y family. In 90% of cases, the child ends up living most of the time with the mum if there's a break up, and in a minority of cases dad's often have nothing to do with the child (this is almost never the case for the mum) so having a different name is logistically a pain. Even if you're together forever - why wouldn't it be your name? You carried the baby for 9 months. I always think it makes more sense for it to be the mother's name, even in cases I know where the parents were married, the mum hadn't changed her name and the plan was the baby would take the dad's name, in hospital they were 'Baby Mum's Surname'. That's how everyone assumes it is.

The idea of giving the baby the dad's name if its different to the mum's feels like you're trying to somehow convince the dad to be interestd/take ownership, like they wouldn't do it already, or like their family is more important. My husband is now talking about double-barrelling with my name so he 'matches' our kids - if he's really bothered, maybe suggest he do that?

Your surname, same as your DD's. If you marry you can change all names to your partner's name if you wish.

If you give the child his surname and anything happens relationship wise you would be unable to change the name at a later date. Seen it on here a million times.

He is saying it will be his and is confused by me even bringing it up lol

Urgh. That is an unpleasant and disrespectful attitude.

Another vote for your surname

Me and DH were married and double barrelled but always said to him if we weren't married it'd be my name only

I'm quite old and fairly traditional and the DC have my husband's surname although I don't. I don't regret it but if I were having them now I wouldn't necessarily choose this.If I wasn't married there is no way I would give my child my partner's surname now or at any time . In particular your other child has your surname already why complicate life by having your new baby called something different?

Give baby your surname.
If and when you marry you can chance it to his, if you want to
You can change baby’s name when she has your name, but you need dad’s permission to change it if baby has his name.

Personally I think you should choose whichever feels more right to you.
Our baby is getting his name (we are engaged but could be ages before we get married) and I want our baby to have his because eventually I hopefully will too. I know some people will say why does it have to be the man’s name but there are many reasons people prefer to change to their partners including my reason of mine being very difficult to pronounce and I don’t want our baby to experience any prejudice or difficulties, like I have, all because of a name when there’s the choice of another name available.

I do have a PhD so I will always use the Dr title as separate with my surname (that’s the name that earned it) but I would like us to also all have one name as it will make me feel like we’re a family and I like that.
Even if my partner and I were to break up it wouldn’t bother me if our child had his name because I know that our child would understand the reasons why and that it wasn’t because I didn’t consider my surname or myself to be “less important”. My parents got divorced when I was a child and it doesn’t bother me my mum got remarried and has a different name to me, so like I said I think its whatever feels right to you.
Ultimately though I definitely think, as others have said, this is something to talk to your partner about. What’s his thoughts? Does he mind either way?

I’ve just read your partners response is that he automatically assumed it would be his, which doesn’t sit great with me.
I’m going with my partner’s because I want to and my partner says it’s nice I do but it wouldn’t have been an issue if I’d wanted to give our baby mine instead.
I’m now voting for a double barrel or as Bonnealle suggested a whole new name is a lovely idea!

If you 100% intend to take his name with marriage then his. If you are not sure then yours.
Not a particularly hard job to chance a child's name these days but it's a hassle for them in adulthood. My dh had his surname changed twice in his 1st few years, ball ache to explain to the registrar when we got married.

Change not chance, damn fat finger syndrome

I wouldn't have my child with a different surname to me. So if unmarried my child would have my surname.

I'd want both my children to have the same surname.

Your name. Change it if/when you marry. His name as a middle name so no double barrel but also acknowledging his family name. That’s what we’ve done.

You can change baby’s name when she has your name, but you need dad’s permission to change it if baby has his name.

I don't think that's quite true. You need permission to change it from anyone with PR so if he is on the birth certificate, you'd need his permission irrespective of whose surname the baby has.

@SoupDragon

You can change baby’s name when she has your name, but you need dad’s permission to change it if baby has his name.

I don't think that's quite true. You need permission to change it from anyone with PR so if he is on the birth certificate, you'd need his permission irrespective of whose surname the baby has.

But he’d give permission to change it to his name.

@2pinkginsplease

I wouldn't have my child with a different surname to me. So if unmarried my child would have my surname.

I'd want both my children to have the same surname.

This.

But he’d give permission to change it to his name.

That's not what you said though.

@SoupDragon

But he’d give permission to change it to his name.

That's not what you said though.

I’m sorry I didn’t spell out every known scenario

His response of assuming that the baby would have his name (especially when you're unmarried) is very arrogant.

When my husband and I were engaged and I was pregnant I started a conversation about changing my name , the baby's name etc. He was completely open to to exploring different possibilities and he just wanted us both to be comfortable with the decision.

In the end we decided to hyphenate our names.

I’m sorry I didn’t spell out every known scenario

it's not about every scenario, it's about not giving incorrect information.