Uneducated about giving birth and labour

[SweetSunflowerBoo]

So my baby is estimated to be due in less than 6 weeks ...
I've been reading my baby books and "first time mummy" books but I feel like I know NOTHING about labour and giving birth!!!

Any time I try and ask people, I get snarky comments shoved at me.

I actually want to learn stuff but being told "well you'll wish you never got pregnant" and "RIP your vagina is all I'll say!!"

Is NOT helpful AT ALL!!!

Is there any websites that I could read?
I've tried googling but I'm not sure what to actually type!
And I keep ending up on websites with opinions rather than MEDICAL facts and advice.

I wish they taught us about birth in school

Bump: How to Make, Grow and Birth a Baby by Kate Evans is good easy to read and evidence based.

Have you not been offered free antenatal preparation through your chosen delivery hospital? I would start by ringing your midwife and asking to talk this through. They will be able to talk you through what to expect and how it might feel, as well as the sort of choices you have about where to give birth, interventions that may be needed and why.
I've had an elective c and 2 vaginal deliveries (one with drugs, one in water). All were special, all different in their own way. Don't listen to the nonsense about regretting pregnancy etc. It is painful and messy, and babies are very very hard work. However i wouldn't change my imperfect body or it's scars for anything because my kids are awesome. I would just say have an idea of what you want and then be flexible because your baby will arrive how it wants to on the day!

The positive birth company. The digi pack is ace and you can listen in the bath

Im surprised your hospital/unit didn’t run a class! Check with them and see.

Also YouTube - videos about labour and different birth options, etc. from medical professionals.

This sounds ridiculous but I watched all series of call the midwife back to back a couple of weeks or so before I gave birth and I swear it helped!

I second checking to see if your hospital/midwives run an antenatal class, even online.

It’s worth reading the NHS website around labour and birth, such a the stages of labour etc www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/labour-and-birth/what-happens/the-stages-of-labour-and-birth/

From there you might find some other terms you might want to Google.

And speak to your midwife about what pain relief is available etc

I found some online classes off Facebook. The baby academy and let’s talk
Birth and baby. They both do a free 2hr session and then extra classes are paid for.
Found both very helpful

@Tickly

Have you not been offered free antenatal preparation through your chosen delivery hospital? I would start by ringing your midwife and asking to talk this through. They will be able to talk you through what to expect and how it might feel, as well as the sort of choices you have about where to give birth, interventions that may be needed and why. I've had an elective c and 2 vaginal deliveries (one with drugs, one in water). All were special, all different in their own way. Don't listen to the nonsense about regretting pregnancy etc. It is painful and messy, and babies are very very hard work. However i wouldn't change my imperfect body or it's scars for anything because my kids are awesome. I would just say have an idea of what you want and then be flexible because your baby will arrive how it wants to on the day!

Nope not at all. I've not been spoken to or offered anything by anyone

There’s a lot of very good info about birth here: www.aims.org.uk/
The same organisation has published the AIMS Guide to Your Rights in Pregnancy and Birth. You can get it on Kindle. (They also do some more specific titles eg about induction.) It’s very good on the choices you have about pain relief and interventions, and I also found it helpful for preparing me to ask questions and stand my ground if I felt uncomfortable with medical advice (I refused induction).
Good luck, OP! Hope it all goes well for you.

Do the positive birth company's online course it is so informative. Honestly the best £39 I ever spent thepositivebirthcompany.co.uk/digital-pack

Okay, on one hand you can't know anything about labour until you've been through it. It's crazy. You'll go through pain and despair that you never thought possible but then when you're pushing your baby out it's the most empowering thing in the world and wow...the first time your eyes meet theirs...it's absolutely otherworldly. No book can prepare you for that.

Howevr, the Positive Birth Book was really invaluable for me. Educating yourself as much as possible beforehand is always a good thing. It depends on how stubborn you are about achieving a certain type of birth. If you're happy to go with the flow and let the medical team direct you, that's fine. Personally I had very firm beliefs about the birth I wanted and I knew that the medical staff had different priorities and would try to push me another direction. Being informed meant I could advocate for myself and I got - ish - the experience I wanted.

Have a look at hypnobirthing. It's something I wish I had looked at when I had my two. Apparently it can even help in unplanned situations like emergency c sections. I wouldn't listen to the doom and gloom people. My mum thought I would have a forceps birth just like she had with me.. told me scare stories about peeing myself for the rest of my life and epidurals...Well actually I ended up having a seizure and then a c section with no labour. My mum was shocked, as a nurse of 30 years she honestly thought she knew everything!

there's lots of good advice above but I just wanted to add, don't stress! Read/watch the material others have suggested, think about the kind of birth you might want to have e.g. ALL the drugs, none of the drugs, somewhere in the middle, minimal intervention etc but know that a lot of the time things will change when it actually happens.
Personally I found that the approaches used in things like hypnobirthing are really useful to help you deal with all the different eventualities calmly.
Also contact your birth centre/midwife/OB and ask them if there are any classes available - I'm surprised you haven't been offered anything
Good luck! I'm due with my second in 7 weeks and I promise it's not always a horror story :)

Why didn’t you do NCT?
Bit late now, but why on earth have you left it so late? I was very well informed but still found the classes helpful.
You might be able to register for an online course somewhere.

Hasn't your midwife asked you to think about / write a birth plan? I was encouraged to do that and the sheets they gave me for that had some questions to think about / useful search terms. Doesn't always work out how you want (I was 9cm dilated when I got to the hospital so all the drawn out labour in a birthing pool I was planning for didn't happen!) but it's helps you think about what you want and definitely don't want.

The Milli Hill books are really good and balanced, unlike some others. I'm surprised you weren't offered NHS antenatal classes, I wasn't this time but suspect they keep the spaces for first timers at the moment. NCT was the best thing I went to in terms of understanding the process and biology if it but a bit late for that now probably. To he fair there's quite a lot on the NHS website that gives a pretty good overview as well.

@Megan2018

Why didn’t you do NCT? Bit late now, but why on earth have you left it so late? I was very well informed but still found the classes helpful. You might be able to register for an online course somewhere.

I don't know what NCT is

I've been asking people and trying to read up but didn't find the information I wanted for MONTHS. I was also afraid to get my hopes up again- I wasn't sure if I was going to lose another baby, so you could be kinder and not be so harsh thank you. You don't know what others have been through.

@FruityPolos

Hasn't your midwife asked you to think about / write a birth plan? I was encouraged to do that and the sheets they gave me for that had some questions to think about / useful search terms. Doesn't always work out how you want (I was 9cm dilated when I got to the hospital so all the drawn out labour in a birthing pool I was planning for didn't happen!) but it's helps you think about what you want and definitely don't want.

She's told me to write one. But I've asked her for help/ advice of what to put on there and she hasn't helped. So I've had to Google it

I've asked her to look over it and she won't.
I've asked her to give me sheet or template to help make sure it covers everything I need and she won't.

Just feel a bit pushed aside and on my own with Google

Do you have physical or digital notes? I’ve had physical notes in both pregnancies and in the folder, there was a information about all sorts, such as breastfeeding and how to book antenatal classes. I had to ring up and book myself - don’t think anyone ever offered them to me. So might be worth carefully going through your notes to see if there is any information in there on classes or the birth.

NCT is a group that provides private antenatal classes in the UK. The classes are small, so are usually good for making friends in a similar situation. There are plenty of others that also offer private antenatal classes too - worth looking into.

On your birth plan, there is a template on the NHS website so with looking at that? My midwife pointed me to the template, I filled out on my own and around 38 weeks we looked over it together. No one has mentioned a birth plan to me this time around and I’m further along than you. Here’s where the template is: www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/labour-and-birth/preparing-for-the-birth/how-to-make-a-birth-plan/

I'm 38 weeks and in a similar position, no antenatal classes cos of covid so clueless lol just hoping to go with the flow but it was awful nhs haven't even done online classes!!

maternitymattersdorset.nhs.uk/pregnant/antenatal/covid19-updates-antenatal/ there's some videos there :)

What do you want to know? 😊 I can try and offer some insight

Just wanted to jump on to say with my first I never did any antenatal classes nor read anything. For me I knew it'd scare me too much so I decided to just go with the flow and it was fine. My labour was at 42 weeks, induced, with GBS so had IV antibiotics but the midwives and nurses were brilliant and your body just takes over so try not to worry yourself if you don't do any courses

What is it youre most worried about. Maybe we can help?
Is there a local facebook group where yiu might be able to meet new mums or pregnant women locally.