Uneducated about giving birth and labour

[SweetSunflowerBoo]

So my baby is estimated to be due in less than 6 weeks ...
I've been reading my baby books and "first time mummy" books but I feel like I know NOTHING about labour and giving birth!!!

Any time I try and ask people, I get snarky comments shoved at me.

I actually want to learn stuff but being told "well you'll wish you never got pregnant" and "RIP your vagina is all I'll say!!"

Is NOT helpful AT ALL!!!

Is there any websites that I could read?
I've tried googling but I'm not sure what to actually type!
And I keep ending up on websites with opinions rather than MEDICAL facts and advice.

I wish they taught us about birth in school

Remember it won’t always follow your birth plan. Mine certainly didn’t!

Some of this may seem unhelpful (sorry if that's the case) and it's all from my personal experience from my 2 natural deliveries, I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL!

• don't underestimate the pain relieving power of a warm bath, I had one in early labour, both times and it really helped with the pain and helped me relax and regain a little strength.

• know where you stand in pain relief, I knew I didn't want any but they do push it (they did with me anyway, but it helped that my husband knew how strongly I felt about it and advocated for me too, I'm the end I got 2 unmediated births.

• even if you don't want gas and air, I highly recommend asking for one of the mouth pieces to bite on during the pushing stage, first time round I bite the inside of my cheek so hard it was bleeding, I didn't make that mistake again 😂

• listing on your back is not an ideal position to labour our delivery in, if you can, be upright, I liked leaning over the back of the bed (that was propped up) amazing, let gravity do some of the work!

• be prepared that all your expectations may go out of the window, know what you want, but don't worry if it doesn't go that way. Plan for your ideal, but be prepared for other scenarios.

These are some of the questions I remember my midwife asking me when we did my birth plan, try answering them and should give you a good starting point.

1. what pain relief would you like or not like?

2. would you be happy to have student midwives in the room?

3. would you like to use the birth pool?

4. who is your birth partner? Do you have a back up in case they can't make it?

5. what positions would you like to try for labour and delivery?

6. where would you like to give birth?

7. do you want the injection to speed up placenta delivery?

8. do you want baby to get the vitamin k injection?

9. do you want to skin to skin straight after birth?

10. who do you want to cut the cord?

11. if you don't know what you're having, who do you want to tell you? Or do you want to look for yourself?

Good luck! I honestly found, despite feeling very unprepared the first time, it's amazing how much your body just takes over and knows what to do.

There’s a good template on the nhs website for birth plan. Mine didn’t even get looked at thought but writing down helped my birth partner understand what I wanted.

Google options during labour.
There are some good videos on google to explain what is happening to your body during labour- the pingpong ball in a balloon is quite wow but explains very well.
Google nct videos too

Personally I didn't like the positive birth company book, it would have been great if I was a low risk home birth or birth centre birth but it wasn't very useful for high risk induced birth.
I used it to make my birth plan as I had no idea what I was supposed to put in it, and my midwife thought it was bonkers some of the things they were suggesting such as checking your own cervix (I had put that I didn't mind the midwives checking it).
Practically all of the things I didn't want to have happen did happen (on my back in stirrups, episiotomy) and I felt that it made me so much more disappointed in my birth experience and prepared me for none of the trauma.

@Burgerqueenbee that was what was in the back of my mind when I said about some of the recommendations given not being so balanced as others- I had a very similar experience to you and I recognise that feeling of 'this wasn't how it was meant to be' when in reality we all got through safely and fully recovered. I've definitely found it easier this time round to just think well, we'll do what we need to do.

OP I came back on to add to the excellent advice that you've had about the NHS birth plan template for a focus to say that, quite randomly, the Which? website has quite a bit of straightforward info about pain relief and birth options etc too. It's not massively detailed but with that and the NHS stuff you might find it a bit easier to collect your ideas if you see what I mean www.which.co.uk/reviews/giving-birth/article/guides

@SweetSunflowerBoo relax.

I had my first when I was early 20s and I was scared, read every book I could and I still didn't know everything. But it was fine.

You have a team of midwives and even if you knew nothing or everything, your baby will determine what happens on the day and you will roll with the punches naturally.

You don't need to worry, in one way nothing can prepare you however much you try and remember some people end up giving birth without knowing they're even pregnant (as rare as that is) but they manage. Your body will just do what it needs to do and your midwives will guide you through the process as it happens. Relax, sending calm vibes 🥰

I'm in the same situation.

My hospital (or even area) aren't running classes due to Covid (still!), I've learned so much from youtube - I've watched hundreds of videos (some NHS ones are there too).

Have you watched One Born Every Minute? Its a starting point at least.

OBEM won't be very helpful. It's just a lot of screaming with no context. May be useful to watch after you know what is happening behind the scenes, OTOH might be terrifying.

OP - what I think is helpful to know is the mechanics of what happens during labour. The different stages, what they are called and what they mean. When to go in to hospital. What to expect in terms of checks and monitoring. Some tips for coping with each stage. The best book I have read for these things is the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill. Some people mentioned the Positive Birth Company which is affiliated with that book. I'll also recommend a couple of youtube channels if you prefer video. One is American, so hospital procedures etc may be different but of course the physiology of birth is the same. The other is British.

www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyIooosefqJvcTFWjR3d-qk6IOQoYUigJ

www.youtube.com/channel/UCziYkgCz7XAV7htTNIbxZIQ

In case you prefer podcasts, this is a really good primer and they are short (it's aimed at dads who apparently have a short attention span ) - especially episodes 1, 3, 4, 6.

podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xNDk1MjI4LnJzcw==

But think about it, our grandmothers and great grandmothers and probably a good chunk of our mothers had no idea what to expect from labour. Your body will do what it needs to do and if it does not, the midwives and doctors will be there to help you. It's just about getting through the day really. Ask for pain relief if you need it. Ask your midwife what you can do to get things moving. Nothing bad is going to happen if you go in blind. You don't need a plan. I've given birth three times and took a written plan once and it never made it out of my bag.

Oh a thought, Emmas Diary have a series of podcasts through spotify. I've listened to quite a few of them.

It might be too much to digest at this stage of your pg but I had the Mayes midwifery textbook when I was training as a mw, and it's excellent. There's also a lot of YouTubers who have been happy to film their labours, if that's something that would help you. You can search for home-births or active labour as that's a couple of options to narrow the search for videos.

There was a birthing doctor (obstetrician) called Michel Odent, he said births should be in a quiet, soothing place for the woman to feel calmer and comfortable. His approach is worth a look.

By now your baby should be head down (but check with your mw) and you might start to get Braxton Hicks contractions ("false" labour-like pains) any day now as your body practises for the real labour later on.

You might be getting more heart burn and it might be easier to get sleep propped up a bit in bed as your womb takes up so much more room.

Soon you'll get "lightening" when the baby's head starts to decend further into the pelvis and it becomes a little easier to breathe.

You might get your "show" (mucous plug) a week or so before the labour begins, but not necessarily.

If your waters break- or you think they have call your mw unit as you need to go in after 24 hrs to prevent infection. Your waters might look yellowish and smell a bit like semen (sorry! Just so you know it's not just a bit of pee). They might leak out rather than a movie-style gush.

There's three main stages of labour.

The main push-breathe bit is when you actually get ready to birth your little one, then you deliver the placenta. (Either contracting "naturally" or they will give you a drug to get the placenta moving)

Also, you might poop a bit in the last stage of labour, it's nbd and is a sign the baby is almost out.

Like I say, look into active labour, also plan your pain relief options. Do you want drugs/gas and air etc.

This all depends if this is a low risk pg etc. Only you and your mw team will be able to make these decisions.

You might go overdue with your first, in which case there's a few options - a "sweep" of your membranes, or a drug might be needed, an induction. These are only for information, hopefully the baby will just come when they are ready.

Hth. Sorry I can't think of everything (I have baby brain myself!!) Good luck I'm sorry if it's not helpful but wishing you well

Those of you mentioning NCT - not only are the classes expensive but they are in still online in many places.
NHS antenatal classes are plain not happening in person or online. Many private classes only very recently resumed.
I’m a first time mum with the ££ to go private and who knows how to find the info I’m looking for and it’s far from simple in these times. OP, I just had my 38 week apt with the midwife and for the first time she took the time to listen and answer questions. I hope you get the chance for that.
Don’t feel silly for lacking information, the system right now is broken.

I've just had a baby :) and I swear watching one born every minute helped
I didn't get any advice or reassurance from my midwifes nor offered a class .. just go with the flow is my best advice and don't be scared to ask for pain relief there is no prize for doing it without!

@SweetSunflowerBoo I'm due in about 6 weeks too. Look up UKBabies online and Facebook as they have online free antenatal classes. We have watched them and are going to rewatch over the next few weeks.
They also have some additional pay for classes.
I don't know if you can ever feel prepared as each birth is different. My friend did all the classes, did hypnobirthing classes and with in 2 hours of going in was told it had to be a CS. Also do you have the Bounty and Emma's Diary apps and there is one called Mum and Baby which can point you to some information.

@Nameswaptime

Have you watched One Born Every Minute? Its a starting point at least.

Yeah I have I love that show

Thank you everyone for your answers. I've read some of the links you sent me and already I feel better informed!! The stages of labour helped me in particular now that I have a better understanding all the different stages and what's going to happen with my body.

I've also got Emma's diary and bounty so I will take a look on there and at some of the books you suggested. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow so I will try talk to her too.

Is the 34week midwife appointment going to be any different to the others?- like is she going to ask to do anything different besides feel baby and measure my tummy like a cervix exam or anything?

@SweetSunflowerBoo I had my 34 week check yesterday. She did my blood pressure and a urine dip test and then measured little one and checked if I was head down, which it is. The only difference between this and my 32 week check was she didn't take blood.

@SweetSunflowerBoo honestly the course I linked to earlier is so good. Short digestible videos.

Usually no cervical exam at that stage. There's nothing to check in that sense. Your cervix might be starting to "eface" or thin out, but normally you the mw team just let the body get on with it. Usually nowadays in labour they might not check your dilation as often (digital examination...i.e. with mw fingers to measure your dilation) has been thought to actually perhaps slow/stall the labour. But I was last in practice 7 yrs ago so can't say about current practice. My labour didn't go to plan so emcs so no normal care in my own birthing experience to comment on.

If you aren't head down at 35 weeks they might look at turning the baby (ecv) or perhaps the option of a planned CS (called an elective section). But my own kiddo waited til 37 weeks. So I was a planned CS, then they decided to let me labour as he was head down, then an emergency CS anyway! babies don't read birth plans lol

[quote Lizlou85]@SweetSunflowerBoo I had my 34 week check yesterday. She did my blood pressure and a urine dip test and then measured little one and checked if I was head down, which it is. The only difference between this and my 32 week check was she didn't take blood. [/quote]
Okay thank you!

My baby has been head down for well over a month now so the midwife says he will probably stay like that now which is good.

She has also sent me some links to YouTube videos after I text her today to confirm my appointment.

Thanks for all your help!

@Megan2018

Why didn’t you do NCT? Bit late now, but why on earth have you left it so late? I was very well informed but still found the classes helpful. You might be able to register for an online course somewhere.

Harsh!! Even in my day (25 years ago) we were offered free ante natal classes. NCT is expensive. The midwife and GP should have pointed OP in the right direction and its appalling that they haven't! @SweetSunflowerBoo you'll be OK! May I recommend the Milli Hill books too (I read them when my DD was expecting)

@SweetSunflowerBoo if you haven't already, joint the November 2021 thread 3 onMN. It's all mums due Next month.

Thank you @LavenderYellow
Wish people weren't so judgmental. I will take a look at your suggestion!

@Lizlou85 I didn't know there was a thread but I will find it and have a look. Thank you

You could try googling you local children's centre. Where I am they offer free antenatal classes. If you a comfortable telling us what county you are in then someone might be able to point you in the right direction.