Xmas with antivaxx sister before ELCS

[LadyHalesBroach]

How do I go about asking her to take a test?

My sister, husband and their 6 month old daughter are coming to spend xmas day with us this year. Due to family circumstances, this is our first xmas together since we were about 8 (we're now in our 30s).

The problem is that i'm due my ELCS on approx 29th December.

I am double vexed, and as my first daughter finishes school around mid Dec, I was planning on becoming a bit of a hermit so to mitigate risk.

But my sister is anti vax. Her DH has been doubled, but she won't do it. Says she doesn't want to pass it on to her DD as she is breastfeeding. Thinks she'll cope if she gets it (we all know that's not the point but ok).

Should I get her to lat-flow before arriving? PCR? Cancel all together? Or am I being a bit of a drama llama? I haven't said anything to her yet.

I’d cancel altogether.

If you or your partner end up catching it you’ll end up alone for your c section. I’d self isolate for the week before.

It’s her choice not to have the vaccine but its your choice who you see before a major op and new baby. Studies have shown unvaccinated are more likely to pass it on.

Or, postpone it until your happy for her to be around you all x

Obviously everyone's risk assessment/tolerance is different.

I'd personally cancel seeing anyone vaccinated or not -- yes unvaccinated are more likely to pass it but vaccinated people can pass it quite readily too, and if it were me I wouldn't take any risks that close to the date.

I think it's reasonable to ask.

If you have other family you plan to see over the period could you just send a group message letting everyone know that's what you'd like them to do? Get's the message across without making it look like it's about her choices?

Does she not realise that it passing into the breast milk would be a good thing?

Your sisters concerns are completely inaccurate but it's you that's left with the tricky decision here.
Whilst lateral flow are better than nothing, they really aren't very accurate and PCR would be better.
Just mention it to her now so she has plenty of time to get her head around your perfectly reasonable request.
The idea of having a section without my partner to support me would not help me feel happy and excited for the birth!
Hopefully your sis will reconsider and at least get 1 jab before Christmas to start reducing the risk for her and everyone she mixes with.

Cancel altogether. I would seriously not see anyone that close to your date.

Make it about you rather than her though

There is a long time between now and Christmas and I’d expect her to catch it in the meantime which would mean she should have some level of antibodies and not be a risk to you. On that basis, I’d wait until closer to the time to confirm plans.

If she was double vaccinated she could also still catch it and give it to you though - so it shouldn’t affect your decisions?

OP, I had ELCS last month and both DH and I had to self-isolate for several days before and take covid tests. You will need to check with your NHS trust what the rules are closer to the time, but I wouldn't be planning anything for Christmas in your position tbh. You don't want to end up with your partner not being present at the birth and not allowed to visit you, or with covid/long covid and a newborn baby at home. Obviously you'll do what you think is right, but that was my thinking.

@Bennetgirl

I’d cancel altogether.

If you or your partner end up catching it you’ll end up alone for your c section. I’d self isolate for the week before.

It’s her choice not to have the vaccine but its your choice who you see before a major op and new baby. Studies have shown unvaccinated are more likely to pass it on.

I agree with this.

Also how can you know the rough date of your December ELCS in October? You normally don't know it until 36 weeks at the earliest? I wouldn't be assuming the date between Christmas and NYE unless you have it confirmed, usually there aren't that many staff members around then. I'm just saying this to flag up you might end up having a section few days earlier or later than you think.

@PurplePansy05

Also how can you know the rough date of your December ELCS in October? You normally don't know it until 36 weeks at the earliest? I wouldn't be assuming the date between Christmas and NYE unless you have it confirmed, usually there aren't that many staff members around then. I'm just saying this to flag up you might end up having a section few days earlier or later than you think.

I’ve know before 36 weeks for three of my four c sections what the date would be.

Cancel.

@PurplePansy05 its the date provisionally given by the hospital, I guess they're just getting organised for that (aptly named) xmas perineum week. They won't confirm it but that's the date that both the midwife and consultant have written into the computer system. So...

@JuneySunshine no unfortunately her and I are the only family remaining, but I'll take PP responses and make it more about me and my fears than being accusatory that she's a selfish antivaxxer.

@StripeyBadger Well that's fantastic. Everyone I know, myself included, didn't have their exact ELCS dates confirmed until 36-38 weeks - all 2021 babies.

After listening to the Drs on LBC this afternoon I'd be cancelling all together. Covid in late pregnancy can be very nasty. You're double jabbed, but I still wouldn't take the risk.

You've waited this long to have Christmas together, one more year won't hurt. At least not as much as spending your baby's first weeks in ICU.

@PurplePansy05 i think it's a xmas/bank holiday/staff issue to have us already penciled in, rather than any kind of special treatment.

[quote PurplePansy05]@StripeyBadger Well that's fantastic. Everyone I know, myself included, didn't have their exact ELCS dates confirmed until 36-38 weeks - all 2021 babies.[/quote]
That’s fine but you stated as a fact that the OP wouldn’t know her date and I was mentioning that some people do. Most I know do know before 36 weeks.

You will be expected to isolate prior to your ELCS so I don’t see how you could possibly invite her.

I'd lie.

"Sis, I have been notified by the hospital that I have to isolate (due to covid) for 7 days before the csection. They've confirmed I can only mix with household and fully jabbed people for 14 days before the csection. Will need to postpone our xmas day plans - happy to meet outside somewhere a couple of week before xmas, or maybe you could all join us for a takeaway and a quiet new years eve if the op goes ok"

I am fairly relaxed about covid generally and do lots of things that others would consider too risky but I would cancel the whole thing and only spend Christmas with your immediate family, vaccinated or not. It's just not worth the stress I don't think. If you did end up catching Covid I suspect you'd end up blaming your sister (even though you'd never really know if it was her fault) and that won't do anyone any favours.

Just as an FYI, I deliberately kept bf-Ing DS2 until I'd had both vaccine so he got the antibodies in the milk. I appreciate I'm preaching to the choir but having the vaccine whilst BF would actually be a good thing for baby!

I didn't say it's special treatment. It's unusual to have it pencilled in so early, based on what you said it ties in with what I said regarding limited staff availability. Still, your question is about the family Christmas and the answer is you need to check the rules with your NHS trust closer to the date. It's likely they will change by then.

You don't need to make it about you or your fears, though that's totally reasonable too, as pp's say you'll have to isolate just before delivery so you won't be able to see them anyway.