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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

SIL wedding 2 weeks after due date - what to do?

65 replies

RT65 · 10/10/2021 21:21

Hi all,

I'm currently 6-7 weeks pregnant and have just found out my SIL is having her wedding reception (they're eloping, so this will be an evening thing only) 2 weeks after when I think I'm due. It'll be about 100-200 miles away from where we live so I'm already thinking we won't be able to make it. It's early days but we were thinking of telling people at about 10 weeks. They're spending about £10k on it, it's a big deal and she's my DHs only sibling (and I'm an only child). Am I overreacting in thinking we won't make it (assuming the pregnancy goes well)? Should we tell her sooner?

A close cousin of mine is also getting married about 200 miles from where we live 2 months after out potential due date... Am I likely to struggle to make that too??

Anyone had a similar situation?

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HermioneWeasley · 10/10/2021 21:27

You wont be able to make your SIL’s wedding. I suggest your DP tells her now so she can change the date if she wants to. Depending on what other support you have he might be able to go without you, but if you’ve had a c section you’ll need significant help in those first few weeks - might not even be able to lift the baby out of its cot etc.

NeverTheHootenanny · 10/10/2021 21:28

Two weeks after your due date is really close. I think it’s unlikely that you’ll feel up to it, especially with such a long journey. First babies tend to come after the due date as well. Perhaps you could line up someone to come and stay with you so DH can go by himself?

The cousins wedding might be doable. I did a 200 mile trip to visit family when DD was about that age. It really depends on how your recovery is going though, would they accept a maybe?

whoknew23 · 10/10/2021 21:30

No way would I even attempt a wedding 2 weeks after a birth, more than likely you'll still be bleeding,if you have a csection you won't want to be going to any event so soon. You could even be late so I wouldn't chance it.

I wouldn't want to be so far away from me wee one even 2 months later so I'd probably give that one a miss as well.

CaddieDawg · 10/10/2021 21:30

I'd personally tell your SIL now, so she understands/is able to change if she wants to. You may go 2 weeks overdue and be ready to pop at any point, or may have gone on time or early and be deep in the newborn stage...and you won't know until the time so makes things very hard to plan for!

Roo0987 · 10/10/2021 21:31

I would say this won’t be possible and could be a major source of stress if you go overdue as your baby could potentially be only days old. I think the average due date for first time mums is 40+5 days. The cousins wedding is a maybe..it depends on if you have a c-section or if you have a baby with colic or any other complications. Personally I’d still say no to that one. Congrats on the pregnancy!

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 10/10/2021 21:32

That’s not eloping if they’ve told you about it

negomi90 · 10/10/2021 21:33

2 weeks is that murky area where you may have a 4 week old and DH could go alone or you may be about to deliver an overdue baby in which case DH probably won't be able to go 100 miles away from you.

SallyDoTheDishes · 10/10/2021 21:35

I went overdue with Ds1, had emergency c section and then when he was 6 days old we were back in hospital with a suspected serious medical condition. No way could I or would I have said yes to a wedding.

Your baby could be poorly and end up in SCBU or you could have a long recovery. I would wait a few more weeks to tell them but see the lay of the land ie they may not want to change their date no matter what or may wish to change it to either earlier or later. I attended a wedding whilst pregnant with Ds2 when I was 34 weeks. It was a 4 hour drive away and although great I was incredibly tired. By the end of the evening I could not get my shoes back on my feet! So swollen.

Hoppinggreen · 10/10/2021 21:35

If baby has arrived and you are both no worse than an average woman who gave birth 2 weeks ago there’s no reason your DH can’t go

Aimee1987 · 10/10/2021 21:37

You could go 2 weeks over ( they induce at 12 days) so I would say SIL is off the table. If there booking stuff and you trust them you could have a quite fyi saying your not planning on announcing it properly untill x weeks.

In terms of the cousins one, I flew from UK to Ireland with my 8 week old to attend a cousins wedding. It was actually alot easier than travelling with a toddler. I enjoyed the wedding but was tired just due to general sleep deprivation.

Notaroadrunner · 10/10/2021 21:37

You not need to tell anyone anything yet. They won't need to know who is going til next year. Your Dh can go and you stay home with baby and ask one of your own family members or friends to stay with you if you need help. I wouldn't even consider it if the baby was only 2 weeks. If baby comes early and all is well, then you can consider it at the time.

gogohm · 10/10/2021 21:38

If all is well then there's no reason you can't travel, but assume you will be very tired

NiceTwin · 10/10/2021 21:39

Ditto what hoppinggreen says.
If you have a fairly straightforward birth, on time, your eh should be able to attend.

You should be fine for your cousins wedding, again assuming a good birth.

gogohm · 10/10/2021 21:40

I travelled 160 miles 11 days after I gave birth. I flew long haul after 7 weeks

LightDrizzle · 10/10/2021 21:41

I think I’d give them as much notice as possible that with regrets you expect you won’t be able to make it and so you prefer to decline the invitation now rather than let them down closer to the date, but that assuming all goes well, your DH will be there.

LightDrizzle · 10/10/2021 21:42

Sorry, that’s for his sister’s wedding.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 10/10/2021 21:43

You can’t make it, but your DP could

That’s what DH and I did for SIL wedding

parietal · 10/10/2021 22:04

@gogohm

I travelled 160 miles 11 days after I gave birth. I flew long haul after 7 weeks

That's great Gogohm, but I couldn't walk more than 20 yards for 3 weeks after a (relatively normal) birth for DD1 and as she was feeding all the time and never sleeping, I barely got dressed in 3 weeks either.

OP - you can't go. Tell SIL as soon as you can.

At my brother's wedding, a close friend of his had a 3wk old baby so she dialled in on zoom to the wedding speeches & said congrats by phone etc.

mumwon · 10/10/2021 22:06

Everything could & probably will go as you hope & you might be able to travel
but
If you go over & are induced at 12 days over your labour may take a few days to start (experience x3) at the worst you might still have a caesarean so not only won't you be able to travel but your dh won't be able to go either - they tend to send you out of hospital quite quickly after a caesarean but you are not really well enough to look after a baby by yourself (yes I know some women do but it is far from ideal)
I would get your husband to tell his sister asap

Original poster

RT65 · 10/10/2021 22:13

Thanks so much everyone... That's sadly what I was expecting but good to know all the angles so I can share the justification with her if needed. This will be the first grandchild and first great-grandchild (!) on both sides of the family, so I'm nervous about how much people will understand vs think I'm overreacting!

SIL was so excited telling us but inside me and DH were both going, "Oh noooo". I think we'll wait another few weeks before telling her, it's good to know that DH could go if I can get some help in (assuming baby has arrived on time).

It's gutting but we had to rearrange our wedding completely for covid and go ahead without some key people so hopefully she'll be understanding as she saw what we had to go through! For my cousin, they'll be super understanding, and will be easy with numbers for flexibility I think as it's a more of a low key affair (ironic as they're actually getting married that day! ). Maybe there's more hope for that one, but we'll just have to see I guess!

Thanks again everyone!!!

OP posts:

Travellingraspberry · 10/10/2021 22:13

I think I'd tell SIL asap to give them the opportunity to change the date. There's a possibility you might make it but more unlikely not I'd say!

Your cousin's wedding sounds much more doable. I went to my cousin's wedding a similar distance away 2 months after dc2 was born by c section.

mumwon · 10/10/2021 22:17

@gogohm great for you its like those women who use to give birth & than work back in the field -
my dc1 was not only breech she was also induced - not great & walking (or sitting) was v uncomfortable for quite a a while - caesareans can differ- planned ones are better from what I gather than emergency ones
Please note these days having an induction if you have a breech is not approved practice -

PiesNotGuys · 10/10/2021 22:26

Couldn’t you just wait and see?

I do understand it’s a bit of a grey area but it’s also a long time in the future with many, many variables between now and then, things way outside of anyone’s control.

I deferred a year at university as I was due to give birth mid term. On my due date I was neither at university, nor did I have a baby.

The next time I was pregnant I was due to give birth the day before the academic year began. That time I did have a baby, and attended university, albeit a week later than I should have begun.

I played it by ear on a big event (PILs 40th wedding anniversary in a fancy hotel) that was five days after my due date. DH, me and 9 day old baby all went along, it was lovely.

I played it by ear on a festival I was due to go on because it was four weeks after another due date. I went on that one too, solo with all the DC and it was camping….

I’m not saying you can or can’t do things, but why do you have to decide now. There are too many variables.

Veggiepotamus · 10/10/2021 22:50

I had a similar situation, dh had to go without me. I had a family member come to help me with my newborn although they weren’t actually much help! No way I could have got dressed up and travelled due to bleeding, leaky boobs, trying to establish feeding and not sleeping much!

drpet49 · 10/10/2021 22:53

@gogohm how marvellous for you. Meanwhile I don’t know a single mother who would go to a wedding two weeks after giving birth. Why put that pressure on yourself OP?

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