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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

SIL wedding 2 weeks after due date - what to do?

65 replies

RT65 · 10/10/2021 21:21

Hi all,

I'm currently 6-7 weeks pregnant and have just found out my SIL is having her wedding reception (they're eloping, so this will be an evening thing only) 2 weeks after when I think I'm due. It'll be about 100-200 miles away from where we live so I'm already thinking we won't be able to make it. It's early days but we were thinking of telling people at about 10 weeks. They're spending about £10k on it, it's a big deal and she's my DHs only sibling (and I'm an only child). Am I overreacting in thinking we won't make it (assuming the pregnancy goes well)? Should we tell her sooner?

A close cousin of mine is also getting married about 200 miles from where we live 2 months after out potential due date... Am I likely to struggle to make that too??

Anyone had a similar situation?

OP posts:

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bellsbuss · 10/10/2021 23:00

I've been to wedding 2 weeks after and one 3 weeks after and was fine but everyone is different. 2 months after there's no reason you wouldn't be ok.

Fallagain · 10/10/2021 23:04

Babies are due any where from 37 to 42 weeks. Up until the age of 6 weeks they should only be in the car seat for 30 minutes at a time so no it’s not going to be possible.

PersonaNonGarter · 10/10/2021 23:04

Don’t wait.

Really. They need to know ASAP.

Lullaby88 · 10/10/2021 23:33

Yeah I had a couple of family weddings on DH side after giving birth. He went alone with my older child and I stayed back with the baby I was fine doing that. The thought of going anywhere at that point I felt relieved to be home in my pyjamas and just bonding with my baby. It does depend tho like people have said if u need after care u may want someone to stay with u to help u out.

Hydrate · 10/10/2021 23:35

Congratulations! I would tell your sil right away, I know if I were her, I would move the date 3 month either way, so you would be up to attending. Otherwise, she has a warning to only expect your db to be able to attend and not waste money on your meal.

RussianSpy101 · 10/10/2021 23:40

I actually went to my BILs wedding 4 weeks after a csection and it was fine but it was local.
You might go overdue so probably best to let her know you won’t make it.

No reason why you won’t make your cousins wedding.

SuperSange · 11/10/2021 05:32

Don't wait to tell her, if you tell her ASAP they might be able to change it. You'll spend the next 8 months or so getting anxious every time the wedding is mentioned. You're supposed to be able to enjoy a pregnancy, not spend it worrying about a party.

traumatisednoodle · 11/10/2021 05:50

Yes tell them, my BFF got married 2 months after I gave birth (the 2 things were decided almost at the same time) I waited for 12 weeks to tell her by which time the wedding was set in stone. They will be paying deposits and things.

DockOTheBay · 11/10/2021 05:55

It sounds like they've just told you and not sent out official invitations yet, so I would tell them now as they may want to change the date.

I definitely wouldn't want to go to a wedding 2 weeks after giving birth. I had very "easy" births and probably would have been physically able to, but just wouldn't have felt up to it for various reasons including tiredness, trying to establish feeding, I wouldn't feel comfortable dressing up (or know in advance what size to buy) etc. Etc.

Also the 200 mile journey is a real issue. That's about 3.5 hours? Babies aren't supposed to do long stints in the carseat so you would have to stop about 5 times en route for at least half an hour each time. Its really not do-able.

Cousins wedding at 2 months more likely to work out but even then the car journey is the issue.

LaBellina · 11/10/2021 06:02

If you don’t want to tell them yet, then don’t.
You’re entitled to keep your news private for as long you want / need, you don’t owe it to anyone to share it regardless of their wedding plans. Besides, you can’t say yet if you can or can’t go. If your baby is early (mine - first baby - came at 38 weeks) then you might or your DH might be able to go without you if you have a straight forward birth. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

olderthanyouthink · 11/10/2021 06:09

After DC1 I could have gone to stuff by 2 weeks after the DD (baby was born just before the DD) but after DC2 no bloody way, I was so unwell. DC2 is now 2 months and I'd be fine to do a long journey and event, he is an easy baby though so sleep isn't an issue and he is unlikely to scream the whole time.

olderthanyouthink · 11/10/2021 06:14

Oh and as for telling people, I held off telling someone I couldn't go to their wedding till I was 12 weeks, I couldn't have told them before without other people who I didn't want to know finding out. Numbers change when you're planning something so far out, in the time up to the wedding some guests died, some were ill and some were having babies

Original poster

RT65 · 11/10/2021 08:26

Thanks everyone, we're planning to tell my parents next week (it nicely coincides with a birthday so we'll get to tell them in person rather than over the phone) and then we'll tell my DHs parents and SIL. I've held off until nearly 8 weeks because I'm still petrified I'll have a miscarriage or something will go wrong, I wouldn't want to make a fuss for it to then not be an issue.

I'm not sure how much of a difference it will really make telling her now vs then as she's already paid the deposit, she gave us the date as a "make the day clear", rather than a " check you can make it please" 🙄. 8-9 weeks is still early to tell people, so I think she'd understand us waiting that long (waiting for the 12 weeks definitely feels too long though!!).

Fingers crossed for the cousin's wedding 🤞thanks again everyone!!

OP posts:

Holly60 · 11/10/2021 08:35

Whatever you do I really really would tell her now. That way you’ve given her the opportunity to decide whether she wants to rearrange. You can’t help being pregnant but you can help giving her as much notice as possible. It’s her only brother and sister-in-law, and she will be gutted. The other thing is that as PP have said - you could play it by ear and see how you feel. Even if you were both able to travel but only your DH went to the actual wedding, for example

mumofmunchkin · 11/10/2021 08:37

My uncle was due to get married a week after my due date for my first. In the end the baby was 6 days late, came the day before the wedding and I was still in hospital.

As she's close family, she might be up for a conditional response - if baby was on time/early and all went well then you might be able to go. If baby was overdue/there were complications then you might not.

timeisnotaline · 11/10/2021 08:37

I hope she understands, and don’t make any promises to your dh that he can go. You don’t know how you will feel and if you have a week old baby and need him then that’s that. It’s his baby too. I’d have been a terrified sobbing heap if my dh had gone to something like that a week out with my first, and with my second he was driving me back to hospital and looking after the children while I had follow up treatment, and I couldn’t move properly afterwards.

Holly60 · 11/10/2021 08:38

You ask how much of a difference it will make- it will make a big difference to how she feels, because it makes it clear you know it’s a big deal.

You are obviously holding off because you want your parents to know first and want to tell them in person, but in the circumstances your DP should tell his sister :)

ChateauMargaux · 11/10/2021 08:53

Gently remind her that you would do you very best to be there but given the date, it looks really unlikely. Also drop in to the picture that if the price of the meal is a problem, or your space being kept for you, that you and your Dh will cover that cost (and not give her a present!!)

And I agree, this is a time when you should tell her, unless she cannot be trusted to keep it to herself for a few weeks.

kaco · 11/10/2021 08:53

@PiesNotGuys

Couldn’t you just wait and see?

I do understand it’s a bit of a grey area but it’s also a long time in the future with many, many variables between now and then, things way outside of anyone’s control.

I deferred a year at university as I was due to give birth mid term. On my due date I was neither at university, nor did I have a baby.

The next time I was pregnant I was due to give birth the day before the academic year began. That time I did have a baby, and attended university, albeit a week later than I should have begun.

I played it by ear on a big event (PILs 40th wedding anniversary in a fancy hotel) that was five days after my due date. DH, me and 9 day old baby all went along, it was lovely.

I played it by ear on a festival I was due to go on because it was four weeks after another due date. I went on that one too, solo with all the DC and it was camping….

I’m not saying you can or can’t do things, but why do you have to decide now. There are too many variables.

I agree with this pp. You really do need to wait and see how you feel at the time. I had a planned section (breech) and went to my brothers wedding two and a half weeks later. I had a good recovery but everyone's experience and recovery from childbirth is different.

I don't know why some posters are being snarky to @gogohm, she's only telling op about her own experience.

firstimemamma · 11/10/2021 08:56

I couldn't go to a wedding a 2 and a half hour drive away a month after ds arrived and I'd had a textbook labour and delivery.

MrsR87 · 11/10/2021 08:58

I had my first last November. The birth and pregnancy were both fairly straight forward. I would not have contemplated going to a wedding that far away after two weeks…I was still tired and bleeding fairly heavily. To be honest I would have wanted to take a little one either and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to leave him so I could go.

I agree that your DH would be fine to go so long as you and baby are healthy. It might be nice to have a close relative or friend over to stay so you have a bit of help.

ShowOfHands · 11/10/2021 09:02

I had an emcs with my first and went to a couple of weddings in the weeks afterwards. However, the bride and groom knew I wouldn't be able to commit until days before the event. We did travel in advance so that we could break up the journey and rented a cottage nearby so we had a convenient retreat. An evening reception might be eminently doable, the travel is the hardest bit. Prepare SIL for the fact that you might not make it. Your DH should be able to go but again, possibly not. Just give fair warning and see what happens.

MaggieFS · 11/10/2021 09:02

With regards to her having paid the deposit, I wouldn't assume anything in terms of cancellation or rearrangement options.

If you're going to tell your parents next weekend, then I'd tell her immediately afterwards under these circumstances. Obviously in strictest confidence, but better for her to know.

Sceptre86 · 11/10/2021 09:22

It depends on your support system apart from your dh. if you go over your due date would someone else be able to get you to hospital, that sort of thing? Would you be OK with him going on his own, whether baby has arrived or not? Would you still want to attend very heavily pregnant or with a newborn? Sil will most likely want her brother there and you if you have a good relationship. I would tell them sooner rather than later.

I went to a wedding 6 weeks after my ds was born and left him with my mum. I regret it, the journey was hellish (Scotland to London in a car), I was recovering from my second section, bleeding lots and missed my son terribly as was away from him for two nights.

vickylou78 · 11/10/2021 09:45

I think 2 weeks is going to be super difficult for you to travel and the baby wouldn't be able to travel that far (unless you had a lay flat car seat) so you would be stopping literally every 30 mins to get baby out of seat and do feeds and nappies etc. so would take all day to get there!
You wouldn't enjoy it at all and you'll be exhausted!

But the cousins wedding may be totally doable if local as two months in baby's are really portable and easy.

I'd personally wait til 10 or 12 weeks to tell them. And just explain that your DH will go to reception.

Congratulations!

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