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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Keeping pregnancy and baby (when it arrives) off social media

66 replies

66NC88 · 02/10/2021 14:08

Has anyone else successfully managed this without causing massive fallouts with relatives?

I am 34 weeks and have made no social media announcement and don't intend to. I told extended family via email, and my close friends via WhatsApp. I also don't plan to post about the baby after birth either, as my personal feeling is that there are no baby photos of me on social media, so I would like my child to have the same level of privacy that I enjoyed as a child.

However, my extended family seem to love taking various hold the baby shots at family gatherings (one of my relatives has a DC that just turned one) and posting these on Facebook and Instagram. I can't see a way of avoiding them doing the same with my DC without having to make a big "please don't post pics" announcement, and I am going to get compared to my relative who is happy for posts of their DC to be on social media.

Any advice? Or will I just have to accept that I am going to get some of my relatives' backs up.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 02/10/2021 14:11

You will definitely piss off your relatives and some of them will probably ignore you. It's for you to decide what the lesser evil is from your perspective.

110APiccadilly · 02/10/2021 14:14

We've done it. I was concerned about it with one extended family member - I very nervously asked them not to post photos on SM, and they were completely understanding (turns out they have friends who've made the same request).

So I don't think it's all that rare and people will probably have come across it before, and will be fine with it, particularly if you explain why - but obviously not in a way that makes it out that they're terrible people for putting photos of their kids on SM, which of course they're not - it's a personal decision.

I am however resigned that eventually someone will post DD's pic on SM (probably when I forget to ask someone not to) - I'm just trying to keep it to a minimum.

Laureatus · 02/10/2021 14:14

My sister in law was very forward about this when my nephew was born and we were all a bit 'ooh err' at the time, but we all respected it. My husband didn't want our son's pictures online by the time he was born a few years later so I respect that and all my family were by then very good at asking and keeping photos off because they were used to the idea by then. So it probably will be taken strangely if you're the first in your family, but tell them ahead of time and hopefully they'll get used to the idea, even if they roll their eyes. They'll get used to it over time.

MrsTophamHat · 02/10/2021 14:14

I think you are going to have to make it clear from the outset because the way people use SM nowadays, people will post pictures without even thinking to ask you. It will likely cause more of a row if you have to ask someone to remove a post than being clear up front.

I think you also need to be prepared for some relatives to take this as a judgement on their parenting, as is true for every parenting choice. It would be the same if you refused chocolate for your toddler for instance, in a family where the children are allowed sweets.

Verbena87 · 02/10/2021 14:19

Just say “we don’t want their photo shared on social media until they’re old enough to consent”. We did it, nobody has been weird about it, and we have other friends the same. I think it’s becoming more common.

Anon08 · 02/10/2021 14:22

I’m planning on the same. If they want to be on SM then they can when they’re old enough but I don’t want my child’s imagine ending up in the wrong hands.

BinkyRidesForth · 02/10/2021 14:22

My SIL has done this successfully, her DC is now school age. We’re planning on doing the same. Can’t see it being a problem with family, more likely to be an issue with friends who post EVERYTHING on SM and don’t ask/ mention beforehand. Not posted anything pregnancy related on there either, the only other thing I think could be an issue is people posting stuff when baby is born (I would rather not have any posts or comments that refer to DC at all, even without photos)

onanadventure · 02/10/2021 14:32

I've gone on a minimal basis and keeping any identifiers to a minimum...

only using the initial, and then with pics never showing full face.

my social media is about my life - DD is part of it, but only posting things which relate to how I'm doing with things.

I was going to keep her off completely, but as my life now revolves ENTIRELY around her, it's naturally fed into blogging etc.

Arecklessmanor · 02/10/2021 14:33

Our stance is similar to @BinkyRidesForth above, don't want any photos and preferably no mention of the baby on social media.
It will be hugely controversial in my family, there are quite literally thousands of photos of DNs on social media.

@MrsTophamHat the chocolate/sugar consumption is another reason we're going to be considered weird, I've never said anything to family members but won't be doing what they do (think babies under 5 months with magnum lollies and giving babies fizzy drinks).

At the end of the day we'll do what we think is right for the baby, I don't think we're planning anything outrageous (mainly no social media, no ridiculous amount of sweets and keeping them away from cigarette smoke) but if we get grief for that I don't care.

Peachi82 · 02/10/2021 14:37

We've done it and didn't make a big deal out of it. Just said we don't want it and nothing more. Gladly everyone accepted our decision.

Nursery is allowed to post pictures on their social media channels with a sticker over his face. Luckily it seems too much hassle for them, so they don't take pictures for their SM where he is on 😂

Chelyanne · 02/10/2021 14:49

Question is do you value others feelings over keeping your privacy?

I personally don't care if I put peoples noses out of joint by doing what I feel best for me and my family unit. Do what you want to do and say "sod 'em" to the people who fall out with you about it.

Overtherainbow2021 · 02/10/2021 15:07

I agree with @Chelyanne.

I kept my pregnancy off social media - but made the decision to share the news now at 34 weeks, but to also explain that our little man has been diagnosed with a cleft lip. I felt that sharing the news would at least allow our immediate friends and family to know and understand as I would hate having to explain every time he saw someone.

I’d made the decision long before our diagnosis not to post pictures of baby on Facebook. And so people may think I’m embarrassed of his face but I’m absolutely not in anyway - and I’ve made my decision clear to all of my family whether they like it or not.

It may seem a little drastic but we have little control over what happens to the information we put on social media - despite what your security settings tell you 😂. And people can be cruel, I’m not subjecting my boy to that. You do what you’re happy with. Xx

amylou8 · 02/10/2021 15:17

A friend of mine does not put pictures of her kids on FB. You wouldn't realise she had kids by looking at her profile. Her sister is completely the opposite in an overkill kind of way, and so are the grandparents. They go out together a lot and there's frequently pictures of the non posting sister and husband included, but never the kids, who have obviously been involved in whatever activity. I have no idea why, and it's not my business, but even with a social media mad family she seems to have managed it.

Original poster

66NC88 · 02/10/2021 15:25

@amylou8 the main reason for me is that it seems extremely unfair to post photos of anyone who is too young to understand and consent to their picture being shared on social media.
Some kids have even taken legal action against parents who were excessive "sharents" and I can understand why. www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/facebook-fines-woman-son-photos-post-social-media-court-italy-rome-a8155361.html

OP posts:

marykitty · 02/10/2021 15:37

I did it and nobody complained. My DS is now 2.5.yo and I am pregnant with DD, no one knows from social media.

bestsoupintown · 02/10/2021 15:38

My friend hasn't shared their pregnancy on social media at all so far but her baby shower is in a couple of weeks and I expect there'll be pictures. I'm sure she'll announce the birth as she shares picture of her son regularly.

I don't know if it's a conscious decision so much as not really being one for big announcements.

@66NC88 I think it's absolutely ok to tell people you don't want your child's photos on social media and you'll decide what to share. If it upsets them then they need to get over themselves.
Change your settings so that you have to approve all tagging and posts added to your timeline. It doesn't stop someone posting something without tagging you but it might help.

Babyghirl · 02/10/2021 16:51

@66NC88
I agree, a child loved next door the me and was born with a syndrome can't remember the name, but his wee head was way bigger than his body, and that sit on fb stole his pic you know the ones no one will like this pic because I'm different awful it was.

As police said to his parents once you post a pic on social media they no longer belong to you.

Babyghirl · 02/10/2021 16:51

Lived.

fiadhflower · 02/10/2021 17:32

We also decided not to post identifiable pictures of our DC on social media. So there is the rare post of my DD’s hand or of her from behind, but I don’t show her face. We never asked anyone specifically not to post pictures of her - but people have followed our lead. I guess it depends on the family or friends, but it hasn’t been an issue for us - even among friends who post 100s of pictures of their children.

bakingdemon · 02/10/2021 17:39

I don't put pics of DS on social media and so people have taken their cue from me. Do what you think is best.

GummyBear91 · 02/10/2021 18:37

We are planning on announcing her arrival with minimal details about it all and a non-descript picture, maybe of her foot or something. We have already written the post explaining that we are doing it as she cannot consent so feel strongly that it's her life and she should decide what's shared.

There is no evidence of me being pregnant on SM yet and I'm 41 weeks today. What's also great is I haven't had loads of randoms asking me if baby has arrived yet.

I think the baby is your child and therefore you decide. Being explicit on SM puts it out there to those who I think will be 'key offenders' some of which are my closet friends should help. They haven't done anything to announce my pregnancy without my permission so hope it stays the same when baby is here.

Fawn68 · 02/10/2021 19:26

@66NC88 my DS is 2 and there is no photos of him on any social media, no announcements. Nothing! My family and friends all understood and there has never been an issue. It's your decision no one else's, sod what anyone else thinks it's your child!

buntybanana · 02/10/2021 19:38

I have a friend who is strict about no SM photos of her DD online at all, which I didn't find weird at all - very understandable. It's completely your choice and people should respect that! She did get a few questioning comments on Facebook asking why she was covering DD with an emoji, but she just replied politely.

GinnyBee · 02/10/2021 20:35

I'm planning to do this. I just don't see why it would need to be all over social media when I post so little on there anyway. We can tell the people we speak to and keep in touch with in person, and those we don't really speak to have no reason to need to know.

I have a friend who is due in October and I haven't seen the slightest hint of her being pregnant anywhere, and she posts IG stories of her life all the time, so I know it's possible. Another friend of mine has never posted her son's face, only pics from behind, or his feet, or face covered with a sticker.

Now I just need to get hubby on board, he's a bit of an oversharer and thinks "it would be weird" if we didn't do an announcement and then suddenly had a kid. I completely disagree, but hey ho.

If people get huffy about it then too bad, that's not my problem.

Em39ma · 02/10/2021 20:49

I only do one picture at birth that myself and my DH share, but after that no pictures are allowed on SM. My brother and sister in law weren’t pleased to start with but have kept to our rules.
Just let everyone know beforehand and they will come around. We have a family WhatsApp group where I send them pictures. If they want to post about their own children fine, I just don’t want my child, soon to be children on there.

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