Keeping pregnancy and baby (when it arrives) off social media

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Has anyone else successfully managed this without causing massive fallouts with relatives?

I am 34 weeks and have made no social media announcement and don't intend to. I told extended family via email, and my close friends via WhatsApp. I also don't plan to post about the baby after birth either, as my personal feeling is that there are no baby photos of me on social media, so I would like my child to have the same level of privacy that I enjoyed as a child.

However, my extended family seem to love taking various hold the baby shots at family gatherings (one of my relatives has a DC that just turned one) and posting these on Facebook and Instagram. I can't see a way of avoiding them doing the same with my DC without having to make a big "please don't post pics" announcement, and I am going to get compared to my relative who is happy for posts of their DC to be on social media.

Any advice? Or will I just have to accept that I am going to get some of my relatives' backs up.

I hardly post anything but I think it would be strange to not post a pic of your new baby as its such a huge milestone in your life. Its not like a baby is identifiable. If you don't like social media then delete it.

I post lots of pictures of mine on social media but I'd never post a picture of someone else's child even when I know they post them themselves. I've never had anyone post pictures of my childen either. I'm suprised people take photos of other people's children and post them.

We never post identifiable pictures on SM. We also don't approve tagged photos so although there may be a few pictures with friends out there, the children are not identifiable, which is what was important to us due to jobs. It is obviously harder if your family are really into SM because they might be identifiable as X's grandchild, but I think for most purposes a not posting yourself and not being tagged is sufficient. They are all old enough to be glad they are not plastered all over Facebook, but not sure if that is due to privacy issues or because 'no one in gen z uses Facebook' with accompanying eye roll.

@Biscuits1

I hardly post anything but I think it would be strange to not post a pic of your new baby as its such a huge milestone in your life. Its not like a baby is identifiable. If you don't like social media then delete it.

I find this attitude odd. We have no pictures of our almost 2 year old online. That doesn't mean he isn't the centre of our world but he is his own person so until he understands and I have permission from him he won't be appearing on any social media. That doesn't mean I don't like or should never use social media myself. If be beyond mortified of someone posted my entire life in pictures online without my consent.

I find it much weirder that some people think it's their right to share everything about a person just because you gave birth to them. Once it's out there you can't take it back.

I would be the same OP.

I have a relative who puts their whole life on social media and I will have to have a conversation about it when I have a child.

I don't like pics of children on social media before they are old enough to consent. I wouldn't want all my baby pics to be out there for the world to see, so why should I allow that to happen to my child?

I think becoming a parent involves some development of assertiveness skills - I'm not looking forward to having that conversation with my relative but I definitely will!

Communicate now with those who are likely to want to post and prep them. I think people are generally respectful of others wants. If you want to ensure your child gives consent for photos don't forget to ensure you do not consent for pictures to be taken at nursery, any playgroups and schools.

My children (7&5) have never appeared on social media in an identifiable way (they do sometimes appear at public events or sometimes on private pages for e.g. Beavers, but never tagged). It’s been pretty easy to uphold. Everyone who is close to us knows, most other parents will ask about Facebook. There was only one occasion, when after a relative’s wedding, another guest who I don’t know (a police officer ffs) uploaded loads of photos, including of my children to Facebook. I requested that they were removed and deleted. I was surprised that he didn’t seem to understand why but that’s another story!

If people question it I usually give a long and boring explanation about digital consent and them being too young to make an informed decision, and that I’m not able to consent on their behalf. Usually I’m aiming for a slightly glazed look so that people don’t push it…

@FuckingFlumps , we are very much on the same page here in finding it odd that whether you post on social media is seen as some sort of barometer of how important your child is to you.

I simply don't see it as my right to post about my DC until they are old enough to understand the implications of the post being shared online.

My attitude is that anyone who needs to know that I have had a child will find out in due course via real interaction with me, and if the only way that they would have found out is via social media then they are probably someone who I am unlikely to see in person again and therefore has no need to see photos of my baby.

This is actually how I tried to explain my stance to my mother: "Would you have hand mailed pictures of me to everyone who you went to university with, back in the 80s?"

Whoops, I see the lack of clarity in the above makes me seem younger than I am. I was born in the 80s, my mum went to Uni in the late 60s early 70s.

I completely undersrand this. Were pregnant with our first and while we are both on social media, we havent posted a thing.
We dont really post at all to be honest. We flick through Facebook and Instagram but dont upload content anymore.
We have already had to sprak to family about not posting on social media about the pregnancy and so far they havent.
Although when we asked for it to be kept quiet until we knew things were ok after the 12 week scan, we found out that my inlaws had been telling people who are not related in any way all about it.
Then we received congratulations cards from pretty much strangers. Nice of them to do so, but not what we wanted initially.

Once baby is born, the closest friends and family will be told personally but I dont feel it has to be announced on social media for anyone to see. Once its on the internet its not easy to remove and anyone can basically get access.

This sounds bonkers to me! It's your baby, if you don't want pictures on social media just tell them so. It's your decision (which I personally agree with). We told our family we didn't want anything posted and had no issues whatsoever 🤷‍♀️ I think it would be totally unreasonable for them to be cross to be honest!

@MGee123 the issue for me is that it stands in stark contrast to my other relative who shares loads of pics of her DC online and is happy for relatives to do so. It makes me look unreasonable in comparison.

I also really like this relative, so I am wary of my request being taken as a critique of her choices.

DH and I told all our close family and friends we wouldn't be sharing DD on social media. We don't use it so it was an easy choice for us to make.

DD was born at 34 weeks so we only shared some photos with family via WhatsApp so I could have a chance to recover before letting our friends know. We did remind them when sending them not to share them online. MIL ignored us and shared them on Facebook which where again share by down of her friends and family. This triggered an avalanche of phone calls and texts to me. Really not what I needed at the time but I know they meant well.

I did not take it well (sobbed for about an hour, I blame the pregnancy hormones). DH had words and MIL who reluctantly removed them (Don't we know she's her grandchild!!). She hasn't shared anything since.

“I also really like this relative, so I am wary of my request being taken as a critique of her choices.”

I don’t think so. My nieces and nephews are all over their parents social media. Our kid isn’t. It’s a total non-issue, we respect each other’s choices. In a way it’s a bit easier as before parenthood we were stalked for a bit and, having moved without the stalker finding our new address and successfully ‘getting away’ from the situation people close to us are maybe more understanding of our preference for privacy. But even without that, it’s a valid choice.

@PetuniaButterworth , I plan on doing similar: sending first pic of DC to my relatives via email with an explanation in the email that we'll be keeping pics of DC off social media until they are old enough to decide for themselves whether they want to be on there.
It's disheartening to see that your MIL ignored a similar request.

We 'announced' to facebook at 20 weeks (a couple of days after the scan). I've not put anything else on yet. I wanted to put something on facebook as we have a large circle of friends from a hobby and didn't want to message them all individually as we aren't 'that' close.

We will put something on social media once baby is here, but can't see me sharing loads.

By contrast, I have two friends who basically live through social media and I see their kids all the time and I love seeing them. Each to their own; there is no right or wrong.