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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Keeping pregnancy and baby (when it arrives) off social media

66 replies

66NC88 · 02/10/2021 14:08

Has anyone else successfully managed this without causing massive fallouts with relatives?

I am 34 weeks and have made no social media announcement and don't intend to. I told extended family via email, and my close friends via WhatsApp. I also don't plan to post about the baby after birth either, as my personal feeling is that there are no baby photos of me on social media, so I would like my child to have the same level of privacy that I enjoyed as a child.

However, my extended family seem to love taking various hold the baby shots at family gatherings (one of my relatives has a DC that just turned one) and posting these on Facebook and Instagram. I can't see a way of avoiding them doing the same with my DC without having to make a big "please don't post pics" announcement, and I am going to get compared to my relative who is happy for posts of their DC to be on social media.

Any advice? Or will I just have to accept that I am going to get some of my relatives' backs up.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DemBonesDemBones · 02/10/2021 20:52

I always always ask before posting a picture of anyone, child or adult, on social media. I met my Cousin's baby this week and asked if he is on social media. He wasn't, so I didn't post. I didn't think it was weird at all.

Luckystar1 · 02/10/2021 21:05

I have 3DC. There aren’t any photos of them online. I had no announcements for pregnancy or birth. I refused to allow any baby groups to post photos of them when they were younger either.

2 of them are at school. We have never had an issue at all. But I post extremely rarely in any event. It would be hard for anyone who didn’t know me to know if I had children or not.

rathernotshare · 02/10/2021 21:29

I just had a huge argument with my parents about this yesterday. My dad actually said he would rather not see his grandchild than not be allowed to post photos which is bizarre. I've said you can take them, just don't post them on the internet. They don't know I'm pregnant yet 😬

hogangog · 02/10/2021 21:31

you’re not crazy for wanting your child to have no images online. if you have any doubts, look at this lady’s insta. she also gives good tips on how to manage family expectations of being able post what they want.

instagram.com/clairerodahaver?utm_medium=copy_link

there are no photos of my daughter online, and for work (i’m a photographer), a don’t post any full face images of minors. it’s far too easy for them to fall into the wrong hands :(

Yummymummy2020 · 02/10/2021 21:41

We don’t share the kids on social media. I just said we don’t put the stuff up so we don’t expect others to and to my knowledge so far so good. But with the pandemic the babies were not passed around for photos anyway as it happened 🤷🏼‍♀️ I didn’t mention my pregnancy online at all. I have a few friends that wanted kids and can’t so I just decided I wouldn’t do any of the usual stuff a lot do. They wouldn’t have complained if I did but I still wasn’t ok with doing it as I didn’t want anyone to feel sad even if it was privately so.

romdowa · 02/10/2021 21:44

I'll be doing this as I'm nc with my mother and people will only provide her with pictures if we put them on social media.

00100001 · 02/10/2021 21:45

I have never out DS17 face online.

Occasional back if head shots is all I ever did.

Original poster

66NC88 · 02/10/2021 21:47

@rathernotshare, I feel your frustration. My mother, somewhat ridiculously, tried to tell me that when my DC is older they may be upset, or feel that they have missed out, if I never post about them online.
I can't imagine any teenager being miffed that their parents kept their baby photos private!
I don't have a problem if my mother wants to post something on social media about becoming a grandparent for the first time, I just don't see why online connections of hers, who I have never met, should see photos of my DC.

OP posts:

Cadburycup77 · 02/10/2021 21:49

I'm not on social media at all. That makes it easier TBH.

MissBPotter · 02/10/2021 21:54

I have 3 dc and have never announced a pregnancy on SM - just felt too personal. With dc2 my SIL decided to announce her birth before we had said anything - we hadn’t really decided what we were going to do. I was pretty annoyed but never said anything to her. This time round with dc3 I got DH to ask his family not to announce on SM. None of them have said a word to me about dc3 now! Not acknowledged her existence at all, though we haven’t seen them as they live far away. So I assume they’re annoyed but I don’t actually care.
I don’t want Facebook to know details about my dc and I can share photos with those I want to over whatsapp. Only thing is I’ve now not shared anything for quite a while on SM as everything I do revolves around dc!

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/10/2021 21:56

We did this. No pictures on SM or online of any of our DCs. Refused permission for all school pictures as well. Told all family and relatives.

Youngest is now 17, eldest is 24 and they are all very glad there are no pictures of them floating around on the internet. Especially since a few have become memes that are constantly used and reused.

NotMyCat · 02/10/2021 22:08

My friend just never shows face photos
She will post say a photo of them from behind walking or a pic of hands, any face photos even from the side are blurred or with a sticker

rathernotshare · 02/10/2021 22:11

@66NC88 I don't understand why they feel such a burning need. It seems like it's a bit of a bragging thing as all their friends have had grandchildren for years and bang on about it constantly. I had to remind them that my children will be exactly that - my children. Me and my siblings are all around 30 so I think they're a bit jealous they don't have any yet (that they know about!)

Sittinginthesand · 02/10/2021 22:15

I think this approach is becoming pretty normal - most people I know no longer or very rarely share pictures of their dcs. My fb is about 60% dog pictures now! I just asked my family not to share pics, most who have had dcs since have done the same.

sarah13xx · 02/10/2021 22:23

I think this sounds like a good idea. I absolutely hate the fact that people have come round to meet my newborn, snapping multiple pictures on selfie mode up close in his face then not asked permission to post them but just gone home and later I see a very close up picture of my baby’s face (that I wouldn’t choose to post) on social media 🤦🏼‍♀️ My parents are fine and have only posted one picture of them with him when he was born, they asked if they could post it. The inlaws (mainly my husband’s dad’s partner, so not even his actual grandparent technically) come and snap pictures of him then post them without asking though and I find it so cheeky! My husband really never puts his family in their place about things though so unless I want to look like a total bitch I can’t say anything 🤦🏼‍♀️ I would never take an up close picture of her face and post it on Facebook when she leaves!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 02/10/2021 22:24

I think it's a massive social faux pas to post pictures of another persons child on FB unless you check with them first. I'd simply say "we want to keep him/her off social media" and if they put something up you are well within your rights
To request that they take it down.

sarah13xx · 02/10/2021 22:26

@rathernotshare totally agree. The he’s ‘MY grandchild’ thing really bugs me. Everything my in laws do now annoys me but my blood boils when I see a text from them asking how THEIR grandchild is. Like I am babysitter they’re using or something. He’s my child and I make the rules!

rathernotshare · 02/10/2021 22:34

@sarah13xx I totally get it.. I'm on a rant now haha! I was also told 'I'll feel silly when I have kids and I change my mind and think back to this conversation'... well no I won't because if I want to change my mind I can. I repeat, my children are my children!

Cruiser123 · 02/10/2021 22:46

My son is 13 months old and I've never posted one picture of him on social media or even announced the pregnancy.

The people that I want to share pictures with, I can contact on WhatsApp, so why post stuff on social media?

Sometimes I'm tempted to show him off on social media as he's a handsome little man.

But then I end up not doing it, because I try to respect his privacy and I don't want Facebook to own any pictures of him.

8dpwoah · 02/10/2021 22:54

I think it's increasingly common and as long as you make it clear from the outset it's a totally reasonable stance. I've a friend who doesn't put their child on any social media and it's not hard for me to remember and respect that once she'd said as much.

I have a fairly tightly curated social media friendship group and only ever post pics that I think DD would be ok with seeing as a teenager or if her future prospective employer googled us (🤷‍♀️). So no covered in poo, tantrum, kind of things.

But everyone has their line and as I say it's more common and not hard for people to adhere to, but there is bound to be somebody slip up at some point and I'd maybe think about how you plan to tackle that.

Newmum29 · 02/10/2021 23:43

I don’t post any of mine online and funnily enough other people often ask if I mind them taking photos (in laws), I say it’s fine but please don’t post online.

Arecklessmanor · 02/10/2021 23:52

My husband really never puts his family in their place about things though so unless I want to look like a total bitch I can’t say anything 🤦🏼‍♀️ I would never take an up close picture of her face and post it on Facebook when she leaves!

@sarah13xx maybe you should do just that, a nice close up with all the wrinkles and fine hairs on display 😉

Seriously though as @Chelyanne said earlier, I'm not planning on putting other people's feelings ahead of what I think is right for the baby. I fundamentally believe they have a right to privacy and to consent to sharing their own photos when they are older, so I think it's actually up to me to protect them when they are small and I'd people think it makes me a bitch that's still preferable to them invading my baby's privacy.
(Very many of my family will disagree with me so I do understand).

sarah13xx · 03/10/2021 00:30

@Arecklessmanor 😂😂 I’d just need to wait til she messaged asking what I was playing at to explain she’d done the exact same thing 🤷🏼‍♀️

elenacampana · 03/10/2021 01:09

My baby is due early next month. My husband and I have always said that we won’t put any child of ours onto social media and our view hasn’t changed. We’re going to allow one photo to be shared by grandparents and aunties/uncles, but will say that while we’ll send plenty of others privately, it will be the only one we give our consent to going on anyone’s page. I’m going to do my absolute best not to sound precious or OTT over it, but will stick to it. When the baby is older, she can make her own decisions about social media posts of herself!

Flittingaboutagain · 03/10/2021 06:13

I'm not on social media so did no announcement and only send pictures to family on what's app. I'm aware my baby is probably all over my mum's Facebook but as I'm not on there there is nothing to particularly identify the baby as I can't be tagged so I've just let it go.

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