Rainbow Update

[MrsMGE]

Hi All,

It took me some time to post this, but I feel I need to say a big thank you to a number of ladies who have supported me in my journey to motherhood.

I was active on a number of chats on here back in 2019, particularly on the miscarriage board. I met some amazing people who have pulled me back up when I was at my lowest following the loss of my first baby. I went on to have another two miscarriages, then went through my local rainbow recurrent miscarriage clinic, had all sorts of tests and no answers. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through.

The amazing ladies who helped me went on to have their rainbow babies and I was still waiting for mine. Then I took a break, from TTC and in general, from stuff.

And now I could not be happier to say that I am writing this cuddling my two month old son. My heart is full and my arms are full. The wait is over. He is absolutely perfect.

In the most annoying of ways, it just happened. The phrase every woman suffering after baby loss hates so much - I know it all too well. My fourth pregnancy happened unexpectedly and progressed fine, with some complications, nothing out of ordinary.

I am writing this because I need to thank those of you who stood by me and lifted me up, cheered on me, read my posts when I was pouring my broken heart out and there weren't many people IRL who listened, and even less of them who truly understood. I will never forget what you've done for me. I don't know if you'll ever read this or if you're still active on this website, but I hope one day this message of thanks will reach you. I hope you and your little ones are doing well.

Sending lots and lots of love to @SunStruck @Catconfusion @Avocuddles @Kiki061190 and ladies from our threads at the time.

And to those of you still waiting, if anyone reads this - don't give up. It's so, so hard and it can feel like this journey has no end. But you are not alone and this amazing community will carry you through all the way till you find your peace, whatever this may take.

Love,
Mrs MGE & baby MGE xxx

Just a happy update from me. Baby girl is doing very well. She was an awkward monkey though and need to go back to double check the heart. The sonographer wasn’t worried though. I’m just so relieved the 20 week scan is done. It’s quite nice we get an extra scan in a few weeks as I won’t see my midwife until 28 weeks. Xx

Oh ladies I apologise, I don’t seem to get any updates regarding this chat!

@SunStruck amazing news! Congratulations! How many weeks are you now?

@MrsMGE a second baby can sometimes be a little surprise! I’m sure you’ll have a sibling for your son in the future 😍

@VenusStarr Oh my goodness you have had a tough time of it! It’s difficult that you have 2 different scans giving two different verdicts. I hope you get some clarity soon ❤️

@Catconfusion Baby girl is doing so well!

I am currently 10+6 and my 12 week scan is toward the end of next week. I’m trying to put it out of my mind!

@VenusStarr I am thinking of you, how did your scan go? Xx

@Kiki061190 thanks! ☺️ 6+3, early days...

How are you doing? Congrats on your pregnancy :) have you had your 12 week scan yet? Finding out the sex this time around?

Thank you @SunStruck not good news, the baby's heart stopped a day or 2 after my epu scan. I'm booked for surgery tomorrow. They'll test the baby and hope we get some answers. I'm on a full immune protocol but the baby stopped at the same point as always so either the protocol didn't work or the baby had chromosomal issues.

Oh I am so sorry to hear this @VenusStarr I hope you get some answers from the tests ❤️ Life can be so cruel!

@SunStruck oh 6 weeks already! How exciting! I’ve got my scan towards the end of this week. Tbh I’m not looking forward to it. I’ve held out and had no scans yet and after mmc you just worry it’s going to be bad news 😩 if all is well we’ll find out the sex of the baby 🥰 xx

@VenusStarr I am so sorry!! 😭😭😭 it's great they will test so you'll find out exactly what the issue is, it must be difficult not knowing. Do you have another round on NHS? Look after yourself ❤️ I'm thinking of you x

We only got the fresh cycle on the nhs @SunStruck this was a private round. We've got one embryo left but unsure what to do. We had my 4th baby tested and he was normal. I already know that my body attacks pregnancies and that's why we've lost babies in the past but I was on a lot of meds to stop that. So either the meds didn't work or the baby was chromosomally abnormal and nothing would have saved it. It'll be a few months before we find out though. Thank you x

@VenusStarr hopefully they take good care of you and you find out either way and can move forward, if it's chromosomally abnormal at least there's a high chance the next will work out ❤️

Here for you whenever you need.

High chance it will work out next time due to the protocol you're on I meant! @VenusStarr

Hi ladies how are you? ☺️ just wanted to update that we have had a scan at 12 weeks so hopefully out of the woods soon! Did an NIPT test yesterday too so fingers crossed all is fine.

Hope everyone been okay xxx

Hey @SunStruck that’s amazing news. Your chances are really good if the scan went well.

All good here thanks. I’m 27 weeks tomorrow with baby girl. She’s constantly moving and making her presence know which is reassuring. I can’t wait until she’s here now. I’m feeling very uncomfortable already. Xx

Hi ladies! I'm so sorry I've not been here for a while. Belated Happy New Year to you all, I hope it brings all the blessings!

Delighted to hear your news @SunStruck. How are you feeling now?

@Catconfusion You must be well into the third trimester now? What's your EDD? Hope you're feeling well!

How are things with you @Kiki061190? And any updates @VenusStarr?

My son is doing very well, he's the light of my life. Also having reconsidered things with my DH, I think we may start trying for DC2 next year. Initially we thought a 3-4 year gap would be best, but I think after a lot of thought I felt we shouldn't wait that long with our history and considering my age.

I've also been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and am waiting for CBT. This is sadly the result of going through baby loss multiple times. Of course I'm probably more prone to it and my personal circumstances have contributed to it too, but I am positive that had this not happened to me, I'd be in a mych happier and calmer place now. I'm deeply upset that I can't seem to fully enjoy this time with DS because of this but I am doing my best and hopefully CBT will help. Sorry to bring the mood down, I just wanted to be honest in case anyone's reading my thread thinking that once the much wanted baby finally arrives, the whole world is full of rainbows and unicorns for good. It isn't for me, I dread something awful might happen to him or DH every day. But hey - we're tough cookies, aren't we!

Lots of love to you all xxx

Oh @VenusStarr I'm so sorry, I just re-read all the posts ❤ Where are you now on your TTC journey? And have you had your baby's results back? I had my third tested and came back inconclusive, extremely unhelpful after a 4-month wait for results. I pray you get the answers and good news soon xxx

Hi @MrsMGE

I’m all good over here. Now half way through pregnancy and we’re expecting a boy! This one is flying by I keep trying to remind myself to take more pictures as this is likely our last baby.

Completely understand with the anxiety. I felt anxious and almost detached the first part of this pregnancy but now I am feeling movement frequently and that helps to ease the anxiety off. It’s so hard when you’ve experienced loss.

@SunStruck so delighted for you! Will you find out what you are having?

Hi girls @Kiki061190 @MrsMGE so lovely to hear from you guys!!! 😍 I am fine thanks, 16 weeks this week and feeling much better! Baby is healthy according to NIPT test which I'm very happy and relieved about... still don't want to tell work until after the 20 week scan, is this weird? I'm still worried something can be wrong!

We are having another boy! 😄 it will be 21 months between our first and second, so hopefully they will be super close. I'll be brutally honest and shamefully say I really wanted a girl and was so down about never having a girl (this is definitely our last), so I definitely wanted to find out so I can work on my feelings before the baby is here. It took me a few weeks but now I'm really excited about 2 boys close in age and to be the queen of the house 🤣 I know it's ridiculous to have felt this way but I am close to my mum, we go on mother daughter holidays and go to see shows and shopping/lunches with eachother and I would have loved that with a daughter. I'm not sure a son would love going shopping with his mum in his teens 🤣 so my feelings was more a sadness due to the fact I'll never have a girl rather than disappointment I am having another boy if this makes sense?

Anyway it makes me feel awful to have felt like this as we all know here in this thread how horrible it is to have the losses and not knowing if we will ever become mums. But this is just being honest... as you are @MrsMGE, I am so sorry to hear you have anxiety. It's definitely not all rainbows and unicorns after having a baby, I do miss my old carefree life at times (but wouldn't swap him for anything of course!)

@Catconfusion sorry I missed your message! So happy to hear all is well wirh baby girl ❤️ hopefully your sickness is gone and you're ar the glowy stage 😍 when is your EDD?

@VenusStarr I am thinking of you, how are you doing?

Glad that everyone is doing well xx

I commented on this thread in October last year.

I'm currently 35 weeks and 2 days and can't wait to meet my little girl.

We had a bit of a scare because she was measuring on the 10th percentile.

She has jumped up to the 40th percentile now and at my growth scan yesterday they predicted she now weighs 2.6 kg 🙂

I just hope my son won't feel jealous or be hurt by her arrival.

He's 17 months old and he has no idea he's going to be a big brother 🙂

Lovely post op. Congratulations

@SunStruck I'm glad all is going well.
There's nothing wrong with wanting a girl. I'd love a DD too. But then I look at my son and think I'd love him to have a baby brother. Boys are so gorgeous! And you may still end up having a granddaughter one day to spend all the 'girly' time with!

I initially didn't think I could be a mum to a boy because I felt this would be so out of my depth. We knew early on following NIPT and like you, I took time to work through it in my head and by the time he was born, I was so excited, I couldn't wait. Take your time!

@Cruiser123 Ahhh, so close! Congratulations! Glad you're doing ok. I'm sure your DS will adjust over time and he'll love her just as much as you will.

@Cherrysherbet Thank you 😄

@MrsMGE thanks for the kind words, ids a very shameful thing to feel! I completely agree with you that I couldn't love my son more and couldn't imagine him being anything or anyone else than who he is 🥰 such a cheeky, happy character! I think I'm just sad it's my last chance to have a daughter, so basically missing a person who was never real! But I know that when son no 2 arrives I'll
Be head over heels too so I'm glad I found out!

How are you feeling now and how is your anxiety? X are you back to work?

@Cherrysherbet how lovely, you're at the finishing line! 😄 I think he'll love being a big brother! ❤️

Awww @SunStruck I’m so pleased the pregnancy is progressing well. I can empathise with why you’re feeling the way you do about having a boy. I think I’d have felt similar to be honest. I don’t have a very good relationship with my mum so feel a bit like having a daughter is a chance for a do over. I found out the sex early like you did so I could get my head around the sex. Before I found out I came to the conclusion there are so many positives to having two boys. I know it’s different to having a much wanted daughter but they can hopefully be friends and play together with a bit more shared understanding being the same sex. There is something so lovely about two brothers looking out for each other. I do feel a bit sad my son won’t have that.

Try not to feel shameful. I think it’s totally understandable to feel the way you do since this is the last pregnancy. No doubt there will be a mourning period but I’m sure you’ll love your new little boy just the same and feel better when he’s here.

All is ok here thanks. I’m 31 weeks now and can’t wait for her to be her. I’m exhausted and much bigger than with my son so very uncomfortable. Also dealing with a toddler and being pregnant is getting harder and harder. I’m having a bit of anxiety and fears of something going wrong. I think mainly because so much is riding on her being ok. I’ll be nearly 43 when she comes so I doubt I’ll get another chance. Overall we’re really grateful to be in this position. Xx

@Cruiser123 you’re on the final stretch now. Good luck with the final stages. Great news she’s gone up centile wise. My friend has gone through a similar scare recently and all is ok. I do wonder how accurate those growth scans are. Although we were told our dove was 99 centile and he stayed at 98/99 centile throughout and was born very big. Our baby girl is 99.8 centile currently so looking very big too. Obviously that comes with its own set of worries but I’m having an elective so should hopefully be ok.

Good luck for the last few weeks. Xx

@MrsMGE I’m so sorry to hear about your anxiety. It’s so unfair that your journey has caused this and made pregnancy such a scary thing to go through.

I definitely identify with the baby coming and the pain of it all not going away. We had two losses before my son and 3 losses before this pregnancy. The last 4 were all early on but it was an emotional rollercoaster. It’s led to me not really enjoying this pregnancy. The fear of something going wrong hasn’t really gone away despite making it to 31 weeks. I also feel guilty because I’ve not been able to hide my son as much input for to being I’ll with the sickness and now mobility issues as my bump is huge.

I think you’re your position I’d probably try for another soonish too. It’s such a difficult period of life to go through so if it’s in a shorter timeframe you can work on recovering. In lots of ways I can’t wait for this baby to be here so I can work on recovering from what’s been a very difficult few years. Just knowing my two babies are here and safe will make the world of difference.

Anyway, keep us posted on how you’re getting on. I do hope it’s a much easier journey this time for you. Xx