Can you all explain first trimester fatigue to my OH please

[loveanap]

This is our third baby so I'm not sure what he's not understanding.

I've just fell asleep in the kids room for an hour, we was playing doctors and before you know it I was gone.

OH has come upstairs and ripped the blankets of me and told me to get up as the kids have trashed the room whilst I was snoozing.

Now I feel like a zombie and have moved to the sofa!

I would love to show him this thread so he knows what it feels like, as I could sleep all day anywhere any time but he seems to think I'm just being lazy & unproductive.

Like a pp I used to go to the disabled loo at work and sleep with my face up against the wall in the first trimester. I also fell asleep a few times at the dinner table - even my ravenous hunger couldn’t keep me awake. It’s like being drugged. I remember not feeling really drowsy ever, or gradually getting more tired, it was more like just suddenly being switched off like a machine shutting down.

Hope you show this thread to your DP and he apologises! You’d think by child 3 he’d understand a bit more.

@OnTheHillNotOverIt
Wow I never knew that ! Explains everything lol.

I’ve never known tiredness like it.

Nine weeks pregnant. Had a day off work. I came out of the shower with my hair and body wrapped in towels, lay down on the bed for a minute or so, woke up freezing THREE HOURS later.

Second pregnancy, at 7 weeks, made a cup of tea, sat on the sofa, woke up in a sitting position an hour later still holding a stone cold cup of tea in my lap.

Before I actually took a pregnancy test I thought l might actually have a terminal disease. I was visiting a friend in Cornwall and I walked out of her house and ended up just sitting down in the middle of the pavement as I couldn’t put one foot in front of another.

To @loveanap partner. I'm a Mum of 9 so I know what I'm talking about when it comes to pregnant and childbirth and rearing! I also had extreme sickness with most of my pregnancies. THERE IS NO TIREDNESS LIKE FIRST TRIMESTER TIREDNESS. It's like having the worst flu you can imagine where just opening your eyes feels like an effort. If you value your partner and want her to be with you for life then be a better person and don't act like a total prick again please! HTH op!

@loveanap

Thank you all!

I don't know what it is with him, he knows I'm tired but it's like it doesn't like to see me sleeping. When he is having to do anything in his head he thinks "she's just lying there and I'm having to do everything" he gets in a right huff about it.

Make sure to wake him for all night feeds then. I mean it would be terribly unfair if he was just laying there and you were doing it all.

Baby #3 - in my first trimester I was absolutely exhausted beyond belief and would get in from work and sleep for three hours. I was also constantly nauseous and couldn't stand to cook or prepare food.

My husband took care of all the cooking, domestic and childcare duties Monday-Friday, for the first three months and all I had to worry about was work and growing the baby. My husband is a lovely man, who supports me when I'm not at my best. You are a dick.

Has he been like this before, it's a shocking way to treat you - the mother of his two children who is pregnant with his third. My DH couldn't do enough for me when I was pregnant .... What was stopping him from looking after the other DC and letting you rest.

Sorry you are married to a dick ... no one else should have to 'explain' anything on your behalf ... surely he should respect your word. .

Tiredness is still horrible and I’m now in third trimester, I have to have a nap during the day otherwise I’ll fall asleep wherever or be extremely grumpy and get unwell until I sleep, started at 8 weeks and hasn’t gone away, and I’m throwing up all the time - pregnancy sucks 😂

Is he usually such an arsehole?

The tiredness is utterly overwhelming.

Look after your wife you absolute bellend, she’s growing an actual person.

Mine are late teens and I still remember the tiredness. It isn’t just feeling tired. It’s a complete inability to stay awake. I remember coming home from work, falling asleep, waking up for work the next morning and still falling asleep on the train on the way to work.

I'm currently pregnant for the first time. 27 weeks now and feeling much better, but my god, weeks 7-14 I felt as others have said, like I had a terminal illness. I was previously fit and healthy, and although I have lots of friends who had been through pregnancy before, the tiredness came as a massive and unwelcome surprise to me. I admit to having a few tearful moments where I just felt I couldn't cope with everyday tasks. I couldn't brush my hair - I just had no strength in my arms. I had to get dressed laying / sitting down, and would be so exhausted by the time I was dressed that I'd need a rest to get my breath back. I had to turn my head really slowly or I'd be wiped out with dizziness. I couldn't stand any smells at all, even things I previously loved, or the nausea would take over. I lost weight, but luckily managed to refrain from vomiting, as it took so much effort to get water in that I was blown if I was letting it back out again. Through all of this, my husband was so caring, and just generally in awe that my body knew what it needed to do. We don't have any other children, but I could not have got through those weeks without him.

Sounds like my husband I feel your pain..
although mine would get a shoe to the head if he did this 👀

@loveanap

Thank you all!

I don't know what it is with him, he knows I'm tired but it's like it doesn't like to see me sleeping. When he is having to do anything in his head he thinks "she's just lying there and I'm having to do everything" he gets in a right huff about it.

You're growing a baby. At all times for 9 months you are doing something that is literally draining your energy, even when you're just 'lying around', your body is doing something incredibly exhausting. If he can't understand that & step up then there are serious issues at play here. He should be taking on an extra work load whilst you are pregnant because you have already taken on an all consuming 24/7 extra job! It's also unbelievably childish & pathetic to feel like you should only have to do 'chores' if your partner is also doing something you deem valuable. Relationships can't possibly work on that level (otherwise us women would never get anything done if we we're waiting on men to do their exact equal share on housework!) First trimester tiredness is like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. Sometimes just washing my hair was too exhausting, because standing up that long & using my arms drained me so completely. At the end of the day I napped, ate dinner and then went straight to sleep. I sometimes napped in the loo at work, not even intentionally, because it grossed me out, just because sitting on the loo so exhausted, I couldn't help my eyes closing & I'd wake up later completely shocked. I've never fallen asleep so suddenly & without control or awareness before in my life. I was useful for about 3 hours a day at work, would nap in my car at lunch & then stare at my screen for a few hours & pray I wasn't going to pass out at the wheel on the way home. It's a terrifying feeling to have such a lack of control over your own body, it literally felt so debilitating, the tiredness. Your partner is being completely immature and unsupportive and I honestly can't believe you've been through 2 other pregnancies and he doesn't understand the care & support your need to grow your child by now.

He clearly thinks you’re lazy. How very date you go to sleep!
That’s a slap in the face for starters.

For seconds he’s a huffy bastard trying to make sure he strops so much that you’ll ‘learn your lesson not to be so lazy’ kind of thing. He’s training you. So you won’t behave like that again. You’ll behave how he wants you to.

And for thirds he has either forgotten what you were like the first twice, or he’s needing told that each pregnancy is different so you can be affected differently. So even if you were ok previously you could be feeling sick or tired this time. That’s how it is. You can’t control it.

Why are you breeding with such a man anyway. He doesn’t sound like a keeper. He surely can’t respect or love you if this is normal treatment of you?

Does he even want this baby or is he angry about that?

Does he take his fair share of other domestic stuff?

Right, there is first time for everything, and this is mine on Mumsnet:

Dear Mr Loveanap, you are being an absolute first class cunt, of the first class order. Mrs loveanap is dong something incredible and the exhaustion is beyond belief as she grows and sustains your child.
You need to grow some bollocks and behave like a real man, not some self obsessed lazy child. Stop being a tosser

Hope that helps.

Your OH should understand that you are carrying his baby and part of literally constructing that baby cell by cell takes a lot of energy. Also it's an asshole move to wake someone up by ripping the blanket off someone while shouting about mess.

Exhausted with my first baby which is what prompted me to take a test, not sure if there is a word strong enough to describe the tiredness during a second pregnancy whilst looking after my firstborn nevermind a third pregnancy looking after two! Your DH is a terrible man for ripping blankets off and telling you to tidy, he needs to read up on what your body is doing and start working on his attitude, I hope he is embarrassed when you show him this thread, my DH encouraged me to rest throughout pregnancy and after the birth taking on additional tasks to reduce the load on me.

I'd head off to bed at 7pm and sleep until 8am the following day and also need a minimum 2 hour nap during the day and I'd still be permanently exhausted. That's how tired was.

With my first, I slept for 3 days straight. Only getting up to wee, drink and vomit. I thought I had a bug.

The tiredness completely takes over you, and you don't even realise until you wake up.

Your OH has been extremely insensitive and I hope you show him this thread and he feels like shit because his reaction was shit. Also, he should not be waking you up with such a shock like that!

I was SO exhausted in the first trimester! My husband regularly took our 3 year old out on day trips and left me at home purely so I could sleep as he wanted to help me.

This is our second pregnancy so god knows how shattering it must be to do it while already having 2 children to look after.

First pregnancy I was fine, felt really healthy and not tired at all.
This second pregnancy, I'm like a zombie. Never ever felt as tired as this. The difference is unbelievable and if I hadn't been wfh during the first trimester I don't know how I would have coped.
Now with the second trimester I have insomnia so I'm shattered but completely unable to sleep. I feel like utter shite.
The tiredness makes me angry and argumentative so if my DP had ever been a massive dickhead like yours, OP, I wouldn't have fancied his chances of surviving long enough to do it again.

For three months I ate all my evening meals in bed lying down so I could wake up, eat, then go straight back to sleep

You are growing a whole new organ, the size of your liver, as well as a baby.

I laugh when that trope comes up in science fiction shows and the alien or time traveller from the future is growing a new body part - I’ve done that twice.

I’d rather go through labour twice if I could skip the first trimester.

First trimester nausea and fatigue knocked my socks off! It's way more difficult to cope with than late pregnancy, when you get all the offers of help and understanding, in my experience.
Even my bloody midwife said 'you wait till you're properly pregnant'
Just because a woman doesn't look pregnant does not mean she isn't extremely knackered!