Those on 2nd (or subsequent) pregnancies, what do you do with your children when you go into labour if you have no family or friends close by?

[MuffinMclay]

Suddenly starting to worry about this. If I were to be induced again or to have a scheduled c-section, ds would go and stay with SIL (about 45 mins drive away, but opposite direction to hospital). All well and good.

But if it were to happen naturally, I don't know what to do with him, particularly if it is in the day when dh is at work (would take him 1.5 hours to get home or to the hospital, assuming he is even in the country). What would the hospital do if I took him with me?

Labour with ds1 was only 5 hours, so I might not have much time to play with.

MIL is 3.5 hours away, my parents about 7 hours (and they are all the last people I'd want around).

What do other people do?

Do you have someone who babysits for you, or friends from a toddler group, etc?

Most people that know you, I'm sure, would be eager to help out.

My plan is the neighbours (and I've got a 2 and a 4 year old) at least until my mum can get here - she lives 1.5hours away. Have you got some time to cultivate some good neighbourhood relationships?

I would agree that a neighbour can be a fantastic back-up. I now have several neighbours and friends who would think nothing of looking after mine. However, when I was pregnant with number 2 we had just moved house 3 months before and my first was 2.5 and it was harder then. I had a contingency plan if I went into labour early, a neighbour had actually volunteered, so in an emergency I would have used her and a friend lived about 20 minutes away who would have also covered until my Mum and Dad could get there (about 4 hours!!).
BUT, you need someone who can come as labour wards really frown on you taking a little one in and, quite honestly, I wouldn't want to put my little one through seeing me screaming, etc! Both my births had complications, first being emergency c-section and second nearly again but went to theatre and had forceps. Where would you put your son if this happened as they wouldn't be allowed in theatre? I really don't think you need the stress about worrying about his welfare when you are trying to give birth!
In the end I had my mum come and stay about 10 days before due date so she was able to look after little one, couldn't you ask MIL or parents to come, even if you don't relish the thought it may put your mind at rest? Or, can you prime a neighbour to look after yours until your SIL got there, if you needed to? I would provide them with a favourite video and explain it should only be about an hour until SIL was there to take over, I would imagine most people couldn't refuse that.
Good luck.

There's also an organisation called EmergencyChildcare.co.uk. It might be worth calling them to see if they could help/cover your area. May not work out with timings etc but might be a useful extra option?

I'm going to have to ask someone if they'll help in an emergency, aren't I? I don't really feel on quite those terms with anyone close by (haven't lived here very long). Don't think ds would react well to being left with a stranger either.

We don't have many neighbours and my immediate ones are at work all day (or are strange old men).

I don't really want to take ds with me, but thought if need be SIL could come to the hospital and get him, or dh could take him away and come back.

bbb - will check that out, thank you.

That site is really interesting. There are lots of nannies and childminders within 3/4 miles of me who do just this kind of thing. I had no idea such organisations existed.

I had the same problem with DD1 when pregnant with DD2, she was 18 months and we had only moved into the area about 4 months before so really knew no one.

I was planning on a homebirth but DD2 was overdue so was booked in for an induction on the Saturday morning. SIL had offered to come and look after DD1 but she was away on business that weekend so DP would have to drive me to the hospital then leave to look after DD1 my useless family never offered to help at all.

Very luckily for us DD2 made her appearance in the early hours of the Thursday morning so no induction needed. DD1 slept through the whole thing in the next room and got up in the morning to a new baby sister. We were very fortunate.

This time I don't know what we will do but have made a couple of good friends from toddler groups and I know that at least one of them would help out for a few hours.

I think it's really worth cultivating relationships with your neighbours, or finding at least one childminder or babysitter nearby that you can start using before the actual event, so that your ds knows them. how old is ds and does he go to a playgroup or nursery or anything like that? You might find one or more of the other mums or the staff will be happy to help out and at least he might know them a bit.

It might be worth building up a couple of contacts like this just in case one of them is unavailable on the day, as well. I thought I had ds1 sorted out for ds2's birth as my mum was staying with us, but it just so happened she went home (3h drive away) the day before ds2 was born (having agreed with the midwife that I didn't look like anything was imminent). Luckily dp's sister was on 'standby' and came to take ds2 out for breakfast. I managed to pack ds1's bag in the middle of contractions and I'm sure I was holding on until he was out of the house as ds2 was born less than 2 hours later!

Emergency childacrre is a great option and there are also nanny agencies and babysitting agencies that cater for this kind of emergency, until another fiend, or your mum can get there.
I know it is not ideal, to leave your ds with a stranger ( I too have no support network, so do understand), but the alternative of taking your ds to the hospital with you, is probably a very bad idea, I kind of think.
A young babysiiter - i.e a 17 or 18 yr old girl who could babysit, maybe twice in the next few months, then she would not be a stranger to your ds . That might work.

I had similar worries when DD was born about who would look after DS. I remember that DH and I spent a couple of hours working out exactly who would have him depending what time I went into labour - we covered about 4 weeks I think (as he was born 10 days early and I thought it might happen). I felt a lot better for having nmade the plan as I felt I had "done" something, even though the situation hadn't really changed.

Our nearest relations were DH's brother and wife who were about 40 min away, then was my sister at about 90 min away and then DH's parents at about 1.5 hours away. Our plans were complex, but we did arrange with our next door neighbour that she would look after him in an emergency.

In the end, my contractions started at about 7am, by 7:30 am I knew it was labour, DH phoned his brother, who arrived about 8:30 and off DH and I went to the hospital (with contractions getting increasingly painful in the rush hour ). DD was born at 1:30pm, and two hours of that was my pushing ineffectively so in the end labour didn't take that long.

Am I right in thinking you're in the same neck of the woods as me? We're in Beds, although had DD at the Lister as we're only just in Beds and had had DS there.

I've only just found out I'm expecting DC2 and have started to worry about this already. We are at least 8 hours from any parents or siblings and have no friends who we both feel we could call on at any time of day or night AND who our DD would be happy with who are local.

I had a terrible time with DD and having planned a home birth it was a v good thing to have been in hospital, so will be again. She was also v overdue too so even if we had someone to stay here they could need to be here for weeks and weeks.

I had a CS last time. Heresy I know on here, but should I see if I can have one again to get around this? (This is an attractive idea in itself as I'm scared of things going wrong again and while I was out of it DH was genuinely traumatised by it all.)