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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Drank 4 units of alcohol before my BFP. Distraught - need perspective

67 replies

Lagirl20 · 14/09/2021 14:57

Hi all, sorry for a depressing post. My period was due on Friday. I had what I now suspect was a very light implantation bleed. I mistook this for the start of my period and that evening I drank two glasses of red wine - approx. 4 units. I am beside myself with guilt and upset. I’ve wanted this for over two years and now I feel like I’ve messed it up completely. I’m veering between trying not to worry - it’s not like I’ve been drinking bottles of wine, it was only two glasses and a complete once-off (I’ve stopped now), but I’ve also read studies saying even a small amount of alcohol can negatively affect the pregnancy. Apparently the day I drank - around day 17 - is crucial to very significant development. I’ve read lots of threads where people say not to worry, as the embryo doesn’t share a blood supply with the mother until later on when the placenta develops, but I’ve researched and this is simply not true. Alcohol can pass through the yolk sac. I’m devastated this has happened. It was so preventable and stupid. This baby is so wanted and my first, and now I may have damaged it! Please be kind.

OP posts:
ShrillSiren · 14/09/2021 15:25

The way I see it is that what's done is done and you can't change it now.

The thing you're going to realise from now on, with regard to pregnancy and parenting, is that there's "the ideal" and "reality".

The ideal is no alcohol at all, exclusive breastfeeding, not feeding kids junk and any other number of things that are obviously better for you/baby.

The reality is that life gets in the way. Some women will drink alcohol before they realise they're pregnant, some can't breastfeed, some have way too much junk in their diets.

Just do what you can and it will all work out OK.

Miliao · 14/09/2021 15:26

At that stage it will have no effect at all, the pathway isn't there. You could have had 2 bottles!

MovingSchmoving · 14/09/2021 15:29

Regardless of whether or not the research you’ve read is right or wrong or whether other people have got blind drunk every day for three weeks before they found out they were pregnant… the point is that you can’t do anything now. It’s done. It’s out of your control. It’s very very unlikely that you will have done any damage but a) you can’t know for certain and b) even if you did you can’t control it now.

If you have an underlying anxiety throughout pregnancy like I did then you will find things like this very tough. You have to come to terms with the fact that there are aspects of pregnancy - and parenthood! - that you can’t control. Or things that you can control but you can’t turn back time.

I got myself worried sick - almost literally - with my first because I accidentally ate some unpasteurised cheese when I was about 15 weeks pregnant. I was terrified I’d get listeria and miscarry or the baby would be harmed. I couldn’t sleep and was overwhelmed with guilt and anger at myself for being so stupid. I quickly realised that I needed to stop worrying about things I couldn’t control because otherwise I was in for a very tough time. This is the same for you.

Original poster
Lagirl20 · 14/09/2021 15:29

According to my apps and tests, I’m three weeks post-conception now, and this is the time the baby is susceptible to alcohol
embryo.asu.edu/pages/developmental-timeline-alcohol-induced-birth-defects

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 14/09/2021 15:36

I used to enjoy my daily martinis when newly pregnant. But that was years ago, when there were no debates about such things !

Original poster
Lagirl20 · 14/09/2021 15:36

I really hope and want this to be true, but I can’t find evidence of it anywhere? :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Lagirl20 · 14/09/2021 15:37

@Miliao

At that stage it will have no effect at all, the pathway isn't there. You could have had 2 bottles!
I really hope and want this to be true, but I can’t find evidence of it anywhere?
OP posts:
ThreeLocusts · 14/09/2021 15:40

A friend of mine drank more than two glasses of wine very early on in a pregnancy and worried about it. Her baby was absolutely fine. She's a natural scientist and read up about it somewhere and whatever she read reassured her, too.

ThreeLocusts · 14/09/2021 15:42

PS an Italian friend tells me that a glass of red wine a day used to be almost recommended for pregnant women in Italy - there's an assumption (no idea if correct) that it helps prevent anaemia. Maybe just a superstitious conclusion derived from the colour.

Aria2015 · 14/09/2021 15:42

With my first. I found out I was pregnant the day after my work Christmas party where I had drunk my weight in wine, followed by shots and a couple of cigarettes (don't even smoke usually). I'd had a miscarriage 5 weeks before and hadn't had a period yet so was not expecting to get pregnant again so quickly. It was my third pregnancy but my first successful one and my lo was born perfectly healthy 9 months later! My doctor told me not to worry and that it was fairly common for women to inadvertently drink while in the early stages of pregnancy. Try not to worry and congratulations!

MovingSchmoving · 14/09/2021 15:42

Read my reply! You can’t control it. You have to let it go.

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 15:44

You'll be fine, honestly.

If you're worried about FAS, you have a drink a lot and for longer than two glasses of wine. You have not damaged your baby! Women used to be advised to drink Guinness whilst pregnant.

Bunny2021 · 14/09/2021 15:44

I second reading Emily Oster ‘Expecting Better’. I drank two bottles of wine in the two days before I did the test - baby is totally fine!

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 15:45

Have 'to' drink a lot, first sentence of second para.

MKCH · 14/09/2021 16:01

The problem is that you're never going to find anything proving that drinking alcohol is fine - apart from anecdotally from here/friends etc - as the NHS is never going to knowingly test the effect of alcohol on an embryo / foetus.

Some people don't find out that they're pregnant until 12/20/30/36 weeks and they're fine.
I'd assume that a large percentage of drinking women drink (potentially sometimes to excess) in the few weeks between conception and lack of period / BFP.
And of them, I suspect you'll find that the high majority have perfectly fine pregnancies and babies.

But I doubt you will find anything concrete to prove or disprove this as it's never going to be clinically tested.

OP, you need to put this to bed. Book your midwife booking in appt, get your 12 week scan booked and go from there.

Twizbe · 14/09/2021 16:03

OP I think this is just your anxiety taking over now. We can all tell you it's fine and I think even if we were able to give you some 'evidence' you won't believe us. Your anxiety can't allow you to stop worrying about this.

Please speak to your doctor about the anxiety. Being pregnant can make anxiety really bad abs there is help out there.

Belfastbird · 14/09/2021 16:05

A massive 30th the day before +ve test with my 2nd ( & 2 hen dos in the previous weeks) dd almost 10 is super smart & athletic. 4 units will not be an issue as a one off. Dont stress yourself over this!

BarryTheKestrel · 14/09/2021 16:10

As someone said upthread there is a big difference between ideal and reality. In an ideal world every person would follow every recommendation to the letter. In reality it just isn't humanly possible. For example you didn't KNOW you were pregnant so you didn't act how you would have if you did. I for example could not take any folic acid during either of my pregnancies as it exacerbated all nasty symptoms of pregnancy to the point where I was told to not take it or face hospitalisation. The reality is, no one is perfect and a lot of guidelines, especially for pregnant women, are based on guesses and estimates rather than true science as it is generally frowned upon to use pregnant women as test subjects.

You and baby will be just fine OP. The wine will not have caused any ill effects. In the meantime however, please look into your anxiety. It is normal to be a little anxious when you have wanted a baby for a long time and struggled, however extreme anxiety will do you no good in the long run.

wildthingsinthenight · 14/09/2021 16:10

OP I had my hen do while unknowingly pregnant so drank a lot! Found out a few days later and stopped from then on. It was very early. Said child now sitting opposite me, almost 13 and very healthy. Never needed antibiotics and rarely ill.
Please try to move on and enjoy being excited about your pregnancyFlowers

bumpyknuckles · 14/09/2021 16:18

The key time to not consume any alcohol in pregnancy is 6-12 weeks. Before then, the 'baby' is just a cluster of stem cells which could become any part of their anatomy. If you drank in that early time, you might kill off a few of those cells, but other cells would do the same job because they're all the same. Between 6-12 weeks the stem cells start to change and become bodily structures which can be permanently damaged by alcohol and other things.

Even after 6 weeks, the jury is out about how much damage alcohol does. Children with foetal alcohol syndrome usually have alcoholic mothers. However, scientists can't be 100% sure (because to study it is unethical), so to play it safe they advise no alcohol at all at any point in pregnancy.

Please don't worry too much. It's almost certainly fine.

Miliao · 14/09/2021 17:44

Here is a simple timeline www2.hse.ie/wellbeing/child-health/0-to-8-weeks-pregnant.html

You are fine, but I would suggest talking to someone about your anxiety as this is the start of a very long journey, and as someone who doesn’t usually have anxiety issues, I even had little meltdowns (accidentally eating liver, a raw burger, etc), and it can be a stressful period. There are lots of helplines, and it would really help to develop some coping strategies now. Good luck!!

Samafe · 14/09/2021 17:53

I did not know I was pregnant for ca. 8 weeks. In the meantime, I had my bachelorette party and my wedding.
I think I don't need to go into details.....Grin
Currently sitting next to a chatty 2 yo.

YouMeandtheSpew · 14/09/2021 22:34

So many women do this OP. So, so many. Some women TTC for years and years and understandably don’t want to give up alcohol for 50% of their lives so follow the ‘drink till it’s pink’ rule. Think how many babies are conceived on honeymoons or holidays or at Christmas.

I did the same as you (well, I drank a lot more actually - champagne and vodka). I panicked too, did too much googling too, probably read the same studies as you. I remember talking to my midwife about it and she laughed and said ‘if I had a pound for every patient who told me that, I’d have my own private island.’

My son is now two and absolutely fine. I agree with what a poster said above about perfection versus reality. Please please try to move on from it. You drank a very moderate amount.

Suzi888 · 14/09/2021 22:41

It won’t have had any affect, I was pretty drunk when I conceived and for a whole month after. (Wasn’t ttc and had holidays, parties, birthdays)
Asked my G.P for advice I was so worried, she said to stop worrying and all would be fine and it was. You have to pretty much be an alcoholic for it to effect the pregnancy.
Speak to your G.P if you are still concerned, they will alleviate your fears.

mummaelle · 14/09/2021 22:48

I didn't find out I was pregnant with my dd till I was 6 weeks and before that I'd been drinking quite a few times, my dd was absolutely fine and healthy.