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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Did your husband stay with you in hospital?

65 replies

WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 20:23

And if they did, was it a hindrance or a help?

I’m having a c-section on Tuesday, and stupidly forgot to ask the actual policy on it. DH is making noises about going home for the night to get some rest, and to be honest ordinarily I wouldn’t actually WANT him to stay as that’s two of us not getting any sleep, potentially squishing into a bed etc. But I think the ward policy is partners allowed overnight, and since I’ll have just had surgery, will I need him to stay from a practical point of view? I’m not sure how much help I’ll get from any staff in the middle of the night if I need to pick up the baby for example.

Did your husbands/partners stay with you after?

OP posts:
SameToo · 10/09/2021 20:24

I sent him home. No point in us both not sleeping.

bruffin · 10/09/2021 20:24

No and it should be banned. I was in for 7 weeks and the last thing i wanted was men on the ward every night

Original poster
WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 20:25

Yeah, that’s also a thing I’m not thrilled about, men on the ward at all. I wish they just said no partners allowed.

OP posts:
ChewChewPanda · 10/09/2021 20:26

I didn’t have a c section so advice is only half helpful, but DH went home. Our baby didn’t actually wake much that first night anyway and when he came back well rested the next day I promptly went to sleep which was great.

Garman · 10/09/2021 20:26

Partners can't stay where I am, I had csection and baby was kept in bed with me so I didn't have to worry about picking him up at night. Can't remember if I did any nappy changes overnight though, if I did I had to sit up for them but must've managed it! Didn't get any help from staff overnight.

moregarlic · 10/09/2021 20:27

Not a c-section, but might be relevant.

I was back in hospital a few days after birth and DH was allowed to stay with us. I needed the help with the baby, and to be quite frank, somebody to advocate for me. I was ill and the postnatal ward was woefully understaffed.

Original poster
WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 20:27

My instinct is to not have him there but then I don’t know if I’m cutting my nose off to spite my face in terms of help and support.

OP posts:
Knittingupastorm · 10/09/2021 20:28

DH did stay, but only because I was given a private room. I personally needed him there because I’d haemorrhaged after birth and could barely stand without my vision going and almost keeling over. He needed to help me to the toilet etc. I assume I’d have had help with that if he hadn’t been there, but it was nice having him on hand!

I wouldn’t have expected him to stay in a ward with other women though, and this was pre-covid.

waxytimes · 10/09/2021 20:30

I sent mine home both times. First time we ended up in hospital a week after DS1 got an infection. I was moved to a side room and DH then started staying overnight to help me. Second time baby was born 9am, DH went home to pick up DS1 from nursery, and the next morning he came to pick us up and bring us home.

abw94 · 10/09/2021 20:31

I gave birth in Birmingham and partners were not allowed to stay, it's mother's and babies only.

We had an extended stay due to my son being on antibiotics and visiting hours were 9-9 everyday (pre covid) so enough time for visiting, however, one evening one of the partners tried to stay and they had to force him out at 23:00 as he just wouldn't listen to the nurses telling him he couldn't stay the night. I felt so incredibly uncomfortable.

gunnersgold · 10/09/2021 20:31

Men couldn't stay when we had ours and I don't think they should ! Jeez the last thing you want is some creepy man staring at you ! It was bad enough when they did the hospital tours around the wards .( I was there 5 weeks and 4 more in scbu) so saw a few sights !

Thoughtcontagion · 10/09/2021 20:33

No he went home both times I had c section.

MimiDaisy11 · 10/09/2021 20:35

In the hospital I was in partners had to leave by a certain time. I was glad as I would have hated to listen to lots of couples talking when trying to sleep. I had a c section and although you have limitations and it’s not the easiest I was able to care ok for my baby.

Original poster
WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 20:36

Ok, thanks for these responses :) I probably shouldn’t overthink it until it gets to the actual day. My hospital also do an ‘enhanced recovery’ program- which I think stands for-

‘we’ll get you out after 24 hours so your husband can deal with you at home because we are short staffed and we need the bed’

OP posts:
jamsandwich1 · 10/09/2021 20:38

First time I was on the postnatal ward and partners were allowed to stay but no beds and if they were staying they’d sleep on a chair. My DH went home because he wanted rest and tbh I was ok with it but actually when he’d gone I felt I wanted him there as the ward was understaffed and I wasn’t confident DS was latching properly and felt like I needed moral support.
Second time I had a side room in the birth centre. He could have stayed but my mum was watching DS so he went home to spend some time with him.

bubblebath62636 · 10/09/2021 20:38

My baby was born June, visiting hours were 12-8, no partners after then.

I was glad to be honest, he needed to go home and rest (and put crib together 😂) and I wanted baby cuddles.

CallMeRisley · 10/09/2021 20:40

Yes, at my hospital the post natal ward is all private rooms and partners stay and have their own fold down bed (can only be folded down between 10pm and 7am and bed must be away and partner be up and dressed). They don’t get fed. I don’t know how partners would stay on a ward that has say 4 or 6 bed bays with other new mums?

KaleJuicer · 10/09/2021 20:40

First time around, no partners allowed. Would have loved to have had DH there as I would have had someone to follow up on the painkillers that never came post section (went 12 hours no pain relief - bell ignored) and my baby would have been picked up so I could feed and have his nappy changed. I lay there ringing bell and no one came. I couldn’t walk. Horrific. Had PTSD.

Second time round, went private and had DH on bed next to me. Had pain relief. Was supported. Brilliant.

Suggest you have you partner with you if you can.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/09/2021 20:40

Yes, we were in two days before she was born and several after as I wasn’t well and had an EMCS. He stayed with us in recovery then on postnatal and was a god send. I was pretty out of it for a couple of days and he did the nappies, liaised with the staff and handed her to me to feed her.

I wasn’t allowed a private room and all 6 of the women were being watched for issues after dramatic deliveries. The partners who stayed were all incredibly quiet, well behaved and considerate, bar one poor woman’s nightmare mother. The women with no one really struggled as the staff just weren’t around.

Chanel05 · 10/09/2021 20:43

My daughter is almost 1 and I had an emcs. He wasn't allowed to stay or hardly visit either.

Original poster
WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 20:44

@KaleJuicer oh my god, that sounds horrific. I’m so sorry that was your experience Angry

Did ask about the cost of a private room but they’re all put aside for covid positive women in labour. Had planned the birth centre but the baby is breech.

OP posts:
CookieCrunch123 · 10/09/2021 20:45

First baby he didn’t stay but I didn’t get any help with baby from staff at night (c section) so second baby he stayed and honestly I have such fond memories of our few days in hospital with DC2 as a little family. Husband helped with everything you’d expect a nurse to do but they were just understaffed. I would only do that in a private room though.

ajja2021 · 10/09/2021 20:45

Our hospital only allowed birthing partners to stay for 2 hours once we were out of recovery.

I'd of sent him home though, we have a toddler so both couldn't be exhausted

SaraKitty · 10/09/2021 20:45

Yes I asked for a private room which luckily was available for £100 per night . That allowed my partner to stay on a pull down bed. That was 2017 I’m not sure what the policy is now . My second birth he had to stay home to look after our little one ..

Sceptre86 · 10/09/2021 20:46

At my hospital partners aren't allowed to stay. I've had 3 sections and could have done with him each time. The postnatal wards at my hospital were woefully understaffed. I couldn't have my babies in bed with me for safety reasons, they didn't have cribs with drop down sides and I had to buzz each time baby needed a feed so they could be passed to me and then put back. It was hellish each and every time. I would have wanted my dh there but he is a good help and not a hindrance. Only you know if your partner would actually be useful to you. It really depends on your hospital's policy and tbh it doesn't sound like your partner would want to stay.