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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did your husband stay with you in hospital?

65 replies

WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 20:23

And if they did, was it a hindrance or a help?

I’m having a c-section on Tuesday, and stupidly forgot to ask the actual policy on it. DH is making noises about going home for the night to get some rest, and to be honest ordinarily I wouldn’t actually WANT him to stay as that’s two of us not getting any sleep, potentially squishing into a bed etc. But I think the ward policy is partners allowed overnight, and since I’ll have just had surgery, will I need him to stay from a practical point of view? I’m not sure how much help I’ll get from any staff in the middle of the night if I need to pick up the baby for example.

Did your husbands/partners stay with you after?

OP posts:

MuchTooTired · 10/09/2021 20:47

DH wasn’t allowed to stay with me and our DTs. We were a late elcs, I’d not slept in forever and couldn’t move easily, yet he went home, had a few drinks to wet the babies heads and got to sleep. I had two babies and a catheter! I got very lucky though as the mw were very helpful (and my babies were very noisy).

I’m not really sure what the answer is, but it does seem somewhat unfair that the woman who’s just given birth also has a brand spanking new human being to take care of whilst in pain 🤷🏻‍♀️

SillyBry · 10/09/2021 20:50

In non Covid times, men could stay at our hospital. But currently, they are only allowed from 9am-9pm.

I sent my husband home for my first as the bed is tiny and one of us needed sleep! But we were hospitalised for another 4 days due to jaundice and he did stay for a night or two to a. Bond with our daughter and b. Help out as I was tired!

Original poster

WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 20:50

Well in an ideal world I think you’d hope to count on the staff and midwives looking after all the women and babies in their care as needed, but I know that’s not going to be the case sadly.

When my mum had me in the mid-eighties she stayed with me in a dedicated mum and baby cottage hospital for ten days- for first time mums to get all the help they needed. that was standard in the area back then

OP posts:

Hekatestorch · 10/09/2021 20:52

I think if you have a room, it's completely different

But nothing times, the partners that stayed just caused more issues for other people.

When I gave birth to my 2nd, I lost alot of blood and they wanted me to stay a 2nd night. I refused as I got no sleep, the first night. Partners faffing, snoring, going for walks moaning the mother of their child needed the toilet again. One partner kept calling for the midwife to pass the baby to the mum, even after she pointed out if he was staying, that was his job. If he didn't want to it he should go home.

I would have beside myself if they said I had to stay. I wasn't great and very weak, but it was better at home.

I would say that men shouldn't be allowed to stay, unless private rooms, for the sake of other new mums who have also been through an ordeal.

Hekatestorch · 10/09/2021 20:55

@WheelieBinPrincess

Well in an ideal world I think you’d hope to count on the staff and midwives looking after all the women and babies in their care as needed, but I know that’s not going to be the case sadly.

Where I was born was like this.

But I am mixed race and twice my (white) mum was given a different baby as they took the babies away overnight (which mum hated). Once she was handed a boy! So it wasn't all roses 🤣🤣🤣

Original poster

WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 20:56

@Hekatestorch

🙈🙈 that made me laugh.

OP posts:

Knittingupastorm · 10/09/2021 20:58

Yes, at my hospital the post natal ward is all private rooms

Ooh where’s this??

whatswithtodaytoday · 10/09/2021 21:01

He wasn't allowed to, but I would have loved it if he could. Like others the ward was very understaffed, I couldn't get up to change my baby's nappy and buzzed but no-one came, then I slept and fed, and eventually I felt so guilty I hadn't done it I left it until my DP arrived the next day. I still feel terrible about that.

I wouldn't have needed him if there had been sufficient staff on the ward. Leaving new mums post-surgery alone in the middle of the night, often in pain, is cruel.

Hekatestorch · 10/09/2021 21:07

[quote WheelieBinPrincess]@Hekatestorch

🙈🙈 that made me laugh.[/quote]
If I and my son didn't look like my dad, I would be having a test to see if they gave me to the wrong family.

Original poster

WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 21:08

@Hekatestorch I’m sure I’ve watched a Channel 5 made-for-tv drama about this very scenario

OP posts:

Sprogonthetyne · 10/09/2021 21:09

I've had 2 c-sections and been put in a single room for the first night each time. The first time DH went home, and to be honest it was horrible. Because I wasn't on the main ward I didn't see any staff, and got stuck holding DS for 6 hours because I couldn't get him back into the cot (I needed my arms to push into sitting position, but they were full of baby). Been a FTM I was terrified to go to sleep with him, and the buzzer had fallen down somewhere I couldn't reach, so I just stayed awake all night.

I had to stay for another night and was moved to the main ward, were partners weren't allowed to stay anyway. On the ward there were generally staff about, so I didn't really need him. To be honest I kind of wish I'd gone there first night.

Second time round I was at a hospital that only had single rooms and I insisted DH stayed. All he really did was pass me things or transfer baby into the cot, but it made everything sooo much easier.

TolkiensFallow · 10/09/2021 21:09

He just looked so exhausted that I sent him home. I needed him fully rested really and he wouldn’t have slept on the ward in an upright chair.

sunflower198 · 10/09/2021 21:10

I had an emergency c section and DH had to
Leave when the ward visiting times ended.
I'm glad he went home to sleep as it helped him be refreshed and ready to take over and let me rest when I got home.

The nurses on the ward helped me with baby that night - I had to have bloods taken every few hours so I was exhausted and so ready to go home, luckily they discharged me the next day!

Houserenoqueen · 10/09/2021 21:12

I’ve had 2 c sections. First one DH stayed, second was during the first lockdown so he wasn’t allowed to stay. I could hardly walk and waddling to nicu with one twin to visit the other alone almost broke me. Without a doubt I would want DH to stay if I had another c section.

Pinkplums · 10/09/2021 21:17

After sitting in a chair and supporting me during 30hrs of labour I sent DH home so at least on of us could rest. However if your having a csection that should be less waiting around for your DH and he might be more use than mine would have been

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 10/09/2021 21:19

Yes both times but both times we only stayed overnight and had a private room (through luck rather than payment). He was great. Slept in a chair-bed and helped with nappy changes etc and letting me sleep.

1990b · 10/09/2021 21:20

I don't think partners are allowed overnight. Would need to double check as every hospital has a different policy. My husband was only allowed to stay during labour and once they took me upstairs he had to leave. The had strict one person visiting hours
But this was during the third lockdoen, maybe things have eased up

Caspianberg · 10/09/2021 21:23

Ds was born last year. All partners had to leave a few hours after birth, and weren’t allowed back in. Had to look after baby all weekend, then pack my stuff and carry that and baby out to main door which was furthest dh was allowed.

Phrowzunn · 10/09/2021 21:25

With my first (EMCS) DH wasn’t allowed to stay, I was in for 11 days and it was awful and I got PND. I would have given anything to have him there and I felt so jealous of the women at hospitals where partners were allowed to stay.
With my second (ELCS) he was allowed to stay but didn’t because we had a toddler at home. I was only in for 1 night that time. I didn’t sleep at all as the baby cried whenever I put her down so I just stayed up all night watching TV and holding her. There were lots of other men there and their chat really pissed me off 😂
You definitely won’t get any help from the staff unfortunately. When I needed to pee I just had to put baby down and let her cry until I had managed to hobble to bathroom and back. But when you get home it’s good for DH to be well rested (although be aware that if you’re breastfeeding it’s not like you’ll get to catch up on sleep). It’s rough, nothing can prepare you, but it’s all worth it in the end!

StillUpholding · 10/09/2021 21:25

At my hospital there are only private rooms and partners can stay. I sent him home the night after I was admitted so that he could sleep before I was induced the next day, but he stayed with me until we got home 4 days later after that. I ended up with an EMCS and while I’m sure I’d have managed with staff helping me with DD if needed, I hadn’t slept for 48 hours, was pretty out of it and I’m sure not safe to be looking after DD on my own. This time round I’m not sure what the rules will be and he may well have to be at home with DD. I’ll be refusing induction and likely having a planned section anyway so hopefully will have had a little more sleep this time round!

I’d just see how it goes - if you want him there he stays, if you’re up and about and feeling well let him go.

SockQueen · 10/09/2021 21:27

I sent my DH home, so at least one of us had a decent night's sleep! First time I had a private room so he could have stayed without too much disruption, but I didn't feel I needed it (no CS though). Second time I was in a bay and it would have been incredibly cramped. All the other women had their partners and none seemed very helpful. One was on his phone very loudly. One snored so much the midwives came to wake him. The one opposite me, the poor woman looked dreadful, she was having a blood transfusion and seemed very weak, and her partner was a waste of space! Didn't even pick the baby up when he cried, just poked her going "babe, he's crying again." They were FF so no excuses for not even making a tiny bit more effort!

Postnatal wards are not nice in most hospitals, but I'm not sure having been overnight is beneficial at all.

FinallySomeNormality · 10/09/2021 21:29

Had c section recently .... at my NhS trust husbands can't stay. The visiting hours end around 9pm and he left then.

The midwives helped with getting things for me and helping me with baby when I was unable to move.

HungryHippo11 · 10/09/2021 21:29

First baby, no. I wish he had. I couldn't reach/find my call buzzer and had no idea if I was supposed to take my baby with me to go to the toilet or what.

Second baby yes but we were only there 6 hours (1am to 7am) so it didn't make any sense for him to go home.

Original poster

WheelieBinPrincess · 10/09/2021 21:31

God I’m dreading how annoying other visitors night potentially be on the ward- when I was in for a kidney infection the lady opposite watched TV all night without headphones because she couldn’t sleep and no one stopped her. The loud phone conversations and video calls to show off new babies at all hours is going to be so loud and annoying.

OP posts:

Changechangychange · 10/09/2021 21:31

Mine stayed and did the night feeds, and then went home to shower and sleep in his own bed in the day. Probably not the most sensible way to do it, but it meant I was fully rested and with it when the doctors came round (we were in for five days).

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