Anyone else not bothering with antenatal classes?

[3Namechange3]

I am 30 weeks and haven't attended any NCT or NHS antenatal classes.

I had no desire to go to NCT as I hate the idea of natural birth, breastfeeding and attachment parenting being rammed down my throat and I don't really have any desire to make friends with people simply because we conceived at the same time.

At my last midwife appointment my midwife was pushing the idea that I should at least attend the NHS ones, but they are online, so I don't see what they will tell me about birth that I can't read about instead. I work full time and am finding it stressful enough to get to all the midwife appointments and scans and can't be bothered with yet another pregnancy related thing that I have to attend.

Feeling like a bit of a minority, but I would be interested to hear if anyone else is opting out.

@TheRabbitStoleMyHat

Surely it says on the packet how to make up a feed. Nobody told me how to do it so I must have just read the instructions (long time ago).

You’re assuming a lot about people. Not everyone can read, or read English or have a basic level of understanding. I remember one Mum at the hospital I worked at who was making up feeds with tap water.

I think we are pretty safe assuming OP can read and has an at least normal level of intelligence, given her posts here. In fact saying that antenatal classes are aimed at this level will more likely put her off than convince her.

@Ducksurprise

At antenatal I met the most amazing group of mums who gave no fucks, who kept me sane and still are the people i care most about in the world. The kids are only vaguely friendly but they saved me and still do. Don't rule it out.

I met my 2 best friends at NHS ante natal classes. Was pre Internet though, so the info was also very helpful.

I think we are pretty safe assuming OP can read and has an at least normal level of intelligence, given her posts here. In fact saying that antenatal classes are aimed at this level will more likely put her off than convince her.

Did you even read the previous post? I wasn’t taking about the OP, but ok then. 🙄

Two babies, planning for another. No NCT or NHS antenatal classes. I did attend a home birth class for my second as that was the plan, but ended up with a c section. I read A LOT. If there is a book on conception, birth or child rearing I have probably read it. Took the bits I liked, dismissed the rest. Never been to a baby group, nor have ever been lonely. My husband took 3 months off on shared parental with first dd, planned to do the same with 2nd, but with covid he ended up being at home anyway. I breastfed so did do the night feeds on my own, but apart from that we did everything 50/50. And still do. We do take them to soft play, swimming etc but the intention is always for them to play not for us to make friends (which we havent). I am a massive introvert. Don't get me wrong, newborn days are hard. My first was in scbu and then at home with an NG tube, my second has colic but you do not need other mums for support if you don't want it and have other support systems in place.

@TreeSmuggler Good guess! . I have a PhD, and work in an industry related to my doctoral research.

Like PPs I met an awesome group of women at antenatal and we are still friends. They keep me sane and grounded. Content not super interesting & totally able to be gleaned from elsewhere.

OP you should do what you want, but I do fear you are in for a shock. My sister was a bit like you and she and her DH are on the brink of divorce with their first baby only 6 months old - they have spent the first 6 months basically arguing about 50/50 splits and who has had more “self” time and it has really degraded their marriage. Am not suggesting you will divorce (!!) but I really would counsel you to have a more open mind / be more open to trying different things. If nothing else it will stand you in good stead for parenthood when the child you have is nothing like the one you thought you’d get….

I found the NHS ones a bit of a waste of time. Midwife huffing and puffing and eye rolling at the very idea that anyone would want to choose how to birth their baby. Very much telling us what would be done to us and in what timescale.

The NCT didn't push any agenda, but gave us the tools to know what options were available, and more importantly about consent and if you don't consent to a procedure how to request an alternative.

My birth absolutely didn't go to plan, but I feel the NCT class gave me the tools to work with professionals regarding interventions rather that having things done to me and feeling out of control.

I didn't bother. I was working full time right up until I had DS - plus my birth plan was "get so off my face on drugs I don't know or care what's happening" and then I had an ELCS anyway. I had zero interest in natural childbirth .

I also didn't do baby groups. I'm a grown woman, why would I want to sit around singing wheels on the bus?

Anyway, I had a lovely, although short maternity leave. I had coffees with friends, went to museums in the daytime, went on lovely long walks and watched a ton of trashy tv. Then when I got bored I went back to work.

I also never had a personality transplant - I'm still me, just with a baby (now toddler) in tow. I adore him, he's pretty cool, but I still have, you know, OTHER INTERESTS.

I didn’t find NCT preachy, I thought it might be, but they gave loads of info on c-sections, pain relief, and bottle feeding. The women in my group were pretty similar to me, full time working professionals and partners who did 50% domestic duties. I found it useful to meet up after the births for a catch up, we didn’t talk about the children half the time, just had drinks in the park. But, I am quite a sociable person, so if you’re not like that then it probably wouldn’t appeal to you and there’s no shame in that!

We did the NHS ones and were so lucky - I met three other women who have become amazing friends. I think it can be a bit hit and miss and I'm not generally someone who makes friends in those situations, but it just so happened we were all same age, same kind of situations, and the kind of people who would probably have been friends without the baby thing.

That was 2.5 years ago and we still talk every day. During mat leave we saw each other every week. We often took it in turns to go round to each other's houses for 'lunch' which was basically just bringing a shitload of food and spending an entire afternoon eating, feeding babies, chatting. I look back very fondly on those days, including the 3am night feed chats.

The actual information I could have got anywhere although DH did find it useful as he learns in a different way to me.

I've not really made any real friends from baby groups, more like people you just say hi and have small talk with, but I did enjoy them more than I thought I would, because it was nice to have some adult talk with someone other than DH and get a cup of tea and biscuit brought to me! And it made the days have structure.

@allfurcoatnoknickers , you sound like you have a very similar mindset to me. It's encouraging to hear that you retained your sense of self. Gives me hope that a personality transplant after birth isn't inevitable.

I recently moved to a new area when pregnant and didn’t know anyone. Family on both sides all live abroad so whilst you may not see the need for a WhatsApp support group or making friends with people who will be on May leave at the same time many people find it helpful. I also didn’t feel that NCT rammed any particular mantra down my throat. I did find it helped my DH get to grips with some aspects of birth he wouldn’t have known about in advance and he was a better advocate for me when shit hit the fan in hospital.

And I was also working full time commuting to London as well and still did the NcT classes as they were over 4 weekends.

I dunno op, equal parenting is a worthy goal but you might find your baby doesn't quite get with the programme. Reminds me of that bjork song that goes 'I thought I could organise freedom... How Scandinavian of me'

Before having kids, I imagined it would be a bit like managing a project where you choose strategies etc. It's a bit like that but much, much more of it, especially in the early days, is more like being supremely tired in an airport waiting for a delayed flight and feeling angry that you're not in control of anything.

Good luck, you'll be ok whatever!

I've had 3 and never been to a single one.

3 vaginal births, 2 of them with no medication at all (not my choice btw) managed it fine.

I suppose I also really don't get the apparent need for WhatsApp support groups of people with newborns the same age.
If I feel like I need a second opinion on anything then I would either ask my own parents, existing friends who already have kids, or write an anonymous post on MN.

I thought the same until I joined a WhatsApp group after going to a baby group when my LO was about 8 weeks old and realised I’d been missing something. Having other people to talk to with a baby the same age was helpful for me. Family and friends with kids can give some of the most useless (and sometimes mildly dangerous and outdated) advice because official advise changes, you look back at the baby years with rose tinted glasses and you just can’t remember it all accurately. But that’s really got nothing to do with ante-natal classes, I met other mums much later.

@3Namechange3 Def no personality change. Still the same stone cold bitch, now with tiny feral sidekick.

No one is more surprised than me by how much I love motherhood. If anything I've found it's made me more myself than ever - I'm much more certain of who I am and what I want now.